How are you feeling?

[Feathers]

Hopelessly dissapointed that I will probably never get to meet most of you lovely people. Annoyed that if this forum could somehow be part of the real world, that due to social games, unspoken rules and SA I would never know as much as I do about the other members lives, how they feel, how they think and who they are than I do by visiting the forum...

its messed up...IMHO

Hey, who knows? Maybe there will be a SPW World Meetup?
/We just need to win the lottery first /

Yeah, it's easier to write some things down rather than tell them out loud..

Maybe a lot of people who you think 'have it all together' write on forums like these and are completely different than they seem to be when you first meet them...? (Maybe some people you know even ARE on this forum?)
So everyone's face is just a 'facade' and maybe behind it can be tons of stuff, like what is on this forum or elsewhere... Mysteries to discover..

Maybe some people who can look like supermodels can have really bad family situations or PTSD or eating disorders or whatever.. So it's best to show everyone some benefit of doubt.. And ignore'em if needed... Or at least try to appreciate them as they are, not trying to make'em into something they're not.. Some people are naturally friendly and some people just aren't, and maybe wish they could be... Some can learn to be, if they work on it and observe others.. Maybe they have SA too..? If that makes sense...

 

[ilmatross]

sleeeeeepy. n__________n

ive got 30 minutes before the suns up in full force

i must retreat to the dreamworld now

 

[Anti Matter]

YouTube - Trollolololol

 

[Dronee]

I feel like I'm a waste of the Earth's resources right now. Sometimes when I'm have my dark humor, I think that the whole world will rejoice and have an everlasting golden age if I'd just disappear. My past achievements are like a mockery and my future is but a delusion.

 

[Dronee]

I am right on the edge of falling into a similar type of feelings.

I just don't understand what is going on in my head. There is a wall of anxiety behind me and it feels as though it will crush me and deliver me a depression once again. I am trying to ignore it and only notice it is there. However, it is like a killer in a dream stalking me. Just hope I can keep my head above water today.

By the way, hey Dronee. Hope it gets better for you too man.

Thanks guys.. Hope it goes well for you Kato too... But for myself, well when I was younger, I could deceive myself. I've no future. Doesn't feel like I've got a past either. I'm just pretending around my friends...

Met my old chess friends today. It's funny... back in the day, I used to be one of the strong players... able to beat all but the best in the country. And chess would get me all excited and we'd play late into the evenings. Now I just dread going to another tournament. I don't have the motivation for anything. Lol.. and I can't even open up on these forums. There's a lot of things I'd like to say, but I couldn't say them anywhere.

***

 

[Feathers]

Thanks guys.. Hope it goes well for you Kato too... But for myself, well when I was younger, I could deceive myself. I've no future. Doesn't feel like I've got a past either. I'm just pretending around my friends...

Met my old chess friends today. It's funny... back in the day, I used to be one of the strong players... able to beat all but the best in the country. And chess would get me all excited and we'd play late into the evenings. Now I just dread going to another tournament. I don't have the motivation for anything. Lol.. and I can't even open up on these forums. There's a lot of things I'd like to say, but I couldn't say them anywhere.

***

Hey Dronee, sorry to hear you had a bad day.. The weather here is a bit odd too.. Hm, maybe you spent too much time online and it can affect brain-cells needed in chess? Or just did too many different things inbetween, and if you practised it could come back?

When I was little I found chess interesting, but only if I played with dad, who taught me, we were sort of equally good, or shall we say bad, lol.. If you play with someone who is way worse or too better, it can be boring yeah lol..

I think it's only natural as you grow older you may get interested in other things too..

And feel free to talk in PM or maybe set up an anonymous blog or something? Is insomnia any better, otherwise it could be partly because of that too?

 

[Dronee]

Hey Dronee, sorry to hear you had a bad day.. The weather here is a bit odd too.. Hm, maybe you spent too much time online and it can affect brain-cells needed in chess? Or just did too many different things inbetween, and if you practised it could come back?

When I was little I found chess interesting, but only if I played with dad, who taught me, we were sort of equally good, or shall we say bad, lol.. If you play with someone who is way worse or too better, it can be boring yeah lol..

I think it's only natural as you grow older you may get interested in other things too..

And feel free to talk in PM or maybe set up an anonymous blog or something? Is insomnia any better, otherwise it could be partly because of that too?

Thanks... Nah... it's not online... and if I'm really honest, the insomnia is probably a symptom, anxiety too. I've a lot to say. But after a year here, I've said virtually nothing. Not the things I wanted to say. Nvm.. I won't hog this thread. Maybe start a new one... Hmm.. the chess thing is kind of funny though. For me, I seldom calculate, especially these days since I've less patience. I just use intuition. And I'm alright with playing very good opponents that can routinely slaughter me. My former playing partners are now the top players in the country! (though I still suck lol) Some of them are sooo stuck-up though... wouldn't acknowledge you if they thought that you're not in their league... but whatever... I'm ranting.

 

[Feathers]

Thanks... Nah... it's not online... and if I'm really honest, the insomnia is probably a symptom, anxiety too. I've a lot to say. But after a year here, I've said virtually nothing. Not the things I wanted to say. Nvm.. I won't hog this thread. Maybe start a new one... Hmm.. the chess thing is kind of funny though. For me, I seldom calculate, especially these days since I've less patience. I just use intuition. And I'm alright with playing very good opponents that can routinely slaughter me. My former playing partners are now the top players in the country! (though I still suck lol) Some of them are sooo stuck-up though... wouldn't acknowledge you if they thought that you're not in their league... but whatever... I'm ranting.

Yeah, might wanna start your own thread, it can be helpful! It was to me... Even if no one answers, at least you get it out
Anxiety and insomnia can be symptoms, yup.. lol good to know you can slaughter top players... Some people can be snobbish, yeah.. Sometimes just to disguise their own insecurities.. I heard most really cool and successful people are actually very nice to everyone.. So their behaviour probably says more about them than about other people..?

I was a sort of child prodigy too (in some minor ways ), so I know it can be bad to see other people getting rewards and accomplishments when maybe in the old days you were even better in some things than they were... It's just important to focus on the fact we all have unique paths..

 

[Dronee]

Yeah, might wanna start your own thread, it can be helpful! It was to me... Even if no one answers, at least you get it out
Anxiety and insomnia can be symptoms, yup.. lol good to know you can slaughter top players... Some people can be snobbish, yeah.. Sometimes just to disguise their own insecurities.. I heard most really cool and successful people are actually very nice to everyone.. So their behaviour probably says more about them than about other people..?

I was a sort of child prodigy too (in some minor ways ), so I know it can be bad to see other people getting rewards and accomplishments when maybe in the old days you were even better in some things than they were... It's just important to focus on the fact we all have unique paths..

lol.. no, no... I'm the one getting schooled... THEY are the prodigies. I was just someone who liked the game and happened to have a nice coach... I'm not sure about paths though... Of my once friends, I'm the only one on the fast track to nowhere land. Everyone's getting married, having careers... etc.. Some of my 'friends' don't even acknowledge me anymore. I guess some friendships are based on success huh?

 

[Danfalc]

I'm feeling more positive recently.My eating,sleeping and depression is so much better.Though I'm feeling slightly guilty/horrible today over something and it's playing on my mind.

I have my first c.b.t session starting tomorrow too so I'm slightly apprehensive about that,but also hoping it will help

 

[fife_girl]

I'm feeling more positive recently.My eating,sleeping and depression is so much better.Though I'm feeling slightly guilty/horrible today over something and it's playing on my mind.

I have my first c.b.t session starting tomorrow too so I'm slightly apprehensive about that,but also hoping it will help

hey good luck with CBT hope it goes well!!

im feeling a bit better, went out cycling for a few hours today and im going out tonight for another hour or so, so if it will help me sleep, been going to bed 5/6am ;(

 

[Dronee]

I'm feeling more positive recently.My eating,sleeping and depression is so much better.Though I'm feeling slightly guilty/horrible today over something and it's playing on my mind.

I have my first c.b.t session starting tomorrow too so I'm slightly apprehensive about that,but also hoping it will help

Good luck with your session.

 

[Feathers]

lol.. no, no... I'm the one getting schooled... THEY are the prodigies. I was just someone who liked the game and happened to have a nice coach... I'm not sure about paths though... Of my once friends, I'm the only one on the fast track to nowhere land. Everyone's getting married, having careers... etc.. Some of my 'friends' don't even acknowledge me anymore. I guess some friendships are based on success huh?

lol, okay.. If that's what you say... Yeah, I can relate a bit, there's a certain age when this happens.. Then, many people may break up or get divorced.. (Some of that has started here too..) And sometimes 'late bloomers' get married then.. (Happened to a friend of mine too..)

Well, at least you can brag about sitting in the same room with them, he he? Good to have a nice coach.. If it's success-based imagine how they'll be all friendly again.. Honestly though, sometimes it can just be that they're busy with partners or families or jobs, it can be stressful these days..

 

[Feathers]

Good luck, Danfalc!

Remember if there's anything you don't understand, just ask (there or here) and read The Feeling Good Handbook - some people said it explained things better than their therapist

Good to hear you're feeling better, fife_girl!!

hey good luck with CBT hope it goes well!!

im feeling a bit better, went out cycling for a few hours today and im going out tonight for another hour or so, so if it will help me sleep, been going to bed 5/6am ;(

 

[vj288]

Happy and Guilty

"I really enjoy reading your thoughts...I wish you would talk more during class."

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

I found out my cat collapsed and died this morning.

:: :: ::

 

[Dronee]

:: :: :: ......

 

[dottie]

so disconnected from reality right now. or am i? my perception of the world is horrible. PTSD potential harm is out there so i don't trust anybody. my gates are double, high, padlocked, electric, with barbed wire. my fear is primitive and intense. people do not reallize the severity. it is literally paralyzing. it is so real. since people can't see it they would never believe it. i am either a cripple or a loser... it is invisible so people see loser.

it is embarrassing to post here how debilitating it is... but... when i am around people i feel like dropping on the floor and curling into fetal position. i am so afraid.

this is not shyness. this is phobia. literally. i am phobic of people. i am afraid of you.

i need help.

 

[Jamovik]

I feel like ****, i see people around me are moving ahead getting jobs and getting into relationships while im stuck over here and i dunno what to do with my lack of income and lack of a job.. Sometimes i feel like not giving a **** anymore...
Im jobless, my dad keeps pushing me thinking if he does I'll get somewhere but actually it makes me feel more like demotivated especially that i live in his house and take his money is another extra.. Even if i go to parties or such i feel discouraged and cannot get to enjoy it even if i try.. Now i feel like i need someone to talk to but i cannot find anyone..

I can relate to this. I'm unemployed and it's getting worse and worse everyday... I hope it will be better soon.

 

[Danfalc]

Good luck, Danfalc!

Remember if there's anything you don't understand, just ask (there or here) and read The Feeling Good Handbook - some people said it explained things better than their therapist

Thanks,and thanks to everyone else who wished me good luck.I have done c.b.t before so I know what to expect Just the exposure therapy you do with it is never easy and hence the nerves.

I will see if I can check that book out,Anything which can help us challenge our negative thoughts or teach us to feel better sounds good to me.