Death: Becoming nonexistant?

[iamthenra]

Sometimes after a long day of work I lay awake in my bed in the darkness and think about how f'd up and disgustingly ordinary the cycle of life is. I can't believe so many human beings are forced to stifle themselves so completely just so they can maintain a job to "survive." A job that might not pay well and that they might hate.

You go to school, get a job, work until retirement (if you can afford it) and then you start the impending countdown to death. It doesn't seem that fulfilling at all to me.

When I think of this I can't imagine why I'd want to conform to the societal norm of having kids when it is possibly forcing them to live that same life. This with no guarantee of anything afterward.

This stream of consciousness leads to thinking about death. Life is short, and you never can know how short. What happens after? No one has proof. It scares me to think that it is a return to nonexistence. I don't remember anything before I was born (anything from early childhood really) so I am forced to assume that death will be like what was before my birth. Nothing.

It is so hard to grasp this idea. How can my consciousness and being just stop? What a cruel fate to be brought into existence against your will and forced to careen uncontrollably towards the end. (Mind you, whilst dealing with what for some is the horror of being alive at all.)

I find it hard to keep quiet about this. It is like you aren't supposed to bring this sort of thing up. You can't tell your parents you think they are selfish for bringing you into this. You can't rage against society for neatly regulating your life's activities until you die.

I'd like to separate my consciousness from my body so I know that I can really exist outside of it. I don't think I'd ever go back. I feel so limited. It would not matter if I reached the heights of what a human can achieve if it is all for nothing.

What also scares me is that the same thing awaits the people I love. I can't believe the people I have such strong feelings for cannot be protected from this inevitable thing looming over all our heads.

This all makes me so unhappy.

/end rambling

You know what is scary... I could have wrote the EXACT thing you just did! You took the words right out of my mouth, seriously. I am a little freaked out by it that someone thinks the same exact way I do. Actually it is kind of nice knowing that someone thinks the same way about things. Awesome post, I am so glad you said what you did. I felt this way since I was very young. I mean what 10 year old thinks this way? ME!!! Now I am 41...and my thoughts have not changed. It is very difficult to motivate yourself when it is all for nothing, except for brief moments of joy. Then the cold reality sets in and you realize that you are mortal. Selfish? Haha! I know I have said this here before, but I won't say it anymore since I was chastised for saying it...

All I can say is Pookah I am your biggest fan! ::

 

[meatcake]

i was just reading about how there are 100 billion galaxies in the universe. and they're all racing away from each other, at millions of miles per hour. and the farther away they are, the faster they're going. that freaks me out. what if there is intelligent life in one of those galaxies? we'd never be able to even communicate with them...

the universe is really weird.

 

[recluse]

I often ponder the meaning of life and i sometimes wonder why we humans bother to re-create other humans when all our goal in life is to work, struggle with money, and then die! There's got to be something deeper and more meaningful in life than existing to make money in order to live! Humans are so bloody strange........Animals have a better idea about living than we do.

 

[Pookah]

Thanks for the feedback everyone.

I like to learn about religion/philosophy but I haven't decided anyone in particular has it right. I think possibly you can get a general idea though from exploring all options. I try my best to be optimistic but I return to negative thoughts sometimes.

The only thing for me to do currently is distract myself from the thoughts when I can. That's all life is for me really a series of distractions. I try to find new ones and hope for others like love or a better job.

 

[iamthenra]

Thanks for the feedback everyone.

I like to learn about religion/philosophy but I haven't decided anyone in particular has it right. I think possibly you can get a general idea though from exploring all options. I try my best to be optimistic but I return to negative thoughts sometimes.

The only thing for me to do currently is distract myself from the thoughts when I can. That's all life is for me really a series of distractions. I try to find new ones and hope for others like love or a better job.

Exactly what I do to cope with these same thoughts... I feel for you, because I think the same way too.

 

[Kathryn]

I couldn't agree with you more...death is a scary thing...but yet, somewhat of a haven when I think about suicide.

 

[thursdays_child]

It is very hard to grasp, and it's frightening as hell.

 

[Bestrong&ofgoodcourage]

Sometimes after a long day of work I lay awake in my bed in the darkness and think about how f'd up and disgustingly ordinary the cycle of life is. I can't believe so many human beings are forced to stifle themselves so completely just so they can maintain a job to "survive." A job that might not pay well and that they might hate.

You go to school, get a job, work until retirement (if you can afford it) and then you start the impending countdown to death. It doesn't seem that fulfilling at all to me.

When I think of this I can't imagine why I'd want to conform to the societal norm of having kids when it is possibly forcing them to live that same life. This with no guarantee of anything afterward.

This stream of consciousness leads to thinking about death. Life is short, and you never can know how short. What happens after? No one has proof. It scares me to think that it is a return to nonexistence. I don't remember anything before I was born (anything from early childhood really) so I am forced to assume that death will be like what was before my birth. Nothing.

It is so hard to grasp this idea. How can my consciousness and being just stop? What a cruel fate to be brought into existence against your will and forced to careen uncontrollably towards the end. (Mind you, whilst dealing with what for some is the horror of being alive at all.)

I find it hard to keep quiet about this. It is like you aren't supposed to bring this sort of thing up. You can't tell your parents you think they are selfish for bringing you into this. You can't rage against society for neatly regulating your life's activities until you die.

I'd like to separate my consciousness from my body so I know that I can really exist outside of it. I don't think I'd ever go back. I feel so limited. It would not matter if I reached the heights of what a human can achieve if it is all for nothing.

What also scares me is that the same thing awaits the people I love. I can't believe the people I have such strong feelings for cannot be protected from this inevitable thing looming over all our heads.

This all makes me so unhappy.

/end rambling

Hello everyone. I have just registered as a member of this forum site, and have had no previous experience with this type of community chat/conversation/discussion. I have had social phobia for as long as I can remember, and have suffered through some devastating life experiences, predominantly over the last ten years of my short life. I felt both sad, yet also happiness when I read Pookah's statement (attached). Sadness, because her thoughts, have been almost identical to my own thoughts. But happiness, as for the first time in my life I realise I am not alone, and this gives me hope. I have never met another idividual with social phobia, but am extremely excited that I may find amongst you all, an international network of friends, with whom I may empathise with, but also provide feedback and support if it is requested. At the same time my hope is that this forum site may introduce me to individuals who, I am quite certain, will reciprocate with their own feedback and support, on my own experiences. Specifically to Pookah, may I suggest that I have been in your exact situation, or rather "frame of mind" and I can assure you the positive solution is one exceeding, abundant and in contrast of your most negative thoughts.

 

[hidingfromtheworld]

Certainly we are unlimited. The good thing is that we are parts of the Unlimited. The body is temporary,,the soul is eternal. However, its the fault of all parties involved that you [we] are here. Its not just the parents fault. My beleif is that we made the choice to enjoy seperately from God and being merciful He has allowed us the indepenance to do what we want. Of course the result is miserable because we are trying to enjoy seperately from the Supreme enjoyer. Its very hard to tame our minds because we are conditioned souls. The result,,suffering.

 

[Silvox Black]

Years ago, this would have made me depressed. Now, it doesn't worry me. It really sucks that it's causing you so much destress though. I happen to believe that there is something after all of this. I don't need proof and I don't care how idiotic that may sound to some. I feel that there is more to death than just blackness and nothingness. I believe that there is a meaning to everything. My faith and belief is good enough for me. If there is nothing after death, then I will never know and I will have died happy looking forward to something better.

Even if I end up leading an ordinary life, I know that I will be able to find happiness in between. My family and I have been through some rough times over the years, and we're still going through some difficult times at the moment, but that doesn't keep me from being happy.

Indeed, I agree with her. Though I have not resolved all of my questions, I believe I have found a certain amount of content with, dare I say it, being human. There is an odd, sadistic brilliance to it all in how this world exists. I enjoy nothing more than thinking of its mysteries. It is good that you ponder and question such topics for such is a sign that you can achieve high levels of thinking. You ask the correct questions. I certainly hope that with time you will gain a small measure of inner peace with your mind and soul.

 

[Silvox Black]

This is a positive thing but what good does such higher thinking do when it causes worry, fear, sadness and hopelessness? What good does a belief in nothingness bring?

Ah now we stride towards philosophical beliefs of the purpose of life, at least for me anyhow. To me, being assured that we have the capability to dwell on such matters is a blessing. We are not blind to reality nor are we consumed by it. Rather such thoughts drive us to search, endeavor us to achieve, push us to understand this world we live in. To me, the negative emotions that arise with it are but a temporary inconvenience that brings some very interesting insights to the mind. For our experiences shape us, and if we never had any troubling thoughts, then we would be quite dull would we not?

 

[Pookah]

I don't know many people who want to talk about this kind of stuff. Mostly people chatter about the mundane. Often there is a lot of cattiness and talking behind the backs of others. This is in the workplace though I'm not sure how representative of the real world it is.

I almost want to scream and drill through this facade we live in. Everyone so calmly going about their business and missing what seems so important to me.I feel like time is wasting and like everyone is asleep and I'm awake. The problem with trying to believe it will all be ok is so much exists to convince me that the bottom tends to fall out in the end.

Thanks for taking the time to reply guys. I think about this problem daily. I hope something will convince me to be less uneasy.

 

[Krista]

Maybe you should try not focusing on the monotonous, same day pattern and think about the moments that happen in between them. Most people on here see life as boring because all they have is the job they need to pay the rent but don't do anything else because of SA. Life is bound to be upsetting when you think about it as an endless repeat of things. And not to sound cliche but if you're not doing something to make life better and always think about impending death as the outcome no matter what you're pretty much already dead. Maybe life seems like it sucks in grand scheme of things but it's what you make it. Be existant or be nonexistant.

 

[Pookah]

I try to focus on other things Krista. My mind just likes to not cooperate. It is the same reason I can't meditate because my thoughts are so rampant.

I'm having a mini panic about all of this this week. I can't stop thinking about it. I'm now looking at death forums to see what is on other people's minds about the subject since it is something that we all face.

I found a post that really explains what I am feeling/thinking at the moment.

"I’ve come face to face with not-existing. It’s scary. Really scary. I’ve never experienced anything scarier. I can call it “fear,” but it’s more than that. Worse than that. Regular fear arises when something bad is happening or could happen.

But primal fear is looking into the maw of nothing happening to you, because there will be no you around for anything to happen to. Do you get the difference? I hope so. I don’t know if I can describe it any more clearly.

It isn’t a thought; it isn’t an emotion; it isn’t a perception. It’s as if a curtain covering non-existence opens for a moment, giving me a peek into a nothingness that is absolute.

Because I’m not there. I mean, I’m obviously there at the moment, looking into the depths of not-existing for eternity. Yet what I feel all the way down to the marrow of my being is what it means to live for a time and then to not live for all the rest of time."

 

[iamthenra]

I try to focus on other things Krista. My mind just likes to not cooperate. It is the same reason I can't meditate because my thoughts are so rampant.

I'm having a mini panic about all of this this week. I can't stop thinking about it. I'm now looking at death forums to see what is on other people's minds about the subject since it is something that we all face.

I found a post that really explains what I am feeling/thinking at the moment.

"I’ve come face to face with not-existing. It’s scary. Really scary. I’ve never experienced anything scarier. I can call it “fear,” but it’s more than that. Worse than that. Regular fear arises when something bad is happening or could happen.

But primal fear is looking into the maw of nothing happening to you, because there will be no you around for anything to happen to. Do you get the difference? I hope so. I don’t know if I can describe it any more clearly.

It isn’t a thought; it isn’t an emotion; it isn’t a perception. It’s as if a curtain covering non-existence opens for a moment, giving me a peek into a nothingness that is absolute.

Because I’m not there. I mean, I’m obviously there at the moment, looking into the depths of not-existing for eternity. Yet what I feel all the way down to the marrow of my being is what it means to live for a time and then to not live for all the rest of time."

Yeah I know this feeling all to well. I feel the same when I contemplate how tiny we really are in this universe... I mean we are single celled organism's compared to the universe, we are nothing not even a molecule of gas compared to the universe and how empty and vast it all seems. Just imagine what it would be like floating around in space (assuming you could breathe and tolerate the coldness and withstand the cosmic rays...) Kind of the same feeling when you think how vast and deep our oceans are, and if you were somehow stuck in the bottom of the ocean where there is no light nothing, but extreme cold, just allot of nothingness...

 

[Pookah]

I think I could deal with being aware of the "nothing" because it isn't really nothing, I'm still there. I could even deal with being in hell I think. Because that is still something.

 

[iamthenra]

Kind of like when you sleep? Where does your mind go to? Hmmm? No, I do know what exactly you mean. I was just saying that I feel the "void" when I think about the universe and the abyss of our seas....

 

[Pookah]

When I sleep I dream vividly. Nothingness is like when I was put under for surgery. I remember nothing it was a time skip.

I like the thought of deep space and ocean. Its calming. I like looking at pictures of dust and gas in space.

 

[meatcake]

I'm having a mini panic about all of this this week. I can't stop thinking about it.

"It isn’t a thought; it isn’t an emotion; it isn’t a perception. It’s as if a curtain covering non-existence opens for a moment, giving me a peek into a nothingness that is absolute.

Because I’m not there. I mean, I’m obviously there at the moment, looking into the depths of not-existing for eternity. Yet what I feel all the way down to the marrow of my being is what it means to live for a time and then to not live for all the rest of time."

ugh - i experienced that once, when i was dead set on killing myself. i really don't know how people go through with it. it scared the shit out of me, when i got up to the edge. here i'd been thinking of death as some kind of sleep, but it's quite different. in sleep you're still partially conscious.

i don't know what the answer is. it's really a mystery why there is anything at all, instead of NOTHING.

it's such an open-ended question, that you might as well just pick an answer that gives you comfort, and believe in it.

after that experience i was more open to religious answers. there are some creative ones. i like jewish mysticism - our prayers help in the process of redeeming the universe. hinduism and christianity are interesting also.

 

[Pookah]

I have a lot of theories besides the "nothingness" that is just the one I fear/believe most and the one I can't escape.

This could all be the result of boredom. Our immortal "souls" were floating around like colorful nebulae in space and wanted to experience human life and so imagined or created this existence for a short time.

Maybe we gather energy and bolster our spiritual form through experiences like this.

Many things I would like to think are the reason we exist and will be waiting for us after death. But I have a cold sensation in my chest telling me we are born to die and that is all we get.