Tired. I want to go to sleep, but my knee aches and it's so hot in this room. Central air is on, but it's not really doing much, at least not for me. I really dislike hot summer nights.
Ugh I hate them too. I hope you can get some rest though.
Crappy. Nothing new. It's 5:30am and I've been up for over an hour. I woke up to my knee hurting so bad, I don't even know how I slept through it in the first place. I didn't have my heating pad with me and they didn't have any heat-cream, so I took a couple ibuprofens, wrapped my blanket around my leg, and set my other leg on top just to get it really warm so it would stop aching. I'm pretty sure it's all arthritis, my knees have been this way for the last few years now and applying heat always works like a charm.
Also, the other thing that kept me up was a conversation I had yesterday with my cousin. It didn't upset me at all yesterday since it occurred because I put it out of my mind. Right before falling asleep last night though I couldn't stop thinking about it and I still can't. She was pissed off because apparently my mother called her the other day and talked to her about how she's been treating me since we got here. She told me she "was never giving me a hard time," that she's "trying to get me to laugh because I'm too serious." *Hang on, let me just go over to this random brick wall and smash my head against it* Seriously, what in the hell kind of logic is that? It isn't. Insulting me to my face and then telling me you're not insulting me? Then she continued to tell me that, "When people insult me, I just laugh. That's what I'm trying to get you to do." No, that's NOT me and it never WILL be me. Ever. Don't ever give me that crap. I pretty much ignored most of the conversation until that point. I just told her to stop trying and to leave me alone. Surprisingly she didn't flip out, she shut her mouth and left me alone.
There's a couple things that really got to me though: *her pretty much yelling* "What's wrong with you?! You look like you're about to burst into tears!" and "You're too sensitive." I REALLY hate to say it, but she is right about the second. I AM too sensitive and I hate that about myself. I don't know what to do to change. :🙁: As insulted as I've been, the anxiety and depression I deal with off and on, and have been for the last 7 years, what am I to do if I can't get help? How am I supposed look like I'm feeling everyday? Depressed? Fake being happy 24/7? I already fake coming across as feeling "okay," I can't do super happy (even if I was really excited I don't convey it physically because that's how I am). I try to not show sadness, I really try my hardest not to, and when I don't I come across as "emotionless" and "cold" and "rude." What??? What am I to do??? How the heck am I supposed to act??? I'm so lost.
This turned out to be a longer rant than expected. Sorry.
Crappy. Nothing new. It's 5:30am and I've been up for over an hour. I woke up to my knee hurting so bad, I don't even know how I slept through it in the first place. I didn't have my heating pad with me and they didn't have any heat-cream, so I took a couple ibuprofens, wrapped my blanket around my leg, and set my other leg on top just to get it really warm so it would stop aching. I'm pretty sure it's all arthritis, my knees have been this way for the last few years now and applying heat always works like a charm.
Also, the other thing that kept me up was a conversation I had yesterday with my cousin. It didn't upset me at all yesterday since it occurred because I put it out of my mind. Right before falling asleep last night though I couldn't stop thinking about it and I still can't. She was pissed off because apparently my mother called her the other day and talked to her about how she's been treating me since we got here. She told me she "was never giving me a hard time," that she's "trying to get me to laugh because I'm too serious." *Hang on, let me just go over to this random brick wall and smash my head against it* Seriously, what in the hell kind of logic is that? It isn't. Insulting me to my face and then telling me you're not insulting me? Then she continued to tell me that, "When people insult me, I just laugh. That's what I'm trying to get you to do." No, that's NOT me and it never WILL be me. Ever. Don't ever give me that crap. I pretty much ignored most of the conversation until that point. I just told her to stop trying and to leave me alone. Surprisingly she didn't flip out, she shut her mouth and left me alone.
There's a couple things that really got to me though: *her pretty much yelling* "What's wrong with you?! You look like you're about to burst into tears!" and "You're too sensitive." I REALLY hate to say it, but she is right about the second. I AM too sensitive and I hate that about myself. I don't know what to do to change. :🙁: As insulted as I've been, the anxiety and depression I deal with off and on, and have been for the last 7 years, what am I to do if I can't get help? How am I supposed look like I'm feeling everyday? Depressed? Fake being happy 24/7? I already fake coming across as feeling "okay," I can't do super happy (even if I was really excited I don't convey it physically because that's how I am). I try to not show sadness, I really try my hardest not to, and when I don't I come across as "emotionless" and "cold" and "rude." What??? What am I to do??? How the heck am I supposed to act??? I'm so lost.
This turned out to be a longer rant than expected. Sorry.
I'm really sorry Phoenixx, I hope you feel better soon. I'm way too sensitive as well, and I want to change this. But insulting you is definitely not the way. I think she's just trying to excuse her rudeness by blaming you, sorry you're going through this.
Crappy. Nothing new. It's 5:30am and I've been up for over an hour. I woke up to my knee hurting so bad, I don't even know how I slept through it in the first place. I didn't have my heating pad with me and they didn't have any heat-cream, so I took a couple ibuprofens, wrapped my blanket around my leg, and set my other leg on top just to get it really warm so it would stop aching. I'm pretty sure it's all arthritis, my knees have been this way for the last few years now and applying heat always works like a charm.
Also, the other thing that kept me up was a conversation I had yesterday with my cousin. It didn't upset me at all yesterday since it occurred because I put it out of my mind. Right before falling asleep last night though I couldn't stop thinking about it and I still can't. She was pissed off because apparently my mother called her the other day and talked to her about how she's been treating me since we got here. She told me she "was never giving me a hard time," that she's "trying to get me to laugh because I'm too serious." *Hang on, let me just go over to this random brick wall and smash my head against it* Seriously, what in the hell kind of logic is that? It isn't. Insulting me to my face and then telling me you're not insulting me? Then she continued to tell me that, "When people insult me, I just laugh. That's what I'm trying to get you to do." No, that's NOT me and it never WILL be me. Ever. Don't ever give me that crap. I pretty much ignored most of the conversation until that point. I just told her to stop trying and to leave me alone. Surprisingly she didn't flip out, she shut her mouth and left me alone.
There's a couple things that really got to me though: *her pretty much yelling* "What's wrong with you?! You look like you're about to burst into tears!" and "You're too sensitive." I REALLY hate to say it, but she is right about the second. I AM too sensitive and I hate that about myself. I don't know what to do to change. :🙁: As insulted as I've been, the anxiety and depression I deal with off and on, and have been for the last 7 years, what am I to do if I can't get help? How am I supposed look like I'm feeling everyday? Depressed? Fake being happy 24/7? I already fake coming across as feeling "okay," I can't do super happy (even if I was really excited I don't convey it physically because that's how I am). I try to not show sadness, I really try my hardest not to, and when I don't I come across as "emotionless" and "cold" and "rude." What??? What am I to do??? How the heck am I supposed to act??? I'm so lost.
This turned out to be a longer rant than expected. Sorry.
Just my personal opinion. If someone is insulting you, you then have a right to stand up for yourself. It does not make you sensitive because you're defensive when someone says something negative towards you. I am sorry you feel so lost.
I'm really sorry Phoenixx, I hope you feel better soon. I'm way too sensitive as well, and I want to change this. But insulting you is definitely not the way. I think she's just trying to excuse her rudeness by blaming you, sorry you're going through this.
Just my personal opinion. If someone is insulting you, you then have a right to stand up for yourself. It does not make you sensitive because you're defensive when someone says something negative towards you. I am sorry you feel so lost.
^ I know, but I didn't even bother really yesterday since we were out in public, I didn't want to start a huge argument. Still though, even when I'm insulted elsewhere, and by anyone else, I never stand up for myself much. I always take the hits because I have such low self-esteem I don't even bother and sometimes I figure what they're saying is true.
I basically just suck as a person.
This rollercoaster I've been on the last two weeks is driving me insane. I want off pronto!
^ I know, but I didn't even bother really yesterday since we were out in public, I didn't want to start a huge argument. Still though, even when I'm insulted elsewhere, and by anyone else, I never stand up for myself much. I always take the hits because I have such low self-esteem I don't even bother and sometimes I figure what they're saying is true.
I basically just suck as a person.
This rollercoaster I've been on the last two weeks is driving me insane. I want off pronto!
Well, it sounds as if your cousin put you through the emotional wringer. But, you can't let it affect you. They don't know you, so what right do they have to talk about you? Sometimes, you don't have to start an argument to get your point across. Just tell them what's on your mind and simply turn and walk away from them afterwards. Insulting others isn't building them up; if that were the case, you and I would have metric tons of self-esteem. It's hurtful and they need to stop.
And you don't suck as a person. Being sensitive to your emotions isn't a bad thing. It's better than the second extreme. But, try not to take everything to heart, alright?
^ I know, but I didn't even bother really yesterday since we were out in public, I didn't want to start a huge argument. Still though, even when I'm insulted elsewhere, and by anyone else, I never stand up for myself much. I always take the hits because I have such low self-esteem I don't even bother and sometimes I figure what they're saying is true.
Even if it were true, which I don't think is true, but even if they were you don't deserve that kind of torment/harassment.
Sometime I wonder if I'm even worth knowing. I have little, if anything, to say most of the time. Nothing remotely interesting, well I don't think so anyway. Personally, I think I'm pretty f***in' boring, actually. You know, beyond the beard, piercing and all that.
Sorry if that's a bit depressing tae heard for most of ye. But it how I feel... 98% of the time.
Sometime I wonder if I'm even worth knowing. I have little, if anything, to say most of the time. Nothing remotely interesting, well I don't think so anyway. Personally, I think I'm pretty f***in' boring, actually. You know, beyond the beard, piercing and all that.
Sorry if that's a bit depressing tae heard for most of ye. But it how I feel... 98% of the time.
Everyone's worth getting to know:). We all bring something different to the table, even if we ourselves don't know what it is. Find out exactly what you bring. If you don't think that's interesting enough, then find some more things. We really aren't good judges of how interesting we are because we're so used to ourselves. It's like eating your favorite food back to back (in this case, every hour of our life). It gets "stale" after a while; you lose your interest in it. So, don't fret. You're interesting to someone.
Sometime I wonder if I'm even worth knowing. I have little, if anything, to say most of the time. Nothing remotely interesting, well I don't think so anyway. Personally, I think I'm pretty f***in' boring, actually. You know, beyond the beard, piercing and all that.
Sorry if that's a bit depressing tae heard for most of ye. But it how I feel... 98% of the time.
I'm sorry Graeme, but everyone's unique. I'm sure you'll be interesting to some people.
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