30 and never had girlfriend i had enough

[coyote]

...while some of us may change our minds daily on what turns us on surfacewise, the basic foundation of traits we look for never changes.

...i just know that each woman has a set in stone list of required traits(whether the required list is two things or 20 things) and the only variables are superficial desires such as education,looks,body type,hobbies,interests,etc...

but the important stuff never changes...we just add to the list as we get older

if this is true (and I don't have any reason to doubt that it is), that means that guys shouldn't worry too much about trying to change a bunch of stuff about themselves in order to attract women - that's merely the superficial stuff anyway

a guy either has the basic foundation of important required traits, or he doesn't

and those are different for each woman anyway

the mystery deepens

 

[Agent_Violet]

if this is true (and I don't have any reason to doubt that it is), that means that guys shouldn't worry too much about trying to change a bunch of stuff about themselves in order to attract women - that's merely the superficial stuff anyway

a guy either has the basic foundation of important required traits, or he doesn't

and those are different for each woman anyway

the mystery deepens

I absolutely believe men should NOT sit around making their brains boil by trying to figure out what they need to change in order to attract a woman.

 

[Felgen]

I absolutely believe men should NOT sit around making their brains boil by trying to figure out what they need to change in order to attract a woman.

I believe they should. I have very little social intuition because of a certain condition other than social phobia (that I've probably mentioned too often here), so in order to actually date like other people, I've had to learn social skills mechanically; thus I've needed to "change" certain aspects of myself.

 

[Waybuloo]

lol you're probably right. besides..i'm no expert on what women want. i just know that each woman has a set in stone list of required traits(whether the required list is two things or 20 things) and the only variables are superficial desires such as education,looks,body type,hobbies,interests,etc...

but the important stuff never changes...we just add to the list as we get older

What's this list of required traits that's set in stone that i'm supposed to have but I have no idea what?

 

[Green7]

Don´t worry man, try to enjoy of the live. while Love yourself , and one day you will find the perfect woman for you.

trust me.

 

[Kiwong]

I need people and relationships of course. However, the relationships I have trouble developing are day to day ones. Simply getting along with people, simply fitting in. Feeling like I belong to something, thinking I have something to offer the world. That is my desire, those are the sort of relationships that matter to me. The basic ones of being accepted as an OK human being.

I can honestly say that I feel great, and I have lived some of my best days idependently. I'm not saying that to make myself feel better I already do. I'm really living for the first time in years. I am accepted by some people as a runner, as a botanist, as a writer, as a photographer.

I like my own company, and I feel alone when I am around people I can't relate to. I can't even contemplate sharing my life with anyone short term or term or long, I value my idependence too highly.

The whole realm of romantic relationships and sexuality has caused me alot of pain over my life, and it has without question contributed to the development of my social anxiety. I am being honest when I say I feel better not worrying about it. When I imagine anyone is interested, all those complicated thoughts and unpleasant memories start to surface and I resent the intrusion.

Maybe humans can be hard wired for other needs other than a desire to have sex, or go dating and those needs can sustain them? My love of running, my love of nature I have a need for those things, they sustain me, and I truly feel like I am living.

 

[userremoved]

There seems to be a lot of disagreement here lol.

 

[coyote]

There seems to be a lot of disagreement here lol.

individuals of the species Homo sapiens display a perplexing propensity for being difficult to pigeonhole

 

[twiggle]

I can honestly say that I feel great, and I have lived some of my best days idependently. I'm not saying that to make myself feel better I already do. I'm really living for the first time in years. I am accepted by some people as a runner, as a botanist, as a writer, as a photographer.

Absolutely love this.

 

[Kiwong]

I'm not looking to change for anyone. I had to change out of neccessity, to survive and live better. I suceeded.

 

[userremoved]

individuals of the species Homo sapiens display a perplexing propensity for being difficult to pigeonhole

Speak English man! I dont understand all that jabberwocky >.<;

 

[coyote]

Speak English man! I dont understand all that jabberwocky >.<;

women are like snowflakes

no two are alike

(and they also melt on your tongue)

 

[userremoved]

For the people who DO want romantic relationships, if they're not forming any and haven't for a while, I think it follows that there need to be some changes.

Well yeah in the sense of that they have social anxiety. Which everyone on this site does. Im not sure exactly what Felgen was talking about but if he has Aspergers too then he may have had to go through extra steps to relate to other people. But as far as I know, most people here just need to get over the fear of talking to people and how they see themselves. I dont know if thats what you were saying, or did you mean they needed to change their personality?

 

[coyote]

^you make a very good point, Beatrice

sometimes people aren't even aware of how they come across to others

when they think they're being all cool and suave, it really just reads as "creepy" or whatever

anyone can learn to relax and move their body in an "uncreepy" fashion

but this is difficult to communicate to someone in writing - it has to be seen, felt, experienced, and demonstrated

it's one of the biggest limitations of this forum

 

[Agent_Violet]

If you're changing yourself for the goal of finding a mate...then chances are, the changes you make won't be permanent. Once you get comfortable, you'll revert back to who you really are and then your relationship will suffer bc you didn't stay true to yourself to start with. Now, if you want to change things about yourself and you're doing it for you...chances are you'll be more committed to making that change a perminent part of who you are. THEN you can present yourself to potential love interests and know you won't be surprising them later with issues you never really resolved.

So that's why I say i don't think men should sit around stewing about what women want or what's going to please the general population of potentially dateable women. If you think you need to change something, change it bc you want to look at yourself in a more positive light...don't change bc some girl or woman thinks you need to.

 

[userremoved]

They are pretty depressing. I guess the only reason we dont have any threads made by girls saying "I cant get a man!" is because they know once they do their profiles are gonna instantly explode from the sudden flood of visitor messages saying "how you doin? " haha.

 

[Agent_Violet]

Ok wow Tino just summed it up the best

"having standards is perfectly natural and not unfair at all, concentrate on your own rather than other people's"

Perfect! Thank you!

 

[Beatrice]

I found this last week, I saw a beautiful redhead, she was wearing a red beret and had a retro look going on... but hold on, she had this nasty grey tattoo covering her whole back. I felt like laughing, it's like writing in big letters "wazza wuz ere 2011" on Michelangelo's David, really disgusting.

You prejudiced bastard! You judge people because they have TATTOOS!!??

Seriously though, some people may get their undies in a bunch over that fact, but I don't see what's so terribly wrong and overly judgmental about it. Do we not all have standards? While I try not to condemn those with piercings and tattoos and the like, I can completely understand someone being put off by them because it's just not..... natural. You're injecting ink into your skin and marring its surface in the name of being "cool" or your personal beliefs or whatever. What about all that beautiful skin underneath?

I'm going off a tangent now, as I often do. Sorry. Ahem.

 

[userremoved]

I guess I do have some things that turn me off too, but I was afraid I would look superficial.

 

[Agent_Violet]

Ooooh I sense a new thread coming on..."what things turn you off from a potential love interest"

I like it at least it will show Pips he isn't superficial