bdd , i feel ugly

[Patrick26]

its doable to post nice and photogenic pictures, its what we all do on some level. if i posted a nice picture of myself with a nice angle, etc, etc, i could get away with fooling people that i looked good, but i know that in reality, its just a picture and it doesn't reflect what i look like and feel like in flesh. More so, it can even give something to live up to. If i see a nice picture of myself, I would think, why can't i always look like that? Why can't that really be me? But its not, and the reality is, the human body is just imperfect. Its as ugly as it can be beautiful. I think the goal is just being OK and accepting this unstable imperfect ever changing flesh. I think we're all ugly and beautiful, but we really get obsessed about the ugly parts. Over the years of feeling the same thing over and over again, it can become unbearable and really heavy to the point that even physical health breaks apart becoz of it.

and its true, lethargy or just feeling crappy does make u feel/look uglier. anyone can look ugly, even the celebrities are photographed without make up and in crappy moods and they can look like disasters. so just to honesty say what i think and feel, i'll say yes, being human is to be ugly in some way or another, we cant escape that.

I'm not a picture fan myself, i never look good in them. I think a picture only says a little bit about a persons looks regardless of angle. I prefer to see them face to face because the face is always changing with facial expressions all the time. You can't fall in love with a picture because you can't keep the same exact look up every second of every day. Webcams aren't that good either because most of the time it's crappy quality. Watching someone in crappy quality is not as good, not even CLOSE to as good as watching them with "live" quality.

it gets even more frustrating as the years pile up, getting older, it gets mentally heavier, and physically tougher.
Im 28 and i can't move on with my life. My life never even started. Im still stuck here just feeling trapped in myself
And no one understands what its like..

Many people share this same exact thought, so you're not alone.

 

[Mickery]

Personally, I feel it's more productive to aim for seeing what's really there and learning to discard obsessive or distorted thoughts. I've gotten quite angry and argumentative about being called beautiful because it's impossible to live up to that expectation. And compliments draw attention to something I don't want receiving attention.

Then again, sometimes I like compliments and feeling I'm attractive. Go figure.

 

[Feathers]

Hey Saskia,

Sorry to hear you've been feeling bad.. did something happen or did you eat something funny (yesterday maybe, like sweets or sweet drinks or such? That can cause a 'feeling good' and then 'crash' too..) And hormones can play a role, yup.. Check what time of month is it?
Sometimes one can also be concerned about something else and then 'focus' on something apparently unrelated like one's appearance or such too!!

((Hugz))

You are BRAVE and AWESOME to have been working so hard on your wellbeing!! Maybe you just need a little rest? You've made A LOT of progress and inspired many people here too!!

There's much MORE to you than just 'the looks' and I hope you know it!!

Oh, and you know there are all sorts of 'types' that other people find attractive.. There have been skinny girls with circles under eyes in fashion magazines too, and more 'full' girls in some other magazines etc. It's important that you are HEALTHY and work on your wellbeing!!

However you look, there are people who are gonna LIKE you heaps!! Just remember that!!
And maybe you can write a new song about it?

 

[Remus]

Thread closed for a clean up

 

[Remus]

ok - let's stop all the arguing and name calling

please stick to the topic

When a moderator tells you to stop arguing, it's wise to do so.

posts removed, infractions given.

back on topic

 

[Pacific_Loner]

@Saskia: I think I may have an advice that could help you. I realized that when I do intense working out and outdoor activities (like more than 10 hours per week), the obsessive feeling of ugliness goes down, probably because it keeps my mind busy, and also because you feel so healthy than I think consequently, you feel less ugly. It doesn't fix the problem, but in my case, it helps.

It will also help with your weight problem. I weight less than 100 pounds and I've never been able to gain weight by eating - however I gained more than 3 pounds of muscles since I started doing a lot of sports (when you weight less than 100, 3 pounds is a lot!!).

I think it's worth the try, I think it would make you feel better.

 

[Richey]

I dont think the problem is the way that we look its more that we never really look at ourselves nor do we have a proper idea of our own physical presence in the physical world unless we stare at ourselves in a room where the walls are mirrors then we are usually focussed on everybody else, we then see other people and notice that they are taller or look different to us, then you may fall into the trap of comparing yourself all the time add to that you may have a blurred distorted perception of what you actually look like, unless you have super model movie star looks then its difficult to have confidence in your looks. I know that those who are great looking tend to realise it though and i think its an advantage to those people to be blessed that way. But i think BDD comes from lack of confidence in temrs of fitness levels, energy, movement and a basic idea of self perception in terms of looks, all can be worked on with a bit of effort.

 

[Falkor]

i think the OP makes sense. For me, i have high standards for what i want to look like. Anything less than that just makes me feel disgustipated. It's not like, on a level of prettiness, its:

Pretty
Ok
Ugly

Its just more black and white, its just

Look good
Look ugly and disgusting

There's no OK.

I understand how this can be pretty hard to stomach for people who do not suffer from the same torture. Its easy to get offended by it. In fairness, this isn't a BDD exclusive forum so if someone with BDD posts what they feel, they do have to be more careful in being raw and censoring what they really think and feel if they don't want to be made fun of.

On the other hand, i can relate with PopoLala because me, as a guy with social anxiety, feel a natural tendency to feel disgusted too at beautiful women who appear to have everything easy and who appear to seek too much attention.

Well, i guess there are positive lessons that we can get out of this thread. Peace

Thanks, maybe I should just stick with the ''I'm OK'' part, it makes everything so much easier. Though still my priority is high, but I should find a factor in between, thanks for your post.

 

[Honk]

Saskia, you're a cutie!

If you want to change how you look, I would suggest that you do s.th. that changes your body "by accident" i.e. sports.
And no "doing fitness" isn't a sport.
Neither is "going jogging"

What I mean is, set performance goals work towards them, feel good about achieving them, and get even better looking by accident in the process.

 

[dyingtolive]

one thing about our bodies is that it constantly changes and it has cycles. One day you're bloated, looking fat. One day you're looking slim.. When you're bloated, water is being stored in the fat cells. Glycogen is being stored in the muscles and fat cells. These are just natural things the body does..

When we feel good about ourselves when we look slim and feel great, we cling to that feeling and feel confident.. But then our body changes again and we feel fat and feel tired, sluggish, and feel ugly.

Me, i tend to associate how good/bad i feel to how well im eating and how well im exercising. So, i can be in one of those phases where i feel crappy, sluggish, etc, but if my diet/exercise is well, i won't feel so bad.. so its also partly interlinked psychologically..

i dont know if it applies to others who don't really exercise (since im an exercise/dietaholic)..

but yeah, thats one of the frustrating things about the body, it doesnt look the same everyday.. u can look great one day, in a couple of days, u think what happened

 

[StupidWiz]

If you feel ugly, then what about me? Obviously I'm uglier than you...

I get that feeling too, on daily basis, but don't worry, it'll go away eventually.

 

[vancouver24]

man.. i've seen your youtube vids.. you are very good looking with amazing voice.. i cant believe your saying you feel ugly.. are you joking?.. hmm

 

[Liam17]

I feel ugly all the time :L.

It's life, i was born ugly and with a disorder.

Which is worse.

While your not ugly

 

[Social_Monstrosity]

I understand how you feel. I look at my face- it doesnt compare to all those chisel-featured manly men! I look pale, my eyes have dark marks under them- who would find me attractive? The majority of women in my area have been brought up to believe beauty is the be all and end all, so they only suffice for men with sixpacks abs, high confidence and footballer looks. Where do I fit in?

I am what they call an ectomorph. I'm skinny, and I can't gain weight nor muscle. I can't wear tshirts as it means my long arms are viewable. Sure being tall and skinny is good...but for a female model, not a man! I try to eat more stuff, but I get bored of food so easy and lost my appetite.

You're not stupid, and if that is your picture, you're not ugly Saskia. I know it seems hard to believe...but maybe if you work on eating, working out and improving sleeping habits you may think so too one day. Good luck

I know how you feel, except I'm fat. I just feel like a disgusting joke all the time...who would ever want me?

 

[StupidWiz]

I know how you feel, except I'm fat. I just feel like a disgusting joke all the time...who would ever want me?

I'm fat too, and everytime I present myself to new people, I get the feeling that they feel a little disgust, so yeah, I know how you feel. ::

 

[emre43]

If you can imagine a mixture of Quasimodo and the Elephant man I look 100 times worse than that. I am scared of posting an avatar of myself on here because of how hideous I look. I feel that I have a reason for feeling like this because I look so repulsive but there are people on here who look beautiful and should start thinking better about themselves.

 

[Fighter86]

I feel ugly too, thats why I spend 75mins in the morning trasforming my face with makeup. Makeup is what I live for, without it, I don't know how to face the world.

 

[Prestonator]

Hi Saskia,

I personally don't have BDD, but it must be so hard if you have it. How long have you suffered from it? Have you tried maybe focusing more on the positive sides to your body? I think that well no body is perfect as to me there is no such thing as perfection, so maybe for you it is just a case of accepting what you have got and moving on from there. I think that my arms are too skinny too, but I just don't focus my attention on that, but rather on the aspects of my body which I do like.

Plus, I am sure you are beautiful just like everyone else. Everyone is beautiful in their own way. In my opinion there is no definition of what is a beautiful person, as there are different aspects of different people that make them beautiful in their own way. Recently I read a book called 'Beautiful' by Katie Piper, who is a girl who was on her way to being a successful TV presenter/Model. This was stopped when her boyfriend destroyed her face by throwing industrial strong acid in her face. She is still beautiful despite her facial features being distorted by the acid. People may think she is ugly, but to me she is not. People these days just seem to think that the people who are beautiful are the ones that are glamour models, but do you really think that this is right?

I best stop here otherwise I will end up blabbling - hope it helps, and maybe makes you feel a little better!

 

[carecrab]

i know what you mean. Sometimes i feel ugly as hell, and it makes me feel like crap. I try to still put on some nice clothes, but like the saying goes: even if you give a monkey a golden ring it is and stays an ugly thing. So anyway, i feel like crap what makes me even more unattractive and so the circle goes on.

I remember getting a compliment few weeks a go from my friends, they said i looked handsome. Made me feel confident -> handsome.

So confidence is sometimes all you need, because when i look at your picture.. damn your pretty cute alright.