Do you feel ashamed or your SA/situation?

[Dead_on_Arrival]

I would not say I am ashamed of my SA, but I do feel personal embarassment by it. I am however ashamed of the circumstanses that led me to my SA and OCD, whether they were of my doing or of someone elses.

 

[Penny420]

I've experienced anxiety since I was 8...I didn't know what it was, it was never something that occurred everyday. I just knew how uncomfortable I would get in certain situations. Once I hit high school it was easier to deal with through to my early 20's. I was active, had good friends..obviously it wasn't all unicorns and rainbows but who's life is?

Something happened at 24 that caused me to have one of the most horrific panic attacks I've ever had. I was sitting and it felt like someone wrapped their hands around my neck and started to choke me at the same time I could feel an extreme pressure around my chest like someone was giving me a bear hug, my heart turned into a machine gun it was beating so fast...all I could say was Call 911...I bent over head in lap and waited for the ambulance..they clocked my heart at 188bpm after 2mgs of ativan were given to me.

For the next 5 yrs it was Er Drs.. Psychiatrists..Psychologists..pills pills and more pills..

My friends tried to understand but when you're like this its hard. So one by one they either moved on/away or I pushed them away. The ones that are left have no idea how bad my sa and anxiety/agora is. I avoid those ppl at all costs

If I meet new people (which is rare these day) my guard is up. I never tell anyone of my current situation. Only my immediate family knows.

I'm embarrassed..humiliated that at one time I was stronger then this, and now it has totally consumed me.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

People, I hope you don't think of my words as harsh but grow out of it!

You are not the first person to tell me to snap out of it (I know your post was not necessarily directed at me but I'll respond anyway...and while my post may sound a bit hostile, I am really not trying to be!! I just want to respond to this post). As I said in my previous post here, I am not new to these things. I have been battling with mental disorders most all my life. As much as I want to I can't just can't snap out of it. Last time someone told me something along these lines, it just felt like she thought my problems/issues were ridiculous. To her they must be. And perhaps she could see all sorts of simple solutions for me. I know what I have to do, I just don't know how to get there, if that makes sense. It will take time, lots of little steps between steps, and perhaps another therapist and medication. Knowing I have this problem, finding this support group here has already been of so much help to me. I am confident I can work though these problems.

No, I'm not going to smoother you like your parents did. I too used to be so scared that I would rather die than go out and do anything. But I put up with it anyway. It's enormously embarrassing to meet people but you have to do it. Else nothing will improved!!

This is true. This past week I went out twice on my own. That is a first in such a long time. I didn't meet people, but I did greet, small talked with some. I will keep doing that, as small of an activity it is. It truly has gotten to the point for me that getting out of the house is a challenge. While I really need a job, my next step will be finding volunteer work. I have never volunteered before, but everywhere I read they suggest it: to meet people, to help others and feel happier, to get job references and experience. I just hope they want me and give me a chance.

Do you get it? This is your life. As disabled as you are you must continue it as you did without SA. I'm fine with my friends feeling awkward around me but I'll never let them babysit me ever. (And really today no one is awkward around me anymore)

Oh, I get it! Sometimes I wish I could just own my situation and be nonchalant about it. Sadly, I don't have friends that have stuck around with me through my highs and many lows. Having that kind of support system would be so helpful. Reading through these threads on this forum has made me very aware that I have a serious problem.

 

[DeadmanWalking]

You do have a support system, razzle dazzle rose, us! And don't you forget it! You'll be alright and everything will turn out okay!

I'm not ashamed of my social anxiety; it's a part of who I am and I'm not ashamed of myself. Everyone has different things that they are good and bad at; I'm just bad at speaking with and being around people. I do hate the situation that I'm in, but that's why I'm trying to get out.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

You do have a support system, razzle dazzle rose, us! And don't you forget it! You'll be alright and everything will turn out okay!

I do and you guys are all so wonderful! I am so happy I found this place

 

[JonSP]

I feel ashamed mainly when I let opportunities slip through my fingers because of SA, whether it be general socialising, love interests or academic/career.

I guess it's always in the back of my mind when I'm in a social situation, which hinders me more than it should.

 

[this_portrait]

I'm not so ashamed by the situation I'm in. I'm slowly but surely getting to the point where I'll be able to work and support myself while living alone. There are times when I feel pathetic for having my parents help me out with all my sh*t because I don't make enough at my part-time job (mostly due to the fact that I'm still in school).

I'm more ashamed of my SA than anything. I feel embarrassed and like a loser when people find out I don't really have many friends at all. Sometimes I feel like others have been condescending to me because of it, which really pisses me off.

 

[Lexus199]

As the title says. (And beware, I ramble)

I'm 26 and still live with my parents, have never had a job (I had a couple of 1-day runs that didn't work, and I 'work' at a work rehabilitation place, but it isn't an actual, paying job), am terrible at socializing, and am rather low on friendship.

I usually try to disguise what I am. I put up with my panic attacks when around others until I can get away so as not to draw attention to myself. I can seem confident because I just want to hurry up and get things done so I can get out of there.

This leads me to the topic. I have never told the one sortof friend that I have about my SA or anything related to it. As far as she knows I have a part time job. She only knows that I live at home because she is close enough to visit me.

An old online friend just contacted me and asked how I've been. I already have no intention of mentioning my SA or where I am living (I let people assume), I may or may not mention work but again let them assume it is actual work.

And it occurred to me that I am ashamed of the situation that I am in. I don't seem to have made any progress since I finished school. I dread bumping into people who might have known me from school who might ask what I am doing now.

Does anyone else also feel this way about their own situation?

Yeah I do. I'm kind of in the same situation (I'm 27). I do finally graduate this coming spring but even with a job I'm sure I'll still be living with my parents since I'll have student loans to pay off.

My social life is non-existent. It's been a long while since I've been on a date. I've been trying to change my situation but it's honestly an uphill battle.

 

[Silatuyok]

I'm working hard on not being ashamed and being more open about it. I've spent so long telling people that I could socialize if I wanted to but I just prefer to be one my own and I don't particularly like people or being around them. And people tend to really want to believe that about me. It's hard to want to be more honest about it.

 

[Section_31]

I used to, but now i just dont care anymore.

I find the majority of people i run into in everyday life can be quite ignorant, and dont want to try to understand those who are different. This isnt the case for EVERYONE without S/A, but ive found it quite a bit. And i also found that i used to spend too much energy trying to be "normal" by their standards, to be somthing im not. EVentually i just quit caring and decided im different from everyone else, and actually once i accepted that i actually felt really good for the first time in forever.

So now, i just do my thing, try to get along in the world. Do the best i can.

I dont reject my S/A, i accept it. Its part of me. I dont know if this is the right or wrong thing to do, but its worked for me so far.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

EVentually i just quit caring and decided im different from everyone else, and actually once i accepted that i actually felt really good for the first time in forever.

So now, i just do my thing, try to get along in the world. Do the best i can.

I dont reject my S/A, i accept it. Its part of me. I dont know if this is the right or wrong thing to do, but its worked for me so far.

I like your attitude. I would also like to just own it and just be, without offering excuses or explanations. It can be so exhausting pretending to be someone I am not just to keep up with appearances.

Acceptance of the situation is liberating. It doesn't mean you give up trying. It means you actually begin taking control of the situation. I hope to get there soon. I probably won't be sharing with people about the SA just 'cause people in general don't understand (unless they have gone through it themselves or something similar) and it can be too much for them to handle- I have experienced this while talking about other things (OCD, self-injury), so I am not even gonna go there.

 

[MikeyC]

I didn't feel ashamed at first. I'm okay at socialising and that's generally not a problem if I'm not depressed.

However, my love-shyness doesn't seem to click with one of my mates who always tries to push me onto women and tries to get me to talk to girls, to which it just makes me anxious and I want out of the situation immediately. That makes me ashamed that I can't just do that like he can and then I feel stupid.

 

[Astronaut]

I think I’m getting better at accepting myself, but I have been very ashamed of my SA and having very few friends and it still makes it very hard for me to open up to people and letting them get to know me because I’m afraid they will suspect, that I have no social life.