Are we really the ones with the problem?

SmileMore

Well-known member
I mean, people with SA tend to be very thoughtful and think a lot about how other people are feeling and what they're thinking etc. I think those are pretty good traits to have. Yet it's the loud (often obnoxious) people who are seen as socially acceptable and "normal".

I'd rather be a bit awkward but thoughtful rather than loud and shouting over everybody or talk endlessly about myself and have no awareness when it comes to other people's feelings.
 

FriendlyShadow

Well-known member
I agree with what you said Smilemore. I wish it was outgoing people extroverts who were more considerate about who we are and our personalities. There are bigger things happening in this world than worrying about a minor flaw which is quietness. Rather I think it's the extroverts who need to change their perspective of how they see things than introverts.
 

Diend

Well-known member
Personally, i tend not to initiate things and let other people do the leading. I dont pull my weight in that situation. I also dont introduce myself to others as often and it is misinterpreted as coldness. What social anxiety does to me is creating mystery between myself and the stranger. When i've interacted with others, it always helps to get to know the opposing party and if i won't tell a lot about myself then, it makes expanding that relationship, just that much harder. The reason i joined this site in the first place was to eliminate the anxiety of talking to strangers or being in a room where i dont know anybody. Nowadays, the anxiety is much less severe when speaking to strangers. Instead, i am focusing on reading cues better and initiating more often.
 
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Luka

Well-known member
I think I'm the one with the problem because I'm not only anxious around loud, obnoxious people but with everyone.
 

NathanielWingatePeaslee

Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Staff member
web md said:
Social anxiety disorder, also called social phobia, is an anxiety disorder in which a person has an excessive and unreasonable fear of social situations. Anxiety (intense nervousness) and self-consciousness arise from a fear of being closely watched, judged, and criticized by others.

A person with social anxiety disorder is afraid that he or she will make mistakes, look bad, and be embarrassed or humiliated in front of others. The fear may be made worse by a lack of social skills or experience in social situations. The anxiety can build into a panic attack. As a result of the fear, the person endures certain social situations in extreme distress or may avoid them altogether. In addition, people with social anxiety disorder often suffer "anticipatory" anxiety -- the fear of a situation before it even happens -- for days or weeks before the event. In many cases, the person is aware that the fear is unreasonable, yet is unable to overcome it.

People with social anxiety disorder suffer from distorted thinking, including false beliefs about social situations and the negative opinions of others. Without treatment, social anxiety disorder can negatively interfere with the person's normal daily routine, including school, work, social activities, and relationships.

People with social anxiety disorder may be afraid of a specific situation, such as speaking in public. However, most people with social anxiety disorder fear more than one social situation. Other situations that commonly provoke anxiety include:

Eating or drinking in front of others.
Writing or working in front of others.
Being the center of attention.
Interacting with people, including dating or going to parties.
Asking questions or giving reports in groups.
Using public toilets.
Talking on the telephone.

Social anxiety disorder may be linked to other mental illnesses, such as panic disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, and depression. In fact, many people with social anxiety disorder initially see the doctor with complaints related to these disorders, not because of social anxiety symptoms.

What Is Social Anxiety Disorder? Symptoms, Treatments, & More

Sounds very much like the description of a problem to me.
 

Odo

Banned
Sounds very much like the description of a problem to me.

But the criteria for having a problem is also much broader and the definitions much looser than ever before as well. You might say that this is an irrational fear caused by some sort of chemical imbalance or maybe it`s a manifestation of some greater unease that is actually a perfectly rational reaction to a society that is sick.

Any time you see widespread medication taking place the way it is in the west (especially the US), it`s probably a good cause to worry.
 

NathanielWingatePeaslee

Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Staff member
But the criteria for having a problem is also much broader and the definitions much looser than ever before as well. You might say that this is an irrational fear caused by some sort of chemical imbalance or maybe it`s a manifestation of some greater unease that is actually a perfectly rational reaction to a society that is sick.

Any time you see widespread medication taking place the way it is in the west (especially the US), it`s probably a good cause to worry.
All sorts of speculation are possible as to the causes of social anxiety. Theories abound. If you have actual knowledge, please share.

I'm not seeing how any of that is relevant to what I posted anyway. Are you suggesting that social anxiety only seems to be a problem?
 

Quietguy11

Well-known member
I mean, people with SA tend to be very thoughtful and think a lot about how other people are feeling and what they're thinking etc. I think those are pretty good traits to have. Yet it's the loud (often obnoxious) people who are seen as socially acceptable and "normal".

I'd rather be a bit awkward but thoughtful rather than loud and shouting over everybody or talk endlessly about myself and have no awareness when it comes to other people's feelings.

We are definitely labelled as the ones who have the mental illness because we can't conform to what is often in most cases considered the norm of things. When I'm out with a few of my closest friends, I have a very hard time even making simplistic conversation. It's like my brain won't let me come out of my shell. Or as I've put before, there's like a wall that's up between me and everyone else, making me very unapproachable, and making it hard to approach anyone else.

I agree that I would rather be thoughtful and actually have empathy toward how people feel than to be loud and obnoxious with no sensitivity at all. But it's the whole being able to communicate that I'm having the problem with. When I see my friends talking for literally hours to each other without running out of things to say, it makes me wonder why I can't keep a conversation going like that as well. The most I can do is say a few words here and there, and then I'm totally burnt out. My mind goes blank, in other words.

For once I would love to just feel normal. No anxiety in social situations, no feeling of inferiority everywhere I go, no trouble just thinking of what to say. I just feel so alone sometimes. I want to connect with people, and be an influence for people in a positive way. But I'm unable to put any of that into action.
 

SmileMore

Well-known member
Maybe people aren't understanding what i mean. I mean that people without SA aren't social experts. Just because you don't have SA it doesn't mean that you're better at socializing or have social skills it just means that they aren't scared about socialising. I've met many people who don't have SA who are loud or rude and have no social skills.
 
Maybe people aren't understanding what i mean. I mean that people without SA aren't social experts. Just because you don't have SA it doesn't mean that you're better at socializing or have social skills it just means that they aren't scared about socialising. I've met many people who don't have SA who are loud or rude and have no social skills.

This is a good point. Funny you mention this. I used to think that anyone who didn't have SA must have it all together socially. They must know exactly what they're doing at all times. Boy oh boy is this untrue. Through observation and a little experience I finally came to realize that even the most popular person fumbles socially, they are often just more graceful about it. They get confused, they make mistakes, they can be insecure, embarrassed, have fall-outs with people. They ask other people for advice in various social situations too, and they're not all super confident.

Maybe that's a "duh" for most people but I always felt like I was soooooo short-changed in that department. I now realize I'm really not that different, I just get a little more nervous about things, some of them things that don't bother most other people. Not as big a deal as I thought. At least most of the time. But then that's mild to moderate SA, severe is another story...
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
Yep, people who have a problem with my anxiety. It's their problem the way they react to it. My problem is that way I react to them. Their reaction is what feeds my fear.

Someone reacts to me angrily I want to avoid them. I don't want their anger, I don't want their ridicule, I don't want their misrepresentation of who I am. They are the ones holding onto their anger, their negative thinking about me.
 

Alana.JPEG

Well-known member
NathanielWingatePeaslee

I think everything could be put down to how they appear or seam to be..nothing is certain..
 

sahxox

Well-known member
ust because you don't have SA it doesn't mean that you're better at socializing or have social skills it just means that they aren't scared about socialising. I've met many people who don't have SA who are loud or rude and have no social skills.

I like how you've put this :) The people I personally find most intimidating are ironically the same ones who lack class and generally viewed as painful by the majority... really, if they did have basic social graces/personal stability, they would not need to annoy those who are different. Guess social phobia and their lack don't mix. ;)
We are self-destructive, dismissing positive abilities, yet on paper can acknowledge our heightened sense of empathy and awareness. So to answer the thread title, no we are not because we don't go around causing other's grief, but at the same time yes we are, because we cause ourselves too much for no rational reason. ? Topical ha feel I could write an essay exploring 248293423 perspectives on such a matter :p
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
What Is Social Anxiety Disorder? Symptoms, Treatments, & More

Sounds very much like the description of a problem to me.

Yes, social anxiety is a problem. However, anyone who reacts with anger, derision to someone is also a problem. Not only sufferers of anxiety have a problem but also the bullies and gossips who make it hell for those suffering from a mental illness. It's all irrational thinking and dysfunction. The effing dickheads who make my life hell, the ones who call me names, hell yeah, they have a problem, even bigger than anxiety, it's called ignorance and intolerance. It manifests itself as homophobia and misogyny, and adolescent insecurity.
 
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Alana.JPEG

Well-known member
Yes, social anxiety is a problem. However, anyone who reacts with anger, derision to someone is also a problem. Not only sufferers of anxiety have a problem but also the bullies and gossips who make it hell for those suffering from a mental illness. It's all irrational thinking and dysfunction. The effing dickheads who make my life hell, the ones who call me names, hell yeah, they have a problem, even bigger than anxiety, it's called ignorance and intolerance.

i cant help but think its everyone's problem. we need to all help create a world which doesn't produce the conditions for these problems to occur in the first place.
 

Odo

Banned
All sorts of speculation are possible as to the causes of social anxiety. Theories abound. If you have actual knowledge, please share.

I'm not seeing how any of that is relevant to what I posted anyway. Are you suggesting that social anxiety only seems to be a problem?

The thread is called 'are we really the ones with the problem', and I was under the impression that you were saying that 'yes, it's us' as opposed to 'no, it's the rest of the world'.

It's also a fact that the definitions of what constitutes a mental illness or a condition have been growing increasingly liberal... which I think influences the way that people perceive those behaviors in themselves and others, meaning fewer and fewer personality traits which may have been perfectly acceptable quirks in the past now fall outside of the very narrow and limited sphere of normality, and must be treated.

On the other hand, I don't think that SA automatically makes you a good person or even considerate... but sometimes there are legitimate reasons to feel anxiety and seeing them as something that you need to 'cure' might be akin to teaching yourself not to remove your hand from a hot stove.
 
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vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
I am going to address this in parts.

First, by "we" I am assuming it is meant people who have Social Anxiety, or some sort of related disorder. I am also going to make the assumption that this is something people do not want, or that is an obstacle in life that makes functioning more difficult. That to me sounds like the definition of a problem, and would thus lead me to answer the question of "are we really the ones with a problem" as a yes, people who suffer from social anxiety disorder or other related disorders do have a problem.

I should also define problem here, I suppose. A problem is something that is undesirable and needs to be "solved." A problem can be something that can be solved quickly, like a simple math equation such as "2+2=?" or something that can't be fully fixed, such as a terminal illness. SA is, I assume again, something that people find undesirable. If not then, well no you do not have a problem.

Now this "us vs. them" mentality seems strange to me, but it has come up on the forum more than once. It's not like there is some line in the social sands where on one side are all the "normal" people who have no social problems whatsoever, and can talk with ease and get no anxiety at all, and on the other side is us, the outcasts who can't talk with ease, who get anxious, who have a "problem." Little secret, everybody has problems. What makes our problem different then people without SA is that it effects us to a degree that impacts the functionality of our lives. That is actually part of the definition of what a "mental disorder" is. This coupled with abnormal behavior (think physical symptoms or panic attacks).

So that's what our "problem" is. It's not everyone thinks we're weird for not talking a lot or getting nervous or being outgoing. There are lot's of people out there like that who are totally fine with it and have no problems.
 

Hoppy

Well-known member
We are not the only ones with problems, but yes, we are the ones with the problem.

You are right on that one, even in my most optimistic moments I cannot feel that I do not have a problem.

But on the other side, why must I always give in to them? Can they not just sometimes give in to me, and allow me to also have a nice day?
 
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