I'm like slowesthand in his other postings, I cant summon the courage to ask out a girl in public because I dont want to humiliate myself. Even if someone did accept my request for a date it would feel awkward and embarrassing doing it around others where I'm overheard.
I was at the autoparts store today and there was a lady at the register. Friendly, talkative, making eye contact, cute. Not that I would have, but I find it easier to talk to women like that instead of the quiet, shy types. It was like my chances of asking her out was like 20-25% where with others it's only like a 10% chance. Maybe this can provide insight into my own life. People are too afraid of me to talk to me.
I'm just gonnae move oot. First place offered tae me, I'm gone. That's it. No contact with Mum for 6 months to 2 years. Older sister outta ma life for good. And the oldest, I'll keep in touch with, since she can help me with my independent living thanks to the support works she does with other vulnerable people.
Well, ah guess ah cun count that as a small victory? Short after my last post here - quoted above. Ah sent an expletive laden, sweary email to my oldest sister after overhearing yet another argument between our auld mother hen and the older, spoiled brat of a sister.
Oh, ah f*ckin' unloaded like a rifle. Saying how ah felt turfed outta the house, I'm fed up with Mum constantly inviting my older sister and her kids down here everyday. And how I'm gonnae be moving out, cuz I've had it. Eff the feckin' lotta yous! Oh, ah wus not a happy bunny... :thumbdown:
Less than 24 hours later... Ah get woke today at midday by my oldest sister to news that Mum's still got a chest infection. :sad: She's been to the doctor and got a prescription. But, on the plus side, my older sister and her kids aren't coming round. 😮
I can relate to that... Not I'm overly bothered about folk not talking to me.
Yea....it's mostly small talk anyway. I mean what I'm looking for is talking to people that leads to more than one and done; never see you again for the rest of my life.
It was nice for me n' my Mum to finally get some rest today. But I know we'll get guff for it from the middle child. :kickingmyself: :thumbdown:
And if we do, I am seriously going flip my f*ckin' lid. :veryangry:
I'm like slowesthand in his other postings, I cant summon the courage to ask out a girl in public because I dont want to humiliate myself. Even if someone did accept my request for a date it would feel awkward and embarrassing doing it around others where I'm overheard.
I was at the autoparts store today and there was a lady at the register. Friendly, talkative, making eye contact, cute. Not that I would have, but I find it easier to talk to women like that instead of the quiet, shy types. It was like my chances of asking her out was like 20-25% where with others it's only like a 10% chance. Maybe this can provide insight into my own life. People are too afraid of me to talk to me.
But more than humiliation, it's the rejection that does the most damage, as i get REALLY down on myself, thinking i'm ugly, women don't like me, i'll never get a girlfriend - and i have got NOTHING to "fall back on" (never had a girlfriend or even been on a date, so i can't tell myself that those were successes ... and i have no female friends, that i can talk to & find comfort from, & feel that THEY like me (as a friend)). And i'll feel totally hopeless about EVER getting a girlfriend, as i can NEVER get to even having a DATE ... and i can easily spiral downwards into total hopelessness with life, and depression (it can spiral out of control, making a mountain out of a molehill). So, i'm more scared of what I'LL think & feel afterwards, rather than scared of their rejection directly (which is just humiliation & feeling like a reject). The EXPERIENCE of rejection "does me in" BIG-TIME; it triggers MAJOR feelings/emotions problems; it's like it "hits" me DEEP in my core.
(this should probably be in that recent dating thread, but nevermind)
But more than humiliation, it's the rejection that does the most damage, as i get REALLY down on myself, thinking i'm ugly, women don't like me, i'll never get a girlfriend - and i have got NOTHING to "fall back on" (never had a girlfriend or even been on a date, so i can't tell myself that those were successes ... and i have no female friends, that i can talk to & find comfort from, & feel that THEY like me (as a friend)). And i'll feel totally hopeless about EVER getting a girlfriend, as i can NEVER get to even having a DATE ... and i can easily spiral downwards into total hopelessness with life, and depression (it can spiral out of control, making a mountain out of a molehill). So, i'm more scared of what I'LL think & feel afterwards, rather than scared of their rejection directly (which is just humiliation & feeling like a reject). The EXPERIENCE of rejection "does me in" BIG-TIME; it triggers MAJOR feelings/emotions problems; it's like it "hits" me DEEP in my core.
(this should probably be in that recent dating thread, but nevermind)
Yea...in a way I understand. My difference is if I'm rejected flat out at this point in my life, with my attitude the way it is about being single and feelings of being alone forever....I'll get to depression eventually and then come out of it but I'll spit venom at the people closest to me and let my anger out on inanimate objects around other people, I burn bridges...which for me is totally out of character.
Oh YAY, it's the F*CKING 'LEAD IN THE PENCIL' F*CKING AD!!! (on radio).
Geeeee, i'm SO PLEASED for all you HAPPY COUPLES out there HAVING REGULAR SEX!!!
And i'm PLEASED that the radio broadcasts this ad to all the SINGLE, LONELY LOSER C*NTS out there - i'm SURE it makes all them FEEL BETTER!!!! YES, they DO want to know about the HAPPY SMUGNESS of the radio station people & all the couples out there, happily & easily having regular sex.
:sarcastic: :kickingmyself:
If i go visit a house (looking for a place to flat), i'll again be opening myself to the possibility of rejection by a woman. But what if she's hot? (i've seen her pic, & she looks alright, & is an exotic lady). I know i should be focussing on who i can get along with in practise, but I CAN'T HELP but look for a WOMAN at the same time. It's DANGEROUS territory, mixing work & pleasure!!!
:idontknow:
Another day walking the tightrope of success, spending most of the time in the abyss on my as$ having fallen off, or scrambling to get back onto the tightrope, or hanging upside down from it (unable to get on it properly).
Well, I'm happy my mother is feeling a lot better than she has been.
Don't know how long that'll last, but it's amazing what a raging nervous breakdown in email form can achieve. :kickingmyself: :bigsmile: Seriously folks, if yer feelin' like ya cannae get through a family member who's too stubborn to acknowledge yer problems, just start swearing when saying how ye feel. Cuz believe you me, it f*ckin' works.
Hopefully now my mother will consider that I live in the house as well? :question:
Ya can’t even do something nice for anyone anymore, without them thinking yer doing it for yerself. :sad:
So, why bother yer arse in making the effort? :idontknow: :kickingmyself:
I wish my Mum would talk to me more, confide in me about how she's feeling. I mean, I'm living with her.
But no, the oldest sister get it all - it makes me feel like she think I don't care about her. :crying:
Aww, that's just f*ckin'... URRGH!! My f*ckin' family!! :kickingmyself: :omg:
Same $h!%e - different month! Nuthin' every good enough... that's the message ah've heard aw ma life! :crying:
Oh, and some self-esteem destroying man-hating fem-tard BS which is contradicted by my mere existence and how ah treat people. :sad:
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