Arohanui - Ake Ake KiaKaha's Journal

[MikeyC]

Nobody should be better than anyone but we're taught otherwise growing up.

 

[KiaKaha]

You know, the more I think about it, the more I become convinced that the only reason people want to know me is because they can get something out of me... not because they really like me or want to spend time with me.

There is always some convenient reason to know me.

I feel so sad that I am unremarkable to everyone.

 

[MikeyC]

You know, the more I think about it, the more I become convinced that the only reason people want to know me is because they can get something out of me... not because they really like me or want to spend time with me.

There is always some convenient reason to know me.

I feel so sad that I am unremarkable to everyone.

I don't want anything from you....

 

[KiaKaha]

I don't want anything from you....

Yeah - you're probably about the only one.

Shame we dont live in the same country eh?

I am suspicious.

I wish people wanted my friendship, but I dont seem to have a natural charm and likeability that so many people seem to have. Easily overlooked. Easily dismissed and easily forgotten. I think despite what people say - there is always an element of comparison when deciding who you want to associate with. If you dont make the grade, or if you find attributes you find attractive elsewhere... then why stick around?

Meh... I dont know. Crazy crazy conclusions. Havent got a clue.

 

[MikeyC]

I understand how you feel, and I do feel a similar thing with the people around me.

 

[Srijita52]

Yeah - you're probably about the only one.

Shame we dont live in the same country eh?

I am suspicious.

I wish people wanted my friendship, but I dont seem to have a natural charm and likeability that so many people seem to have. Easily overlooked. Easily dismissed and easily forgotten. I think despite what people say - there is always an element of comparison when deciding who you want to associate with. If you dont make the grade, or if you find attributes you find attractive elsewhere... then why stick around?

Meh... I dont know. Crazy crazy conclusions. Havent got a clue.

I know how you feel Kia but people are just like that. All of us do it
to some extent. If you want to get along more with people though maybe there're some traits you can pick that can help? Its strange how different people act collectively and individually. When you get to know someone you might see they're actually way more different than you thought. We judge others too, its impossible not to but its important to check how valid that judgement is. Maybe you can try learning about what people around you like, try to gain some knowledge about them. Everyone has different values and thoughts and maybe all of us are right in our own way? Blah I'm rambling again. I don't have much experience so I don't know if I'm even making any sense, maybe not. Sorry for rambling.
Btw I like you for who you are if that means anything

 

[persianfan247]

You know, the more I think about it, the more I become convinced that the only reason people want to know me is because they can get something out of me... not because they really like me or want to spend time with me.

There is always some convenient reason to know me.

I feel so sad that I am unremarkable to everyone.

I don't believe there is such a thing as being truly selfless, even people who regularly do so called selfless acts only do it because it makes them feel good to do something that is regarded as being good. People do not do anything for no reason.
However people see and like different things, some people only enjoy funny exciting people and will thus ignore you, while other people will merely want someone who will accept them as they are and provide some relativily pleasant company.

People liking you and spending time with you are people who only want to know you to get something out of you, but of course there are also people who want someone to bully you, give them money etc.

 

[KiaKaha]

I know how you feel Kia but people are just like that. All of us do it
to some extent. If you want to get along more with people though maybe there're some traits you can pick that can help? Its strange how different people act collectively and individually. When you get to know someone you might see they're actually way more different than you thought. We judge others too, its impossible not to but its important to check how valid that judgement is. Maybe you can try learning about what people around you like, try to gain some knowledge about them. Everyone has different values and thoughts and maybe all of us are right in our own way? Blah I'm rambling again. I don't have much experience so I don't know if I'm even making any sense, maybe not. Sorry for rambling.
Btw I like you for who you are if that means anything

No you are not rambling - Srijita you never ramble. I know what you are saying - its just difficult to put that in practice. I am so convinced of the conclusions I come too about the world around me I find it difficult to see things in a different light, but at the same time... I am not sure... its hard to explain. I try not to judge - or at least not to harshly - and if I do its only to people who are very obviously nasty or who think they are in someway more superior (I loathe the concept of social class)

We are all right in our own way, but we are also all wrong - I guess that why we have an inclination to be attracted to people who remind us of ourselves.... because it validates our own reality. I dont think I will ever be someone who comes across as confident (and seeing that that appears to be the one personality trait that truly seems to matter... I am pretty much screwed) because I doubt my own thoughts far too much.... I dont know if I am right... about anything... I just like anyone else take what I learn from experiencing life and interpret it the best way I can to rationalize and make sense of everything around me.

Heres a picture I took of a bambino on metallic stilts - cos I am a badass like that.

 

[Srijita52]

No you are not rambling - Srijita you never ramble. I know what you are saying - its just difficult to put that in practice. I am so convinced of the conclusions I come too about the world around me I find it difficult to see things in a different light. I try not to judge - or at least not to harshly - and if I do its only to people who are very obviously nasty or who think they are in someway more superior (I loathe the concept of social class)

We are all right in our own way, but we are also all wrong - I guess that why we have an inclination to be attracted to people who remind us of ourselves.... because it validates our own reality. I dont think I will ever be someone who comes across as confident (and seeing that that appears to be the one personality trait that truly seems to matter... I am pretty much screwed) because I doubt my own thoughts far too much.... I dont know if I am right... about anything.

Heres a picture I took of a bambino on metallic stilts - cos I am a badass like that.

You're right Kia, its so so hard to put such thoughts in practise and it takes so much time. I can relate with doubting your own thoughts, they can be really confusing sometimes. I mean what's right anyway? Isn't it all relative?
Btw the picture looks pretty cool

 

[KiaKaha]

I have a date coming up in a few days with a woman I met off another forum that I frequent (not a dating site - those things are useless) I am looking forward to it. We have wicked cool conversations (pretty important), she has dark features (which is what I find attractive physically) and we have a lot in common, shes a photographer.... she seems to really like me.

but I have already reached conclusions why its not going to work out....

Its going to go something like this - we will meet, most likely she will find me interesting and engaging (if I do say so myself - although there are no gurantees) - probably make her laugh - maybe even set up a second date.

Her sex appeal far outweighs my own, so automatically I am in a position of lesser power.

As time goes on - she will pick up my shyness/social awkwardness/lack of confidence - my lack of status etc... which in turn will negate all other parts of my personality and will change with quite severe contrast how she currently sees me.

My novelty will wear off - eventually I will be 'perceived' in a different light to how she originally saw me (or how she currently thinks of me) - realizing that after initial rush of meeting someone new - I am not the person for her.... I will be a nice person, but no longer dateable.

Estimated time 2 - 4 weeks.

Or I may just blow it with the first 20 minutes. Who knows.

Sorry if this sounds a bit insulting - perhaps its a self fufulling prophecy... but I dont really see it that way. Its just thats what happens every time. I will remain to have some degree of faith. But I wont have too high expectations.... just in case I get let down. Of course - I will play the facade to ensure none of these thoughts seep out to allow a self fulfilling prophecy to occur - but if it does then I will finally have the proof that I require to give up completely.

 

[MikeyC]

but I have already reached conclusions why its not going to work out....

Why are you setting yourself up to fail? I've met you and you're a handsome, personable, interesting individual, and I'm positive this girl thinks the same, otherwise she wouldn't agree to a date. You'll do fine!

 

[hidwell]

I hope your date goes well, beyond your greatest expectations.

 

[coyote]

what might you do differently to produce a different outcome?

 

[Srijita52]

I have a date coming up in a few days with a woman I met off another forum that I frequent (not a dating site - those things are useless) I am looking forward to it. We have wicked cool conversations (pretty important), she has dark features (which is what I find attractive physically) and we have a lot in common, shes a photographer.... she seems to really like me.

but I have already reached conclusions why its not going to work out....

Its going to go something like this - we will meet, most likely she will find me interesting and engaging (if I do say so myself - although there are no gurantees) - probably make her laugh - maybe even set up a second date.

Her sex appeal far outweighs my own, so automatically I am in a position of lesser power.

As time goes on - she will pick up my shyness/social awkwardness/lack of confidence - my lack of status etc... which in turn will negate all other parts of my personality and will change with quite severe contrast how she currently sees me.

My novelty will wear off - eventually I will be 'perceived' in a different light to how she originally saw me (or how she currently thinks of me) - realizing that after initial rush of meeting someone new - I am not the person for her.... I will be a nice person, but no longer dateable.

Estimated time 2 - 4 weeks.

Or I may just blow it with the first 20 minutes. Who knows.

Sorry if this sounds a bit insulting - perhaps its a self fufulling prophecy... but I dont really see it that way. Its just thats what happens every time. I will remain to have some degree of faith. But I wont have too high expectations.... just in case I get let down. Of course - I will play the facade to ensure none of these thoughts seep out to allow a self fulfilling prophecy to occur - but if it does then I will finally have the proof that I require to give up completely.

Why do you think it won't work out? You're such a wonderful guy and since you both have a lot in common also she likes you very much I think it might be great. You're being too hard on yourself Kia. I hope your negative expectations don't come true. Good luck

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

I have a date coming up in a few days with a woman I met off another forum that I frequent (not a dating site - those things are useless) I am looking forward to it. We have wicked cool conversations (pretty important), she has dark features (which is what I find attractive physically) and we have a lot in common, shes a photographer.... she seems to really like me.

but I have already reached conclusions why its not going to work out....

Its going to go something like this - we will meet, most likely she will find me interesting and engaging (if I do say so myself - although there are no gurantees) - probably make her laugh - maybe even set up a second date.

Her sex appeal far outweighs my own, so automatically I am in a position of lesser power.

As time goes on - she will pick up my shyness/social awkwardness/lack of confidence - my lack of status etc... which in turn will negate all other parts of my personality and will change with quite severe contrast how she currently sees me.

My novelty will wear off - eventually I will be 'perceived' in a different light to how she originally saw me (or how she currently thinks of me) - realizing that after initial rush of meeting someone new - I am not the person for her.... I will be a nice person, but no longer dateable.

Estimated time 2 - 4 weeks.

Or I may just blow it with the first 20 minutes. Who knows.

Sorry if this sounds a bit insulting - perhaps its a self fufulling prophecy... but I dont really see it that way. Its just thats what happens every time. I will remain to have some degree of faith. But I wont have too high expectations.... just in case I get let down. Of course - I will play the facade to ensure none of these thoughts seep out to allow a self fulfilling prophecy to occur - but if it does then I will finally have the proof that I require to give up completely.

Not to be a total "b word" but if you are going to go into the date with that kind of attitude, you should just call her up and cancel it. We usually aren't aware of the things that we are doing to create our own self-fulfilling prophecies. But if you go into the situation with the "I am not good enough, she is going to realize that" attitude, then it WILL shine through. No matter how you try and hide it. And if this does not go well it will prove absolutely nothing.

 

[KiaKaha]

Not to be a total "b word" but if you are going to go into the date with that kind of attitude, you should just call her up and cancel it. We usually aren't aware of the things that we are doing to create our own self-fulfilling prophecies. But if you go into the situation with the "I am not good enough, she is going to realize that" attitude, then it WILL shine through. No matter how you try and hide it. And if this does not go well it will prove absolutely nothing.

I have a perfectly fine attitude going into dates. What I dislike is having my expectations and hopes getting too high and then being let down. The only way I know how to deal with such heartbreaking disappointment and pain is to ensure that I keep things as realistic as possible based on my past experience. I am quite capable of dating and coming across well, I have done it many times before. But I seem to have the same outcome every time - its got nothing to do with my attitude... it has more to do with my occasional lack of faith in myself and awkward deamenour that seems to be such a huge deal breaker (unless someone can prove to me otherwise)

Do I 100% expect it will fail? No of course not otherwise I wouldnt bother...

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

This

but I have already reached conclusions why its not going to work out....

Its going to go something like this - we will meet, most likely she will find me interesting and engaging (if I do say so myself - although there are no gurantees) - probably make her laugh - maybe even set up a second date.

Her sex appeal far outweighs my own, so automatically I am in a position of lesser power.

As time goes on - she will pick up my shyness/social awkwardness/lack of confidence - my lack of status etc... which in turn will negate all other parts of my personality and will change with quite severe contrast how she currently sees me.

My novelty will wear off - eventually I will be 'perceived' in a different light to how she originally saw me (or how she currently thinks of me) - realizing that after initial rush of meeting someone new - I am not the person for her.... I will be a nice person, but no longer dateable.

Estimated time 2 - 4 weeks.

Or I may just blow it with the first 20 minutes. Who knows.

Sorry if this sounds a bit insulting - perhaps its a self fufulling prophecy... but I dont really see it that way. Its just thats what happens every time. I will remain to have some degree of faith. But I wont have too high expectations.... just in case I get let down. Of course - I will play the facade to ensure none of these thoughts seep out to allow a self fulfilling prophecy to occur - but if it does then I will finally have the proof that I require to give up completely.

is far from a "perfectly fine attitude going into a date".

 

[KiaKaha]

Its not an attitude - its a mechanism to ensure that I dont feel disappointed because its an emotion I dont handle particularly well.

Everybody has their own way to rationalizing and dealing with pain - I see it all the time in this forum, and what I said there is no different from anyone else.... I just happen to be a little more blunt about it.

I *do* have a good attitude to dating and to dealing with other people, and if you knew me in person, you would see that.

I am merely a product of my own environment - yes I am cynical and pessimistic... but I also see the good as well, I dont sugar coat and pussy foot around. The good seems to be elusive because as far as I can tell I kept getting proved right.

 

[KiaKaha]

and just for the record - I dont expect people to accept me and like me unconditionally, I know people find different things attractive and sometimes it simply doesnt work out.

This woman is choice as, we have engaging conversations and it makes me feel good - and I am looking forward to meeting her.... I am just not going to count my chickens until they hatch....and then some....

anyway - sorry for taking something beautiful and turning it into something ugly if that what it seems that I have done.

 

[MikeyC]

I *do* have a good attitude to dating and to dealing with other people, and if you knew me in person, you would see that.

I saw that. I know you'll go well in this date. Just be yourself and I know you'll be okay. Just don't let her know on how you expect the date to go.