do you think you can spot a nasty person?

[gustavofring]

I used to think I did, but nowadays I try to refrain from judgements of people I don't know.

Not that I'd just let myself in with everyone, to be used or manupilated, I just refrain from the black and white thinking (that person is good, that person is bad) or letting my bad experiences of the past dictate my life in this moment. That's living out of fear and paranoia.

I believe in thinking a person is neither good, or bad, a person just is the way he/she is and accept that.

 

[mikebird]

My family say that I am that person

 

[sullyS25]

I believe that when there are "nasty" people that come into my life, I have unconsciously attracted them into my life. It means I have been playing the roll of the victim and what I think in my mind is reflected to me through people that come into my life.

When I learn to detach myself from my unconscious attraction to playing the victim in my mind (which I must admit is VERRRRRY difficult), the change in my thinking is reflected outside of me and I meet different people.

For example, before I learned that most of my problems were of my own making I would ALWAYS attract girls into my life that would show interest initially and would lead me to believe they liked me. After hanging out a few times or talking on the phone or whatever, it would always end in them ceasing to talk to me without telling me why. Every time I started to like a girl and they showed interest in me, my insecurities would come out and I would start thinking very negatively about how they thought about me. Sooner or later this became my reality and I would always feel sorry for myself and play the helpless victim.

Since I have learned that what I think about myself is reflected back to me by the behavior of others, I changed my perspective and every time something "negative" would happen, I wouldn't play the victim. I would review what my thinking was during the interactions and decide I wanted to change it next time. I worked on my perception of myself. Then, one day, I met a girl that didn't abandon me once I really started to like her.

I think we unconsciously attract what you call "nasty" people into our lives through our unconscious clinging to the identity we have made for ourselves....I.E I suffer from Social anxiety because I was bullied as a child.

 

[Kiwong]

A mirror? I seem to be disliked and talked about by many people, even when I try to stay out of their way. I don't like being around people for long.

 

[SilentBird]

What someone says about others behind their backs says a lot to me about that person. I feel really bad if I let slip and say something that might be hurtful to others.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

I used to think I did, but nowadays I try to refrain from judgements of people I don't know.

Not that I'd just let myself in with everyone, to be used or manupilated, I just refrain from the black and white thinking (that person is good, that person is bad) or letting my bad experiences of the past dictate my life in this moment. That's living out of fear and paranoia.

I believe in thinking a person is neither good, or bad, a person just is the way he/she is and accept that.

I really like what you are saying here. It is healthy. I also struggle with black and white thinking, so I do question my judgements. Most of the time I want to avoid, so I will come up with reasons to do that, so I cannot always trust my gut.

 

[theoutsider]

or a particularly bad person? I used to think I was getting better at this. I was a bit clueless at school and got involved with some terrible people but once I left I thought I had figured out how to tell if someone is a bit horrible by observing their behaviour. the trouble I find I have nowadays is that some people can be deceptive and hide their true nature quite well and its only when I get to know them better and they do something to upset me,I realise what a bad decision it was to get to know them. has anyone else encountered this problem of always running into toxic or nasty people? and how do you judge people to make sure you don't get involved with people like that?

I have gotten pretty good at this but I admit not by first site. I can usually tell by their mannerisms and how they speak about others. I would say that within an hour, I can usually tell if a person is nasty or not. My accuracy rate is probably somewhere around 90 - 95%