30 and never had girlfriend i had enough

U

userremoved

Guest
I think that would be a very bad idea. Some people here have deep seeded self image problems and would probably be rocked to the core, especially if people start naming all their qualities as unattractive.
 
A

Agent_Violet

Well-known member
PipsMcClawski said:
I think that would be a very bad idea. Some people here have deep seeded self image problems and would probably be rocked to the core, especially if people start naming all their qualities as unattractive.
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Ugh. You're right that would suck. Ok so that idea is obviously a fail.

How about..."what do you value and search for in a partner?". :D it would make people see they possess worthy and lovable qualities that people genuinely seek :)
 
U

userremoved

Guest
Agent_Violet said:
Ugh. You're right that would suck. Ok so that idea is obviously a fail.

How about..."what do you value and search for in a partner?". :D it would make people see they possess worthy and lovable qualities that people genuinely seek :)
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Haha I suppose that could work. Everyone has at least one thing about them thats likeable. :]
 
A

Agent_Violet

Well-known member
Well I'm not gonna start it... I rarely get enough responses to my threads to make a real impact on anyone so someone who is better liked around here will have to do it:D
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
i think the mistake alot of people make is that they need to go out and look for a partner in the first place

you can't "get a girlfriend" like you're shopping for a 42" plasma TV or something

you can't plan out a successful relationship like a military operation

they just happen

you meet someone, you get to know each other, you decide you like each other's company, you spend time together

the relationship - whatever it turns out to be - develops on it's own as a product of shared time and resources

trying to "create" the perfect relationship is like trying to shape smoke - you can't do it

all you can do is start the fire, tend to it, and see what happens
 
megalon

megalon

Well-known member
coyote said:
i think the mistake alot of people make is that they need to go out and look for a partner in the first place

you can't "get a girlfriend" like you're shopping for a 42" plasma TV or something

you can't plan out a successful relationship like a military operation

they just happen

you meet someone, you get to know each other, you decide you like each other's company, you spend time together

the relationship - whatever it turns out to be - develops on it's own as a product of shared time and resources

trying to "create" the perfect relationship is like trying to shape smoke - you can't do it

all you can do is start the fire, tend to it, and see what happens
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^ The wise elder drops some knowledge.

It's the "meet someone" part where I always get stuck.
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
megalon said:
It's the "meet someone" part where I always get stuck.
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yes, understood

i think alot of us tend to get stuck there because we place SO MUCH importance on it

because we think something like, "i have to do this right, or she'll reject me, and i'll be alone forever!!!!"

so, of course, it's scary, and we're nervous, and we screw it up (assuming we work up the courage to do it in the first place)

but it's only because we're trying to "create the perfect relationship" in the first place - and that's the whole problem

we have to let go of that idea

don't put so much weight on what MIGHT happen

just stay in the moment - one moment at a time - one step at a time

just... meet the girl

then worry about step two - IF and ONLY IF there even is one

and if there isn't - no harm done

just... go meet another one
 
BlueDays

BlueDays

1
coyote said:
yes, understood

i think alot of us tend to get stuck there because we place SO MUCH importance on it

because we think something like, "i have to do this right, or she'll reject me, and i'll be alone forever!!!!"

so, of course, it's scary, and we're nervous, and we screw it up (assuming we work up the courage to do it in the first place)

but it's only because we're trying to "create the perfect relationship" in the first place - and that's the whole problem

we have to let go of that idea

don't put so much weight on what MIGHT happen

just stay in the moment - one moment at a time - one step at a time

just... meet the girl

then worry about step two - IF and ONLY IF there even is one

and if there isn't - no harm done

just... go meet another one
Click to expand...


Damn I really wish I could have had a father with your wisdom coyote.:)
 
DeadmanWalking

DeadmanWalking

Well-known member
Dead_on_Arrival said:
If we are not careful this could turn into

'Social Phobia World. The Phobics E-Harmony'
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That's not a half-bad idea, Dead_on_Arrival:D! There are some beautiful single ladies on this site that need some love and we, who have gone through experiences similar to theirs and know them somewhat well, can be their suitors:cool:!
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
People are too hard. I can't even get along on a platonic level. I went out in the world tonight and it didn't go well. I'm feeling shattered inside, broken by it, like I've been through truama yet again. It's a minefield I can't cope with. I lurch from one disaster to another. I can't handle being around people, I've keep putting my foot in my mouth with my words.

I've been out in the world tonight and now I feel a nervous wreck. It's a minefield, its too hard, I'm home now, but honestly don't feel I want to face the world again ever. If I can't even fit in, or get along on that platonic basis, any thought of intimate relationships is light years away from what I am capable of. I'm too broken, I'm not capable of it.
 
R3K

R3K

Well-known member
once you have a taste, you immediately want more. i've been in 2 serious relationships that lasted like a year each. but they didn't get past 3rd base, and that was like 10 years ago. now i'm 31 and i've only dated like a handful of chicks since then and they didn't get to serious levels. haven't kissed a girl since '02.

it's friggin agonizing, cause i feel like i should have progressed in the relationship/dating world, but instead i'm struggling to get a to the second date with any given girl.

i kinda wish i was in your shoes actually... better to not completely know what i'm missing out on than to have a little taste and then have it dangled before me just out of reach for 10 years as i'm watching millions of other couples making out everywhere and grabbing each others' butts. it's torture, literally :mad:
 
Felgen

Felgen

Well-known member
coyote said:
yes, understood

i think alot of us tend to get stuck there because we place SO MUCH importance on it

because we think something like, "i have to do this right, or she'll reject me, and i'll be alone forever!!!!"

so, of course, it's scary, and we're nervous, and we screw it up (assuming we work up the courage to do it in the first place)

but it's only because we're trying to "create the perfect relationship" in the first place - and that's the whole problem

we have to let go of that idea

don't put so much weight on what MIGHT happen

just stay in the moment - one moment at a time - one step at a time

just... meet the girl

then worry about step two - IF and ONLY IF there even is one

and if there isn't - no harm done

just... go meet another one
Click to expand...

Wise words, man! :)
 
Richey

Richey

Well-known member
i've been watching the loveboat more and more lately for tips and from other tv shows as well.

i think the only way to meet a partner is to just get involved with activities at night and on weekends and keep working on your fitness so you feel as fit as possible for self esteem reasons.
 
very_shy

very_shy

Well-known member
I can relate to all written here; in similar situation (near 30), and the word NEVER is the no.1 in the Girlfriend's Charts for all the 29 years of my life. ::p:

Most people say: don't search love because love will find you... And the result is... here. ::eek:: I agree with the last comment, you need first to be active in the activities you are interested in.


As far as I am concerned, I feel I am trapped in my mindset, so do you think I need some professional help with it:

1. Low self-esteem. If I decide to maybe ask a girl for a date or for a coffee, I think this will be an insult for her, because I feel ugly, boring, etc.

2. At the same time I think I deserve only girls which I find unattractive (I don't mean only in physical way).

3. So what right do I have to dream about having a gf, a gf I want to be in love with, if i think deserve only the girls who I would not be interested in?
My wish is to be in love with a gf and that she would be in love with me. But this is impossible.


4. I feel I don't have anything to offer, no added value. I think of countries. If they want to make themselves proud, they tend to be more nationalistic, they promote the culture, its history. My social history is not blank, but in comparison to others, my colleagues, it feels so.

5. Although having a job involving people (public admin), my SP problems have not yet gone. Shyness is killing me. I can't even watch love comedies anymore, because when they start kissing, I must change the program until they "finish". I did it before, but in the recent years these situations make me feel depressed.

6. If I have been alone for almost 30 years, what will guarantee me that the next 10 years will be different.


Bye and all the best.
 
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