CNN: Men ditch 'nice guy' style, get more dates

iamthenra

iamthenra

Well-known member
combat said:
I'm 25 and have never even kissed a girl. Obviously, there is something "wrong" with who I am because that clearly isn't normal. Everybody always says "just be yourself," "don't change for anyone," blah blah blah, as if it were some kind of recipe for success. It isn't.
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Exactly... Now that I'm 41, and with failing health...nobody wants a broken down old man... Heck, they didn't want me when I was young either...

The reason why these threads exist, is simply because that ladies, whether or not you admit it, you expect the guy to make the first move. That is the socially acceptable thing for the guy to be aggressive and is always expected of us... So if you are a shy guy, and can't make the first move, finding a girl friend will probably never happen. A shy girl on the other hand will get hit on by many guys, and chances are she will get a boy friend... It is what is expected of us... I would rather be a shy girl, than who I am....
 
agoraphobickatie

agoraphobickatie

Well-known member
uhh... maybe what the 'nice guys' are missing is the "don't give up" mentality.. i mean, it seems like that's what everyone is doing, just complaining how they don't have a girl or whatever. don't complain until you're dead, because that's when you should be done trying.

girls don't want a guy who complains about everything, much less how much they suck at getting a girlfriend! it's our job to bitch and complain. and we don't want anyone giving up on us, either...
 
Richey

Richey

Well-known member
iamthenra said:
Exactly... Now that I'm 41, and with failing health...nobody wants a broken down old man... Heck, they didn't want me when I was young either...

The reason why these threads exist, is simply because that ladies, whether or not you admit it, you expect the guy to make the first move. That is the socially acceptable thing for the guy to be aggressive and is always expected of us... So if you are a shy guy, and can't make the first move, finding a girl friend will probably never happen. A shy girl on the other hand will get hit on by many guys, and chances are she will get a boy friend... It is what is expected of us... I would rather be a shy girl, than who I am....
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failing health, why?
 
combat

combat

Well-known member
agoraphobickatie said:
uhh... maybe what the 'nice guys' are missing is the "don't give up" mentality.. i mean, it seems like that's what everyone is doing, just complaining how they don't have a girl or whatever. don't complain until you're dead, because that's when you should be done trying.
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If I can't vent here then what's the point of this place? I get depressed sometimes when I'm alone and think too much. Where should I go with that because I can't keep it all bottled up anymore.

girls don't want a guy who complains about everything, much less how much they suck at getting a girlfriend!
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First of all, I rarely complain about anything when I'm around people. I'm known for being very quiet and passive, not for being a complainer. Secondly, I do suck at getting a girlfriend. Should I lie and pretend I'm great at it or something? I don't get it.
 
agoraphobickatie

agoraphobickatie

Well-known member
combat said:
If I can't vent here then what's the point of this place? I get depressed sometimes when I'm alone and think too much. Where should I go with that because I can't keep it all bottled up anymore.

First of all, I rarely complain about anything when I'm around people. I'm known for being very quiet and passive, not for being a complainer. Secondly, I do suck at getting a girlfriend. Should I lie and pretend I'm great at it or something? I don't get it.
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you missed the big point there, which was "don't complain until you're dead, because that's when you should be done trying." ...meaning we just don't have the right to complain if we've given up trying. there's a big difference in venting and complaining. and my post wasn't even directed solely towards you.
 
combat

combat

Well-known member
agoraphobickatie said:
you missed the big point there, which was "don't complain until you're dead, because that's when you should be done trying." ...meaning we just don't have the right to complain if we've given up trying. there's a big difference in venting and complaining. and my post wasn't even directed solely towards you.
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Umm...ok...:confused:
 
Felgen

Felgen

Well-known member
agoraphobickatie said:
uhh... maybe what the 'nice guys' are missing is the "don't give up" mentality.. i mean, it seems like that's what everyone is doing, just complaining how they don't have a girl or whatever. don't complain until you're dead, because that's when you should be done trying.
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Many give up because they're sick of beeing rejected because of their low self-esteem.

girls don't want a guy who complains about everything, much less how much they suck at getting a girlfriend! it's our job to bitch and complain. and we don't want anyone giving up on us, either...
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But men want a woman who complains about everything?
 
Da Kid

Da Kid

1
agoraphobickatie said:
uhh... maybe what the 'nice guys' are missing is the "don't give up" mentality.. i mean, it seems like that's what everyone is doing, just complaining how they don't have a girl or whatever. don't complain until you're dead, because that's when you should be done trying.

girls don't want a guy who complains about everything, much less how much they suck at getting a girlfriend! it's our job to bitch and complain. and we don't want anyone giving up on us, either...
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Too true. Now if only all the people with this problem (including me) could get that into their head.

I am man enough to admit I complain enough and don't act enough to get a girl. Thats gotta change sometime soon. :/
 
Danfalc

Danfalc

Banned
combat said:
Umm...ok...:confused:
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I think what Katie was trying to say was if someone isn't actively trying to make a difference and change,then they really don't have a right to complain about it.Well maybe you do have a right to complain but don't expect too much sympathy.. it's like me complaining about being depressed,but if I'm sat on my arse every day,not doing a single thing to try and change my situation then really I only have myself to blame.
 
combat

combat

Well-known member
Danfalc said:
I think what Katie was trying to say was if someone isn't actively trying to make a difference and change,then they really don't have a right to complain about it.Well maybe you do have a right to complain but don't expect too much sympathy.. it's like me complaining about being depressed,but if I'm sat on my arse every day,not doing a single thing to try and change my situation then really I only have myself to blame.
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It's not like I've given up or don't "try," I just don't know what it is that I'm supposed to be doing. People say do something about it but at the same time everyone says "don't change who you are for anyone." It's contradictory and I'm more than a little lost here.
 
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Luke1993

Luke1993

Well-known member
combat said:
It's not like I've given up or don't "try," I just don't know what it is that I'm supposed to be doing. People say do something about it but at the same time everyone says "don't change who you are for anyone." It's contradictory and I'm more than a little lost here.
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Completely agree and I don't know what to do either.
 
D

da_illest101

Well-known member
combat said:
It's not like I've given up or don't "try," I just don't know what it is that I'm supposed to be doing. People say do something about it but at the same time everyone says "don't change who you are for anyone." It's contradictory and I'm more than a little lost here.
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yea same here, the only gf i ever had in my life was because she approached me, I didn't have to do a thing. What are the odds of that happening again lol. I know that we can improve ourselves, but i have been trying for years and the result is the same
 
Danfalc

Danfalc

Banned
combat said:
It's not like I've given up or don't "try," I just don't know what it is that I'm supposed to be doing. People say do something about it but at the same time everyone says "don't change who you are for anyone." It's contradictory and I'm more than a little lost here.
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Yeah sorry I didn't mean to presume you had,I was just commenting on what I thought Katie wasn't getting at.Sometimes there are no easy answers,my illness prevented me from forming relationships or even getting the chance to form relationships in the first place.

But maybe its just best to focus on other things if you feel you can't make head way with relationships,try and focus on some other aspect of your life that can change.I don't think there is any one key thing which we can do to get better,it's like putting a jig saw back together,maybe when you start getting closer to finishing,things like relationships will just fall into place for you.
 
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Felgen

Felgen

Well-known member
People tend to misunderstand the whole "be yourself thing". It doesn't mean that if you just wait patiently an attractive woman is gonna fall from heaven and land on your lap. What the first person who said that (whoever that was) meant, was that you shouldn't sell out on your beliefs, change personality and so on and expect to be rewarded in sex for doing so.

You talk to friends in a different manner than when you talk to your grandmother. That doesn't mean that you're not "yourself" when you talk to grandma, but that you talk about different subjects, use a different tone etc. When you talk to a girl on a date, you also use a different body language, a different tone and so on than when you talk to good 'ol grandma or your best friend.
 
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Julesie

Julesie

Well-known member
Blech. That's the complete opposite of what I want in a man. I want a man with similar interests, sweet personality, just wants to chill at home with me and is understanding and willing to accept my faults as well as I, his own.

I don't want some so called bad ass. I dumped my last boyfriend because he went from a sweet guy to a prick within a year.

I always judge by personality. Never looks. If they have a sour attitude I don't want them.
 
U

userremoved

Guest
combat said:
It's not like I've given up or don't "try," I just don't know what it is that I'm supposed to be doing. People say do something about it but at the same time everyone says "don't change who you are for anyone." It's contradictory and I'm more than a little lost here.
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Luke1993 said:
Completely agree and I don't know what to do either.
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From the way I see it, having difficulty forming relationships comes with the territory of social phobias. Because relationships require the one thing we all seem to struggle with, socializing. There's probably not going to be any one piece of advice that going to make this whole endeavor easier for any of us. So until this problem has been put under control you're probably going to stay frustrated with your love life. Personally I dont think being ourselves is going to help the situation either lol. A lot of us a emotionally damaged (I know I am) and I don't think thats going to be attractive to anyone looking in from the outside.
 
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