Do people with Avoidant personality have any friends?

bsammy

Well-known member
#43
ehh growing up i always had friends..i can put on a funny social front for a while...im a social guy at work so i can make friends easily but i cant keep them..im not sure if its because i dont want to or unable to due to avpd issues..i just find people draining and hate to say it, boring for most part..once it gets down to the mundane 'everyday chit chat' type stuff i start daydreaming and lose interest..it also doesnt help that i dont enjoy simply hanging out and socializing like so many people..
 

Naesala

Active member
#44
I don`t think I ever had real friends. I only had contacts when I was an early teenager. It was kinda based on a mutual profitable situation. I liked to play football and needed them, they wanted to play football and needed more players. But when it came to birthdays, going out, etc, they ignored the crap out of me. When I defended a little girl from being bullied, I got into an argument and saw the real personality of all those people I still considered at that time friends. They couldn`t believe I sticked up for a loser like that girl.... I couldn`t believe "friends" of mine would treat a little girl like that in front of me. surely they weren`t blind, I got bullied all the time in front of them. They ignored me when they had cooler friends around, they never invited me to the pubs later on and they ignored me at dances on girls birthday parties. When I got sick of it, I shut the door and never went to see them again, they lived like across the street. No one ever came by to visit me or ask what was wrong. It says everything really. Since that day, I never had any substantial contact with a person outside of my family circle. (not that I have many contact with them either). I had one classmate who was kinda starting to become my friend, but I went crazy on her and she let me know by mail she couldn`t stay friends with me. So basically I`m a loner. I do want friends, but I`m unable to have them. So to end on topic: I wish I had friends, but I do have a BIG allergy to people calling me a "friend" when there is no such evidence to support that claim. It feels like that person is making fun of me.
 

andsorry

Well-known member
#45
I have 1 friend. I’m a bit hostile if someone is trying to rush and be my friend. However, if you approach slowly and show that you’re trust worthy I won’t have a problem warming up to you.
 

Earthcircle

Well-known member
#46
I am trying to understand this "issue" a bit more...I think the person I tried to befriend who got "upset" with me for calling him a friend may have this.
However, he has two close friends. So every site I see basically says people with APD have 0 close friends.... so is that true or can you have 1 or 2? how do you react to new people wanting to be your friend?

is there any hope for people who want to be friends with you if they keep trying to be there for you and gain your trust?
Through the years, the number of my friends fluctuates from 0 to 2. It never gets much higher than that, and I think I would be a little overwhelmed if it did.
 

takeheart

Well-known member
#48
Currently l have no friends. I have this fear of getting close to someone because l fear rejection. It annoys me because it makes insecure in friendships and l'm easily hurt. I just cannot seem to control my fear of rejection. When you have AVPD, it's really hard to be in friendships or relationships for that matter. For now l'm fine by myself and l'm trying to learn self love to better myself.
 
#50
Yes they can have friends depending on the severity of their condition and whether or not they are undergoing therapy to improve. The main thing a person with APD needs is to feel safe, and if they feel threatened they will withdraw from you and quite possibly cut you off entirely. If that does happen you must remember that it probably has nothing to do with you personally but something you may have done or said triggered a defensive response in them and paranoid thoughts of rejection have taken over their mind so they withdraw to protect themselves. That is how I have experienced APD/BPD and severe social phobia which all seem to stem from an extreme fear of rejection or abandonment. Best of wishes.
 
#51
I don't think people with AvPD can have close friends... but regular friends are a possibility.
AvPDers might be some of the hardest people to befriend, since it takes time, patience, understanding and careful words to get close to them, and I don't think many people are keen on walking on egg shells.

I don't have any friends at the moment, because I pushed them away. Sometimes I just disappear from people's lives and they wonder where I've gone. So there is some unreliability that comes with AvPD. I tend to avoid getting to know other people and keep my barriers up... that usually keeps them at bay. If that doesn't work then they'll probably never see me again.
I'd be your friend. I can relate to this completely.
 
#53
I just recently cut all my ties with my friends. I blocked their numbers and stopped seeing them. I just could not take it and did not feel safe in the group anymore. I know that I have hurt some of them but they just don't know how hard it is for me.
I think people like us must most of all feel safe and complete trust to be truly friends with someone. Personally I have become so paranoid that I even lost trust in some of my family members.
 

LazyHermitCrab

Well-known member
#54
yes I have about 5 good friends but I don't see them daily. in school and work I'm known as silent and avoid drama from people. the people im close to are good to hang out individually or a small group. people at work tell me how quiet I am but I just avoid them still...
 
#56
I am trying to understand this "issue" a bit more...I think the person I tried to befriend who got "upset" with me for calling him a friend may have this.
However, he has two close friends. So every site I see basically says people with APD have 0 close friends.... so is that true or can you have 1 or 2? how do you react to new people wanting to be your friend?

is there any hope for people who want to be friends with you if they keep trying to be there for you and gain your trust?
Dude. There is like so much thought that goes into this simple process of making friends, that I think its not even worth it anymore.
 

bsammy

Well-known member
#58
I just recently cut all my ties with my friends. I blocked their numbers and stopped seeing them. I just could not take it and did not feel safe in the group anymore. I know that I have hurt some of them but they just don't know how hard it is for me.
I think people like us must most of all feel safe and complete trust to be truly friends with someone. Personally I have become so paranoid that I even lost trust in some of my family members.
not a good move at all imo..i know how difficult it is to be around people but im not sure your age but its no exactly easy to make friends when you are avoidant..cutting ties with the ones u have is dangerous..i regret cutting ties or losing touch with several friends..

i cant keep friendships, i can make them but cant keep them..
 
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