Do you believe people can just "choose" to be happy

[Pookah]

Its dangerously close to saying people can choose their sexuality. SA/depression/my aspergers on some level are ingrained to my personality. I am not a social or extroverted person, nor do I want to be. But I want to adapt in ways to make myself at peace with that and able to function and live and find contentment.

 

[Silatuyok]

Can stupid people choose to be intelligent?

Sorry, just had to throw that out there.

 

[MikeyC]

Its dangerously close to saying people can choose their sexuality. SA/depression/my aspergers on some level are ingrained to my personality.

Can stupid people choose to be intelligent?

Sorry, just had to throw that out there.

Two good points.

 

[KiaKaha]

Can stupid people choose to be intelligent?

Sorry, just had to throw that out there.

No - we are all limited in regards to intelligence despite how much effort we put into ourselves academically. Some people are limited with what they can achieve based on internal (probably genetic) and external factors.

I dont think there are any "stupid" people per se - there are people who lack common sense, but there is probably a reason for that too.

 

[Gaucho]

if that was the case then we should blame as until the end of our lifes.

 

[Nathália]

Can I take the yes and no stance in this case? The negative choices that humans make can run away from the path of positivity. We sometimes "Make our own bed hard".

Then I believe that happiness can not be chosen because we all have or own independent perceptions of what happiness is. When a person is in a depressive state I don't believe that they can just go " Oh I'm going to be happy today"! That person is highly affected by something.

 

[Srijita52]

Then again if we choose to focus on negative side of things we'll be naturally unhappy. For example, if someone gives me one positive and one negative remark, I'd be obsessing over the negative remark, not the positive one. As a result I always end up being depressed.
So I wonder if its possible to 'choose' to see the brighter side?

 

[Nathália]

Then again if we choose to focus on negative side of things we'll be naturally unhappy. For example, if someone gives me one positive and one negative remark, I'd be obsessing over the negative remark, not the positive one. As a result I always end up being depressed.
So I wonder if its possible to 'choose' to see the brighter side?

There are people who do things for shuts and giggles. Just because someone intends to do something negative does not mean that they are focusing on the negative. It's kind of like not thinking of the consequence of our actions.....never mind........

I'm not explaining my point well. You choose not to do certain negative things in your daily life, it may not be overall happiness, but you're not leading yourself down a darker path. Eh, maybe it's not a good argument.

We think about our consequences and when we do that don't we choose happiness? IDK.

 

[MrSunday]

Then again if we choose to focus on negative side of things we'll be naturally unhappy. For example, if someone gives me one positive and one negative remark, I'd be obsessing over the negative remark, not the positive one. As a result I always end up being depressed.
So I wonder if its possible to 'choose' to see the brighter side?

Howdy,

For me, my moods are like the weather. When I'm moody, it's like raining. I cannot stop being moody, just like people cannot stop rain. Bad analogy...

 

[Opaline]

When a person is in a depressive state I don't believe that they can just go " Oh I'm going to be happy today"! That person is highly affected by something.

Yeah, this is something that bugs me. I often hear people say about depressed people, "You're just making yourself miserable, you WANT to be unhappy, you are choosing this." There are those out there who may enjoy being miserable in a twisted sort of way (maybe the attention or whatever), and then there are those who want to be happy and feel normal but who maybe do have a chemical imbalance, or perhaps they aren't able to get over something traumatic, who knows. Each person experiences things in their own way. Who is any one person to tell another person that something "isn't that bad"? Countless times I have heard people say, "If you want to commit suicide you're crazy, come on your life isn't that bad." How do you know??? I mean, really. What you see on the outside means very little in the grand scheme of things, when it comes to how happy or unhappy someone is.

So saying, it is true that there are always choices of SOME sort to make, involving your happiness. It could be the choice to get professional help if you have lingering depression. If you do nothing about it, well then you are truly making the choice to REMAIN unhappy. Let's say you make the choice to try and learn better coping skills. What if a certain approach doesn't work? I don't think that means you are still choosing to be unhappy, if you are still depressed. I think it means that you are struggling with something you don't fully understand yourself, but as long as you are actively pursuing ways to get better or figure it out, you are choosing to pursue happiness.

In short, I don't think people choose from moment to moment if they are happy or not. I think what they do is make choices in the present that will affect how they feel in the long run. THAT, in my opinion, is choosing whether or not to be happy. But, and again this is just my opinion, I think it is a bit ridiculous for anyone to think that everyone everyday is choosing to be happy or unhappy. IF anyone even thinks that at all. I'm probably reading into it too much, as usual I guess it's sort of a vague question. A bit broad, open for interpretation.

 

[Opaline]

Yes, people who are depressed and anxious don't try hard enough to overcome their natural and nurtured tendencies.

Is this sarcasm, or...?

If it isn't, seems like a broad statement. I'm not intending to argue or anything, I just don't understand exactly what you mean by this, how you came to this conclusion.

I mean, sure there are some out there who don't try hard enough, or maybe don't try at all.

But what about those who do? Who are on meds/seeing a therapist/implementing CBT?

Personally I try just about every day to keep a close eye on my anxiety and control it, and I challenge myself to do things that make me uncomfortable. And it can be pretty exhausting sometimes. I'd consider that trying pretty hard to overcome my own tendencies. I get disheartened - quite a bit - because sometimes it seems like the battle will never end. But I don't think I'm NOT trying... :/

 

[Srijita52]

There are people who do things for shuts and giggles. Just because someone intends to do something negative does not mean that they are focusing on the negative. It's kind of like not thinking of the consequence of our actions.....never mind........

Yeah, this is something that bugs me. I often hear people say about depressed people, "You're just making yourself miserable, you WANT to be unhappy, you are choosing this." There are those out there who may enjoy being miserable in a twisted sort of way (maybe the attention or whatever), and then there are those who want to be happy and feel normal but who maybe do have a chemical imbalance, or perhaps they aren't able to get over something traumatic, who knows. Each person experiences things in their own way. Who is any one person to tell another person that something "isn't that bad"? Countless times I have heard people say, "If you want to commit suicide you're crazy, come on your life isn't that bad." How do you know??? I mean, really. What you see on the outside means very little in the grand scheme of things, when it comes to how happy or unhappy someone is.

So saying, it is true that there are always choices of SOME sort to make, involving your happiness. It could be the choice to get professional help if you have lingering depression. If you do nothing about it, well then you are truly making the choice to REMAIN unhappy. Let's say you make the choice to try and learn better coping skills. What if a certain approach doesn't work? I don't think that means you are still choosing to be unhappy, if you are still depressed. I think it means that you are struggling with something you don't fully understand yourself, but as long as you are actively pursuing ways to get better or figure it out, you are choosing to pursue happiness.

In short, I don't think people choose from moment to moment if they are happy or not. I think what they do is make choices in the present that will affect how they feel in the long run. THAT, in my opinion, is choosing whether or not to be happy. But, and again this is just my opinion, I think it is a bit ridiculous for anyone to think that everyone everyday is choosing to be happy or unhappy. IF anyone even thinks that at all. I'm probably reading into it too much, as usual I guess it's sort of a vague question. A bit broad, open for interpretation.

Yeah I agree with you both. I guess its one of those things that are eaiser said than done. If someone's seriously depressed its hard to just snap out of it and start feeling happy.

 

[Srijita52]

Howdy,

For me, my moods are like the weather. When I'm moody, it's like raining. I cannot stop being moody, just like people cannot stop rain. Bad analogy...

I know what you mean, its exactly same for me.

 

[EscapeArtist]

Kia, your posts are always very interesting. I appreciate the thought put into them, they are so thought provocative and important to the individual to think about, as well as anybody who may take something from the answers.


N o ... I really, really don't. I think it has to do with what your "default" looks like. For instance, if you are a person coming from major depression, minor depression doesn't look so bad. So it depends on which direction you are headed: towards improvement and furthering living, or furthering death and bad habits. In the end, though, "happiness" is a state of balance and of being able to feel nothing but. It doesn't take much effort, if it does take much effort to persuade yourself that you are happy, then it is hard to maintain. Maybe I see happiness as an idealistic enlightenment... But I truly believe that under certain conditions when your body is in a state of stress, it is more detrimental to ignore that state of stress and assume you are in good enough terms.... If I would have settled for what I felt like 3 years ago and called it happiness, I would never have improved enough to know what I know now. Feeling suicidal is my standrard of happiness? Then I have no ambition. Despair is despair. When you're not in it, YOU'LL KNOW. Everything will tell you. Happiness is simply being without blockages. Happiness is being without despair. I stick to "if you're improving, you have reason to be happy, if you're deepening in despair, you have reason to feel as if you are".... it all depends on comparing what you know as life from the past, to what you have now

That being said, you can feel appreciation in despair. And appreciation will guide you towards happiness, it will tell you the route you will take in the form of Love and protection for yourself. You will grow a deeper understanding of care if you are able to appreciate, and start making better choices.

I think my opinion will change tomorrow, or even in an hour, as I was typing that I was slightly disagreeing with myself

 

[Meggy0001]

Hmm... no I do not belive you can

 

[Minty]

No.

It's about your thought patterns. It isn't enough to say, "I choose to be happy" when you look in the mirror and automatically think "hideous". It's not enough to say "I choose to be happy" when you look down at a test and think "there's no way I'm going to pass, I'm too stupid". And when you think you're hideous, you don't put yourself on display and you avoid opportunities to be complimented. So you think, "I'm hideous--it must be true because no one ever compliments me." And when you tell yourself you're going to fail a test, you do. The "F" you get back "proves" what you believe about yourself.

Self-fulfilling prophecy.

So you have to start at the source. You have to change your thought patterns. NEVER attack yourself verbally. It's rude. It's more rude than a stranger bullying you. So stop. Look in the mirror and say "beautiful". Look at your test and say, "This time, I'm going to do well." And a funny thing will happen. Your positive prophecies will come true, fueling more positive thoughts about yourself.

When you have this kind of peaceful landscape to navigate through in your mind, every storm feels poetic instead of terrifying. You suddenly believe that the bad events in your life do not characterize your life but are fleeting. Then and only then can you "choose" to be happy.

 

[MrSunday]

Look in the mirror and say "beautiful".

Oh yes. As delicious I am, I even surprise myself when I see my own reflection. I'm so gorgeous and beautiful.

Every morning when I wake up and look in the mirror, I sing:

I am strong...I am wise...I am handsome...and I am right! Always! More than anybody!

...

On a serious note, I do agree that people should never attack themselves verbally, though I never seen it as being rude. Your post taught me something new today. Thank you for sharing.

 

[PhantomPod]

No, I don't think that you can choose to be happy. I think that you can choose to work towards happiness and work on having a positive attitude about things, but I do not think it comes easily. You must work for it and it's quite difficult to focus on being positive and happy. It is so much easier to wallow in self-pity.

 

[Minty]

Wow, that um. Okay maybe I shouldn't post on this site anymore.

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

Wow, that um. Okay maybe I shouldn't post on this site anymore.

What made youu come to that conclusion?