If anyone would bother to look beyond my anxiety inside my soul they would realise how untrue this
What a beautiful statement. That would be so gold, those people taking action on the soul beyond Social Anxiety. I think a lot of people should learn to get to know what our mentally disorder means, It's not the person itself wanting to be like this, it's the fear within carrying that you can't just throw away (how bad we wish), we just want happiness, and be BRAVE, just like everyone else
I guess people are intimidated by me, yeah, because some guys they'd never wanna hang out, they told me at school, because i'm so boring, i always avoid everything, like during the breaks, i never sit in the canteen, i'm weird cuz i am way too much in the toilets, i'm always in the park which probably will make me look like a total creep.
Oh and about intimidating , another part of my behaviour, tells people to back off, when i'm negative or upset, just depends on my mood , for e.g if i have a stomach ache, i want people to get as far as possible away from me, cuz i can't stand it to be able to do stuff then, and it's the same for bothering thoughts when i'm low. though sometimes when i'm upset i could really use a hug, or when i'm negative i'm even open to people helping me or cheering me up. So, it just depends, I don't know, brains are weird.
I used to hang out with one person at school, which is called a junkie, so they thought I was a stoney-loney, which i'm totally not. I'm not a junk AT ALL, and he never wanted to study, he was too lazy what he mentioned all the time and didn't give a .... just wanted to party in life and drink and smoke whatever. While I'm fighting hard, they must seen that, but still they thought i was weird by hanging around with him, because I should know better. While I just give all people a chance , if they want to talk to me, i like it, because it's all a matter of getting me stronger in social situations and it's good to get to know someone, maybe a friend, or just a person to talk to, it's always nice to have someone around.
Now he quit education there, because ofc, of is lazy attitude, and well, i don't have anyone to hang around with, sometimes an african dude walks to me and says hi, and he's really nice, and friendly. though they also judge me on that. while I think he's completely fine and nice. We once walked in the park together, so that was nice, though i mostly go by myself, and the rest of the class is not really caring, all those macho dudes, ya know.
Those are just the macho's and they keep on saying those bastard things and they just don't like me for who i am, well for my social anxious behaviour even more, they think i'm boring. Which hurts!
But whatever, F*ck them I'm not boring, i am very myself at home and with people i trust , because when i'm totally myself, i can talk like a waterfall!!! so they don't have a clue, i'm just quiet with ''strangers, people whom i dont trust and new situations''
so back off you silly freaks at school
And well, talking about being afraid of me, well I never heard that one before, I mean, I come around as a ''too decent and friendly person'' , and ''always making homework on time'' and ''always saying yes, or being kind saying no'' and a lot of people told me in my life ''She won't even hurt a fly!''
So, I guess nobody really is afraid I'll become a big bear, or something.
