dear coyote

[Section_31]

Dear Coyote,

You should know Hubert was recently spotted in a shadier part of town with a lady of questionable employ. I believe hes going down a dangerous path, i suggest we stage an intervention, that way you yourself can steal said lady for yourself .

Thoughts?

 

[mismeek]

I've already read them all... they were quite disappointing.

 

[coyote]

Dear Coyote,

You should know Hubert was recently spotted in a shadier part of town with a lady of questionable employ. I believe hes going down a dangerous path, i suggest we stage an intervention, that way you yourself can steal said lady for yourself .

Thoughts?

dear The Lone Gunman,

thank you for your concern

i will make a note of your observations in my assistant, Hubert's personnel file

you know what they say: "document, document, document!"

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

I've already read them all... they were quite disappointing.

I haven't read them either, but I'm told that this gif-based review is pretty accurate.

What in the hell just happened? Did I really read that? Oh, my god, I did. I did read that.

Meet Anastasia Steele:

Ana is just a giant mess of a human being. She's insecure to the point of it being laughable, 'klutzy' (even though she only trips twice in the entire book), and a complete ditz. She's a virgin (of course) who's never taken any sexual interest in anyone before. Right. I'm fairly certain there hasn't been a woman this naive since 'round about 1954. At one point, she thinks putting her hair in pigtails will keep her safe from Christian's lusty advances. ****in' really? She "flushes" constantly, and on several occasions referred to her hoo-hoo-naughty place as "down there."

Next, we have Christian Grey:

Christian is a misogynistic, self-loathing, abusive piece of ****. Apparently, his only redeeming qualities are, in this order; his ridiculous good looks, his money, and his giant penis. The only time Ana seems to like him as a person is when he's being "lovable", and those times are few and far between. Most of the time he's serious, brooding, and threatening. How charming.

etc

Katrina Lumsden (Charlotte, MI)'s review of Fifty Shades of Grey

 

[MoonBoom]

Dear Coyote,

I baked this boysenberry pie especially for you. Please enjoy it and think of me.

Sincerely,
Yours

PS: I had to test it to make sure it was absolutely perfect

 

[coyote]

Dear Coyote,

I baked this boysenberry pie especially for you. Please enjoy it and think of me.

Sincerely,
Yours

PS: I had to test it to make sure it was absolutely perfect

dear MoonBoom,

thank you for the pie

i like pie =^]

 

[SoScared]

Dear dear coyote

Seignior,
I have been watching a lot of Scooby-doo recently and I now suspect that dear coyote is not your real name. Dear coyote is but a façade; an illusion.

I now believe that you are non-other than that legendary Spanish knight-errant Don Quixote and Hubert is not your assistant but your trusty horse Rocinante.

A cunning ruse seignior, a cunning ruse.

 

[Section_31]

Dear Coyote,

My truck broke down near an old camp, crystal lake. Im emailing this via tether to my Iphone. If im correct this is the same crystal lake camp where Jason Vorhees calls home....in fact i feel like im being watched.

Plz send help!

 

[A Many Splendored Thing]

Dear Coyote,

I have reason to believe that an invasion of SPW by extraterrestial biological entities (EBE's) is imminent!!. They can shapeshift and look and sound like anyone. The only known defense against them is the use of rubber chickens as weapons!

Id like to recommend everyone on SPW get issued a tinfoil hat with an antenna and a rubber chicken immediately!. they may already be amongst us!!!

>.>

<.<

No, you are mistaken. We, I mean, they are not affected at all by rubber chickens. Please leave all rubber chickens at your local grocery store.

P.S. I didn't know you could consume rubber.
--
Dear Coyote,

Woof bark woof woof bark howl?

I would like this answered in due haste.

Dear,

The not extraterrestrial biological entity
---

dear coyote,
why do people want others to be social?

I believe Coyote answered that in an earlier post.

dear Remus,

you pose an interesting question

i tasked my assistant, Hubert, with researching this phenomenon

his findings were fascinating: a number of studies indicate that the majority of internet users spend the bulk of their time online in the pursuit of something called... "fun"

what people do with this "fun", once they have found it, remains unclear

but, apparently, "fun" is an important component in the lives of a great many people

even those that suffer from personality, mood, or anxiety disorders

(Do I not get an infraction for answering with your posts?)

 

[JuiceB]

Dear Coyote,

How does it feel to be a celebrity here on SPW?

 

[coyote]

Dear dear coyote

Seignior,
I have been watching a lot of Scooby-doo recently and I now suspect that dear coyote is not your real name. Dear coyote is but a façade; an illusion.

I now believe that you are non-other than that legendary Spanish knight-errant Don Quixote and Hubert is not your assistant but your trusty horse Rocinante.

A cunning ruse seignior, a cunning ruse.

dear SoScared,

curses, foiled again - you have unmasked me

thank goodness i still have my pants

 

[coyote]

Dear Coyote,

My truck broke down near an old camp, crystal lake. Im emailing this via tether to my Iphone. If im correct this is the same crystal lake camp where Jason Vorhees calls home....in fact i feel like im being watched.

Plz send help!

dear The Lone Gunman,

if you play your cards right, you may encounter one or more scantily-clad, nubile, teen girls who will have sex with you before you're both put to death in a horrible fashion to atone for your sins

good luck!

 

[coyote]

(Do I not get an infraction for answering with your posts?)

dear A Many Splendored Thing,

no pie for you!

 

[Section_31]

Woa woa woa......realy?!

oh, well THAT doesnt sound so bad then!

What a a way to go!!!

come ladies! we dont have much time!

 

[coyote]

Dear Coyote,

How does it feel to be a celebrity here on SPW?

dear JuiceB,

for a mere $7.38, my assistant, Hubert, will send you an autographed copy of my last electric bill and a secret decoder ring made from some old Schlitz pull tabs

 

[Section_31]

Dear Coyote,

During my time in my mountain escape, ive spotted many of your kin following me while im walking on trails or riding horseback.

Can you please let them know im their friend and not their dinner?

Plz advise.

 

[coyote]

Dear Coyote,

During my time in my mountain escape, ive spotted many of your kin following me while im walking on trails or riding horseback.

Can you please let them know im their friend and not their dinner?

Plz advise.

dear The Lone Gunman,

i know it's sometimes confusing due to the dynamics of this milieu

but i'm not a real coyote

if you're talking about some of my cousins from the Ozarks...

well, i haven't spoken to them in years

good luck!

 

[hidwell]

Dear Coyote

I have an itch that I just can't scratch, do you or Hubert have any suggestions.

 

[coyote]

Dear Coyote

I have an itch that I just can't scratch, do you or Hubert have any suggestions.

dear Mr. hidwell,

i personally own one of these: Extendable Back Scratcher

simple, lightweight, portable, and elegant - it meets and exceeds all of my itch scratching needs.

if you are speaking in a more euphemistic sense, i believe there are professionals available for hire. there are some lovely shops in thailand, which isn't that far from you.

my assistant, Hubert, would be willing to consider any reasonable offer, provided that round- trip transportation costs were included

 

[Section_31]

Dear Coyote,

Can you please ask Mr Wayne to let me into the batcave?

I PROMISE i wont touch anything! i just want to be able to say i was there!

Help a brother out! .