30 and never had girlfriend i had enough

[elm]

am 30 and never kissed a girl, held hands or done anything like a normal guy would do, i have done everything i could to attract girls, i try to talk to them, but they just seem to ignore me, u could see from their face they make strange face when they see me, i have seen many ugly guys with girls, but i just dont get it, why dont want to know me, yes am bald and wear glasses, i maybe ugly but not that ugly that no girl ever want to know me.i just had enough i dont think there is any girl in this world that is made for me. anyone else here have the same problem, would luv to hear makes me feel better, thats its not only me in this world who is so ugly not to have a girl like me.

 

[Thelema]

So you go out with friends every chance you can get and talk to girls?

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I always read these threads and feel empathetic, of course.
Feeling like you're unloved is terrible if it's something you hold as important.
I'm asexual-- so maybe I don't understand...
but if you feel empty because of your lack of love and attention from the opposite sex- how about diverting your attention to other people who desperately need love and attention as well?

Abused animals, the elderly who've been abandoned by their own families, children without parents or proper role models...
You're not the only one who is feeling that lack of *something*, I'm sure.
Although it will not fix all of your problems; volunteering could be a start to something great if you're willing to give it a try.

 

[nicole1]

I still don't understand why so many on here are worried about having significant others. I realized that first, I must handle all of my own faults before I can invite someone in to see them. Being in a relationship is more than having someone....there to do whatever... Relationships were unpleasant for me b/c I usually had to balance other aspects of my life AND throw the SA in there, it was all hell. I honestly love to be to myself now and sometimes, I think I wanted a relationship then b/c I was looking for some sort of acceptance and love... Now, I'm looking to me ONLY for that. I'm fine with the bits of friends that I have and fine with no male prospects at the moment. Any more people in my life and I can't balance ANYTHING...

 

[recluse]

^It's the fact that we desire companionship and that we know that we are loved and love someone. Seeing couples everywhere is a constant reminder that we are missing out. It hurts.

 

[Kiwong]

There are possibly things the OP could try, like on line dating sites, singles clubs for the over thirties, dating agencies, speed dating. What interests do you have to offer? Try to find like minded people, and be interested in life, not obsessed by getting a date.

My thoughts are that the grass isn't always greener. I see couples fighting, I see couples dealing with screaming children, I don't see many couples and think I'm missing out. It seems that there is a kind of mythology that everything must be better in a relationship. There might very well be relationships that are very rewarding, maybe they are rare, and I suspect entering into one could cause problems that I am not even aware of.

I am grateful for the way my life had turned out. I've got enough problems to sort out without adding relationships to the list.

 

[recluse]

The people who say ''you are better off alone'' are the ones who have experienced relationships, they have no idea what it feels like to be lonely. It's kind of like a rich person saying ''you are better off with no money''...Easy for them to say.

 

[Kiwong]

The people who say ''you are better off alone'' are the ones who have experienced relationships, they have no idea what it feels like to be lonely. It's kind of like a rich person saying ''you are better off with no money''...Easy for them to say.

That is a generalisation in my opinion.

I have not been in a romantic relationship, but I did spend my younger years obsessing about romantic relationships, unrequited love and feeling miserable about it. Something I do not miss.

I find it difficult relating to people on a fundamental basis, that makes me lonely, not worrying about being ugly and not being able to get laid, which is the furthest thing from my mind.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

I still don't understand why so many on here are worried about having significant others.

It's not just about the benefits of the relationship itself. It's also about validation as a person. If you've never had a relationship, or any significant experiences (like the OP is talking about) it's hard not to feel fundamentally undesirable and unworthy. Particularly for people past their teens.

On top of this, the cultural ideal for men--especially amongst men--is typically to have had many partners. To have had none will feel like a failure to meet or even come close to the ideals. Men in a group will often brag to each other of their exploits, and even when no bragging or exaggerations are involved, men still talk about relationship experiences and compare them. To have had no experience in that situation is uncomfortable to say the least.

Human beings are hardwired for relationships, and the drive for a romantic relationship and yes, sex, is so deeply ingrained in us. We NEED others, and most people do need to have a significant other at some point to feel fulfilled. You can contest that all you want, but look around. Yes, there is a lot of pain and heartbreak and issues too, but that just comes with the territory. Part of life.

Truth. And with buttloads of research data to back it up. People need people, much as this fact annoys me.

 

[Agent_Violet]

am 30 and never kissed a girl, held hands or done anything like a normal guy would do, i have done everything i could to attract girls, i try to talk to them, but they just seem to ignore me, u could see from their face they make strange face when they see me, i have seen many ugly guys with girls, but i just dont get it, why dont want to know me, yes am bald and wear glasses, i maybe ugly but not that ugly that no girl ever want to know me.i just had enough i dont think there is any girl in this world that is made for me. anyone else here have the same problem, would luv to hear makes me feel better, thats its not only me in this world who is so ugly not to have a girl like me.

I know people have a hard time wrapping their minds around this but you can be the most handsome guy and still not have a woman at your side if you lack confidence.

Confidence is the key to being attractive in my opinion.

I'm really sorry you're feeling so low and unattractive...unfortunately you probably aren't going to be able to attract a partner until you can start teaching yourself to feel good about who you are. Think about things that you have to offer. think about the good aspects of your personality. Focus on those things and try to feel good about who you are. the rest will fall into place if you can do this. easier said than done but you have to try.

 

[userremoved]

It's not just about the benefits of the relationship itself. It's also about validation as a person. If you've never had a relationship, or any significant experiences (like the OP is talking about) it's hard not to feel fundamentally undesirable and unworthy. Particularly for people past their teens.

On top of this, the cultural ideal for men--especially amongst men--is typically to have had many partners. To have had none will feel like a failure to meet or even come close to the ideals. Men in a group will often brag to each other of their exploits, and even when no bragging or exaggerations are involved, men still talk about relationship experiences and compare them. To have had no experience in that situation is uncomfortable to say the least.

Truer words were never spoken.

I know people have a hard time wrapping their minds around this but you can be the most handsome guy and still not have a woman at your side if you lack confidence.

I've been trying to get people to understand this for like a zillion years.

Think about things that you have to offer. think about the good aspects of your personality. Focus on those things and try to feel good about who you are. the rest will fall into place if you can do this. easier said than done but you have to try.

Thanks for the advice. I guess we all have at least something to offer and just need to recognize it. And if not, at least start working on and strengthening what makes each one of us special.

 

[coyote]

if we were to categorize people - using any number of superficial, yet commonly used identifiers such as attractiveness, age, physical beauty, wealth, social status, etc....

and come up with 26 different "levels" - one for each letter of the alphabet

then the average guy we'll call level "M"

it seems like what happens alot (from my point of view)

is that this M level guy is upset that "women aren't interested in me" or "I can't get a date" etc...

but what he REALLY means (and doesn't say) is "A-G level women aren't interested in me" or "I can't get a date with a level A-G level woman"

obviously, the level A-G women are the most attractive, but what about the rest of them?

he seems not to realize that there are women available in levels H through Z

ok, so he's level M and can't be bothered with anyone less than a level M - that's cool - there's still all those women in levels H thru L right?

or, maybe he's not so superficial - what about all those very nice women in levels N thru Z?

or maybe he's just too picky?

or maybe he's just making excuses?

it's a big alphabet

 

[Agent_Violet]

i've had all levels of the alphabet...wait that sounds really bad! lol i didn't sleep with all of them...but i dated a lot of them.

i actually prefer the guys who ARE NOT at the 'top' of the scale. I've been treated the best by the men toward the 'lower' and middle half of the scale. Yet it seems a LOT of men prefer women who are from the upper middle and upper end of the scale.

I totally agree with your post Coyote...very thought provoking.

 

[userremoved]

Coyote, good point. I think many people aren't aware there is a socio-sexual hierarchy, as it's called, and what their place in it is.

I'm pretty certain that I wouldn't ever be with any of the top guys, the ones referred to as "Alpha" men or whatever. I'm not their type, and they're not mine. I may occasionally be attracted to one, but I wouldn't really consider trying to get a date with them because I know they're..... um, out of my league I guess. They make me uncomfortable anyway because they're so confident and popular and, generally, pretty experienced...

At the same time though, I wouldn't date a guy that had zero confidence, put me on a pedestal, was overly emotional and all that....... I dated someone close to that description and it was horrible. Never again.

You have to determine where you are on the scale. Doesn't mean you're stuck where you are though, there's always hope for moving up.

Sexual heirarchy? How would you go about knowing exactly where on the ladder you fit? Personally if we're just going off if looks alone I would consider you and every girl that's posted a picture here "out if my league". But you can't really tell who will and will not like you so you ultimately end up having to ask everyone anyways. And I know you didn't mention looks, but the hard truth is that a lot of males do consider the physical attractiveness of a woman if he's gonna put people into leagues.

 

[Agent_Violet]

Sexual heirarchy? How would you go about knowing exactly where on the ladder you fit? Personally if we're just going off if looks alone I would consider you and every girl that's posted a picture here "out if my league". But you can't really tell who will and will not like you so you ultimately end up having to ask everyone anyways. And I know you didn't mention looks, but the hard truth is that a lot of males do consider the physical attractiveness of a woman if he's gonna put people into leagues.

when i think of the heirarchy system i tend to count all aspect of what i know of the person...i think everyone rates people differently. Someone I feel is at the top of the scale may be considered at the bottom of the scale to someone else. I don't think anyone is ever truly set into a place on the ladder since everyone has such different needs for their companion.

I could be an A to someone and then another person could consider me a Z.

Then of course what we consider ourselves to be is a whole different story

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

it seems a LOT of men prefer women who are from the upper middle and upper end of the scale.

When it comes down to actually choosing targets, men choose the modelesque. Someone like roomtodance above gets nearly 5 times as many messages as a typical woman and 28 times as many messages as a woman at the low end of our curve. Site-wide, two-thirds of male messages go to the best-looking third of women. So basically, guys are fighting each other 2-for-1 for the absolute best-rated females, while plenty of potentially charming, even cute, girls go unwritten.

The medical term for this is male pattern madness.

Your Looks and Your Inbox OkTrends

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

am 30 and never kissed a girl, held hands or done anything like a normal guy would do, i have done everything i could to attract girls, i try to talk to them, but they just seem to ignore me, u could see from their face they make strange face when they see me, i have seen many ugly guys with girls, but i just dont get it, why dont want to know me, yes am bald and wear glasses, i maybe ugly but not that ugly that no girl ever want to know me.i just had enough i dont think there is any girl in this world that is made for me. anyone else here have the same problem, would luv to hear makes me feel better, thats its not only me in this world who is so ugly not to have a girl like me.

Relationships are important. I can understand your frustration at never having a romantic relationship. I am interested in knowing what kinds of things you have tried to attract girls.

Because you mention looks more than once in your post, I feel that maybe you are too focused on appearance. Like others have said, perhaps you are aiming your sights at the most beautiful girls. And those girls get too much attention! I am not saying go for the plain Janes... (as has been my experience, just 'cause a guy is ugly doesn't necessarily mean he is a good guy.) Choosing a partner based solely on appearance is not a good idea period. What I am trying to get that, is that maybe this is the reason why you haven't been so successful with women. I see all kinds of people in relationships. And yes, sometimes there is a not so attractive guy with an attractive girl but that is rare...mostly I see couples that are about the same level of attractiveness. There have been studies that say that those in relationships with people of similar attractiveness are happier overall with their relationships. Of course, I am making a bunch of assumptions here on the type of women you go after, so correct me if I am wrong.

Also, it is okay to be bald and to wear glasses. Glasses can be very hip actually.

 

[Agent_Violet]

As one of the most handsome guys, and also a Jedi Master, I kind of agree. I think in regards to confidence it's more about having the confidence to actually approach women, because they aren't going to approach you, if you approach women then chances are one will bite. Many women will go out with some real apes just so that they have a companion.

I also think there is alot of bollocks spoken about confidence being attractive. It seems to me most don't know how to identify it, most people seem to think that loudness = confidence, it's not true loudness often just = a lack of self-awareness. Personally I will never be loud so most people will probably never see me as confident, and I don't particularly care, all I want is the confidence to actually approach women.

Anyway, i'm not sure what my point is.

But i'm going to make one more, one thing I have learned is to not listen to women talk about what they find attractive(partly learned from threads on this site), it's gobbledygook talk about protection, confidence, non-existent alpha males, I don't buy any of it. My conclusion is that they want pretty much the same thing as us, the only difference being they wait for it to come to them, while we have to go and get it.

I agree.Most people don't understand what confidence really is anymore.

lol I think I'm ass backward...i consider the quiet,brooding types to be confident! I guess it's because I see the loud center of attention types to be scared and ill at ease on the inside so they over compensate for it. meanwhile the quiet,'mysterious' guys hit me as most confident bc they can be sexy and desireable without drawing a ton of attention to themselves.

As far as discounting what women say they're attracted to...while some of us may change our minds daily on what turns us on surfacewise, the basic foundation of traits we look for never changes.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

As far as discounting what women say they're attracted to...while some of us may change our minds daily on what turns us on surfacewise, the basic foundation of traits we look for never changes.

I'm tempted to ask you to start a thread about what girls really want in a guy, but I suspect it would end up getting flamed into oblivion and closed. ::

 

[Agent_Violet]

I'm tempted to ask you to start a thread about what girls really want in a guy, but I suspect it would end up getting flamed into oblivion and closed. ::

lol you're probably right. besides..i'm no expert on what women want. i just know that each woman has a set in stone list of required traits(whether the required list is two things or 20 things) and the only variables are superficial desires such as education,looks,body type,hobbies,interests,etc...

but the important stuff never changes...we just add to the list as we get older