Do you have problems with the opposite gender?

A

AGR

Well-known member
Yes.........because they only like 12 foot robots haha.........

Now seriously, yes because I dont believe that I am enough,I never said or showed someone that I liked them,I even pushed them away sometimes not so nicely,not very proud of that ::(: , only once recently because she trapped me and I didnt have the heart to say no,after that I went along and it was the first time that I wanted to give myself entirely to someone,didnt work out and she went with another guy,but I am proud of myself because after she went with the other guy I reacted really well,still talking with her and stuff no animosity.
 
K

Kinetik

Well-known member
It always surprises me to hear women saying that guys are only ever after one thing. We're programmed to be that way - it's pure evolution. Some guys try to befriend you first only to want more later because they're too afraid to be direct about it initially. It's not manipulation, it's just cowardice, because we're the ones who have to open ourselves up to the possibility of rejection (hence alcohol etc). But if men were as sexually reserved as women, the human population would die out. A lot of you wouldn't be here if it weren't for the advances of your father. If you're being flirted with, it's a compliment and it's perfectly natural, even if it's not reciprocal and whoever's doing it is going about it completely the wrong way.
 
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coyote

coyote

Well-known member
Kinetik said:
It always surprises me to hear women saying that guys are only ever after one thing....
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even the guys who are after more than one thing are after that thing, too

or to look at the flip side - just because a guy is after that thing doesn't mean he isn't after other things as well
 
twiggle

twiggle

Well-known member
bleach said:
so if a guy is attracted to you you think that means he doesnt care about you as a person? that makes no sense
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Because I'm pretty sure the guys in question just wanted a "girlfriend"as opposed to wanting me. I think this because there was little correlation between their eagerness, and how much they really knew about me. Usually all we'd ever chatted about was chit-chat. How could they want to date me just from that??

I'm not saying that there's anything particularly wrong about all this, I know its often a natural thing, I'm just explaining why I personally think that being friends with other women is easier. I know that neither of us are going to be assessing the other in terms of spousal suitability, or thinking about whether or not each other is attractive, or developing feelings that might mess up the friendship.

I have a few (not many) platonic guy friends and I wish I had more, because I find I have a different kind of fun with them - more stupid dancing etc. And I know it's platonic because we speak less often and the friendship is more casual, more of a, 'see you when I see you' thing. I find platonic friendships come from when you've been part of a common group - like a class, workplace or simply have the same friends.
This said I know plenty of people who do manage to have very close friendships which are both close and platonic so I know they must exist. But I personally just find the whole concept difficult, due to past experiences.
 
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bleach

bleach

Banned
Kinetik said:
It always surprises me to hear women saying that guys are only ever after one thing. We're programmed to be that way - it's pure evolution. Some guys try to befriend you first only to want more later because they're too afraid to be direct about it initially. It's not manipulation, it's just cowardice, because we're the ones who have to open ourselves up to the possibility of rejection (hence alcohol etc). But if men were as sexually reserved as women, the human population would die out. A lot of you wouldn't be here if it weren't for the advances of your father. If you're being flirted with, it's a compliment and it's perfectly natural, even if it's not reciprocal and whoever's doing it is going about it completely the wrong way.
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I would say cowardice is never making any kind of move at all, wanting to be friends first may be because you want to be sure you can actually stand her for more than a couple hours. or a girl may not seem interesting at first except as a friend, but after you get to know her she may become more attractive because of her personality. also many girls wil be put off by a guy who is just hitting on any girl he finds attractive right away.
coyote said:
even the guys who are after more than one thing are after that thing, too

or to look at the flip side - just because a guy is after that thing doesn't mean he isn't after other things as well
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hoestly I think unless he is a narcissist a guy will care more about a girl as a person if he finds her sexually attractive. you just naturally have more interest and concern about her welfare if you want to have sex with her. it obviously cuts the other way too.
 
Lonelykitsune

Lonelykitsune

Well-known member
Around all people but yeah.

I had a boyfriend for about a month last year and then started freaking out and made up some BS excuse to end it. Spent 2 weeks of said month to come up with this excuse.

Also I'm kind of paranoid around men in case it turns out that their woman-beaters or rapists trying to take advantage of me because I've no confidence. Probably comes from reading all the nasty stories in newspapers and magazines such as 'my boyfriend kept me in the house and beat me with an iron bar every day for 10 years' type of thing.

And not knowing what to say to them doesn't help at all. As well as having very little contact with them since I've been going to a girls-only school all my life.
 
D

dyingtolive

Well-known member
twiggle said:
Because I'm pretty sure the guys in question just wanted a "girlfriend"as opposed to wanting me. I think this because there was little correlation between their eagerness, and how much they really knew about me. Usually all we'd ever chatted about was chit-chat..
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i think some people are just naturally comfortable being intimate with others, or always having a girlfriend/boyfriend even if they don't really know much about that other person. they are comfortable with being with each other at that level. Some people don't even really talk, and they are satisfied with that.

I can't relate because im not like that but im assuming the people who are are more of the extroverts, and im assuming it isn't uncommon or wrong.

I think what often happens when someone likes another, its easy for them to become rude and arrogant idiots that lose half of their IQ's. And it happens to everyone sometimes.. Probably that's what most of the girls feel, its because they have this effect on men and it can get the best of alot of people and turn them into gelatin. It happens the other way around too, but not as often. For men, its common for them to find gays the ones who are most guilty of doing this
 
Flowers-Of-Bloom

Flowers-Of-Bloom

Well-known member
I appreciate men who are attracted to me, but when it is the only reason that any man would bother spending time with me, it makes me feel like my worth (to men) is determined solely by my attractiveness. Otherwise they would want nothing to do with me.
So when men look at me, I feel like they are assessing me and determining that I am inadequate or rating me on a scale of 1 to 10 (attractiveness = worth). No matter what they think, still I don't feel good enough. The ones who do ask me out are probably only doing so because they think that they don't have a chance with the other prettier girls.
When so much importance is placed on appearance I feel like I'm not worth anything and I want to crawl into a hole and die.
 
mushroomface

mushroomface

Member
i cant talk to men at all, its like they are judging me and i feel the need to impress them:/ and guys are mean they laugh and make fun of you.
 
N

Nathália

Well-known member
I have problems with all genders! I tend have more deeper conversations with male than female. I don't know why I can't relate to females like that.

Then they are parts where men make me feel so uncomfortable because they have this "guy code" thing. Then I don't like to hang around because I don't want my looks to ever be brought up. It makes me bashful.

I really don't know what to talk about with females my age. It really does not matter a persons gender, I have to get accustomed to them and get to know them for who they are because I have shy problems with everyone.

If I'm attracted to someone or I am around someone who I find to be really beautiful then yes I go into a shell and this could be m/f, w/e.
 
*Amy*

*Amy*

Well-known member
Tomasso said:
Sometimes I feel like if I was good looking all these problems would go away.

What about you?
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Yup, I feel the same way sometimes. But I guess my SA in general (and in this case in particular) comes rather from a general inferiority complex than from my appearance.
 
Srijita52

Srijita52

Well-known member
*Amy* said:
Yup, I feel the same way sometimes. But I guess my SA in general (and in this case in particular) comes rather from a general inferiority complex than from my appearance.
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^Same here. I'm not happy with my appearance either but I think its the inferiority complex that bothers me the most.
 
mushroomface

mushroomface

Member
MikeyC said:
I can't imagine you've met the right guys, then.

I don't have trouble chatting with girls but if anything becomes intimate, that's when I freeze up. It's annoying.
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Well most of the girls i have met over the years have been mean to me and bullied me. Yeh whenever someone gets close to me i push them away.
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
mushroomface said:
Well most of the girls i have met over the years have been mean to me and bullied me. Yeh whenever someone gets close to me i push them away.
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I'm sorry that has happened. I was bullied by both genders in high school but mostly from boys.

That can have devastating effects, like what you're going through with people getting too close. Building up a level of trust and letting them into your walls can be difficult.
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
I seem to have most trouble communicating with women, and they seem to respond to my anxiety and are offended by it.
 
goodways

goodways

Member
It's funny how your SA can limit itself to only certain aspects of conversation...


I have enough friends of both genders, and actually have quite a few friends who are girls. I also work in a job that requires me to be active, open, and engaging with many people (teaching). And all of these things I can handle without much stress or complaint.

But put me in a situation where I have to approach someone new and try to get them to like me? Nope, can't do it. Anxiety overwhelms rational thought. I can't talk to people in those situations, especially girls, yet if all I needed to do was ask them to pass the salt or point me to the bathroom, then sure, no problem.

We are funny creatures.
 
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