How are you feeling?
- Thread starter Remus
- Start date
Megaten
Well-known member
Yeah I do. Im ashamed to admit that I dont take full advantage of it though. Mostly because I have a hard time expressing my true feelings to them. Which is weird considering Ill do that easily with friends on Facebook but cant talk to my sisters. So a lot of them kinda stay back. They're aware something is wrong but wont pry. Im actually feeling a bit better today though since Ive talked to some friends online and they assured me that Im not the social blight that my brain had convinced me I am.
Ah think my family feel this way about me, since they rarely speak to me 'cause I verimentally defend ma right to privacy, and don't like divulging personal details o' ma life to them. So that's gave them the impression that I'm a c*nt. But when ah do attempt to interact or converse with 'em, ma family just ignore me
I can relate there, Megaten. Though, ah did stand up to ma bullies wrongly batterin' the crap outta them for provoking me. But then I was bullied and teased by my family as well, so ah know first hand that people tend to treat ye like a pushover when they sense weakness.
Ah don't know if I'm an angry person, or just standoffish? Since I'm quite a big fella therefore intimidatin'. And quiet, and y'know what they say about folk who are quiet, stereotypically...mg: Or maybe people can tell I struggle with anxiety and depression, so prefer not to be around me. Not that ah blame 'em.
So getting back at the bullies didnt help? Ive always wondered if I would be a lot more courageous had I stood up for myself. I always feel like I have a lot to prove, like I have to show the world Im a real man or some crap, since I spent so much time running away.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Nope, it didnae help. Scaried them, and many of my peers, shitless, though. Gave me a reputation that has stuck with me, I feel, despite being one o' the most shy, introverted, soft-spoken, awkward men you'll meet in yer life. Because I pretty much unleashed 6 years of suppressed rage - I was 12 at the time of this outburst - on this group of older 4 lads who kept goading me to hit 'em. This being a step up from their usual name calling.
Though, ah wus quite cocky, in that, ah dared the lads to grass me up and tell a teacher. Knowing that, if they did, they wouldnae be believed, given ma physical disability.
Up until that incident, the closest I got to get back at a bully, was when I removed this younger lad's glasses and decked him with hard right hook for mocking how ah walk because of my cerebral palsy, and yelling "mong" and "spastic" at me as I left the school grounds. Following the punch, I swore at him as he sat on the ground, gave him back his glasses, and marched off. Much to the amusement of a fellow classmate and stunned shock of the teachers, who witnessed it.
Thankfully, it wus the end of the school day, and happened as I was making my way to my sister's car. She'd agreed to pick me up. And I was to enraged by what just happened to turn around, explain and apologise for what I just did, despite teachers yelling for me to do so. Got detention during lunchtime for it, the next day. After explaining my side of the story to one of the teachers who saw me land the punch during the morning interval. :bigsmile:
Yep, I can relate. I feel that same pressure. Though, for me, it's more a long the lines of keeping ma feelings to myself a lotta the time. Rarely asking for, or reaching out for help. That man up! Boys don't cry BS mentality that's instilled in ye from a young age. And, generally, being stoic as f**k! More so than proving I'm one of the lads as it were, y'know?
Louco
Well-known member
This actually sounds awesome. To defend yourself is the right thing to do, even if it is something distressful for nice, peaceful people.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
True, but how is it awesome, exactly?
It more terrifyingly funny when you consider that I can still remember squaring up to, and daring the fatter of the lads to hit me after unleashing on the lad who provoked me. Which wus the terrifying part, the funny bit is what I said to him, in my attempt to goad him to punch, which ah don't know if ah should repeat here, as it's a wee bit sweary? :thinking:
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
You don't think it's awesome to stand up by yourself against a group of bullies and teach them to do not mess with you? Well, I'm letting you know it is.
Aye, ah guess it is awesome when ye put it like that.
Though, ah think ah could've handled that situation better. In retrospect, ah probably shouldn't have flipped out on the bigger lad, and angrily called him a fat b@$t@rd. :bigsmile:
Louco
Well-known member
Aye, ah guess it is awesome when ye put it like that.
Look bro, there are 2 paths a kid can take when growing up.
One of them is made by the media, the government, pedagogues and political correctness. It says you are supposed to always be passive and take abuse like everyone's else little bitch, "choose" your gender as if you were not born with it, despise european culture and tradition, completely disregard your own common sense and critical thinking, and so on. This is the first stage of the process creating the perfect multicultural citizens of the modern world, self-loathing cowards who watch their own countries be devoured from the insides by a barbaric religion and are too afraid to even speak against it, nevermind fighting back.
The other is to truly become a man. To learn right from wrong, to think for yourself, to relish the positive traits of your nature, like being curious, bold, strong, heroic, active, playful, happy. To understand the world around you, and that you are supposed to grow up with your own efforts instead of being made by the school or the state. To remember you have the natural right to fight for your dignity as a human being, to resist abuse and injustice, even if it's coming from someone in a position of authority. And all the other lessons we should learn to become adults capable of making our dreams come true. This path usually requires good and caring parents to be followed since the early years, something rare these days sadly.
Only you know what happened and how things could have been done those days my friend, but I never regret the times I went through the second road. Even if I had a hard time as a result, it was always for the best, because the first one only leads to utter misery.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Ah quite agree with ya there, Loco. But it's kinda hard to go down that second path, yer uptight, politically correct family are constantly draggin' ye down the first one, and just accepting this as they are, and expect you to do the same. See, my immediate family aren't much for the critical thinking, or reading much. So I'm very much an outsider in many aspects.
F**k that... And "choicing" yer gender. Ah know, Tumblr is f**kin' mental, eh?
That second path is the one I try to following, but without good, caring parents to lead by example, it been difficult going it alone. Kinda shite huving to teach and learn about stuff yersel', y'know the stuff every parent teach their kids. Because yours were too lazy to do it themselves.
Also, being constantly shamed for not being like everyone else doesnae make it any easier. Sorry, it's hard not to let that kinda stuff get to ya after awhile.
F**k that... And "choicing" yer gender. Ah know, Tumblr is f**kin' mental, eh?
That second path is the one I try to following, but without good, caring parents to lead by example, it been difficult going it alone. Kinda shite huving to teach and learn about stuff yersel', y'know the stuff every parent teach their kids. Because yours were too lazy to do it themselves.
Also, being constantly shamed for not being like everyone else doesnae make it any easier. Sorry, it's hard not to let that kinda stuff get to ya after awhile.
MollyBeGood
Well-known member
I feel I need to move far, far away and I don't care if I have any technology. I just want to be at peace and be happy.
S_Spartan
Well-known member
That's all that I want at this point in my life. Just peace. Just a feeling of inner peace most of the time.
So hard to do in this toxic society. So hard to do with a brain that doesn't want to slow down.
One thing I now know is that I just can't live at the pace of this society and I don't consider that a weakness.
There is no reason that the average person should have to run around like a ball of stress just to have an average life.
Kiwong
Well-known member
[URL=http://s829.photobucket.com/user/Kiwong12/media/artful-s-peace-sign_zps549c964c.jpg.html]
[/URL]
Peace, hell yeah.
[/URL]Peace, hell yeah.
Megaten
Well-known member
Actually really good. I have been doing a lot of searching my thoughts with a bit of help and Im starting to realize the core belief I have thats pretty much not only the source of all my problems but the foundation on which I do most every day tasks/decisions. Now that I know whats wrong, the next step is to destroy it. It wont be easy but now that I know where the problem is I can at least fight back.
Kiwong
Well-known member
There was a guy blocking access to my garage, making it difficult to get in. I asked if he could move the car forward, his friend said we are going to. But his mate just stood there, as I got back in my car and battled to get my car in the garage. I slammed my garage door, and front door, and he reversed up the drive I shouted "Are you deaf, mate." I keep saying I will react more coolly in these situations, but I don't.
The neighbours tongues will be wagging again.
The neighbours tongues will be wagging again.
Opaline
1
I end up overracting to things like that too, because I feel anxious and angry at the same time. Do you think that's why you react that way?
Kiwong
Well-known member
Yes, I think anger is a part of this illness too. The flight or fight. Fear is the flip side of anger. I struggle with both, it creates a lot of tension in my relations with the people around me.
MollyBeGood
Well-known member
How exciting! Where did you go?
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
In a word: ragin'. :veryangry:
According to ma mum, I'm too thick to enter an eleven digit code intae ma smartphone to top it up by £20 or whatever amount it may be. Aye, ah know, some confidence boost that is, eh? :kickingmyself:
Yet, she f**kin' scowled at me the other day, when ah pointed out she doesnae seem to know much, despite her love of general knowledge TV quiz show. Due to the fact everytime I ask her a question or for advice. This is the response... :idontknow:
According to ma mum, I'm too thick to enter an eleven digit code intae ma smartphone to top it up by £20 or whatever amount it may be. Aye, ah know, some confidence boost that is, eh? :kickingmyself:
Yet, she f**kin' scowled at me the other day, when ah pointed out she doesnae seem to know much, despite her love of general knowledge TV quiz show. Due to the fact everytime I ask her a question or for advice. This is the response... :idontknow: