Do you believe people can just "choose" to be happy
- Thread starter KiaKaha
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MikeyC
Well-known member
My best friend I believe is truly happy. It's good to see but makes me feel even worse, in a "reverse psychology" kind of way.
freestylemonster
Banned
I like to think that I chose (in a sense) to be happy.
When I had depression I started to study my thought patterns. I realised after a bit of studying that the biggest reason I stayed depressed is because I wanted to, in a sense.
When I was feeling depressed I would get sympathy - even if it was only from myself - and I liked it.
It was when I figured out why I was always depressed that I decided to change my mindset. It took a long time but I'm generally a very happy person now.
I think it all comes down to loving yourself. Loving yourself is a much better feeling than sympathising with yourself.
When I had depression I started to study my thought patterns. I realised after a bit of studying that the biggest reason I stayed depressed is because I wanted to, in a sense.
When I was feeling depressed I would get sympathy - even if it was only from myself - and I liked it.
It was when I figured out why I was always depressed that I decided to change my mindset. It took a long time but I'm generally a very happy person now.
I think it all comes down to loving yourself. Loving yourself is a much better feeling than sympathising with yourself.
MollyBeGood
Well-known member
yes and no. When something goes wrong it is our choice how upset we let it makes us, wouldn't you agree, so in the same token isn't it fair to say we can choose how happy we let things make us? Like the new job even if it's not perfect is a paycheck and a way to better things, but yes our co workers can make it hell but we can decide how much hell they can put us through. We can decide how miserable the traffic jam will make us and how happy the love letter from our bf makes us feel. I do think the older/wiser (hopefully) I get the more I see it's a choice on what I want to focus my attention on is how I will overall feel about my life. I personally don't want to have a victim mentality about my existence anymore, I am done with feeling powerless and labeling myself as depressed and the like...
I am pleased with just being content personally anyways. Happiness is fleeting.
I am pleased with just being content personally anyways. Happiness is fleeting.
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MsBuzzkillington
Well-known member
Simple question? Simple answer: Yes.
Hoppy
Well-known member
KiaKaha
Banned
This is very good - particularly about placing too much weight on things on our lives. I have a big problem with this. Placing too many eggs on one basket - so to speak.
And this too, very much - I think happiness/sadness can be managed - but I dont think people can 'choose' to be happy. I do agree that how one responds to adversity can make a difference to your attitude - however that is another story - related, but not quite the same thing.
Choosing to be happy is likened from my point of view to fliking a switch from sad to happy - its-just-not-that-simple.
Opaline
1
It's all already been said, and quite well I might add. I agree with those here who said something along the lines of being able to train your mind to see things differently, in more positive ways, which ultimately brings happiness. But if you're asking if you think someone can just say to themselves, "I'm going to be happy," and voila they are happy? Well, yes, if they have the right mindset and personality I think.
For those who have struggled with very negative thoughts for a long time, and feel bad about themselves or their lives in general, I don't think you can just choose to be happy suddenly if you don't feel it inside. Then you are just lying to yourself. If you are happy, you are happy. If you're not, you're not. The question is: WHY? What can you do to make positive changes in areas that will contribute to your overall happiness?
I will say though that I don't think this means that everyone can be happy if they just set their mind to it. There are people in this world who deal with some horrendous things, and while it certainly isn't IMPOSSIBLE for them to be happy, how can you blame them if they don't feel content? Some people can only take so much and their positivity runs out.
I myself deal with constant anxiety daily. Just about every social interaction I have involves my muscles becoming tense, my breathing shallow, my nerves feel like they are stretched tight. This has always been the case. I always feel awkward, even in the most friendly, laid-back exchange. My mind seems to perceive every little thing as a threat. Anxiety in and of itself is a negative feeling - it doesn't feel pleasant. If someone is experiencing this constantly, and then subsequently feels unhappy quite a lot, I don't understand how you can blame them...? Those reactions can be changed and I work on them daily, but it takes a hell of a long time, and the fact is it may never go away completely - it is documented that those with social anxiety in adulthood almost never completely get rid of theirs (I don't have a source right now, sorry, but if I find one I will post it), but they can minimize it so it is manageable. I think mine is manageable at this point, but it is still depressing.
I guess one way you could be happy while having SA is just accepting that is the way you are and be more understanding with yourself, but it's understandably hard not to long to be at ease in a conversation. No one likes the fight-or-flight feeling, that is not a very positive way to live your life, constantly on edge.
Obviously the root of this anxiety are beliefs we hold about ourselves and others, but how to change them? Well, if I had the answer I wouldn't be on here now would I?
But it may not even be just beliefs. Some scientists believe that people with SA have something off in their brain that perceives certain things as threats that socially "normal" people do not; they think ours are tuned to pick up on little details that others do not, such as a subtle tone (OH NO! SHE DOESN'T LIKE ME!!! I CAN TELL FROM HER TONE!). I don't have a source but if I find one I will post it. I distinctly remember reading that piece of information, and it made perfect sense to me.
Sorry for the long post.
For those who have struggled with very negative thoughts for a long time, and feel bad about themselves or their lives in general, I don't think you can just choose to be happy suddenly if you don't feel it inside. Then you are just lying to yourself. If you are happy, you are happy. If you're not, you're not. The question is: WHY? What can you do to make positive changes in areas that will contribute to your overall happiness?
I will say though that I don't think this means that everyone can be happy if they just set their mind to it. There are people in this world who deal with some horrendous things, and while it certainly isn't IMPOSSIBLE for them to be happy, how can you blame them if they don't feel content? Some people can only take so much and their positivity runs out.
I myself deal with constant anxiety daily. Just about every social interaction I have involves my muscles becoming tense, my breathing shallow, my nerves feel like they are stretched tight. This has always been the case. I always feel awkward, even in the most friendly, laid-back exchange. My mind seems to perceive every little thing as a threat. Anxiety in and of itself is a negative feeling - it doesn't feel pleasant. If someone is experiencing this constantly, and then subsequently feels unhappy quite a lot, I don't understand how you can blame them...? Those reactions can be changed and I work on them daily, but it takes a hell of a long time, and the fact is it may never go away completely - it is documented that those with social anxiety in adulthood almost never completely get rid of theirs (I don't have a source right now, sorry, but if I find one I will post it), but they can minimize it so it is manageable. I think mine is manageable at this point, but it is still depressing.
I guess one way you could be happy while having SA is just accepting that is the way you are and be more understanding with yourself, but it's understandably hard not to long to be at ease in a conversation. No one likes the fight-or-flight feeling, that is not a very positive way to live your life, constantly on edge.
Obviously the root of this anxiety are beliefs we hold about ourselves and others, but how to change them? Well, if I had the answer I wouldn't be on here now would I?
But it may not even be just beliefs. Some scientists believe that people with SA have something off in their brain that perceives certain things as threats that socially "normal" people do not; they think ours are tuned to pick up on little details that others do not, such as a subtle tone (OH NO! SHE DOESN'T LIKE ME!!! I CAN TELL FROM HER TONE!). I don't have a source but if I find one I will post it. I distinctly remember reading that piece of information, and it made perfect sense to me.Sorry for the long post.
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SilentBird
Well-known member
Can one choose to hold on, or let go of, what is making them unhappy?
MsBuzzkillington
Well-known member
Life is going to be full of ups and downs, full of struggles.
You don't really choose how something effects you when you first encounter it. But I feel like you choose how to handle the situation after it. Sometimes you need time to be sad, some times you need time to grieve. But to overcome those situations, you have to choose to do it. You have to choose to be happy and work towards it. Choosing to be happy doesn't really mean that it will be like "I am choosing to be happy" two seconds later "YAY I AM HAPPY!". There will still be a struggle, it will still be a fight. But you can't just be happy without choosing to take that step.
You don't really choose how something effects you when you first encounter it. But I feel like you choose how to handle the situation after it. Sometimes you need time to be sad, some times you need time to grieve. But to overcome those situations, you have to choose to do it. You have to choose to be happy and work towards it. Choosing to be happy doesn't really mean that it will be like "I am choosing to be happy" two seconds later "YAY I AM HAPPY!". There will still be a struggle, it will still be a fight. But you can't just be happy without choosing to take that step.
KiaKaha
Banned
Of course there must be the desire to make a change - the willingness to do so. However I dont think people seem to understand just how difficult it is to even get to that point. Most of us have some degree of resiliency - the ability to bounce back, others dont.
Some of us have thoughts that enter our mind, which we cant control (for whatever reason) - whilst I agree that there is a choice to be made, getting to that point where one realizes they have that choice.... is a completely different matter, particularly when they are experiencing a pit of despair and are experiencing misfortune and disappointment over and over and over again.
Some of us have thoughts that enter our mind, which we cant control (for whatever reason) - whilst I agree that there is a choice to be made, getting to that point where one realizes they have that choice.... is a completely different matter, particularly when they are experiencing a pit of despair and are experiencing misfortune and disappointment over and over and over again.
MsBuzzkillington
Well-known member
No matter how difficult it is, the choice still has to be made.
Kiwong
Well-known member
from my blog:
Finding happiness can be like extracting blood from a stone. Happiness for someone like me can be the rarest of emotion of all. It is beyond pain and doubt I've found happiness, only for seconds at a time. Happiness comes to me when I am not focused on it. If I turn to hold onto it for too long, happiness disappears, slips through my fingers and is gone. I understand that it is the effort I put in, the hard work, makes the conditions right for happiness to manifest itself.
Happiness to me, is like a beautiful bird of paradise, elusive and rarely seen, but enjoyed ever more so for each brilliant and unexpected sighting.
Finding happiness can be like extracting blood from a stone. Happiness for someone like me can be the rarest of emotion of all. It is beyond pain and doubt I've found happiness, only for seconds at a time. Happiness comes to me when I am not focused on it. If I turn to hold onto it for too long, happiness disappears, slips through my fingers and is gone. I understand that it is the effort I put in, the hard work, makes the conditions right for happiness to manifest itself.
Happiness to me, is like a beautiful bird of paradise, elusive and rarely seen, but enjoyed ever more so for each brilliant and unexpected sighting.
Lea
Banned
Good post again, Tally_Lyra. Did you perhaps mean overactive amygdala here?
MrSunday
Well-known member
I cannot speak for everyone. I personally cannot choose to be happy. I rarely experience happiness. There are times when I experience happiness, the feeling lasts only a few minutes. I then start to dread about the future and social issues. I have no control over my emotions but I can suppress them and release them in the appropriate situation.
Thanks for posting this link. I really like this site and it think it's going to help me.