Do people with Avoidant personality have any friends?

MNM322

Well-known member
#1
I am trying to understand this "issue" a bit more...I think the person I tried to befriend who got "upset" with me for calling him a friend may have this.
However, he has two close friends. So every site I see basically says people with APD have 0 close friends.... so is that true or can you have 1 or 2? how do you react to new people wanting to be your friend?

is there any hope for people who want to be friends with you if they keep trying to be there for you and gain your trust?
 
#2
Dunno if I have that avoidant personality disorder, I probably do, but it takes a lot for me to truly believe someone wants to be my friend. Even some of the closest friends give me some doubts, but there is one kat that I truly believe enjoys my presence.
 
#3
It's weird that he got upset because you called him a friend, why was that? Because he doesn't want any friend? The reason we may have 0 friends is not because we do not want any friend but we find it difficult to, but we do want friends.
 

Flowers-Of-Bloom

Well-known member
#5
I don't think people with AvPD can have close friends... but regular friends are a possibility.
AvPDers might be some of the hardest people to befriend, since it takes time, patience, understanding and careful words to get close to them, and I don't think many people are keen on walking on egg shells.

I don't have any friends at the moment, because I pushed them away. Sometimes I just disappear from people's lives and they wonder where I've gone. So there is some unreliability that comes with AvPD. I tend to avoid getting to know other people and keep my barriers up... that usually keeps them at bay. If that doesn't work then they'll probably never see me again.
 

MNM322

Well-known member
#6
Well he told me his best friend is "like a brother" and this woman he knows he has called "lady friend" "good friend" and "my friend" so not sure where she fits exactly but he very much keeps to himself and i just thought maybe this "disorder" could explain things because its driving me insane.... sorta... just the constant questions unanswered in my head. he might of just had issues with be friends with someone younger, i have no idea.
 
#7
I haven't got any friends. It takes a lifetime to make real friends. Mine all died. Sorry to be so negative but I'm just trying to get banned really. I'm not going to renw my internet. Not doing me any good. Sorry to be so negative. But I'm only human and Isolation is difficult to handle. I hope the forum will write me off as mentally insane. I'm past caring what anyone thinks of this me person
 

laure15

Well-known member
#8
I may have AVPD, and I do have some close friends. But I don't contact them everyday or every week. If someone is trying very hard to be my friend, I will appreciate this person and be touched by his/her actions. But first, I need to know this person's motives, such as what this person is trying to get out of the friendship.
 
#9
I do have friends but I have to be sure that they won't place me in uncomfortable situations before I'll commit to a friendship. If someone had an amazing personality and cared about me, but tried to bring me to clubs or parties, I would start to shy away from them.
 

laure15

Well-known member
#10
I do have friends but I have to be sure that they won't place me in uncomfortable situations before I'll commit to a friendship. If someone had an amazing personality and cared about me, but tried to bring me to clubs or parties, I would start to shy away from them.
I agree. I hung out with this guy several times and he put me in very uncomfortable situations. I am grateful for the things that he did for me, there were some good times, but there were also bad times that I don't want to relive.
 

EscapeArtist

Well-known member
#12
The more I read about AvPD the more I think I have it or Had it. But I know a lot of psychiatrists dont even believe in it (or do they?)

He could have AvPD. Just because he calls his friends 'good friends' doesn't mean that he trusts them enough to show all of himself to them. Sometimes I will call friends 'good friends' because I know that they are good friends to me, but I'm still able to not get attached to them. I've called friends "brothers" or "like family". It's possible to state that you have good friends, show your real self, but somehow still never give all of yourself to somebody andl be detached from people enough to know that it's safe to push them away at any moment, if that makes sense. I don't advise to be that way though/
 

laure15

Well-known member
#13
He could have AvPD. Just because he calls his friends 'good friends' doesn't mean that he trusts them enough to show all of himself to them. Sometimes I will call friends 'good friends' because I know that they are good friends to me, but I'm still able to not get attached to them. I've called friends "brothers" or "like family". It's possible to state that you have good friends, show your real self, but somehow still never give all of yourself to somebody andl be detached from people enough to know that it's safe to push them away at any moment, if that makes sense. I don't advise to be that way though/
This is so true for me. After middle school, I had a hard time opening up to my more recent friends. The only friends who were able to see my true self were my childhood friends; emotions and bonds were deeper back then. After childhood, I was more detached with the newer friends.
 
#14
It depends how loosely you're using the term friends, but from what I have seen it's not incapable for people with AvPD to have friends. It's just more difficult for them to get closer to people. Opening up about anything when they don't really know how people will react or allowing themselves to be left vulnerable is a daunting task and the fear of things not going the way they want is terrifying. Things like rejection and not being liked, being made foolish or confrontation are really avoided and having friends usually risks all those things, or they don't feel like "they really know me."

As far as your friend specifically, getting upset about someone calling them a friend seems odd to me for someone with AvPD. Being defined and labelled is a little touchy as it sort of makes it easier for people to form opinions about them (oh, you like so-and-so? I think this because of that) but I don't know.
 
#15
Being a male i'm not really quite sure what constitutes a "close friendship", as it's kinda the male way to not get too close, in my country anyway. That being said, i do regard 2 or 3 guys to be close frends .. well i suppose as close as typical guys get anyway. Yes i have very strong AvPd, but moreso it just seems to be a lifestyle habit i've developed of seldom having any people contact, with friends/family or otherwise. Seems to be getting worse too for an unknown reason.
 

drganon

Well-known member
#16
I haven't had a "friend" for about 4 years. All I really have are coworkers whom I'm slightly more than acquaintances with.
 
#17
I don't have any friends though it is possible i will have in future. It would require a mutual understanding which neither of us would violate, ever.

For example, there's a topic the potential friend finds distastefull, we agree not to discuss, and we don't. I don't like the cineama, they agree and stick to never encouraging me to go.

If it was violated i would definatly end communication, likley after punishing them in some manner, if they knowingly broke our agreement.
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Words are pretty flexible. What a friend means seems to differ between you and your potential friend. If you feel comfortable maybe ask him what the word means to him, or if that feels like your rushing things in a way that wouldn't be apreciated, then gradually asking about his 2 friends so you can discover what it means to him yourself is 1 option.

It's possible he doesn't know you well enough to call you a friend and would class you as a mate or a okay guy to discuss non-intimate things, untill he knows you better at least. I'd say enjoy your communication with him and see where it goes. Pushing things when others show discomfort rarley goes well.
 
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jaim38

Well-known member
#18
Yes, I do have friends, but the thing is, it's mostly online. Whenever I have to contact my friends, I do it online via chat, free SMS, email, etc. We rarely speak on the phone or meet in person nowadays. I think it's for the better because I sound more positive online than offline.
 
#20
I have one friend I would consider close, and everyone else just seems kind of fake to me. So yeah you're friend could have close friends even with avoidant personality. I'm case in point.
 
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