Arohanui - Ake Ake KiaKaha's Journal

[MikeyC]

Cutting all contact.

Don't cut off contact. The date you two went on seemed to be really good, judging from your description of it. Maybe she just needs some time to collect her thoughts. I say remain friends with her and maybe something could blossom.

You are not abusive and possesive. You are sweet and kind and handsome and a perfect gentleman.

This. Like, 100% this. From knowing you in person, you are nothing but a perfect guy. Just because it may not work out with this one doesn't mean it won't with the next one. You have more to offer than you give yourself credit for.

I'm sorry, though. I know it's difficult to be rejected, especially after the date appeared to be a success. Keep your head up, my friend. You're welcome to chat to me about this in private if you need to.

 

[Srijita52]

I'm really sorry Kia. But I agree with Mikey, maybe she just needs some times to think but even if it doesn't work out with her please don't give up. You did everything on your side but if she still doesn't want to be with you its not your fault. I'm sure you'll be boyfriend material to someone out there. Hang in there.

 

[KiaKaha]

Boyfriend material...hmm...

She said she feels it... but she thinks that she isnt the right person for me.... isnt that up for me to decide? Is that code for...its not you, its me...?

My problem is that I dont stir up that primal instinctive desire in women...

sure... I will always be "a sweet guy" or "a nice guy" or really "thoughtful and considerate" or "caring" ra ra ra...

heard it dozens and dozens of times before, and its always the same result.

The only thing I am sorry about is letting my guard down.

With the abuse thing... I will never understand that. I know there is more to the picture than meets the eye, but what kind of conclusions is one supposed to draw...?

Just let me live in my black cloud. Its easier.

 

[MikeyC]

Boyfriend material...hmm...

My problem is that I dont stir up that primal instinctive desire in women...

sure... I will always be "a sweet guy" or "a nice guy" or really "thoughtful and considerate" or "caring" ra ra ra...

heard it dozens and dozens of times before, and its always the same result.

The only thing I am sorry about is letting my guard down.

Just let me live in my black cloud. Its easier.

You know, I have heard the same thing, as well, as many times as you.

I still ended up with a girlfriend last year.

Don't give up.

 

[Srijita52]

Well there's nothing you can do here and like I said maybe its about her and not you. Don't give Kia, I'm sure there'll be someone for you.

 

[KiaKaha]

Yeah... one can dream.

I have to cut contact - because now she is only a representation of me not being good enough for her. Sorry if it sounds harsh, but its the way it has to be.

 

[MikeyC]

Yeah... one can dream.

I have to cut contact - because now she is only a representation of me not being good enough for her. Sorry if it sounds harsh, but its the way it has to be.

Give it a few days before making a decision on that. The date was yesterday. Besides, she might have a cute friend she could introduce you to. You never know, mate.

You're an attractive man and you're not a psycho. Even if you don't see it, there are many women who'd like to have you by their side. You just need to find her.

 

[KiaKaha]

I am not sure. I dont like hope or expectation. I dont like feeling like things will go my way. I dont like desire - I dont handle disappointment very well because its confusing and it happens a little too often. I dont know why - and I try and figure it out and it still makes no sense.

Its intriguing... I can sense nearly the EXACT moment when I lose them - its quite uncanny. You can feel it - like an internal nuance of realization...and you just know... you just know.... thats it done and that nothing you do will make any difference.

Anyway - change the record eh?

Not like I am the only one thats ever been rejected.

 

[MikeyC]

I am not sure. I dont like hope or expectation. I dont like feeling like things will go my way. I dont like desire - I dont handle disappointment very well because its confusing and it happens a little too often. I dont know why - and I try and figure it out and it still makes no sense.

Its intriguing... I can sense nearly the EXACT moment when I lose them - its quite uncanny. You can feel it - like an internal nuance of realization...and you just know... you just know.... thats it done and that nothing you do will make any difference.

Anyway - change the record eh?

Not like I am the only one thats ever been rejected.

The date went so well, though. What moment did you realise you had lost her?

I'm still sorry you're suffering from this, mate.

 

[1BlackSheep]

Oh no! That sucks big time! It does kind of sound like she's not emotionally available right now. She's probably trying to move on from her last relationship by starting to date again, but her heart just isn't there yet. It's definitely her loss because she's missing out on a "keeper"! As difficult as it might be, it could be worth keeping the lines of communication open and see what happens. Maybe she just needs a little more time. Kudos to you for getting out there and taking a risk!

 

[Kat]

yeah, it's all chance you can develop a better judgement about things and have a good sense of preferences and know what works and what doesn't work as an individual but there's no real set strategy other than you have to be in it to win it.

what failed in the past may work ok with another.

 

[1BlackSheep]

Just let me live in my black cloud. Its easier.

I hear ya' on that! It's hard putting yourself out there and risking rejection time and time again.

 

[KiaKaha]

The date went so well, though. What moment did you realise you had lost her?

I'm still sorry you're suffering from this, mate.

Probably the moment she didnt send me a text after the date.

Its not so much suffering because it didnt work out - its suffering because I was silly enough to trifle with something that may have made me feel good.

I know, that the moment I 'want' something, as much as I try to repress it - automatically means that i wont get it. It's just the way it is for me...at least it seems to be. Obviously my grand expectations are far too high. Its alright - I'm used to it. I have handled it before, and I will again.

Thank you, for the responses.

 

[MikeyC]

I don't know, mate. I think you haven't met the right person yet. Come to Australia - higher population = bigger pool of women to choose from.

At least you're trying, mate, and I can't commend you enough for that. There is a girl out there that'll make you very happy. Take this date as experience, and your next date will go even better.

If you want to chat about it you're more than welcome to talk to me.

 

[Srijita52]

Probably the moment she didnt send me a text after the date.

Its not so much suffering because it didnt work out - its suffering because I was silly enough to trifle with something that may have made me feel good.

I know, that the moment I 'want' something, as much as I try to repress it - automatically means that i wont get it. It's just the way it is for me...at least it seems to be. Obviously my grand expectations are far too high. Its alright - I'm used to it. I have handled it before, and I will again.

Thank you, for the responses.

I'm really sorry Kia but it doesn't mean you should give up hope. I hope things get better with you, you've got friends here who will be there for you. Stay strong.

 

[KiaKaha]

I just hate being called 'nice'

One can only take so much disappointment before their world becomes grey.
I am exhausted of always feeling like I am never good enough.
Anyway - I should probably shut up about it.

Thanks - for your kindness.

 

[MikeyC]

I just hate being called 'nice'

I get tired of just being "nice" sometimes, too, but I like it better than being a jerk. Although sometimes it's not enough.

 

[kilojoule]

My problem is that I dont stir up that primal instinctive desire in women...

Has any woman actually said that to you? Or is this an insecurity?

Or are you deducting that because you've been called 'sweet' and 'nice' you can't also stir up primal instincts ? Nonsense. A lot of guys seem to think this but its not true! It isnt a case of being one or the other. One has nothing to do with the other. They are separate.And weve all seen your picture kia and you can take it from me that you do actually have the rugged good looking primal thing happening for you. So this thing isnt about that.

This girl did not stop this developing for that reason. You are adding 2&2 and getting 5.

In any case anyone who talks about their ex on a first date,(or on any date) is not really available. He was more than likely the reason this stopped.


What is interesting is that out of all the girls, you sought this girl out, the one thats not really available.


Take pride in taking that leap like you did. I applaude you. It was a big leap.

 

[KiaKaha]

^^ Yeah well, I could analyze and deduce and complain till the cows come home. It wont do any good. I sometimes wonder - that the reasons people have negative conclusions is based on what they observe and how they feel they are being treated - even if I am wrong - is it any WONDER why people jump to conclusions... I mean, if you looked at it objectively?

I simply do not have the answer. This isnt about a failed date - its about letting myself feel a fleeting sense of hope for joy to enter my life. Whether it be a woman, a job, an opportunity, an ideal or something else that I want which would make me feel good. It was a risk - and I lost it. I have to bear in mind to be more careful.

In regards to dating, there is a lot I could say - I dont mean to sound boastful (nor superficial), but I have been out with a lot of women - but I only seem to last a week or two, and it hurts that no one wants to seem to know me more than that...surely someone must understand how that would make someone feel? - I should probably remain single. I dont think I can really handle the pain of rejection - it wounds me too much. I think I would rather be alone.

Anyway - sorry - for you know....all of THAT ^^^ thanks for putting up with me...again.

 

[Kat]

yeah, what ever choice we make pain is always present.

unfortunately pain is not something you can escape you may be able to learn from it and not let it get to you as much but it does seem to find away to rear itself.