Arohanui - Ake Ake KiaKaha's Journal

MsBuzzkillington

MsBuzzkillington

Well-known member
Kat said:
No, use in trying to be a fortune teller we are only guaranteed death. Fantastic and good luck!
Click to expand...

I like this a lot. You really don't know how things are going to turn out so there is no use in trying to predict it.

I can understand not wanting to get your hopes up. I have been in that same situation before and I know what it feels like to want to be rational or realistic about might happen. I also know what it feels like to assume that the negative is going to happen because it is the same thing that has happened every time in the past. It might not work out right away, you might end up getting along for awhile and then it not work out... or it might work out wonderfully. There is really no way of knowing.

It is better to just take things one day at a time. Remind yourself that if things don't work out it isn't the end of the world, it DOESN'T mean there is something wrong with you, and that it is no big loss. If things do work out, remind yourself that your happiness isn't dependent upon how well things are going. I know this is very, very hard to do. But that is a much better approach than predicting the negative outcome. That isn't being rational or realistic, that is being pessimistic and although I do understand what it is like to be in that frame of mind, it really isn't helpful.

I think it is great that you are going on a date and I didn't mean to sour the mood. I do hope that positive things come your way because you really do deserve it.
 
kilojoule

kilojoule

1
KiaKaha said:
This woman is choice as, we have engaging conversations and it makes me feel good - and I am looking forward to meeting her.... I am just not going to count my chickens until they hatch....and then some....
Click to expand...

Oooooh Im really excited for you. I really look forward to hearing how it goes :)
 
Falkor

Falkor

1
KiaKaha said:
Yeah - you're probably about the only one.

Shame we dont live in the same country eh?

I am suspicious.

I wish people wanted my friendship, but I dont seem to have a natural charm and likeability that so many people seem to have. Easily overlooked. Easily dismissed and easily forgotten. I think despite what people say - there is always an element of comparison when deciding who you want to associate with. If you dont make the grade, or if you find attributes you find attractive elsewhere... then why stick around?

Meh... I dont know. Crazy crazy conclusions. Havent got a clue.
Click to expand...

You are a nice person, you just don't feel that way about you, but you can give other people a chance ;) and hey, you should give urself that chance too :) I know it's silly for me to say, since low self esteem isn't just easy to fix, I can understand, and it is a very long road, but hey, you're writing it down here and it's good to read, though i read a lot of self negative thoughts, oh well, it doesn't bother me at all, just sayin'. I just hope that you will get out of that state and feel better and positive and know that you can be charming, every person has its nice traints, you do too. you just don't see it and whilst you feel this way, you break the nice traints, you should open yourself up to the good sides of yourself and say them, every now and then, and remind yourself of the love and fun inside your heart, and not the wrong aspects, i know it aint easy bro, im just saying i recoqnize myself in your story and i hope to bring this message over brightly, well ah, hope the date goes wonderful :D
 
1BlackSheep

1BlackSheep

Well-known member
I totally "get" you, Kia Kaha! I feel that people see me in the same way as how you do. I feel "used" by people all the time. I've started to think it's because I allow it - I'm overly nice and people take advantage. I've been trying to not let people walk all over me as much any more! There's a gal at work who was very nice to me when she first started, mostly because I was nice to her when she thought everyone else hated her. Now that she's become friends with all the "cool kids", she seems to only talk to me when none of them are around. I decided to start giving her the cold shoulder right back when she tries to talk to me! Not that she likely cares, but it makes me feel less "used". I hate when people treat me like I'm "less than"!

So glad that you got to meet up with Mikey and Aletheia! Both seem like they'd be good friends to have.

Hope all goes well with your date and that perhaps she'll be "The One"!
 
KiaKaha

KiaKaha

Banned
MsBuzzkillington said:
I like this a lot. You really don't know how things are going to turn out so there is no use in trying to predict it.
Click to expand...

You're right - I cant predict the future, I know this deep down. If I was that down on myself, I wouldn't even try with women.... but I do try...and I have had success in the past.... albeit limited, but probably more than some. It just hurts me so much, that I cant seem to form a lasting relationship with someone... especially with someone that I really like. I get the 'message' that I am just someone that people dont want to know...or at least, not get to know well.... its like a huge concrete block that stands in the way of intimacy. I am only suitable up to a point.... I sometimes wonder, why it is people dont seem to realize that friendship and trust is more based on how much TIME people spend with one another, rather than first impressions and biases.

Even people who dont like each other to begin with can begin to form a bond once they start having experiences with each other.

The reason I said what I did is not a prediction of the future - it is to make me feel better if it doesnt work out, its also a way to rationalize and make sense of my past experiences - even if it sounds completely crappy...it makes me feel better because I can understand it....even if it doesnt make any real sense.....and people do it all the time.... just in more subtle ways.

I have never been someone who is full of dippy optimism, like I see in some people - I CHOOSE not to be that way because it irritates me to see people thinking that the world is full of unicorns and gumdrops, when it isnt - its cold, its unfriendly, its unfair and its unsympathetic.... thats why I value and I commend people who take the harshness away from the world - people on this very forum and in the real world deserve more recognition than they do because they are the ones who in my opinion will make this world a better place....people who take the time...to not only listen...but to HEAR... they are the ones who can break the cycle of selfishness and to show people that if all of us came together as a cohesive unit then things would be better....for all of us.

That probably makes no sense at all... oh well its all I got for the moment.

Today I participated in the nationwide Hikoi - a protest to stop out government from selling our state assets to offshore investors - it was good. It is a good thing... we are only a small country and we need to keep whatever we have in the hands of our own countrymen to reinvest into the economy. It enures that everyone is better off. We dont have the population to make such a move.

Anyway - dates happening tomorrow. She said she is nervous - I am a bit too - she also said that she likes the way I write, which was as nice thing to say. I am worried that she is going to find me unattractive. I may wear a hat.
 
Last edited:
KiaKaha

KiaKaha

Banned
1BlackSheep said:
So glad that you got to meet up with Mikey and Aletheia! Both seem like they'd be good friends to have.
Click to expand...

Yeah they are - and I am sure that if I had the opportunity too so would many others here be.... they know who they are.

*** ahh... bumble bees....* :)

Sorry... where was I... oh yes, anyway.... nice to hear from you again as briefly as it was. I hope you are well.
 
Last edited:
Kat

Kat

Well-known member
We know already geez:rolleyes: that’s good you can be nervous together.;)

And no I was not referring to the one post just above.::p:

and please don't put a negative spin on what I said I know what you are saying everyone deals with things in their own way.

what works is ideally the most preferable method.
 
Last edited:
MsBuzzkillington

MsBuzzkillington

Well-known member
I am excited for you. I really hope this goes well. You don't need to wear a hat, you are a handsome dude! Plus, if she is the type to judge you based off what your hair looks like, then you won't want to be dating her anyway. Better to go without the hat I say, put your real self out there. She seems to really like you for your mind though, and I think that is going to triumph over any thing else.

Also, I am not sure if it is today there yet is the tomorrow , or if the tomorrow is still tomorrow, but I hope it is.... um today.
 
KiaKaha

KiaKaha

Banned
Oh my goodness... look at all these posts... you vultures...

:)

So... I SUPPOSE you all want to know how it went eh?

alright, you twisted my arm, I will tell you...

Well I just got back actually, we meet at 12pm its now 8pm - so I guess you could say it went pretty well. We meet at the library cafe out where I live (she lives close to me) and at first it was, as it usually is, a little awkward.... but it soon lightened up. We got talking about who we were and where we came from etc... shes pretty cute, she has dark shoulder length hair, brown eyes, 35 years old.

Afterward, we started to relax in each others company... we went for a walk and started talking even more. We got pretty close - I snuck in a kiss and a cuddle or two because it felt right - it was reciprocated.

We then went to the beach, still talking, by this point it was getting dark - we then sat, with my arm around her and I showed her some constellations and planets (I like looking at the stars) because I am a cheesy romantic (well.... sometimes, even if it does make me feel sick) ... we then got some dinner, at an indian restaurant...still talking... it wasnt weird at all.

Afterward we went back to the beach and hung out for a bit longer before calling it a night.

Like I said, I just got back -I am about to have a shower.... theres more, but I dont want to give it ALL away... but lets just say, that for a first date... I think it went pretty damn well.... shes petite, and exceptionally cute.

Now... I have got this far.... now I am scared. I am scared that I am being too 'nice' and too considerate. I cant help it.... I am just not sure if its too much. I cant help being polite.

I am STILL not going to get my hopes up - I tend to do reasonably well with first impressions... its just maintaining that interest that I struggle with. I do like her, but I dont want to get to excited, or too invested... just in case... I have to maintain a distance.... until I know for sure I can emotionally invest in her.

But yes... sorry to add a negative spin, but I gotta do what I gotta do. I am seeing her tomorrow.

PHEW...

what an ordeal...albeit, a pretty damn good one....
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top