Do you feel ashamed or your SA/situation?

[Seri]

As the title says. (And beware, I ramble)

I'm 26 and still live with my parents, have never had a job (I had a couple of 1-day runs that didn't work, and I 'work' at a work rehabilitation place, but it isn't an actual, paying job), am terrible at socializing, and am rather low on friendship.

I usually try to disguise what I am. I put up with my panic attacks when around others until I can get away so as not to draw attention to myself. I can seem confident because I just want to hurry up and get things done so I can get out of there.

This leads me to the topic. I have never told the one sortof friend that I have about my SA or anything related to it. As far as she knows I have a part time job. She only knows that I live at home because she is close enough to visit me.

An old online friend just contacted me and asked how I've been. I already have no intention of mentioning my SA or where I am living (I let people assume), I may or may not mention work but again let them assume it is actual work.

And it occurred to me that I am ashamed of the situation that I am in. I don't seem to have made any progress since I finished school. I dread bumping into people who might have known me from school who might ask what I am doing now.

Does anyone else also feel this way about their own situation?

 

[jmroszczak]

yes definitely i feel ashamed about the situation i am in. I am 27 and never had a job and still live at home with my mom. I dont feel so much ashamed about living at home as much as i do about never working. Thats the one thing everyone asks when you meet them.."so, uh what do you do?" and what do i say? UGH i hate that question..and like you i too dread running into people i knew from highschool...and people just from my past in general. My mom is friends with someone whos son i was really good friends with when i was younger...her son is now married with a daughter and has ajob...me..I am basically in the same situation as iwas when i was 15 years old...SO anytime my moms friend comes over i always try to make plans to go somewhere and on 2 occasions i have actually hid in my bedroom the whole time she was here...Now she thinks i hate her and thats why i am avoiding her...man it sucks being ashamed.

 

[Agent_Violet]

I was ashamed...then I somehow flipped it around and ended up being angry at other people for being intolerant a$$holes who can't understand that not everyone lives and breathes for human interaction.

I don't know what's worse though. The weighted down feeling of shame or the deep seed of bitterness and loathing for others that my anger brings into me.

 

[nightcrawler]

I could think of many words that describe my situation, but "ashamed" certainly wouldn't be one of them. To me, to be ashamed of something would be as a result of one's own deliberate actions - my SA isn't my fault or a direct result of anything I've done. Admittedly I've only ever told one person about my situation, but that is nothing to do with shame - it's because I fear most people wouldn't understand what SA is about.

 

[pinata]

I could think of many words that describe my situation, but "ashamed" certainly wouldn't be one of them. To me, to be ashamed of something would be as a result of one's own deliberate actions - my SA isn't my fault or a direct result of anything I've done. Admittedly I've only ever told one person about my situation, but that is nothing to do with shame - it's because I fear most people wouldn't understand what SA is about.

I completely agree. I try telling people about anxiety but no one seems to get it or even try to so I kind of gave up.

I don't feel ashamed either. I do hate having anxiety though, of course. It holds me back so much and I can't work out if I'm annoyed at myself for not being able to progress as I'd want to, or if I'm just annoyed at anxiety.

 

[Insane1]

Yeah.. I kinda feel ashamed about it,but I should not be,not my fault I have it.

 

[Stardust]

;

I was ashamed...then I somehow flipped it around and ended up being angry at other people for being intolerant a$$holes who can't understand that not everyone lives and breathes for human interaction.

I don't know what's worse though. The weighted down feeling of shame or the deep seed of bitterness and loathing for others that my anger brings into me.

I understand well what you say here, but times it beats me down to a point wher I just don't have any fight in me to be angry, that when I am consumed by shame.

 

[Tiercel]

I feel no shame because of my SA.

However, I do feel shame over my lack of willpower, effort, and perseverance in trying to overcome it.

 

[jazy]

I'm 25 years old and haven't had a job since 2005. I hated working there and people would always treat me like I was an idiot. People think I'm lazy and my father said to me that he tells people he doesn't have any kids because I'm an embarrassment to him. I wanted to find a work at home job but they all turned out to be scams. I hate the interview process because of my SA I can't think straight when I need to answer the questions, and then I start getting nervous and sick. SA has affected my life for the worse, and I would rather avoid everything to save myself pain and embarrassment. So I to feel ashamed. Actually, I feel like a failure.

 

[Section_31]

Ouch, Jazy im really sorry to hear what your father said..thats SUPER harsh and uncalled for!!!

me....i dont know if im embarrasssed....more like i just hate people. Not people on the forums people, you guys arent people, your S/A'ers.

I just dislike people for being intolerant. Many who claim to be openminded and supportive are merely just humoring you, and alot of the time what you tell them ends up being used as ammo against you later. Ive just been burned by non-SA'ers too many times and am mistrustful of people. I used to trust untill given a reason not to, now im the other way around. It sounds cold but its kept me from being burned again.

Wierd thing is, with people on here im an open book and have no problem being me.

 

[lilmutegirl]

I have progressed somewhat since high school (I am now 29). I would not say I'm ashamed of my SA, but definitely of my situation. Many people I went to high school with have graduate degrees, and I'm about halfway through a bachelor's (hopefully I will be done in about two years--in a best case scenario). I hate seeing people from my past and how successful they are, but when I think about the strides that I have made, I am secretly proud. I am finally able to order food in restaurants, and can carry on a conversation (sometimes). So, while I may not be a doctor or lawyer, I have accomplished some things which other people may not understand.

 

[Little Miss Muffet]

As the title says. (And beware, I ramble)

I'm 26 and still live with my parents, have never had a job (I had a couple of 1-day runs that didn't work, and I 'work' at a work rehabilitation place, but it isn't an actual, paying job), am terrible at socializing, and am rather low on friendship.

I usually try to disguise what I am. I put up with my panic attacks when around others until I can get away so as not to draw attention to myself. I can seem confident because I just want to hurry up and get things done so I can get out of there.

This leads me to the topic. I have never told the one sortof friend that I have about my SA or anything related to it. As far as she knows I have a part time job. She only knows that I live at home because she is close enough to visit me.

An old online friend just contacted me and asked how I've been. I already have no intention of mentioning my SA or where I am living (I let people assume), I may or may not mention work but again let them assume it is actual work.

And it occurred to me that I am ashamed of the situation that I am in. I don't seem to have made any progress since I finished school. I dread bumping into people who might have known me from school who might ask what I am doing now.

Does anyone else also feel this way about their own situation?

Hi Seri,

This is my first message to anyone on the forum I hope this is the right way to leave one .

I think it's great that you are doing voluntary work. The voluntary jobs i've had i've found harder to do than actual paid work.

I have just started 2 new cleaning jobs and am struggling because I am always aware people want to know what I do in my private life. One woman at one of the places I just started cleaning at was being made fun of by the other cleaners "cos she just stays in all day watching T.V". I get on well with her she's lovely ( she's just really unconfident: not unpleasant) I don't know why when people can tell this about someone they just dont leave them alone and wait for them to come out of their shell instead of trying to force them to talk.

When I was talking to these cleaners the other day I told them a humourus thing that I did when I was drunk - on my own - but said I went out with friends - to keep them off my back.

I think you're doing really well in keeping going to the rehabilitation job.

 

[ScaredToBreathe]

i totally understand, and yes i feel ashamed of it too. i cant control my anxiety and social phobia and i feel like ive made no progress at all and it just keeps getting worse. ive learned to accept myself for the most part and not drown in self-pity or anything, but i still have a lack of self-confidence. and it's so hard to tells others about having SA, especially because they most likely wont understand and will take it the wrong way and make things worse...

 

[redmatter]

I was ashamed...then I somehow flipped it around and ended up being angry at other people for being intolerant a$$holes who can't understand that not everyone lives and breathes for human interaction.

I don't know what's worse though. The weighted down feeling of shame or the deep seed of bitterness and loathing for others that my anger brings into me.

Honestly, I think we'd be great friends.

 

[Flyingheart]

Yes, I am ashamed, but I know I shouldn't be. It's a silly thing to be ashamed of, especially since you can't help your SA. If we wanted to be rid of it, would have ages ago right? The most important thing is to forgive yourself for everything I think. Sounds preachy, but I mean to say, don't be too hard on yourself. Not caring what others' think and caring about yourself first and foremost is the most important. At least that is what I tell myself and it's only then that I see improvement in my situation, by listening more to my own needs, positive thoughts start to breed and I have a clearer mind when talking to other people; I find people respond well to positivity.

 

[Aimzlou84]

Ouch, Jazy im really sorry to hear what your father said..thats SUPER harsh and uncalled for!!!

me....i dont know if im embarrasssed....more like i just hate people. Not people on the forums people, you guys arent people, your S/A'ers.

I just dislike people for being intolerant. Many who claim to be openminded and supportive are merely just humoring you, and alot of the time what you tell them ends up being used as ammo against you later. Ive just been burned by non-SA'ers too many times and am mistrustful of people. I used to trust untill given a reason not to, now im the other way around. It sounds cold but its kept me from being burned again.

Wierd thing is, with people on here im an open book and have no problem being me.

Wow I could have written what you just said. I unfortunately am in that situation. My other half knows I have SA and it too has been used against me, many times. He says he understands but he really doesn't. If he did he wouldn't be as harsh with me as he sometimes is. I sometimes have to put a complete act on in front of him and others because it is used against me. He also told his mum and sister about it so no doubt everybody in his family also knows. So I feel very embarrassed around people now. I don't trust unless I have a reason to and I'm like you in the fact that I keep from being burned now. I put a front on and pretend as much as I can.

I do feel ashamed of who I am because I've been made to feel that way.

 

[IGotSeoul]

I am 27 and never had a job and still live at home with my mom. I dont feel so much ashamed about living at home as much as i do about never working. Thats the one thing everyone asks when you meet them.."so, uh what do you do?" and what do i say?.

I tend to jokingly say "I do absolutely nothing of interest, but thank you for asking. What do you do?", and thereon attempt to carry the conversation from there. Some people really do take great interest in talking about themselves. ::

 

[SeniorRedrings]

Very much so.I cannot be there for my family.I cannot travel for love or friendship,or even appear in public for love or friendship.I rate my self worth very lowly at the moment.
I feel weak and lacking in character,like a movie coward or the only guy in the group who freaks out and becomes useless,a burden.

The mantra is that humans are social animals,that's our strength,I don't possess that strength,I have a phobic reaction to it.
As a result I feel less than human.

 

[FriendlessGirl]

Yes I am,though I know its not my fault but i feel like its just rulling my life and there's nothing that I can do or doing.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Sure.
I feel ashamed that I don't have a job and I depend on my mom for everything at 23 years old; when I did everything for myself since I was 15 and never depended on her for anything.
I feel ashamed that I can't leave my bedroom.