Do you feel ashamed or your SA/situation?

[RoomBound]

I live in a different state than I grew up in, so luckily I don't have too much of the dreaded, "So what have you being doing with your life?" But I am ashamed that I don't force myself out there more. My family knows I've pretty much always been a loner/homebody and they just accept it and don't say anything, but I'm sure they feel I'm underachieving; being the best-educated of my siblings but the least successful. I blame the economy for my lack of a good job, in spite of the fact that I could be trying harder to find a full-time job. I'm writing a few manuscripts, telling myself I need time to work on them and hoping they'll pull me up someday.

A case could be made that bad experiences and/or pessimistic-thinking contributes to SA and our lack of taking chances. When I take relationship or career risks, it rarely works out. So that naturally makes me reluctant to keep trying, just to get knocked down again. Some successful people talk of trying for decades before their breakthrough, and I know that's the trick (see below). But it's hard to keep getting up, brushing off, walking forward and asking for more.

 

[donnabloo]

hey, im 37 and up untill i was 27 had a thriving social life a a large group of friends, 10 years on and i hate saying it but in my eyes i am ashamed of me, wot i have become, a hermit lifestyle and a small group of friends who still dont get it, frustrating to say the least. i find myself gettin very envious of ppl i know that has their job, their normal life. fed up askin why me, so yeah im ashamed of me :-(((

 

[Glitch]

Yeah I feel pretty ashamed, maybe not of my SA itself but the situation it's put me in. It's terrible being asked what I'm doing in life when the answer is 'absolutely nothing'. It's really hard facing old friends so I started pushing them away or avoiding because they're all off doing something and being successful. Feel like a big loser/failure, it's embarrassing. Just wish I had a plan or knew exactly what I wanted to do.

 

[Psychedelicious]

The End...

I'm not ashamed of my anxiety so much as I am completely ashamed of who I am as a person. Anxiety or not, I'd still hate myself.

 

[NickyNacker]

I feel very ashamed/embarrassed of it which just gives me more anxiety/depression. I fear running into people I know in public because I loatheee the questions like "What have you been up to since school??" "Are you in school??" "Where are you working??". I'm 20, dropped out of High School when I was 17, and haven't done anything since then but have panic attacks and see doctors/therapists.

T___T

 

[KiaKaha]

Yes I think I know how you feel. I am 32 and because of my own problems with lack of confidence and dealing with other people, I am struggling to support myself. I dont have a lot of money and still rely on my parents to help me out... all because I am too anxious to be around people.

It is depressing to be getting older and still feel like I havent done anything with my life, and to know that there are people who are the same age as me who done so much. It *IS* embarrassing to feel this way... I have been in this position for so long and tried so much to fix myself.. I dont really know what to do anymore.. so yes, I know how you feel. Its nice to see another NZ'er around too...

 

[Falkor]

Yes I do. I feel ashamed about so many stuff. Especially that I never really have been going out with friends, even though I'm almost in my 20's.
I'm not a type to go for it, but still... I know a lot of people would say I missed a life of teens. I wouldn't say it's the biggest problem for me, It's basically my lack of social skills, I also overrate myself a lot, so that I can cover myself up as another way of view. I have a lot of ambitions and dreams which make me want to do them all, but I have to give up (well, that's not the right thing to say, rather waiting until I can) like a lot of dreams because I cannot manage them right now. Today I'm staying at home from school, I feel not happy , my voice within tells me to go to school the next day, I will take a lot of measure so I'll be sure that I can handle it tomorrow!

So it's really a shame for me. Because I want so much more in life, it's like putting me back to a world I don't want to live in. I want to see the bright side of the world... Get myself there and finally can say 'I can live for my future'.

I know how it feels to have no social life and have no school/job and sorta.. I really want to fight so I will get it back.... Because it's really important for me

 

[MrJones]

More than of my SA itself, I'm ashamed of having this pathetic life I have and being such a pathetic person.

 

[Kiwong]

My anxiety is embarrassing more than anything. I've been called names because of it. I have avoided places and people to avoid that fear of being embarrassed or judged.

I really haven't descended into self hatred, which I could have done if I listened to all the things I've been called.

I've got enough posotove things going for me, to prevent me from doing that.

Sometimes I do fear that things could get much worse for me, and that all this could end badly as I get older.

 

[anarchista]

I've suffered from SA for years - but I never really got diagnosed untill recently. In the past, because I didn't know what was wrong with me, I was constantly ashamed, I couldn't find the words to vocalise what was going on with me cause I didn't know myself.
Now that I've done some research, and have therapy, I'm no longer ashamed of it, and I will speak freely when people ask me about it. I know I have some limitations to my social interactions, and in some situations I just have to tell people why I can't do certain things, especially workrelated (meetings, presentations etc). Not everyone understands it, but I'm lucky to have a boss that does, and sees the other qualifications I have.
I think the hardest part is that people don't understand how SA actually shows itself, because they can't relate to it. In my case because it's very situational, I am fine with people / places that I know well and there is no social pressure, but put me in a situation where I don't know my surroundings or the people, and add to that social pressure, I break down.

 

[MaliceInWickedland]

I do tend to feel ashamed of it, more so lately than usual, but I've certainly improved a lot compared to recent years. I feel better about myself knowing that I've come a long with with it since then. I still have a loooong way to go though.

 

[SeasonalBlues]

...............

 

[spect01]

I'm a lost cause in some ways. It's sad to me. It hurts sometimes. The only things I really care about in life are working and surviving, and finding a relationship. I've had 2 jobs this summer, but I'm still trying to analyze what my future is gonna be. It's hard. One thing I discovered by living a life of loneliness and despair is how the world really is. I have alot of pet peeves with humans too. Being misunderstood by people. Like the behind blue eyes song by the who.

 

[Kat]

I have mixed feelings about it I am not ashamed of sa itself, but maybe more so of how I have dealt with it. I feel I have let it hold me back more than what it should at times. It's not like I haven't tried but I would be what you call a late bloomer.

It's nuts how some people react to it.

 

[drewjanes]

for sure, im definitely ashamed/resentful at my anxiety. just 2 years ago i was supper independent i had my own condo and 2 trucks, i worked a great job... now i live off my girlfriend (who some how manages to put up with me) in a small bachelor pad apartment...

i hate my anxiety. like, i sapose ive actually become my own worst enemy.

 

[recluse]

I am deeply ashamed of;

Having no real friends
Having no social life
Having never experience sex o'r a relationship
Still living with my parents
stuck in a crappy existence just waiting to die

Thanks a lot sa!

 

[Fighter86]

For starters people do not know of my SA. I however am ashamed of my lifestyle. I have no life and people are suspecting and seeing that. I hate it, hate it, hate it.



At the same time, I'm at a loss of what stories to make up since I never go anywhere or do anything interesting. I mean how do you exactly make up stories of cool parties if you've never been to one right?

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

And it occurred to me that I am ashamed of the situation that I am in. I don't seem to have made any progress since I finished school. I dread bumping into people who might have known me from school who might ask what I am doing now.

Does anyone else also feel this way about their own situation?

Ahhhhh! My goodness, this thread hits me right here, inside my heart. Yes, a million times yes. I feel so ashamed of my life situation. It is killing me. A couple people have expressed my own sentiments on the subject so I will quote them here:

I just dislike people for being intolerant. Many who claim to be openminded and supportive are merely just humoring you, and alot of the time what you tell them ends up being used as ammo against you later. Ive just been burned by non-SA'ers too many times and am mistrustful of people. I used to trust untill given a reason not to, now im the other way around. It sounds cold but its kept me from being burned again.

A case could be made that bad experiences and/or pessimistic-thinking contributes to SA and our lack of taking chances. When I take relationship or career risks, it rarely works out. So that naturally makes me reluctant to keep trying, just to get knocked down again.

Yeah I feel pretty ashamed, maybe not of my SA itself but the situation it's put me in. It's terrible being asked what I'm doing in life when the answer is 'absolutely nothing'. It's really hard facing old friends so I started pushing them away or avoiding because they're all off doing something and being successful. Feel like a big loser/failure, it's embarrassing. Just wish I had a plan or knew exactly what I wanted to do.

I have been feeling ashamed for so long. Because I graduated from college five years ago and have nothing to show for it. Because I don't own a car and can't even drive. Because I still live with my parents in the same little dumpy house I have always lived in. Because, while I do have a boyfriend, he lives so far away from me that I can't even begin explaining to people how our relationship works ("I would never be able to do that, how do you do it?!") It all makes me feel so small. I was never a social butterfly, but I have flat out stopped trying, and now I just avoid everyone. I am afraid of being asked those uncomfortable questions, and they always ask. Sometimes I lie, but I was never a good liar and I am sure they can see through my lies. Can you blame me?

Would I ever tell anyone about my SA? No...'cause I always have something. As a child it started with OCD, then in my teens depression with suicidal ideation, and in my twenties anxiety. And now social anxiety? The other disorders have not gone away by the way; they just keep stacking up like pancakes. I don't want that crazy girl label anymore. I need to be getting better. I need a break (from a break). The shame is unbearable...

Reading this thread helps me though. I am not alone. It makes me feel less freakish. This is an actual problem, with a name. I have made strides with my other conditions, and I can do the same with this one. Now I see that all these problems I have are the result of this condition. It is not me.

 

[pckhoi]

People, I hope you don't think of my words as harsh but grow out of it!

No, I'm not going to smoother you like your parents did. I too used to be so scared that I would rather die than go out and do anything. But I put up with it anyway. It's enormously embarrassing to meet people but you have to do it. Else nothing will improved!!

I had many friends from high school back when I was still fine. And then I went on to college, then it all happen. And during those months, my friends fall away from me like yellow leaves. But not all of them, some of the friends I knew for a long time would refuse to leave me alone. They call me to hang out regularly, even though it's so awkward every time it bring the whole group's mood down. But they kept doing it and I tried my best not to refuse every time too. They remain my friends to this day. I feel better now I can converse with people like normal, SA is still remained somewhat but it's effect on me is close to a normal person now.

But yeah, sometime I too feel sad because my friends feel so much more matured than I am. But keep at it, people are not *******s, even if they won't do anything to help, they won't do anything to discourage you either. And even if they do, you are always in power of making the decision of not giving up.

Do you get it? This is your life. As disabled as you are you must continue it as you did without SA. I'm fine with my friends feeling awkward around me but I'll never let them babysit me ever. (And really today no one is awkward around me anymore)

And who care about whether people are going to tolerate you or not? Are they going to beat you up? If not, keep tumbling, keep failing until you're satisfied with yourself! No need to explain to others, you can do it all by yourself.

 

[AsTimeBurns]

In theory, no. I try not to let it bother me too much. But when I fail at a conversation or something and people see how **** I am at talking, etc... I do feel like a failure.