Guys...are you..nice?

[Mokkat]

I'm a nutcase I think.

Mostly I'm "nice" - a guy who is genuinly interested in what people have to say. Then I also have an element of outgoingness, especially at parties - a result of my half-asses attempt at coping socially from school. That wouldn't be so bad, but I'm very compulsively defensive and quiet when it comes to discussing my own personal stuff and self-image, and especially about flirting and love

 

[hippiechild]

is like badboy got broad side schol fed up the bone bulge.. and has mine favourite nice mans?

 

[Aletheia]

My most recent boyfriend was clingy and insecure (if not self-abasing), but that didn't mean he wasn't nice; it wasn't why I left him.

Actually, maybe it was why I left him, in a roundabout sort of a way.

I'm hideously conflict averse, but I did end up simply having to bring a couple of things up with him, and unfortunately by the time it got to that point, I'd worked up so much feeling about it that I didn't handle it, I didn't phrase it as well as I could have.

One was that he still hadn't told me that he loved me six months in, and I had to say, "So what are we doing here?" which was excruciating, and didn't even achieve anything; he still hadn't told me when we split up. The other issue was too messy and too uncomfortable to talk about here.

The problem was he always went instantly into defence mode (probably because he's so insecure) and absolutely refused to entertain the notion that there was a problem and stopped talking to me for a week (and it was always exactly a week too, which made it feel suspiciously manipulative). I'm a feedback junky, and this stonewalling totally did my head in, and the third time he did it, I had to accept the fact that there was no way I could handle it, certainly not unilaterally, and I left.

If we'd just been able to talk about stuff....

 

[coyote]

If we'd just been able to talk about stuff....

sometimes, guys are so nice that they don't want to hurt the person they love with what they might say

so they're afraid to talk, afraid to say anything

they don't realize that saying nothing is even worse

 

[MrJones]

I try to do good things for other people, but always trying to be fair, correct and polite. If I have to do something, I'll do it, even if a nice guy wouldn't do that. Sometimes I regret it, but I try to do what's right while trying to look at what's the best I can do for everyone (which is not always the same). Sometimes what I do is not so good for others or for myself, which probably makes me not a nice guy, but I try to do what I think it's the right thing to do.

 

[Section_31]

Im like this....Ive been told my numerous people i will give and give and give untill ive got nothing left and then ill still try.

I dont know, i just hardly think of myself really. Just the people tha matter to me.

 

[emre43]

On a different note, (I've just had a very annoying phone conversation) I find it very amusing when a guy goes on and on beaching and moaning about how horrible and unfair life is and goes through his own personal shopping list of what is wrong with his life and then ends it off by saying "women will never want me because I am so nice." I had to have my own private little chuckle when I got off the phone. If women were really as thick as he (my cousin) seems to think we are then why on earth would he want one?

That's the impression that a lot of young men get from women. Whenever I have heard a woman asked about what they like in a man I have never heard them answer anything other than things like a 'bad boy' or a 'cheeky lad'. Things that I am not. I have never heard a girl say that they want a nice guy. That doesn't mean I think that they're stupid or that all women think this; I just haven't heard otherwise. Some nice guys feel that they are trying their hardest to please people but it still isn't good enough; some of us (like me) who have no friends are trying our hardest (probably too hard) to make friends. It is horrible for us to see complete scumbags who used to bully us at school holding hands with the girl that we had always wanted but were unable to assert ourselves.

 

[Remus]

sometimes, guys are so nice that they don't want to hurt the person they love with what they might say

so they're afraid to talk, afraid to say anything

they don't realize that saying nothing is even worse

Kinda like a 'yes man', hmmm nobody likes a yes man. You can't trust them....Ahhh eureka!

'Do you like this new dress?'

'I like anything that you like dear'

Yuk!

 

[emre43]

Kinda like a 'yes man', hmmm nobody likes a yes man. You can't trust them....Ahhh eureka!

'Do you like this new dress?'

'I like anything that you like dear'

Yuk!

Sigh...why are decent friendly people being turned into public enemy no. 1 by modern society?

 

[Aletheia]

sometimes, guys are so nice that they don't want to hurt the person they love with what they might say

That's part of why I'm so conflict averse: I'm so afraid of getting it wrong.

But bottling it up inside only leads to... bad things.

 

[Arthur_Dent]

Motörhead - I Ain't No Nice Guy - YouTube

 

[SM1010]

Ughh, another one of these threads? Why was the other nice guy thread locked and this bumped lol?

Again, being nice has nothing to do with why guys finish last.

Being insecure, passive, indecisive, and clingy are why guys finish last. It has nothing to do with being nice. Unfortunately those traits are just misinterpreted as being nice.

Someone earlier in this thread posted the definition of "nice" and made a good point. Go back and read the definition and ask yourself if you really think that's the reason guys finish last.