Guys...are you..nice?

[KiaKaha]

Yes I am afraid this is an indirect "relationship" topic, but please bare with me.

Do you have a bad boy factor of zero? Are you the kind of guy that puts other peoples needs before your own? and do you care about the way people feel?

I have noticed that quieter guys tend to be more considerate and polite, I am just wondering if other guys are like this..

Also ladies (ahem) can you tell the difference between a "nice guy" and a "nice guy who isnt nice"...meaning one that believes they are nice, but are infact, clingy, insecure, self abasing, and seeking love to the point that arent likeable or loveable..

Interpret this post as you like, I am simply curious...

As for me..well, perhaps I am a little of both admittedly, but hey...at least I have enough insight to realize it...

 

[BlackPuma]

I'm a bit of a selfish jerk that makes rather inappropriate and offensive jokes (to friends). But if someone needs me to be, I'll be an all-ear supportive cuddly puppy. Sort of speak.

Though, the jokes are always interpret as harmless fun, and are also meant as such.

I don't really know whether I'm ''nice'', honestly. :/

 

[Tiercel]

I think overall I'm pretty nice. I make a conscious effort to treat others how I'd like to be treated and try not to do anything that would make someone feel bad. But maybe that's less from being nice and more from dealing with anxiety and depression, always feeling like the outsider in any situation, etc. Perhaps SA has given me some positive attributes?

Even though I'm generally nice, I'm not as eco-friendly as I could be, I eat animal flesh, and I tend to internalize things until I finally explode. Not that my explosions are extraordinarily violent or dramatic, but they do happen from time to time. They usually involve lots of "F it!" and related phrases. And when I'm not in a good mood I tend to lose my patience and sympathy, but who doesn't?

And I tend towards inappropriate humor as well. Nothing is sacred as far as my mind is concerned. So I'll just say that I can probably find something to laugh about with everyone and everything.

I think one can still be "nice" even if one is "clingy, insecure, self abasing, and seeking love to the point that [one isn't] likeable or loveable." One can simply be all those things and still treat others well.

 

[mrb]

nice ? nice are you kidding me yea im nice super nice , girls look at me like a teddy they just want to pick me up cuddle me kiss me and take me to bed ... just a cuddle though im not that sort of teddy ....::

 

[Felgen]

I'm a friendly guy, but I don't put other people on pedestals.

 

[staticreflex]

I'm a nice guy for sure, but I have also acted like the guy in Winter's story. I find it easy to be "nice" at the very start of a relationship, but the few times that it has progressed I find it hard to keep it up. The problem is that I have dated some clingy girls who almost drove me mad by calling all the time, coming over all the time even when I say that I need my space for a day or two, accusing me of being a cheating bastard because I talk to another girl (in a serious relationship who is 10 years older than me and way taller) when on lunch break at work. So in that situation I was pushed into being a mean selfish, not answering the phone, yelling, making her cry daily type of jerk. But thats not my real personality, I think that I'm too nice sometimes and that can be annoying.

 

[Luke1993]

I like to think that I am a nice person, I don't do anything wrong to people but then I read what you put here!

"nice guy who isnt nice"...meaning one that believes they are nice, but are infact, clingy, insecure, self abasing, and seeking love to the point that arent likeable or loveable..

This seems to describe me

 

[AGR]

I am a mix of both,but I have done far more nice things than bad things.

 

[mads]

I really dont know.

I dont think it is up to me to consider if I am nice or not nice. That must be up to others to do so.

A "nice guy" can also be a complete *******. My sisters former boyfriend some years ago was that kind of thing. He is the only person I really hate as a human

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

A nice guy (or girl for that matter) is considerate of others but still has respect for themselves and their own feelings. Some people take the niceness to such extremes that they give up that self-respect, perhaps in the belief that by totally dismissing their own feelings in favour of others, they will be liked and appreciated more. Sadly, it doesn't really work that way, and all that happens is that others lose respect for them too. You have to retain your self-respect, because if you don't respect yourself then you can't expect others to respect you.

 

[inspirer]

*deleted message

 

[KiaKaha]

My definition of a "nice guy who isn't nice": A guy who thinks he's a victim of some sort and thinks he can do whatever he pleases because of this; he claims that he's a "nice guy," but in reality he's a bigger jerk than "those other guys."; he's a two-faced, hypocrite and claims that he'll only be in a relationship for the "emotional part," but in reality he is only in it for the physical aspect of it; he only goes for women that are completely out of his league, and wonders why he's been rejected; he will attempt to use you when you are at your most vulnerable and gets offended when you reject him; possibly the most deceitful thing about him is that he genuinely looks like your typical "nice guy," but in reality he is the biggest jerk you will ever meet.

I extremely dislike you _______. (guy who shall remain nameless). Sanity is the only thing that has stopped me from posting your social security number all over the place.

Wow.... what jerk. He doesnt sound like a nice guy at all...just a passive aggressive moron....sigh... So many dicks in the world...not enough fists to administer justice.

Anyway, for those who are interested wikipedia has a nice explanation of the nice guy syndrome Nice guy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

[Remus]

Anyway, for those who are interested wikipedia has a nice explanation of the nice guy syndrome Nice guy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Lol

I do like this wiki quote:

but that many people purporting to be, or believing themselves to be a "nice guy" are actually clingy, self-abasing, and insecure to such an extent that their attempts to be nice and desire to be loved, make them neither nice nor loveable. The worst examples of such behavior being caricatures of behaviors that would be more desirable in moderation

Or I can see someone being so overly nice that they would just be a doormat, nothing nice about that

 

[iamthenra]

I have gone into debt for other people. I have given my sister thousands of dollars not expecting anything in return. Same thing with relatives like cousins and such. I just went up to work on cutting some tree's for my cousins' in laws. I had to cancel what I wanted to do on my property to help them out. I am always putting other peoples needs first well before my own. I've always been that way, I am just a welcome mat. I get used allot by allot of people, but I do it because it makes me feel good about myself. A few years ago I built a five thousand dollar play-set for my niece and nephew, because their sperm donor couldn't afford to buy one or even posses the intelligence to assemble one. So, it's uncle Curt to the rescue.... This Friday I have to go up to my sisters place to fix her lawn mower and computer. Earlier this year I was up at her place fixing her furnace, and I had to install a new gas fired water heater....sweating new copper pipes on her existing plumbing and re-doing the exhaust vents all the way out of her house... I'm always fixing her stuff. What makes me upset at times is that when I need help, nobody is ever there for me. It does get old at times.

 

[mads]

I have gone into debt for other people. I have given my sister thousands of dollars not expecting anything in return. Same thing with relatives like cousins and such. I just went up to work on cutting some tree's for my cousins' in laws. I had to cancel what I wanted to do on my property to help them out. I am always putting other peoples needs first well before my own. I've always been that way, I am just a welcome mat. I get used allot by allot of people, but I do it because it makes me feel good about myself. A few years ago I built a five thousand dollar play-set for my niece and nephew, because their sperm donor couldn't afford to buy one or even posses the intelligence to assemble one. So, it's uncle Curt to the rescue.... This Friday I have to go up to my sisters place to fix her lawn mower and computer. Earlier this year I was up at her place fixing her furnace, and I had to install a new gas fired water heater....sweating new copper pipes on her existing plumbing and re-doing the exhaust vents all the way out of her house... I'm always fixing her stuff. What makes me upset at times is that when I need help, nobody is ever there for me. It does get old at times.

I think people should respect that you are helping them. If they dont help you when you need help , they dont deserve your help at all I think. They should really be embarressed of themselves.

 

[Ignace]

I'm too nice. People can always ask me to help them with something. Which results in being used for all kind of things, but that's over now since last year. I'm not a slave. When I'm angry at some one I also react like I'm angry, no faking. People don't like me anyway, so why would I try any more to sound friendly ?

 

[userremoved]

I have noticed that quieter guys tend to be more considerate and polite, I am just wondering if other guys are like this..

I guess passiveness and timidity is interpreted as kindness for some reason. Even though you can be timid and loathe every living person. Which is probably not the definition of nice.

 

[userremoved]

"It's not because women like jerks. Women prefer polite over rude, and attentive over distracted. The problem is the way nice guys present these positive characteristics. In order to appear friendly and romantic, these 'nice guys' think they have to turn off their sexuality. They hide their desires in order not to offend, presenting an androgynous, asexual persona. The first impression they give is one of emasculation, weakness, and lack of desire. At best, they confuse the woman as to whether they even find her attractive. That's what jerks offer women that nice guys don't: they're not afraid to be sexual."

I think this is where I screw up at. Even my own mother has told me this is where I've gone wrong in the past. Because of social anxiety I've always been way too shy to show sexual interest in a woman and always come off as only interested in a platonic friendship. So I guess in a way I send mixed signals. I highly doubt I would keep doing that if I didn't have anxiety though.

 

[chrisjurban]

Yeah, usually it appears that I am a nice boy because I'm afraid to do what I want to do or to do what I'm feeling. But my current girlfriend is my healing. She's very securely attached and she's helping me relearn how to love this way (I was secure when I was little). I'm beginning to remember how good it feels to have no fear of being yourself, and thus bad boy factor increases.
What's odd, though, is that sexually I've never had any difficulty with this. I'm told that the discrepancy between my daytime and nighttime behavior is actually very attractive.

 

[mrb]

I have gone into debt for other people. I have given my sister thousands of dollars not expecting anything in return. Same thing with relatives like cousins and such. I just went up to work on cutting some tree's for my cousins' in laws. I had to cancel what I wanted to do on my property to help them out. I am always putting other peoples needs first well before my own. I've always been that way, I am just a welcome mat. I get used allot by allot of people, but I do it because it makes me feel good about myself. A few years ago I built a five thousand dollar play-set for my niece and nephew, because their sperm donor couldn't afford to buy one or even posses the intelligence to assemble one. So, it's uncle Curt to the rescue.... This Friday I have to go up to my sisters place to fix her lawn mower and computer. Earlier this year I was up at her place fixing her furnace, and I had to install a new gas fired water heater....sweating new copper pipes on her existing plumbing and re-doing the exhaust vents all the way out of her house... I'm always fixing her stuff. What makes me upset at times is that when I need help, nobody is ever there for me. It does get old at times.

dude were mates right could your build a tree house in my back garden pretty please