Well I'm back, so...
None of these has anything to do with anything. I just like them.
How are you feeling?
- Thread starter Remus
- Start date
Well I'm back, so...
None of these has anything to do with anything. I just like them.
Phoenixx
Well-known member
^ Today was my first day back to school and it just went a lot better than I expected. I actually got to hang out with three people today rather than being lonely, and I even managed to talked to someone new completely on my own... Well it helped she came to me needing help with something, but I still managed to make conversation, albeit as short as it was. Got my hair done today too which also puts me in good spirits.
So basically: great day!
^ Glad you were able to resist. I hear ya though. I too have trouble turning away from chocolate, or just junk in general, when I'm depressed. Just last week during my emotional/depressive mess I ate a whole bag of chocolate chips in one day. Plus almost each day I also had a slice of chocolate cake. (no frosting, so I melted peanut butter on top)Thank you.
Not to mention the occasional chocolate soy milk and chocolate coconut milk fudge bars as well. I have a chocolate addiction and it can be bad sometimes. This week I'm trying my best to not have any chocolate whatsoever, nor any refined sugars since I've eaten it so much this summer, especially recently. My headaches are starting to come back because of it, so yeah I definitely have to stop.
Phoenixx
Well-known member
JuiceB
Well-known member
I feel like that alot. That feeling of being trapped within your fears and not being able to move forward is awful. At least your mother tells you something. Mine will switch the subject to something that's happening on the news.
Invisibleman
Well-known member
Im terrified.I don't know why I agreed to to go to this party tomorrow night. There's going to be a girl there who I used to have a crush on and she knows very well I used to have a crush on her.I cant imagine how f**king awkward this is going to be. *Sigh* Cue Seinfeld theme.
Labyrinthine
Well-known member
Someone wants me to play gw2. I really wish I could, but I don't have the funds. I'm so ridiculously lame it might be comical.
MikeyC
Well-known member
It's sometimes the smaller things that happen that can help you get through the day with a smile on your face. I'm glad it all went well for you!^ Today was my first day back to school and it just went a lot better than I expected. I actually got to hang out with three people today rather than being lonely, and I even managed to talked to someone new completely on my own... Well it helped she came to me needing help with something, but I still managed to make conversation, albeit as short as it was. Got my hair done today too which also puts me in good spirits.
So basically: great day!
That's a lot of chocolate, but I can certainly beat that with my eating habits. No chocolate whatsoever won't work all the time - you have to treat yourself, of course. I haven't abstained from chocolate.^ Glad you were able to resist. I hear ya though. I too have trouble turning away from chocolate, or just junk in general, when I'm depressed. Just last week during my emotional/depressive mess I ate a whole bag of chocolate chips in one day. Plus almost each day I also had a slice of chocolate cake. (no frosting, so I melted peanut butter on top)
Good luck with it, though. Cutting down is even hard enough, so hopefully you have an easy time with it. I understand the headaches, as your brain craves sugar and all that. You're already successful, so keep it up.
MikeyC
Well-known member
Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that. People without social anxiety, who don't know much about it, can't fathom why things are so difficult. My friend is a good case of that. Is explaining your situation to your mother going to work or is that futile?
Just chat to this girl like you would anyone else. If she makes a big deal about it or puts you down about it, then it's her own problem and you shouldn't feel bad. People have crushes on others all the time.
Why? What's wrong?
Invisibleman
Well-known member
^well yeah but the girl isnt the only thing im worried about. its a PARTY. something ive never been to before and theres going to be a lot of people I have no business talking to.
^
I just spent way too much time in Photoshop, so I'm going to bed with a big headache. Goodnight, all!
shakethelight
Well-known member
The worst I've felt in a while. Tonight my mom told me if she didnt have to worry about me she would kill her self. That she's been thinking about it all week. That's wonderful. I already feel like the biggest loser but now I am even more of a burden then I could even fathom. We've been fighting all week about this job thing & how she doesn't seem to want to help me grow as a person. She doesn't accept this illness is apart of me but maybe it's me that needs to accept she'll never be what I need in a mother. I wish I could take her advice & just end my life, right now. Now she wants to blame my medication & therapist instead of looking within herself for what the real issue is. I'm tired of being abused & pushed aside. I spent my entire child hood in fear & now I forever trapped in this house of horrors.
sorry for that rant. I just needed to get it out.
sorry for that rant. I just needed to get it out.
MikeyC
Well-known member
Parties are certainly a situation where you are forced to socialise whether you like it or not. If you've never been to one before, now is a good chance to go and test yourself.
You never know: you might actually have some fun!I'm not sure what the "job thing" is, but why would your mum say that to you? She wants to worry about you, but she refuses to accept your illness. I'm confused.
You say, "...instead of looking within herself for what the real issue is." To me that sounds like your mother is a big reason for your anxieties today. From what you've written, I can kind of see why.
Roman Legion
Well-known member
Been thinking how arduous a feat is of self-improvement.. Maybe self-destruction is the key to my success? Yeah, I have been reading Fight Club, but it makes a certain kind of sense.. At least to me.. I have been doing a lot of thinking and I realise that all my life sums up to is a long list of failures, shortcomings and an advanced case of video game addiction. I am awaiting military pay and up until yesterday I have been pondering what games (Yes, games as in the plural sense) and I have come to the conclusion, none is the best. I'm no longer trying to improve myself as I no longer care to find the failure at that dead end. I do wish to sell or donate more of what little I own, I feel as if and end (No, not end as in suicide, but rather a new beginning) will be exactly what I seek, if not then I have really not lost, nor gained anything. I no longer feel I have a use for money, other than just surviving and possessions really are the means to our slavery. I will keep a few items, but overall, things must go, even if all I can do is destroy them and throw them away. These thing, accumulation of items does not define, nor make me happy; but rather give me a false sense of purpose and leave me feeling even more empty and used. Maybe I have finally gone of the deep-end here, but to me it seems clear that this is a path I have not traveled yet and if it too fails, in the eyes of the universe, I am small and insignificant and nothing I do will ever matter anyway.. I am still eventually going to die and be forgotten. I have had loads of time to think having been sleeping on a cot in an office in my unit's building for the past month.. At times I felt like I wanted to just throw furniture and destroy things, I still feel that way, but less then than I do now.. The last month of my life has really sucked, but I know it can always be and very well soon be worse.
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I'm so sorry shakethelight, that you're going through this. You're not a loser, you're a wonderful person going through a hard time. I know how you feel.
Lea
Banned
I feel a bit better today because yesterday I evening I took a calming pill. My father was harassing me like usually and I burst out crying in bed and couldn´t stop. My mother came, then after a while even my father and was asking why I am crying. He didn´t understand anything anyway because he lacks logics but it was quite alleviating to hear something else from him than shouting. Then I took a bit of pill and calmed down which lasts by now, I realize strongly that to keep taking these pills is the only way to be able to cope with life. It enables me to do things, being more in control because it somehow switches off the worst pain inside, the depression, anxiety, the total mess. I realize I always try to take advantage of the pill´s effect as long it lasts and try to accomplish as much as I can. I can feel it´s a drug though and my head feels like run over by a freight train. But it switches the worst pain at the same time, so I would happily trade it for that.. but still I´m afraid of the possible consequences if I used it regulary .
.
MikeyC
Well-known member
Being dependent on pills is not a good thing and I hope it really doesn't come to that. I understand why you would want to take them, as they make you very calm and you're at your best under its influence, but overuse can't be good.I feel a bit better today because yesterday I evening I took a calming pill. My father was harassing me like usually and I burst out crying in bed and couldn´t stop. My mother came, then after a while even my father and was asking why I am crying. He didn´t understand anything anyway because he lacks logics but it was quite alleviating to hear something else from him than shouting. Then I took a bit of pill and calmed down which lasts by now, I realize strongly that to keep taking these pills is the only way to be able to cope with life. It enables me to do things, being more in control because it somehow switches off the worst pain inside, the depression, anxiety, the total mess. I realize I always try to take advantage of the pill´s effect as long it lasts and try to accomplish as much as I can. I can feel it´s a drug though and my head feels like run over by a freight train. But it switches the worst pain at the same time, so I would happily trade it for that.. but still I´m afraid of the possible consequences if I used it regulary
Lea
Banned
I take about 25 mg Tramadol once in several weeks or a month so far. I don´t think it´s overuse, maybe even if I took this amount every day it´s a really minimal dosage. I read about people taking like 200 mg or more every day.. terrible!!
I feel really sick now, like if I´m going to vomit. I´m going to take something to eat, hope it helps.
Phoenixx
Well-known member
^ Oh gosh. I'm so sorry. :
: Please don't listen to her. No one should ever say that to anyone else, especially a parent to their own child. Sounds like she has a lot of issues herself.Anxieties or not, you're a wonderful person, shakethelight, and I'm happy to know you through here and on tumblr. I know you've been trying your hardest to change your life around for the better and I'd say you're doing a pretty good job so far. Don't let anyone try to stop you from doing what's right for you. Keep strong and keep going.
Wow. I can see how all of this would make you fearful. But you are definitely not a loser. I'm going through a similar, though not as severe, situation with my mother over getting a job and getting my life together. It's really easy to begin to feel more like a burden each day. But you are not. You are her child.
I wonder (and you can tell me to buzz off if you want)... does your mother have some sort of illness as well? The way you describe her behavior hints at an underlying issue for her. That's just my opinion on the little bit you gave us. I may be way off base and I apologize if I am toeing the line.
Lastly, don't ever apologize for a rant here. That's what we're all here for!