CNN: Men ditch 'nice guy' style, get more dates

[combat]

im a nice guy i guess cept not many female friends.. tried to be more "cool' but its just not me, so no hope to be the bad boy

I tried it, too. I got a girl's number and did the whole cocky text messaging thing. That got me as far as her calling me out of the blue at 11:30 at night to "come over" to her place, which was great until I got there and was my usual nervous wreck self. So she quickly realized I wasn't at all as confident as I lead her to believe, nothing happened, and the whole thing fizzled out.

 

[BlueDays]

It seems that the author of this article is one of those people that thinks of everything only in terms of it being either "Black" or "white".
There is a whole "grey" sector (especially with choosing a partner) that he has not covered in this article.

 

[Newtype]

Girls like boys who are in the professional league of social status. This instinct can't be changed.

Because of the mass media of the 21. century, beeing a bad guy is a "good" thing--which in turn will earn you points. Other stuff that will grant you points (thus moving you higher up in the social status leagues) are good looks, money, social skills, confidence, experience and having many friends (not to mention having the right friends). Stuff that will give you negative points are living with your parents, beeing unemployed, beeing shy and so on.

This is a simplified example, but it shows how fucked up the modern society is. There are many great girls who are exploited by assholes and complain that there are no "decent guys out there", but who still won't even give a shy person a chance.

This is true, but I wouldn't blame it on modern society. If you look at history, it has always been like this. You also see this in some African cultures. In fact, you probably see this in all the cultures. Like you said in the first paragraph, it might be an "instinct".

 

[philly2bits]

It seems that the author of this article is one of those people that thinks of everything only in terms of it being either "Black" or "white".
There is a whole "grey" sector (especially with choosing a partner) that he has not covered in this article.

Exactly. It's far too complex an issue to say that you need to be a "bad boy" to get anywhere and if you're a "good guy" you get nothing. Especially considering the article doesn't seem to define those terms very well, if at all.

 

[combat]

Exactly. It's far too complex an issue to say that you need to be a "bad boy" to get anywhere and if you're a "good guy" you get nothing. Especially considering the article doesn't seem to define those terms very well, if at all.

I don't know about the article, but what is apparent from my own experience is that I'm totally broken as far as intimate relationships are concerned. I'm not looking to blame anyone or be bitter about it, I just don't understand why this is so difficult for people like us. I don't understand why I'm not good enough or likable enough the way I am.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

women and men have certain things they like about members of the opposite sex...its nothing personal.

You know what I really, really don't understand about women? What's the deal with shoes, ffs? I just don't get it!

 

[philly2bits]

I don't know about the article, but what is apparent from my own experience is that I'm totally broken as far as intimate relationships are concerned. I'm not looking to blame anyone or be bitter about it, I just don't understand why this is so difficult for people like us. I don't understand why I'm not good enough or likable enough the way I am.

I don't understand either. That is part the reason I joined this site, to learn possible reasons and see if I can improve myself. But simply chalking it up to bad boys win and good guys lose does not help in that regards. It only serves to brew contempt and bitterness.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

LOL well i am a dude and am very particular about shoes so I don't know.

My step-sister, last I inquired, had 75 pairs of shoes in her closet (and that was several years ago). Maybe I'm wrong but I just can't see a guy doing that. Of course not all women are obsessed with shoes, but there definitely seems to be a gender bias on the issue.

 

[userremoved]

I don't know about the article, but what is apparent from my own experience is that I'm totally broken as far as intimate relationships are concerned. I'm not looking to blame anyone or be bitter about it, I just don't understand why this is so difficult for people like us. I don't understand why I'm not good enough or likable enough the way I am.

All I can say is you gotta keep looking. SA is just not an attractive quality to have so a lot people are going to shy away from it, but not everyone.

 

[AGR]

Just keep away from those kind of girls,pretty easy to spot.

 

[Nack]

Who here likes bunnies, flowers, and rainbows? Cause to me, that's nice. Otherwise we're all evil.

I also liked how the thread derailed from CNN to shoes... Yea :T

 

[hippiechild]

Who here likes bunnies, flowers, and rainbows? Cause to me, that's nice. Otherwise we're all evil.

I also liked how the thread derailed from CNN to shoes... Yea :T

Ahaha yeus!
Nack, you're the only one for meeee, me thinks! ::

 

[Dronee]

I think it's confidence and power that really attracts women. Maybe a lot of women get that impression from cocky abusive guys and there are others who don't. Things like character and compassion are important too to some. Depends on the individual.

Like how some men put beauty as the first criteria and others look more towards the character. Depends on the individual.

I'd say though, in this society, as I'm fairly certain it is the way for the past ages everywhere... most people are very materialistic and function in a very selfish way. It's not just in the dating game, it's everywhere.

 

[illuminationSP]

I'll just be myself, regardless. Girls will like it or they won't. The end.

 

[Iseesky]

I didn't read the entire article...but...

I prefer nice guys myself...I think many girls have a problem with the guys who are too nice. They may have the best intentions, but it feels like they're just buttering you up. They try too hard to say and do the right things that it no longer seems natural. You're never sure if they're being themselves. They tiptoe around certain issues to avoid conflict and say what they think you would like to hear rather than saying what they truly feel. A nice guy is one who isn't afraid to speak his mind...He's confident enough to say something you may not like, but he's respectful and caring and trustworthy.

 

[Felgen]

This is true, but I wouldn't blame it on modern society. If you look at history, it has always been like this. You also see this in some African cultures. In fact, you probably see this in all the cultures. Like you said in the first paragraph, it might be an "instinct".

Beeing attracted to status is an instinct (this goes for both genders), but what's perceived as status today is different from what was perceived as status in the stone age, in the dark ages or in the 50's for that matter. In the stone age, strength, good looks, intelligence and so on gave you status as a man. Today, beeing "experienced" and beeing the best womanizer is seen as more important than all the aforementioned qualities.

This is also true for women. Exaggerated tanning, anorexia and the breasts hysteria are perfect examples of what the mass media has managed to 'standardise'.

 

[Truthseeker]

This is true, but I wouldn't blame it on modern society. If you look at history, it has always been like this. You also see this in some African cultures. In fact, you probably see this in all the cultures. Like you said in the first paragraph, it might be an "instinct".

Actually, it's more to do with cultural and moral degeneration in western societies. And sadly, now the same is happening in other regions in the world, such as India and the Middle East.

 

[Truthseeker]

Just keep away from those kind of girls,pretty easy to spot.

Exactly, you have to identify your own values and live them to the fullest. It's totally irrelevant what other people/girls/society think. For example, if you think that pre-marital sex is wrong, you should proudly declare that you're a virgin. Or if you don't drink alcohol, you should not feel bad about it because most people drink.

 

[Luke1993]

Why don't girls like guys who are "too nice"?

 

[philly2bits]

Why don't girls like guys who are "too nice"?

There are women who do like "nice guys." As said earlier, everyone is different. Every person, man or woman, has there own criteria for what they are looking for in a romantic partner. Saying girls don't like nice guys is about as unfair as saying men don't like smart women. A woman, out there somewhere, may not like a nice guy, just like A man out there somewhere may not like a smart women. But to generalize something so complex and personal to a single phrase just based on some bad experiences is self defeating.