dear coyote

[coyote]

Dear Coyote where did your self proclaimed wisdom come from ?

dear Hidwell,

my assistant, Hubert, has been hard at work scouring the archives for any record of the proclamation about which you inquired, and seems to have come up empty-handed

i, for one, have no recollection of ever proclaiming that i was wise

 

[coyote]

Dear Coyote & Hubert

I am an entirely separate entity to 'Jewel-the musican' I have been known as Jewel or Jewels circa 1985 long before 'Jewel-the musican' climbed to fame. Many people share the same name, for instance you yourself share your name with Wile E. Coyote and your assistant Hubert shares his name with professor Hubert J Farnsworth. However you're different people

I will agree that 18 kg of chocolate is the appropriate size chocolate to be termed 'fun' size chocolate. However I have a moral objection to the addition of fruit. Fruit has no place in chocolate, that is chocolate blastphemy. These are my thoughts on this for now.

Kind regards,

Jewel (not the musician)

dear Jewel (not the musician),

my sincerest apologies for the mix up

i was able to locate photographs of both you and Jewel Kilcher (the musician), for my assistant, Hubert, to review. he concluded that you are, indeed, seperate individuals. he also concluded that you are the more attractive of the two, and hopes that he can still share his Toblerone with you - with or without strawberries as you prefer.

 

[kilojoule]

dear Jewel (not the musician),

my sincerest apologies for the mix up

i was able to locate photographs of both you and Jewel Kilcher (the musician), for my assistant, Hubert, to review. he concluded that you are, indeed, seperate individuals. he also concluded that you are the more attractive of the two, and hopes that he can still share his Toblerone with you - with or without strawberries as you prefer.

Hehehe oh that Hubert! He is such a smooth talker! All is forgiven Hubert

 

[Section_31]

Coyote,

Perhaps a committee should be formed to review and reach a concensus on all of hubert's proclomations before they reach the public?

This WOULD improve efficiency and help poor Hubert save face!

 

[SoScared]

dear Hubert,

I am increasingly concerned for your welfare.
How can I contact you without going via your entourage? Can you type?

 

[coyote]

dear Hubert,

I am increasingly concerned for your welfare.
How can I contact you without going via your entourage? Can you type?

dear SoScared,

you may contact my assistant, Hubert, via his Facebook profile: Hubert S. Monqui

(his typing skills are somewhat questionable)

 

[coyote]

Coyote,

Perhaps a committee should be formed to review and reach a concensus on all of hubert's proclomations before they reach the public?

This WOULD improve efficiency and help poor Hubert save face!

dear The Lone Gunman,

the position of this office regarding public release of information remains firm: no unauthorized statements may be made without proper vetting by staff attorneys

my assistant, Hubert, is quite mindful of this policy, and I am confident in his ability to uphold the highest standards of discretion required

(although he sometimes has a weakness for the ladies - i try to keep an eye on him)

 

[Silatuyok]

"The Marines I have seen around the world have the cleanest bodies, the filthiest minds, the highest morale, and the lowest morals of any group of animals I have ever seen. Thank God for the United States Marine Corps!"

- Eleanor Roosevelt, First Lady of the United States, 1945

She got that right. Though I'd like to know how she found out all those things..

 

[Section_31]

oh my!!!! Eleanor Roosevelt!!!!

 

[planemo]

dear coyote

if a tree falls in the forest, what sound does it make?

and, do you think you'll ever catch the roadrunner? (sorry if that's been asked already)

 

[coyote]

dear coyote

if a tree falls in the forest, what sound does it make?

and, do you think you'll ever catch the roadrunner? (sorry if that's been asked already)

dear planemo,

it makes the sound of one hand clapping

i hope i never do catch the roadrunner - the joy is in the pursuit itself

 

[GraybeardGhost]

Dear Coyote,

What is the purpose of slugs? They are slimy and disgusting, and they keep eating my eggplants (which are also slimy and disgusting, although that is an entirely separate matter). They have devoured my gooseberries, my boysenberries, and my rhubarb, so I am unable to make any pies from same. This in turn prevents me from sending a pie to your assistant, Hubert, which I deeply regret. I would greatly appreciate any insight you may have into this matter.

Sincerely,
Slimed in Seattle

 

[coyote]

Dear Coyote,

What is the purpose of slugs? They are slimy and disgusting, and they keep eating my eggplants (which are also slimy and disgusting, although that is an entirely separate matter). They have devoured my gooseberries, my boysenberries, and my rhubarb, so I am unable to make any pies from same. This in turn prevents me from sending a pie to your assistant, Hubert, which I deeply regret. I would greatly appreciate any insight you may have into this matter.

Sincerely,
Slimed in Seattle

dear Slimed in Seattle,

there is a simple solution: slugs are 15-18% protein. sauteed with butter and wine, they can be quite delicious. think "escargot" without that annoying shell to contend with.

bon appetite!

 

[Section_31]

Dear Coyote,

I have considerable evidence that Hubert is in fact planning an assisination against you and will try to sieze power here on SPW!!!

Plz take whatever precautions are necesary to prevent this terrible disaster.

Your loyal intelligence agent,

TLG

 

[coyote]

Dear Coyote,

I have considerable evidence that Hubert is in fact planning an assisination against you and will try to sieze power here on SPW!!!

Plz take whatever precautions are necesary to prevent this terrible disaster.

Your loyal intelligence agent,

TLG

dear The Lone Gunman,

notwithstanding the fact that I possess very little power to seize, it was with some misgiving that i spoke at length to my assistant, Hubert, concerning the allegations that you have brought forth against him. and while i do not often utilize the six years of Marine Corps training I received as an Intelligence Specialist, it does come in handy during scenarios such as this.

suffice it to say that I feel my assistant, Hubert, was entirely forthcoming during the interrog... er, conversation. i believe the situation to be well in hand, and i trust in his complete loyalty.

you may need to reassess the veracity of your information source.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

Dear Coyote,

Why is the phrase "fight fire with fire"? Surely the best way to fight fire is with water, or in the case of an electrical fire with carbon dioxide or possibly some kind of foaming agent which would reduce the fire's supply of oxygen? Adding more fire to a fire would just seem to me to create a larger fire.

(The one exception might be forest fires, where deliberately burning an area in a controlled manner would prevent the wildfire from crossing the boundary and thus contain it.)

~ RB

 

[hidwell]

Dear Coyote,

I heard on the grapevine that Hubert was on the verge of a mental breakdown, just letting you know so you can keep a close eye on him.

 

[Nathália]

Dear Coyote,

I'm going to ask you a really cereal question. How do you stay so youthful and alive man? Do you suck peoples souls at night? Is it your diet? Your face wash? Or do you just get it from yo mama?

 

[Section_31]

Dear Coyote,

Theyre taking the hobbits to isengarde!!!

 

[coyote]

Dear Coyote,

Theyre taking the hobbits to isengarde!!!

dear The Lone Gunman,

i had absolutely nothing to do with that decision

it was my recommendation that they be taken to Lambeau Field and forced to wear a cheesehead hat, drink beer, and grill bratwurst in the parking lot