Post your random thoughts/feelings etc

Trying to decide whether to give up alcohol or continue drinking every day. I spend about £150 on alcohol a week, I gave up my car just so I could afford more alcohol. It's a hard situation considering alcohol is the only thing I live for. However, if I continue at the present rate I probably won't be alive this time next year.

A co worker attempted suicide Saturday. Several times. He is now in a hospital. He was found with a note and it basically talked about our hours being cut and no money etc.

My younger cousin rang me this morning, (she's nearly 6) just because she wanted to tell me she loved me. She's so adorable, made my morning, then she proceeded to tell me it's only three more weeks until she gets to see me. She has so much exciting stuff to show me, an she wants me to "sleepover" for the whole two week break. She has a whole list of things planned. That was just lovely and then much to my surprise my other two cousins ( two boys 7 and 9) wanted to talk to me as well and tell me all about school and how they wanted to see me in the holidays so we can do stuff. I love children, just made my morning, I can't wait to see them again. It's a shame they don't live closer, but I guess it's more exciting when it doesn't happen often .

singing-love said:

My younger cousin rang me this morning, (she's nearly 6) just because she wanted to tell me she loved me. She's so adorable, made my morning, then she proceeded to tell me it's only three more weeks until she gets to see me. She has so much exciting stuff to show me, an she wants me to "sleepover" for the whole two week break. She has a whole list of things planned. That was just lovely and then much to my surprise my other two cousins ( two boys 7 and 9) wanted to talk to me as well and tell me all about school and how they wanted to see me in the holidays so we can do stuff. I love children, just made my morning, I can't wait to see them again. It's a shame they don't live closer, but I guess it's more exciting when it doesn't happen often .

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Sounds like they like you quite a bit. Its nice to be wanted ain't it?

jc972 said:

Sounds like they like you quite a bit. Its nice to be wanted ain't it?

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Yeah, it's great .

My mum wanted me to go with her, my grandmother and aunt and uncle to the graveyard tomorrow to visit my great grandmother's grave and then go have lunch with them. I told her I didn't want to go, I barely slept last night and wanted to get some sleep tonight. On top of that, I never met my great grandmother (I think she died way before I was born) and it's just boring to be in the graveyard. Then my grandmother gets all clingy and I hate that because I don't like her. And I'll be the only one my age. I've spent a lot of time with this group of people (all above 50 years old) in the past year because I have nothing else to do and my mum would be sad if I didn't spend some time with her. I'm never with their son because he has a life, unlike me, so he never goes to these things.

Yet my mum retorts with a "you never spend time with me". How selfish can you be? I spend a lot of time with this group because of her, even though I would rather stay at home playing games. I'm going with her to visit my sister, even though I have to take two flights in four days, which I hate because I get extreme ear pain. And I'm only going because otherwise she wouldn't go visit my sister, and I know she wants to.

Why can't people just look at what I do for them instead of just saying I don't do anything for them?

Recently at work I socialized better than I have in a long time. Talked to another guy my age for awhile. I'm going to talk to him and a friend of his--and maybe other guys my age that work there--and try to hang out with them/do things. I'm going to try to work more as well. I really need to save up money.

Dear world, why must you hate me today? So far it's not a good day at all, doesn't look like it will be improving either. That's not pessimistic it's just accepting the fact, today needs to be over please. Hopefully tomorrow is better.

jimmy75 said:

Trying to decide whether to give up alcohol or continue drinking every day. I spend about £150 on alcohol a week, I gave up my car just so I could afford more alcohol. It's a hard situation considering alcohol is the only thing I live for. However, if I continue at the present rate I probably won't be alive this time next year.

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jc972 said:

A co worker attempted suicide Saturday. Several times. He is now in a hospital. He was found with a note and it basically talked about our hours being cut and no money etc.

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Talk about grim. Sorry, guys

I just got over a cold but I came down with strep throat yesterday. UGH. Hurts so bad.

Need to make it a priority to do things that strengthen my immune system - stress management and better nutrition come to mind...

I'm going to the doctor tomorrow - there's been something stuck in my throat for about a week now. I had hoped saliva would've digested the clog by now but it's not working. And I believe I can feel it swell slowly.

I ruin everything...

Iced mochas are one of the few good things about summer. Call me a grinch, but I miss the cooler seasons...

There are too many excuses for sitting inside when it's hot, sunny, and humid out.

Since easter I had two episodes of the most fearful paranoid thoughts I have ever experienced. They frightened me.

I had to write the thoughts down and come back later to test if they were true. It turns out they were all in my mind. That is so worrying that I have made some changes to my diet out of a fear they will return.

I suppose it is good that I can take a step back and test thoughts like that. The fact that my thoughts can get so dark still worries me.

^I inadvertently changed my brand of coffee. That seemed to instigate a cascade of really quite upsetting unrealistic repetitive thoughts. Strange but true. I've finished the jar of coffee now and these thoughts are slowly diminishing.

I guess it's time to change internet providers. Apart from the current one going down every hour or so randomly, this morning it has been up for 5 minutes and then down for another 5 minutes, constantly. This happens around once a month at the very least (I usually don't use the computer in the morning, so it could be more often). It also happens on some weekends, like once a month as well.

-The oil pulling worked. I didn't catch the influenza that everyone else in the house had!
-If only it would fix my back, or the crippling PMS anxiety I am lucky enough to experience.
-The deer head next door is gone. YES!
-The yard is coming along nicely, still much to do in the garden. Sprouts are coming up. It's looking good :applause:

Argentum said:

Iced mochas are one of the few good things about summer. Call me a grinch, but I miss the cooler seasons...

There are too many excuses for sitting inside when it's hot, sunny, and humid out.

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Agreed!
There's not a whole lot that I like about summer.
Struggling to think of even one thing actually.heh

SoScared said:

^I inadvertently changed my brand of coffee. That seemed to instigate a cascade of really quite upsetting unrealistic repetitive thoughts. Strange but true. I've finished the jar of coffee now and these thoughts are slowly diminishing.

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Caffiene is a big problem for me too, SoScared, when I reduce my thoughts are always lighter.

A woman kissed me last night and I've been feeling gross ever since.
Thinking about it makes me feel sick.