Feel too unattractive for love?
- Thread starter planemo
- Start date
iamthenra
Well-known member
I have felt the same way since I was very young. I am used to it now. The older you become, the more accepting you get of the fact that you were just delt a really bad hand of cards in the looks department
Yep..... me too.
Silvox Black
Well-known member
Oh I bear no delusions about my appearance. I know for a fact that in all normal circumstances, love is not an emotion for me. In reality, none would wish to love me, and if they did it would have to be platonic, and I know that such relationships are not truly satisfying for society's poison and lies will always follow. With bitter thoughts that I would have to ponder on such as how even if I have love, I would never have the true physical enjoyment that accompanies it. No matter what occurs, whether I have love or not, I would never truly be satisfied since I would always have that dark taint on my mind of how I will never truly be accepted.
Yet then others would say that my personality would make up for my physical flaws and shortcomings? Hardly, in fact I sincerely doubt it. If anyone truly knew me, inside and out, throughout my mind, body, and soul, then they would be disgusted, horrified and rightly so. I am so cold that there are even times I startle myself in my ferocity. There is evil lurking within me, I know of it, I sense it, I embrace and shun it and even in the times when I am blissful with the empowerment it gives me, there is one small portion of me that gazes in horror and revulsion at what I am and what I have become. Nothing can ever redeem me.
Yet then others would say that my personality would make up for my physical flaws and shortcomings? Hardly, in fact I sincerely doubt it. If anyone truly knew me, inside and out, throughout my mind, body, and soul, then they would be disgusted, horrified and rightly so. I am so cold that there are even times I startle myself in my ferocity. There is evil lurking within me, I know of it, I sense it, I embrace and shun it and even in the times when I am blissful with the empowerment it gives me, there is one small portion of me that gazes in horror and revulsion at what I am and what I have become. Nothing can ever redeem me.
Lorraine Manca
Well-known member
yeah, I feel plain on the outside, physically, but it bothers me more that i feel horribly ugly on the inside. i've felt that way since the beginning. I know its not good to think that, but it feels so true. i have a lot of empathy for you guys, i think its lonely to see so much beauty all around you, and feel so cut off from it. so in short, yes.
Lorraine Manca
Well-known member
well, for what its worth, you're not ugly! i promise
Thanks -- I'll have to take your word for it. :
:I have this chart I like to use 'Online Compliments' - you're all welcome to use it.
Cute = I’m being nice – But no thanks.
Good Looking = Not bad.
Attractive = You're hot!
Handsome = You will do.
Hot = Oh yeah!
lunarla
Well-known member
This is exactly how I feel the majority of the time. I can't accept how I physically look, I feel that I'm really unattractive. I can't stand that people are more attractive than me (of course, that goes without saying), and in turn, the person who I care about would find those people more attractive too. Why settle for me when he could have someone far more attractive, and probably with a better personality too?
As much as I'm in this stuck state of mind most of the time (I usually think it's just the truth), part of me at this moment thinks that it could get better. Maybe I could see myself differently? There was this week in the summer where I felt pretty. Moderately pretty. It could be the depression, anxiety, constant flood of negative thoughts, and the way in which I compare myself to others that warps my appearance and how I feel about myself? As strange as it still seems to me for there to be two completely different ways I have seen myself (complete monster/inhuman in appearance, moderately pretty) maybe it's possible? And even if the reality could be different than the perception I'm stuck in, I know I'm no stunner. Maybe I will have to accept that. I don't feel like I can right now though.
As much as I'm in this stuck state of mind most of the time (I usually think it's just the truth), part of me at this moment thinks that it could get better. Maybe I could see myself differently? There was this week in the summer where I felt pretty. Moderately pretty. It could be the depression, anxiety, constant flood of negative thoughts, and the way in which I compare myself to others that warps my appearance and how I feel about myself? As strange as it still seems to me for there to be two completely different ways I have seen myself (complete monster/inhuman in appearance, moderately pretty) maybe it's possible? And even if the reality could be different than the perception I'm stuck in, I know I'm no stunner. Maybe I will have to accept that. I don't feel like I can right now though.
Etherwind
Member
I feel too ugly to be loved. It's all the acne on my face really, its a major turnoff for people. That and I too can't really communicate with others very well, which leave no catalyst to relate, and no room for a friendship to grow. *sigh*... I really want to love & be loved again, I have to get my life together first. My mind is not very stable and I just don't have the attention span to fulfill a woman's relationship desires. I think my outside ugliness is a reflection of my inside dullness.
iamthenra
Well-known member
Hon... I have seen your photo's! You are stunning, and very gorgeous. You have no worries, trust me!
teandtoast
Well-known member
Ive had problems with acne and now have all these scars on my face and it really pisses me off and as you say is a real turn off (its still not totally cleared)...I just cant stand people looking at my face even as just know looks awful ...I didnt have any spots till I was about 20 and then just started (now 25) and made my shyness even worse then it already was :/
my dermatologists wouldnt give me accutane (special medication which would have cleared it up) as I said I was depressed and they said would make it worse so wouldnt give to me to my annoyance (but it was the acne partly making me depressed)
but anyway yeh I feel to unattractive for love
Jesushasomeoneforme
Well-known member
jesus has someone for me brian
This pretty much sums up what I was going to say about me.
Except the last couple of sentences. I don't like getting too close to people because I don't want to hurt them or myself. Oh, and I also don't go on dating sites. I am actually afraid of trying them...
Try changing your diet and exercising. You can control this to an extent. I've done it before when I was getting a lot of "harmless" comments about being too skinny for my height (6 "2, 164 lbs) and I did something about it and started lifting weights and got up to over 200 lbs and looked very muscular.
Only thing you can't really do anything about is your face unless you are rich. Then you just have to be more positive or go for guys in your "range"
hoddesdon
Well-known member
There are some common themes here.
One is deciding for the other person that they would not be interested/attracted. It is part of the other person's human rights to make that decision for themselves.
The other is that a negative self-image, being too worried about yourself etc is part of the condition, and creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. Look at the way some people affect arrogance and talk themselves up all the time; they obviously think there is some advantage to themselves in doing so. They are trying to create a self-fulfilling prophecy in the other direction.
I think it is important to recognise that one has a medical condition; you are not the medical condition.
One is deciding for the other person that they would not be interested/attracted. It is part of the other person's human rights to make that decision for themselves.
The other is that a negative self-image, being too worried about yourself etc is part of the condition, and creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. Look at the way some people affect arrogance and talk themselves up all the time; they obviously think there is some advantage to themselves in doing so. They are trying to create a self-fulfilling prophecy in the other direction.
I think it is important to recognise that one has a medical condition; you are not the medical condition.
Shift
Well-known member
Same here. I'm perfectly happy with how I look, but I am not so confident with my personality...
Guy here. Guys are interested in all women by default. We narrow it down by things we find unappealing. So if you have shown an approachable, friendly demeanor and you fall in the range of attractiveness which can be satisfied by many different features then guys will be interested in you.
They don't have to know you or your opinion of your own faults at all.
Tiercel
Well-known member
Some people actually really like those characters....
I often feel too unattractive for love as well. But I try to tell myself that it's all in my head. So what if I don't have a full head of hair? So what if I have extra baggage and no style? Sure, I rarely talk to others; and when I do talk I tend to dwell on things like one of Paganini's violin compositions or the World War II book I'm currently reading. But isn't that better than having a few drinks and singing along to the music in my head? And is it really such a big deal that I'm unemployed, have no degree, and will never be fabulously wealthy or successful?
I try to tell myself that I'm worth loving, too. At least until I look in a mirror, step on a scale, or try to play anything by Paganini. But how many people can actually play Paganini? How many people ever try? Sure, I sometimes wonder what evils I'm capable of, but then I just think of all the good I've done. And several years ago I learned how to juggle 3 balls. I never learned to juggle 4, but that doesn't make me any less lovable than someone who can juggle 5.
The bottom line is that you can't expect love from someone else when you don't even get any from yourself. I'll never be the slim, long-haired musician, falconer, and wealthy ladies' man I'd like to be, but I'm learning to love myself for who I am. I still don't feel good enough for the stunningly beautiful women who catch my eye, but I'm trying not to let that stop me.
Some people actually really like those characters....
I often feel too unattractive for love as well. But I try to tell myself that it's all in my head. So what if I don't have a full head of hair? So what if I have extra baggage and no style? Sure, I rarely talk to others; and when I do talk I tend to dwell on things like one of Paganini's violin compositions or the World War II book I'm currently reading. But isn't that better than having a few drinks and singing along to the music in my head? And is it really such a big deal that I'm unemployed, have no degree, and will never be fabulously wealthy or successful?
I try to tell myself that I'm worth loving, too. At least until I look in a mirror, step on a scale, or try to play anything by Paganini. But how many people can actually play Paganini? How many people ever try? Sure, I sometimes wonder what evils I'm capable of, but then I just think of all the good I've done. And several years ago I learned how to juggle 3 balls. I never learned to juggle 4, but that doesn't make me any less lovable than someone who can juggle 5.
The bottom line is that you can't expect love from someone else when you don't even get any from yourself. I'll never be the slim, long-haired musician, falconer, and wealthy ladies' man I'd like to be, but I'm learning to love myself for who I am. I still don't feel good enough for the stunningly beautiful women who catch my eye, but I'm trying not to let that stop me.
Well that was actually very inspiring. I think you sound like a wonderful and very deserving person and one day you'll find someone who fits and is your perfect match. Besides guys who like classical music and enjoy history are a lot more attractive then guys who have absolutely no common sense or brains in their head. You'll meet someone just keep thinking like that!