How are you feeling?

theslowesthand said: ↑

It's hard to put a name to this, whatever this is.
Mum's regular reminding me that i'm antisocial (eg 'don't disturb them', 'don't go in', 'let (neice) do her hair' (ie don't talk to her about it)). It keeps me having low self-confidence with people & feeling inferior due to being antisociable. Rather than teaching me how to treat people with subtlety, it just affirms negative traits in me & keeps me believing i have very limited subtle social skills, which everyone else around me has. I haven't even told a therapist about this behaviour by mum, maybe cause i've always thought that it's not a major issue, doesn't happen that often, and it's hard to put into words.
Can anyone relate to this? :question:

jinxed said: ↑

no but you should talk to her about this, good luck!

Jinxed is right, slowesthand. Try and talk to yer mother about this. Assuming she's nuthin' like my mother, who immediately get defensive when ya attempt question why she says things to ya. Failing that, it might be worth while talking to yer therapist about it? :question: :idontknow:

FountainandFairfax said: ↑

I just want to get dirty, I want life all over me.

*Throws giant life ball at FountainandFairfax, hits him square on the chest*
.
.
.
*Dives behind snowbank*

Things just keep getting worse. :crying: Happy moments are so f*ckin' brief for me, they're barely worth even acknowledging. :sad:

Between that n' the rest o' the family, ah think I'm kill myself afore this years done. Cuz, well... given the utter $h!te I'm having to tolerate, why not?

vj288 said: ↑

I'm glad the weather is starting to warm up, enough at least that I should be able to run outside next week I hope. I could really use the fresh air and sunlight, being cooped up inside all winter has taken it's toll (again).

I'm glad the weathers starting to cool down here lol..

Got outta the house for the first time in so many days. Still didn't get away from my f*ckin' problem, sadly. :kickingmyself: :sad:

And tonight I was left with the task of having to console my mother after my 2 older sisters had a massive argument over the fact that our mother is expect to run every time our older sister phones her.

D'ye know what a heartbreak sight it is to see yer ain mother sobbing uncontrollably, and you have to just sit there hold back yer own tears, cuz you'll starting bawling with temper, as ye question why in tha f*ck she, and by extention you, continue to tolerate be verbally by a f*ckin' blood relative? :crying: :thumbdown:

Happy divorce day - the day I can withdraw from the people who make me miserable, and enjoy solitude save for those who matter to me.

anxiety is super awful lately. What a sh$t existence to have to feel so stressed constantly.

jinxed said: ↑

what do you think is causing it Molly?

I have had anxiety all my life. Lately it's been a lot worse bc of a lot of other things making it worse. It has to break soon. I just don't function well at all when it's this bad.

Barely slept last night... :sad: Sick of the constant family drama. :kickingmyself: Tired being stuck in the f*ckin' of it, yet I'm forced to be as miserable as tha f*ckin' rest of them. :crying:

jinxed said: ↑

if you really can't take it anymore i still think you should move out, perhaps near your house so your mother will feel better, i don't know. i believe your mother will get used to it and especially since she doesn't listen to you no matter how you tell her, you can't suffer for the rest of your life or have a lack of sleep b/c of this, you can still go over and take care of her like offer her a drink of sth and talk a little? idk

Oh, I'm not exaggerating when I say I can't take it anymore. Things are back to how they were 17 years ago, only way worse... but we're all supposed to pretend my older sister's stressed cuz she's left raising 2 kids. When the truth is, she lacks the maturity to raise 'em, because she still acts like a teenager.

If I do move out, I'll need to do without my mother knowing that what I intend to do. Cuz she's said again that she'd end herself last night when I expressed how I felt about the whole situation, currently. How miserable I am.
And she doesn't care... It's all about her, I'm just an afterthought.:sad:

jinxed said: ↑

I'm sure there are helpful support programs that help in these situations even if they can come to the house and have a talk? Do you know of any?

Sadly, not off the top of my head, no.

jinxed said: ↑

You could ask your doctor, he/she might know

Probably ? :idontknow: My doctor might just fling me back into therapy with the therapist I went to last time. And she just excused my mother's treatment of me, and said just cuz my mother treated me badly, it didn't mean she doesn't love me. :alone: 😕

jinxed said: ↑

your therapist might know of any

Aye, they might, but... I'm just gonna let the chaos carrying on. If it's get outta hand like yesterday. Then I've made it clear that I'll be huvin a wee, tense family "therapy session" where I sit in the middle of the living room and tell my mother and older sisters exactly what I think of them. As I'm past the point of caring, and don't give a f*ck if I destroy ma family beyond repair.

I've put up with their BS for nearly 20 years... Enough's enough! :veryangry:

Too much is expected of me - no wonder men have a higher suicide rate than women. :sad: F*ckin' hate my life ! :kickingmyself:
Don't know whether I should just suffer the consequences and move out? :question: Even if that means my mother's death will be my fault. :crying:

Graeme1988 said: ↑

That's still more than me, I'm still stick to half an hour, at most. Or just checking the live feed of articles via the news app on my laptop. :bigsmile:

Yea but like I said I probably miss news because I don't download news apps.

Graeme1988 said: ↑

Ambient would be something like this...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNwYtllyt3Q
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOv8h8oEfxs

The 80s synth music is stuff like...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NSOSO3Fv3k
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIqx-0KwbBA

You like instrumental music then right? What about electronic?

Graeme1988 said: ↑

No, the school was slightly further away when I was living in the more rough part of town, but once I moved closer to the centre of town it was just a couple of streets way from my house. So, not as far away...

Oh I see they didn't give you a bus because you were slightly close.

Graeme1988 said: ↑

Slight annoyed when I get told I don't sound Scottish due my accent not sounding similar to The Simpsons character I use as my avatar here. 🤭 :thumbdown:

You get told that by who? And lol.

Graeme1988 said: ↑

Quickly? No chance ! I'm the only one who resolves drama quickly cuz I'm the one who has to put with it all the time.

And I don't have time to waste asking "Why, why is this happening?", when I'd be able to answer that question myself.

That said, it'd be nice to get some peace n' quiet to be able practice my guitar and recording some music. Can't really do that when there's a lotta noise coming from downstairs.

Well I was just saying that I hope it gets resolved quickly. But I see what you're saying. It's that loud?

Marc7 said: ↑

Yea but like I said I probably miss news because I don't download news apps.

Oh, I'm the same when it comes to the news app. I'll check once I turn my laptop on, but other than I don't browse it. Unless I'm bored.

Marc7 said: ↑

You like instrumental music then right? What about electronic?

Instrumental stuff mostly. As for electronic music, it's mostly older stuff, like Kraftwerk, Depeche Mode, Gary Numan, Human League, that sorta thing. More recently she got me listen to Yazoo. Basically, whatever my oldest sister listened to as a teenager, all that got recommended to me once I start getting into music. Cuz she's got an almost encylopedic knowledge of electronic music that I only envy. She's kinda my co-producer on some of the music I'm trying to compose. 🤭

Marc7 said: ↑

Oh I see they didn't give you a bus because you were slightly close.

Yeah. A bus wasn't provided once I got to secondary school, as my disability start getting slightly worse and I could walk to school anymore.

Marc7 said: ↑

You get told that by who? And lol.

Aye, laugh it up...I used to get teased about it at school. Cuz my face is completely mismatched with the accent. Oh, and a few folk on here made pointed that out when I post a clip of my voice a few years ago. :omg:

Marc7 said: ↑

Well I was just saying that I hope it gets resolved quickly. But I see what you're saying. It's that loud?

Uh-huh! Between the 10 month old niece who won't crying, my 3 years old niece who runs about shouting, and shouts to get my attention, as I'm wearing my headphones 99% percent of the time. And the older sister who shouts whenever she starts an argument. Believe you me, it's loud. Not as loud as the last music concert I attended, but loud nonetheless.

jinxed said: ↑

no but you should talk to her about this, good luck!

Who? My therapist or my mum?

Graeme1988 said: ↑

Jinxed is right, slowesthand. Try and talk to yer mother about this. Assuming she's nuthin' like my mother, who immediately get defensive when ya attempt question why she says things to ya. Failing that, it might be worth while talking to yer therapist about it? :question: :idontknow:

Well i'm scared to talk to mum about it, as she gets angrily defensive, maybe not so much as your mum graeme, but still significantly. Our family doesn't talk about personal matters - it's just not done, generally. I'd rather talk to my therapist about it, to be on the safe side.

Graeme1988 said: ↑

Sadly, not off the top of my head, no.

What about going to see a family therapist/councellor for the two of you? Or would she refuse to go?

Tired from yesterday (went to see a flat). Been catching up on sleep yesterday & today. Doesn't take much to tire me out. It's afternoon, had my breakfast, now having a strong coffee to try "get me going" as i'm so tired. I thing change tires me the most, as my mind's worries stresses me out, and the stress tires me out.