do you think you can spot a nasty person?

[onehandclapping]

or a particularly bad person? I used to think I was getting better at this. I was a bit clueless at school and got involved with some terrible people but once I left I thought I had figured out how to tell if someone is a bit horrible by observing their behaviour. the trouble I find I have nowadays is that some people can be deceptive and hide their true nature quite well and its only when I get to know them better and they do something to upset me,I realise what a bad decision it was to get to know them. has anyone else encountered this problem of always running into toxic or nasty people? and how do you judge people to make sure you don't get involved with people like that?

 

[Metal_isthe_Answer]

or a particularly bad person? I used to think I was getting better at this. I was a bit clueless at school and got involved with some terrible people but once I left I thought I had figured out how to tell if someone is a bit horrible by observing their behaviour. the trouble I find I have nowadays is that some people can be deceptive and hide their true nature quite well and its only when I get to know them better and they do something to upset me,I realise what a bad decision it was to get to know them. has anyone else encountered this problem of always running into toxic or nasty people? and how do you judge people to make sure you don't get involved with people like that?

I think I am more likely to be seen as a bad, or an angry person. People who actually got to know me would experience the opposite of your story.

 

[Hellhound]

I usually have a very good intuition. Even if I don't spot them at first, I eventually find out if they are stupid.

There were a few times when my intuition failed horribly. These guys were good at manipulating. Really, really good. But I dumped them once they showed their true colors.

 

[Lamb]

or a particularly bad person? I used to think I was getting better at this. I was a bit clueless at school and got involved with some terrible people but once I left I thought I had figured out how to tell if someone is a bit horrible by observing their behaviour. the trouble I find I have nowadays is that some people can be deceptive and hide their true nature quite well and its only when I get to know them better and they do something to upset me,I realise what a bad decision it was to get to know them. has anyone else encountered this problem of always running into toxic or nasty people? and how do you judge people to make sure you don't get involved with people like that?

Wouldn't say it's a bad decision..we all have to sort through the process of meeting others and running into potential bad apples every now and then. Some more than others. Look at it as a learning experience.

As for personal experience, my intuition has grown over the years. It's not entirely unavoidable. In fact, I think it's my personality that attracts these certain types out to cause harm or take advantage. It's helped not to ignore those gut instincts when first meeting others.. listening to how they reply to me in conversations, watching their actions, certain gestures, usually tips me off as to what type of person they may be and what their intentions are. Also, assertiveness helps.

 

[MikeyC]

I usually have a very good intuition. Even if I don't spot them at first, I eventually find out if they are stupid.

Yeah, you can mostly find out after just one meeting what their personality will be like. Not all the time, but it's a good gauge.

 

[hidwell]

Shifty eyes give people away all the time. That and a nervous twitch. :sarcastic:

 

[Kiwong]

Shifty eyes give people away all the time. That and a nervous twitch. :sarcastic:

Yes, those characters, like me, are always up to no good. I tell everyone I am scared ****less, but, they know better, I am evil incarnate.

 

[BlackPuma]

I used to think I could.

But then it turned out that squirting water in peoples faces with a squirt gun mid conversation doesn't technically constitute waterboarding, so there's no relying on this collected data now.

..Back to square one.

 

[Ashiene]

or a particularly bad person? I used to think I was getting better at this. I was a bit clueless at school and got involved with some terrible people but once I left I thought I had figured out how to tell if someone is a bit horrible by observing their behaviour. the trouble I find I have nowadays is that some people can be deceptive and hide their true nature quite well and its only when I get to know them better and they do something to upset me,I realise what a bad decision it was to get to know them. has anyone else encountered this problem of always running into toxic or nasty people? and how do you judge people to make sure you don't get involved with people like that?

I have never trusted anyone since I got betrayed too much in childhood. I also developed Schizoid Personality Disorder because of this. I don't even trust my family or relatives anymore. I treat everyone with caution and scrutiny, and I find that I have not been betrayed for more than a decade since I did this.

 

[Lea]

Some people look like bitches outright, some don´t but in the end everyone is.

 

[Unspoken]

I don't think there's a way to judge preemptively, as everyone thinks their course of action is correct or at least justified - that's why they're doing it. No one out there thinks what they're doing is wrong, not even the people who whip out racial slurs when they're not in a position to be punished for it. They're going to tell you that they're an intelligent, civil, reasonable person and act like one until you reach that hatred, because they believe that hatred is right.

 

[onehandclapping]

I see what people are saying about intuition, there have been times where I wish I had listened to my gut instinct.

Wouldn't say it's a bad decision..we all have to sort through the process of meeting others and running into potential bad apples every now and then. Some more than others. Look at it as a learning experience.

As for personal experience, my intuition has grown over the years. It's not entirely unavoidable. In fact, I think it's my personality that attracts these certain types out to cause harm or take advantage. It's helped not to ignore those gut instincts when first meeting others.. listening to how they reply to me in conversations, watching their actions, certain gestures, usually tips me off as to what type of person they may be and what their intentions are. Also, assertiveness helps.

I get the same, I think people see me as a soft touch and wish to take advantage of me.
would you say there are any traits or things people say which raises suspicions for you?

I have never trusted anyone since I got betrayed too much in childhood. I also developed Schizoid Personality Disorder because of this. I don't even trust my family or relatives anymore. I treat everyone with caution and scrutiny, and I find that I have not been betrayed for more than a decade since I did this.

sorry to hear how it affected your life ,sounds like the new approach works though.

Some people look like bitches outright, some don´t but in the end everyone is.

I don't believe that everyone is. what do you mean by "look like bitches" ? what makes up the look of someone who is nasty?

 

[onehandclapping]

I don't think there's a way to judge preemptively, as everyone thinks their course of action is correct or at least justified - that's why they're doing it. No one out there thinks what they're doing is wrong, not even the people who whip out racial slurs when they're not in a position to be punished for it. They're going to tell you that they're an intelligent, civil, reasonable person and act like one until you reach that hatred, because they believe that hatred is right.

yea good point. I just find it so deceptive especially when some people know that i'm quite sensitive and try to pretend to be nice and sensitive to me, then they show their nasty side. it just feels like i've been duped.

 

[Lea]

I don't believe that everyone is. what do you mean by "look like bitches" ? what makes up the look of someone who is nasty?

You don´t tell me you never saw anyone looking like a bitch. Come on..

 

[jaim38]

People can be so sweet to their friends and children but nasty to others. For many years, I was baffled by this behavior. How can my bullies harass me and insult me with so much hatred but be so nice with their friends? It's like they have 2 different personalities or something. I guess nasty people can be nice, but only to people that they like.

 

[dottie]

no. there are plenty of wolves in sheeps' clothing. there are some sick, manipulative people out there.

 

[onehandclapping]

I think people have many different sides and none of us are all good or all bad, we're a mix. I don't think there are 'nasty' people. I think we all have the capacity to be 'nasty'. environment counts for a lot. People who have been badly treated tend to treat others badly.

I agree with this partly. I think we all do have the capacity to be good and bad but I think some people are more nasty than they are good and some people deep down are quite horrible but masquerade as nice,I always seem to get manipulated by these people. I think we are all on a scale of nice and not nice, there are those that can be a little aggressive or opinionated but people say they are a good/nice person at their core.

 

[onehandclapping]

You don´t tell me you never saw anyone looking like a bitch. Come on..

I don't really know and this could be part of my problem with social anxiety,that I fail to recognise them sometimes. how would you describe someone like that?

 

[onehandclapping]

I sometimes wish that more people that are nice would approach me or at least would try hard to get to know me. like I mentioned I only seem to get approached by nastier types of people,I have sort of come to a conclusion that everyone who is going to try and initiate a friendship or relationship with me by approaching me first is not a person I want to be around,that perhaps they know that I have low self esteem and seem easy to manipulate and are looking to take advantage of that. but part of me doesn't want to make such a wide generalisation in case a person I really would like to know wants to get to know me.

its just that experience has taught me that everyone that initiates friendship with me has turned out to hurt me or being around them has been toxic. I think that the solution should be for me to approach other people more but like I say when I try to do this I don't get anywhere.I have low self esteem as well as sa/avpd so maybe they think I don't care enough. whereas the people that are more toxic are perhaps more desperate because they know most other people don't want to know them (because of their behaviour) so they try harder with the people they know to make sure they don't lose them.

so I either need to recognise the people that are approaching me more competently and come to a better conclusion about them by analysing things about them better. or rule out anyone who approaches me.

 

[rosewood]

Yes, to a degree. The reason I have made a point in my life to look for them and study them is so as to avoid them, because they are dangerous not just nasty.

If you look at the behavior patterns seen within the Domestic Violence wheel, it includes all manner of lying, controling behaviors, manipulation, gaslighting- saying nothing is happening when it actually is, demeaning, dismissing, and usurping a person until their brain seems gone. These behaviors look exactly like the behaviors of people with certain personality disorders, which includes psychopathy.

These folks can't help themselves because with the exception of psychopathy, all of the disorders can be seen cropping up in childhood in response to extreme abuse and neglect. The folks operate on a need to lie in order to control their environment and control you. They won't change because they have a good thing going. I had to learn this one the hard way.

The best way I have been able to tell if the person is not safe is to let them talk about themselves. These poor people will always give themselves away in the words they use.

Not all people who were in abusive enviornments turn out this way. Just some.

It is important to focus on the words, because frequently they can charm with their personality very easily and make you forget the form and content of the language they use.