How are you feeling?

[Graeme1988]

When you ask her why, what does she say? That she's just lazy? Or so you need to stick around to look after her?

Well, ah get 2 contradictory answers to that question. It's either: "Ah don't know..." :idontknow: or she'll acknowledge that she should be taking care of herself but she's too lazy. Going so far as to tell me I do more around the house than she does, as far as keeping things tidy and whatnot.

Then she'll say she's not lazy when I point that she just lays about most of the day, and complains that there's stuff she should be doing but does bother. :kickingmyself:

Oh, and she did blatantly admitted, last month, during argument about why I shouldn't just move out, that I'm meant to look after her, that "I'm her carer". Her exact words... :sad:

 

[BlueDays]

^ YOU are disabled and your mother expects you to be HER carer!?
That is just really screwed up and seriously wrong of her to expect that, Graeme. :thumbdown:



I am feeling as lonely as a the last Dodo bird that ever existed felt. :sad:

 

[Graeme1988]

^ YOU are disabled and your mother expects you to be HER carer!?
That is just really screwed up and seriously wrong of her to expect that, Graeme. :thumbdown:

Aye, it's f*cked up. But that's just how it is... that's normal for me, Blue.
Don't feel to sorry me though, I'm pretty numb to my situation at this point. :sad:

Used to being called a bully for merely asking why my Mum snapped at me when I asked a simple question. Used to the whole "Stop picking on me!" routine when I suggest maybe NOT buying the same thing every time we go grocery shopping. Or getting berated tae f*ck by all 3 of them - my Mum and sisters - for making a mistake. Or getting laughed at when I speak my mind n' tell the true. Cuz I'm just a joke, me. Barrier o' laughs. Huh-huh-huh!

And I've been getting constantly reminded that I'm just like my father for the last 15 years. In that I look like and share similar personality traits. That enough to say I'm exactly like him. :idontknow: My mother's logic has rarely made sense to me - so f*ck knows.

As for me putting myself first, well, that makes me a "selfish f*ckin' b@$%@rd". As my Mum said of me when I tried to broach the issue of me finally moving out. Which is still the plan, just need wait and hear back from my local housing association about a place. But she's not interest in talk about it.

So, I've just gave up... Once I get a few things I need to finally get back into making music again, I'm going to start getting prepped to move out. Nevermind that I rarely refuse or making excuses when someone asks me to do something for them. Or that I rarely, if ever, make time for myself.

But hey, single mothers can do no wrong, eh? Ha-ha!

 

[Graeme1988]

Like I'm not really meant for this world. I'm just an epic f*ck-up. :sad: Nuthin' is ever good enough, no matter what I do for them. My family will always find summit not to their liking, rather than be grateful.

Aside from that, I'm just bidding my time until the day comes that I get offered a home by local housing department. Hopefully it's before the end of the year. raying: That's the only hope I've got left at this point. ::

 

[Graeme1988]

My Mum just asked me what’s wrong... h:

It’s like she’s completely f*ckin’ oblivious to how she n’ her youngest daughter treat. Ah cannae dae a thing right in their eyes. Never good enough... :kickingmyself: They expect everything now, now now! :thumbdown:

 

[theslowesthand]

Oh, and she did blatantly admitted, last month, during argument about why I shouldn't just move out, that I'm meant to look after her, that "I'm her carer". Her exact words... :sad:

You care for her, a great deal, but you are not her carer.

 

[Graeme1988]

You care for her, a great deal, but you are not her carer.

Exactly ! But that's not how my mother sees it. And my oldest sister just reinforces the notion of me as carer by constantly telling me to "Look after Mum, awrite?" whenever she's not well or my oldest sister isn't able pop in to visit everyday. :kickingmyself: Nevermind that our mother isn't utterly incapable of taking care of herself, she's just too feckin' lazy to take personal responsibility for herself. :thumbdown:

Ma life doesnae seem like it's even worth living at this point. Sure, ah could move out, but I'm only going to get the usual guilt-tripping BS that I get from my mother and sisters whenever I do summit jut for me. :sad:

 

[Graeme1988]

mg: :kickingmyself: :kickingmyself:

Why couldn't I have just died at birth? :crying: At least then I'd have been spared the embarrassment and never-ending frustration that seems to par for the course when yer raised by a bunch of deranged, man-hating lesbians.

Sorry, but there's summit no right when the gammy-leg, brain-damaged male spastic in the family has more sense and dignity than the women he was raised by and around.

 

[theslowesthand]

Could you delete the post above dear theslowesthand? that's not my request, eh?

Done, at your request.

.....

 

[theslowesthand]

Was it a demand?
Can you delete the above post? As it sounds rude & disrespectful. Thanks.

 

[BlueDays]

Stressed out! :sad:
I have just clicked on the "old style" choice to change it back about 6 times and it won't change it back, it's like that option is no longer working. wtf!? :sad:

 

[theslowesthand]

Try clearing your browser cache.

 

[BlueDays]

Try clearing your browser cache.

I tried a different way to do it than through your user profile, and it finally worked, phew.
But thank you for offering help, theslowesthand. :thumbup:


I'm feeling better now, lol :bigsmile:

(I don't like change when it is worse than what existed before. I don't mind change for something better - but this is far from something better, lol)

 

[Sarah_M]

I'm feeling jealous - I don't like being this person.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I'm feeling jealous - I don't like being this person.

I haven't been jealous in ten years, at least your heart still works.

You're gonna get it together, Sarah. You've got a lot going for you, just take your time and try to enjoy yourself.

You'll find somebody and one day you'll be happy.

 

[Sarah_M]

I haven't been jealous in ten years, at least your heart still works.

You're gonna get it together, Sarah. You've got a lot going for you, just take your time and try to enjoy yourself.

You'll find somebody and one day you'll be happy.

LOL It's funny how I didn't even have to mention what it was and you already knew - I must bitch about that a lot - how embarrassing.
Anyway, thanks, Fountain. I appreciate your kind words. It's just really frustrating that my friend basically manifested pretty much exactly what I wanted with a guy who is my type - it makes me feel like I am not good enough. She's way prettier than me, so of course she would get someone like that and not me - it's just eating at my self-esteem.
I guess it's my fault because I am letting it :/

 

[Graeme1988]

Looks like things might be getting back to “normal” for me, but I’m not getting my hopes up.

 

[Graeme1988]

How's it going now?

Is this question directed at me? If so, eh, my older, immature, middle sibling - the one I’ve gotten along with - is finally moving to her permanent home. Supposedly by the end of this week. :applause: Meaning I can finally get some peace n’ quiet to get on with teaching my oldest sister the bass guitar.

Though, the spoiled one did threaten to move away to another town not far from where we live just now if things don’t work out. Not that I’m bothered like, I’m not planning on paying her a visit anytime soon. Cuz, well, she’s never really like me that much. Lotta jealousy n’ resentment towards me, for being smart, sensible and less prone to starting arguments for no apparent reason.

Mind you, I am gonnae miss the almost daily sweaty outbursts. Cuz those were hysterical, just for the sheer lack of self-awareness that was evident to everyone but my older sister... :bigsmile:

 

[Graeme1988]

Really need to stop going to bed at 8pm, I’m usually in bed by ten.
No wonder I’ve been struggling with insomnia a helluva lot, lately.

Also, wondering if ah should moved out, now that my older sister is flitting her belonging into this new house this week? :question: Since I was only intent on packing up if things were only going to get worse. :idontknow:

 

[Kiwong]

My psychologist tells me I am a social animal. How is it then that after 2 hours with people I am screaming to escape somewhere by myself?

Next week I have to spend 2 and a half days with work colleagues on a team building exercise. I am terrified by the prospect.

I am a social animal but in small doses.