How are you feeling?
- Thread starter Remus
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Trishanku
Well-known member
worried, frustrated.. there is this overwhelming need to do something, like apply for a job. I could easily get a job, a nice one. but the negative self talk is killing me. the negative is more like super anxiety, crippling sense of fear which just freezes me and i end up doing nothing. I've been like this during some critical phases in my life.
sometimes I do end up acting, somehow I muster up enough courage. like previously when i was applying for a job, I put myself into this high enegry and enthusiastic state of mind, that i manage to do well in the interview and even get a job. But, it doesn't last. worse still it all comes back like such a lie that I am unable to live, unable to sustain that state of mind and I dive back deeper still into extreme anxiety. I could literally feel blood rushing in my head, my eyes become red and my face just becomes so rigid and the whole body feels so heavy and I could literally collapse right then and there. usually at such moments I end up putting the paper and quitting the job. on my third job I actually ran away.
I had a break during the training, I came home to pick up some stuff. I just froze. I had the exact same feeling I described above and I couldn't move. It was unbearable. It felt like the end of the world for me and I couldn't have felt any more worthless ever. on my second job unable to meet the daily target I cried in-front of my manager, even though it was the most embarrassing thing ever but crying was the only thing i could do at that time and I am not ashamed because that much helplessness i experienced at that time.
Now again my super enthusiastic self is manifesting and it is bringing with it the memories of the aftermath of such enthusiastic state. but life is at a crossroads. I feel like crawling into a ball and lock myself in my room :crying:. Ugghh terrible feeling, I am so jealous and even hate people who go through life so effortlessly while wondering what curse is upon me that simple things in life has become such a mammoth tasks.
sometimes I do end up acting, somehow I muster up enough courage. like previously when i was applying for a job, I put myself into this high enegry and enthusiastic state of mind, that i manage to do well in the interview and even get a job. But, it doesn't last. worse still it all comes back like such a lie that I am unable to live, unable to sustain that state of mind and I dive back deeper still into extreme anxiety. I could literally feel blood rushing in my head, my eyes become red and my face just becomes so rigid and the whole body feels so heavy and I could literally collapse right then and there. usually at such moments I end up putting the paper and quitting the job. on my third job I actually ran away.
I had a break during the training, I came home to pick up some stuff. I just froze. I had the exact same feeling I described above and I couldn't move. It was unbearable. It felt like the end of the world for me and I couldn't have felt any more worthless ever. on my second job unable to meet the daily target I cried in-front of my manager, even though it was the most embarrassing thing ever but crying was the only thing i could do at that time and I am not ashamed because that much helplessness i experienced at that time.
Now again my super enthusiastic self is manifesting and it is bringing with it the memories of the aftermath of such enthusiastic state. but life is at a crossroads. I feel like crawling into a ball and lock myself in my room :crying:. Ugghh terrible feeling, I am so jealous and even hate people who go through life so effortlessly while wondering what curse is upon me that simple things in life has become such a mammoth tasks.
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Kiwong
Well-known member
Hope a few things go right to change it around.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Aye, ah can relate to the whole negative self-talk yer on about. Though, ah've always kinda dealt wi' self-confidence issues. :sad:
Kinda goin' through a crappy phase at the moment - really depressed. Nae motivation. Comedy helps a bit, but that's like a quick-fix - that feel o' joy doesnae last. Unless ye watch endless hours of comedy. Ah cannae even find the focus tae read an effin' book - and ah used tae read aw the time. Ah just can't. Ah mention this because fur me, it's kinda weird that aw the things ah used tae enjoy don't really give that same sense o' joy like they use to. Ah know... Depression's a pain in arse!
h:
MikeyC
Well-known member
Trishanku
Well-known member
Aye, ah can relate to the whole negative self-talk yer on about. Though, ah've always kinda dealt wi' self-confidence issues. :sad:
Kinda goin' through a crappy phase at the moment - really depressed. Nae motivation. Comedy helps a bit, but that's like a quick-fix - that feel o' joy doesnae last. Unless ye watch endless hours of comedy. Ah cannae even find the focus tae read an effin' book - and ah used tae read aw the time. Ah just can't. Ah mention this because fur me, it's kinda weird that aw the things ah used tae enjoy don't really give that same sense o' joy like they use to. Ah know... Depression's a pain in arse!
first thing, your accent keeps ringing in me head. Ah like it
. how feelings affect us and I am equally mesmerised by how feelings when shared makes us feel better thanks for relating and sharing there mate:thumbup:I wana share this, which I came across in Tiny Buddha. Patanjali Yoga Sutra 2.33, says “When the mind is disturbed by improper thoughts constant pondering over the opposites is the remedy.”
gotta get active!
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Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Aw, well that's... nice, ah guess. Sorry, ah just never know how ah should response tae compliments when it comes tae ma accent.
Y'know, withoot feelin' aw self-conscious aboot it... :shyness: Or feelin' like yer laughin' at me. Or yer gonnae start quotin' lines fae the movie Braveheart
Clever wordplay there, Trishanku. A grammatical error for comic affect - bet that was unintentional, eh? Though, am no' sure every Scottish person would be in on the joke..? Whilist ah get the irony o' talkin' aboot errors in grammar when it comes tae the Scottish accent :ironicsmile:
"Aye" = "Yes" and "Ah" = "I"
Nae problem... Though, ah think it's that feelin' of "So... it's not just me who's feelin' like this" that we kinda take comfort in, y'know...? Knowin' we're not alone.
Aye. That's very true...
Trishanku
Well-known member
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Naw! It's awright... ah know ye weren't makin' fun o' me. It's good ye can hear ma accent in yer head when readin' ma posts.
Magic, innit?**
**Or, in other words: "Great, isn't it?"
Anyway, ah was just pointing oot that wee - small - error. No' because ah was offended, or thought ye were makin' fun o' me... or anythin' like that. Just because the "Aye = I" mistake is rarely ever made by non-Scottish people. Ah think it's because ye pronounce "Aye" "Eye" and "I" the same way.
Ach! Don't be too worried or upset aboot it. Ah was quick-witted enough tae make wordplay aboot yer mistake. Oh! And if ah was offended you'd know, trust me. When Scots are angry ye tend tae shite yersel'. And ye notice a considerable increase in the number of swear words per second. :ironicsmile:
Trishanku
Well-known member
. Ah think it's because ye pronounce "Aye" "Eye" and "I" the same way.
yes it's because our language is more phonetic I guess that's the reason
When Scots are angry ye tend tae shite yersel'. And ye notice a considerable increase in the number of swear words per second. :ironicsmile:[/QUOTE]
I'll surely keep that in mind LOL! cheers.
yes it's because our language is more phonetic I guess that's the reason
When Scots are angry ye tend tae shite yersel'. And ye notice a considerable increase in the number of swear words per second. :ironicsmile:[/QUOTE]
I'll surely keep that in mind LOL! cheers.
LeDiskoLove99
Well-known member
Today has been a very bad day. I rarely was able to pull myself out of bed, the depression has gotten horrible. I'm hoping tomorrow will be better, but I doubt it.
MikeyC
Well-known member
Hopefully tomorrow is better for you.
Why don't they deserve it? Yeah, society is messed up - millions are not on anti-depressants for nothing - but we have to make the best of it. A friend of mine agrees that it's messed up, but he's constantly happy and realises there's nothing we can do about it. It's not ideal for people who don't enjoy what life offers, but you have to find what you like and go for it.
I feel better today than I have in the last few days. I would like to believe it's a sign of the return of my good moods. :thumbup:
Capsaicin
Well-known member
I can't seem to get to sleep. Every time I try I'm overwhelmed with worry when my mind is no longer occupied. I have a friend overseas that I've known for years and who works with me on my creative projects, but he's mysteriously vanished and has been unavailable for almost a month. I might not worry if we weren't currently working on something together and if he hadn't expressed strong and long-term suicidal feelings only a few months ago.
Phoenixx
Well-known member
Betterish. I was feeling angry earlier, to the point of tears again, but it's also about that time of the month. I decided to take a walk with my dog and then received a letter in the mail which I sat on the back patio and read and it made me feel a lot better.
Use anger as motivation to do something. Don't just stay angry. I need to remember this so I don't drown in my thoughts and emotions.
Use anger as motivation to do something. Don't just stay angry. I need to remember this so I don't drown in my thoughts and emotions.
LeDiskoLove99
Well-known member
S_Spartan
Well-known member
Why don't they deserve it? Yeah, society is messed up - millions are not on anti-depressants for nothing - but we have to make the best of it. A friend of mine agrees that it's messed up, but he's constantly happy and realises there's nothing we can do about it. It's not ideal for people who don't enjoy what life offers, but you have to find what you like and go for it.
I have seen so many rude, arrogant, and lazy people get so much in life. THEY are the ones who I feel do not deserve it.
I am at a point in life where I don't really like, enjoy or want anything that much. I don't really know what to do about it so I go through each day like a zombie just existing.
Surely there must be other people on this site who have hit an "existential dead end" as I have?
Also, I am in America and what has been bothering me lately is that here you are expected to put on a smiley face while ignoring all the ugliness around you. It's this type of fake decadence that I just have a hard time with now.
But back to the point of the thread: Today I feel pretty much hopeless.