How are you feeling?

Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Depression is slowly creepin' back into ma life. :sad:

But, overall, I've been feelin' quite content, and happy I made the most of things. Despite the slightly awkward encounters with a couple of comedians whom I admire and respect, it's been a great month for me here in Edinburgh.

Didnae take the sights as much as I'd huv liked to, but there's always next year. Hopefully I can get my stamina up to the point where I can walk around a bit more. Kinda sucks being in ma wheelchair all the time.
 
defiance

defiance

Well-known member
KSLDAJFSDKLAGJDSKLGJSDGKLKLDSKLJKLGJDSKLGDJSFKLSJFDKLSFJDSLKGJDSKLGJDSLKGJDSLKJSFLKFJDSKLFJDSKLAFJDSLK;FJDFSKL;AGJFSDLK;GJSDLKGJDSLKFJDSKLJDSKLGJDSLK;FJDSLK;FJDSL;KGJDFSLKAGJDSLKGJASDL;KGJSDAL;KGJSDLK; :crying: :kickingmyself:

That sums it up for me today and just about everyday.
 
T

TimmyStevenson

Member
Kind of frustrated with the Tinnitus problem that I'm having with the ringing the in ear. I mean, I guess I shouldn't be so frustrated because since I have been taking Lipo-Flavonoid, these ringing in the ear treatments have really been working, it just took so long and it's still not gone. I mean, when I had it four months ago, it was like a the sound the microphone makes when it hits the ground, but all the time. So yes, its much better, but cmon....I just want to be normal again. When can that happen?.....I guess it's not all that bad. I have been able to listen to my daughter sing (in the back of the class) for summer school a couple months ago. And I have been able to get some quietness in places that are not the shower. I guess I should focus on the positive. Thanks everyone for listening to my rant. I feel better.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
A bit depressed to be comin' home, just to attend a gig in Carlisle, despite heading back to Edinburgh for the last weekend of the Fringe.

And I'm a wee bit nervous but excited about the Sunday afternoon comedy shows my sister and I will be attending. Nervous, as my sister has dared me to sit in the front row of 1 comedy show this weekend, wearing the very same t-shirt that got this reaction when I dawned it last year: :no: :bigsmile:
And excited because I'm going to see 2 of the shows I missed during the first weekend of the festival.
yahoo.gif


Had a bit of a lazy day today, though. Mostly spent it listening to Smashing Pumpkins, forgot how great their earlier music is.
Oh, and I'm still trying to figure which tattoo I should get done first. I've got 3 in mind. :thinking:
 
GraybeardGhost

GraybeardGhost

Well-known member
Sometimes the futility of making plans for the future grabs me by the collar and throws me down the stairs just to get my attention. What good does it do to map out a strategy when every path is overgrown with obstacles? What use is it to dream when reality is a nightmare? What value lies in hope when love seeks love, but finds only loneliness?

Graybeard is depressed and wants chocolate.

Now, please.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Ugh! Ah wish my family would stop giving me advice ah didnae ask for, as if they know what they're talkin' about. :kickingmyself:
 
GraybeardGhost

GraybeardGhost

Well-known member
Feeling a sudden suicidal impulse. So much weight dragging me down—buildings, people, apartment, junk, face—down and down and down. Is there a bottom to it all, a solid surface on which I can stand with my head just above the quicksand and catch one last breath of air? Right now, I don't believe there is. Tomorrow, I shall gird myself with delusions and try again, but tonight things don't look very good in the harsh light of reality, and tomorrow seems a long way away.
 
BlackPuma

BlackPuma

1
I feel ashamed. Constantly, and more so every day. It's like this drowning feeling a little that just gets more intense as time goes on.

A few years back I was doing so well and no now I'm back at square one. The older I become the more the condescending friendly tones assuming I'm mentally handicapped burn. A few weeks ago I had a moment of weakness. I contemplated dark thoughts and started to wonder if it was still worth it.

Ultimately it came to light that I have too many tethers to just leave.
 
defiance

defiance

Well-known member
This world and the people on it scare the living daylights out of me. How am I supposed to make it when I feel this way on top of the other mental setbacks that I have? I wish I was never born :sad:
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
Kiwong said:
Only two more days of torture, and the painting of my unit is finished. I freaked the painter out, I can't keep eye contact with her
Click to expand...
Who can't keep eye contact with who? I seem to creep-out most people with my eye contact as much as they creep me out (with their negative eye contact back to me). Who is able to maintain it, to hold their nerve, is often not me though. Maybe i hate seeing how i affect them more than they hate my "negative" eye contact. Strange thing is, that with the "odd" person the eye contact seems fine or even good?
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
defiance said:
This world and the people on it scare the living daylights out of me.
Click to expand...

Glad to know I'm not the only one who feels that way. Not really got much to add, there. Other than to say, I was just about to post somethin' which said pretty much this exactly. Except it was more wordy and sweary. :bigsmile:

defiance said:
How am I supposed to make it when I feel this way on top of the other mental setbacks that I have? I wish I was never born :sad:
Click to expand...

I've been thinking the same of myself, lately. Though, me never being born would be a f**kin' blessing. Given the amount of physical setbacks I face on a daily basis. Quite surprised I've made it this far in life, given my limited resources.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
BlackPuma said:
The older I become the more the condescending friendly tones assuming I'm mentally handicapped burn.
Click to expand...

Aye, ah get this as well. But I've just leant to accept it's how some perceive me. As annoying as as it is. :kickingmyself: But I don't really do myself any favours since I look a bit dumb. :idontknow:
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Kinda embarrassed, but glad of experience. Didnae let my anxiety get to me, too much. Which good, but could be better.

Though, I am nervous as f**k about tomorrow. Sitting front row at yet another comedy show in a funny t-shirt. Aye, of course, everyone with social anxiety does that, don't they? :question:
idiot.gif


Needless to say, this year has been quite eventful for me so far. Both good and bad. But this month has been the memorable.
 
GraybeardGhost

GraybeardGhost

Well-known member
Some things never change. I finally broke the ice, so people know I'm still alive here, but I still can't get up the nerve to reach out to the individuals who might be able to help me straighten out my bashed-up train wreck of a life. How hard is it to type a few lines and click a button to send them on their way? Too damn hard for me, apparently.

Out of all the ills that beset me, all the plagues of middle age, I'm going to die from acute and chronic cowardice because I can't do this one simple thing. I'm afraid that being afraid is all I'm ever going to know, and that I'll never hear the voice or feel the touch of a living friend again.

I'm afraid of the people I know, even more so of the people I love. I don't know what to do.
 
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PugofCrydee

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
Like wanting to punch a hole in the earth then watch it slowly die.

Or more specifically, watch all the cretins we call 'people' die.
 
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