Nice new pic firewalk
It's always difficult for me to bring this journal thing back up. I hate being the topic of a thread, or writing about myself. Scary, but I guess that was the point in the first place!
Also, I want to be able to look back on this thing and see the things I faced, if I ever am to fall back into a rut. (And now I realize that, deleting all of the posts in this thread was completely unnecessary... )
So I'll tell you an interesting story about very productive and quite lovely Monday
Met up with firewalk down in the busy Vancouver areas, which actually turned out to not be awkward at all. He is a very comfortable person to be around, I was surprised I could be that comfortable. Some very interesting conversation also, I think we both learned a lot about each other. Thanks for that nice time firewalk.
We walked around the busy, and quite loud, downtown streets... and then remembered that today was supposed to be about exposure. And so it began, we traced our way back to a sports store I do not recall the name of...
1
I think the first dare was for me to go up to a random person in there and try to hold a conversation about a minor detail about socks. Though, this seemed like a mighty challenge and I didn't think I could do it, so I asked him to go first.
And he just..did. You could see he was extremely nervous but he went against his will, grabbed an item (socks? mittens? I don't remember) and went straight for it. I'll count it as 3, because he technically asked 3 people at once. Because that is a small crowd, that is damn impressive...! Pretty amazing. *bows in awe*
Funny thing is that I don't think the people reacted at all, from what I saw. I am not sure what I was expecting? Somebody to blow up maybe? But there was hardly a reaction from the others, as much as a stare of unfriendliness... It was simply a lot more realistic, and thus, somehow less than I was expecting. I remember thinking, this is the point... this is what is meant by people do not care. I was actually disappointed, and this put me at ease greatly.
2.
It was then my turn, I grabbed a pink and very tiny fuzzy sweater and firewalk pointed out a victim. I went around a clothing rack, held up the sweater next to my torso and proceeded to ask this stranger if "This looks like it would fit well?". He was definitely caught off guard though he seemingly believed me, I believe he said "Uhhm...uhh... I don't know...... You might want to try it on". I said my thankyous and was on my way. We had a hearty laugh after that one
3
We walked around awhile, unsure what to do next, but decided to keep going with what we were doing.
2nd victim: a lady who was looking at skii pants for her son.
went up to her and she was shuffling through a clothing stand, simply said "Hi, what are you looking at?". She delivered me this glance of pure evil, as if she was trying to stave away a vampire, but eventually that died and her glance returned to the pants. She replied "Some skii pants..." I: "For somebody?" She: "Yeah, my son and husband... Are you looking for anybody?" I: "Yeah.....uh, gloves." She: "Oh. I can't tell if I like these for my son.." I: *feeling pants*, "They feel nice..warm.. I'm sure he'll like them" she: "Yeah, but because it's my son, they also have to look good..." I:"Oh right, teenagers."
I was beginning to feel I had overstayed my welcome so I said "Okay, well, goodbye" and she called after me "Goodluck with your shopping!". I go the feeling she was genuinely happy a stranger had popped up to say hi
4
Firewalk pointed to a younger girl who looked, the type to want to fit in, if that means anything. She was looking at something small, I don't remember. She was, if I were to generalize, "preppy" looking. Well dressed, makeup, as I said, the looks to 'fit in'.
I: "What are you looking at?" She: gives me the worst stares of all stares. Wide eyes, this 'get the hell away from me' look, and she keeps on staring at me like that, and says ".....why?". I: believe I said something like... "I don't know... Are you shopping for somebody?" and she: "...........why?". I: "I don't know, just going around...talking to people... you ever do that?" she: *no reply, still staring in what seems complete horror* So, walked away..... creepy
5
Binocular salesman at the front of the store, behind a glass desk, with binoculars. This one was firewalks hilarious idea.
Went up, said "What are binoculars for?" him: "Uhhm..." *quick stare of 'are you for real?', but died of really quickly* "To see things closer" I: "I don't.. understand?? Like?" him:" Like.. If you want to see something that is 800 metres away, but you want to see it 100 metres away, you look through binoculars." I: "I don't understand.. sorry.. can you give me an example?" Him: "Like if you want to see a bird." I: "Oh, I get it now, thanks". Began to walk away but he kept explaining. I just wanted to leave!
6
Told a girl I liked her scarf. I've always wanted to randomly compliment somebody
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All of these were firewalk's ideas... He is clever
We left the store, a lady walked out infront of us with her purchase, I had to run up to her and ask her what she bought. Did such, "What did you buy?" She: "What did I buy?" I:"Yeah" She: "__________ (I dont' remember what she said, but it was an item that had the meaning IN it, something like HOCKEY stick... but not a hockey stick). I: "Oh, what's that for?" Her: "______..... duh" Me: "Oh... right..... that's.. obvious isn't it... So where are you going?" Her: "Why??" At this point, she was looking at me with a stare of fear, as if I was a stalker of some sort. I guess it's unusual to be talked to on busy city streets. She looked very afraid to I openly admitted that "I have social anxiety and I'm trying to rid it by talking to strangers". She openly admitted that she was not impressed and that it was too out of the ordinary or something
8
firewalk stopped a guy and I think he simply said "what's up?" The guy got all freaked out, I believe he yelled out something like "Whatever you're trying to do just don't" and backed away into his car. Gave us an evil look on the way home.
If anything, this experience opened my eyes in two ways: Even if you draw attention to yourself, people are still focusing on THEMSELF. Secondly, they are no doubt more fearful of I than I of them. Thirdly... everybody seems equally as insanely paranoid about random human contact as I. The most important revelation that I had, which was after firewalk's first turn, I forget. I'm hoping that revelation will come back to me, because at the time it was an epiphany. It was something quite disappointing, actually.. a whole through a faulty belief that I partly feared and partly was excited about. We both deserve to be very proud about this. It was actually FUN..
