Feathers

Yeah thought so. I didn't know who it was when he had it as his avatar; but now I'm a big fan of it and wanted to put it somewhere so thought I'd make it profile picture and not avatar so that less people get confused It's Alex from the movie A Clockwork Orange, which is based upon the book of the same name. I'm yet to see the movie, but I'm reading the book these days, halfway through now, and I'm ridiculously loving it for some reason. And I really like how complex and charming his character is (Alex, that is) regardless of how evil he is/was (depends on what happens next). And I found that this picture from the movie perfectly captures what you'd imagine he would look like (which is rare with movies based upon books). So yeah, I liked it even before watching the movie. I could go on about what else I like about the book but then someone might confuse me for you!

Well, your posts are usually long, detailed and with questions to know more things about the subject and then write even more long posts! Not that I don't like them or anything. You're very helpful and positive.. and optimistic; which is not easy to be

I'm afraid you're seeing things I've always been arsenalwa. Is your thinking that has anything to do with my 'profile picture'?

Really patient you are, are you not?

Thanks for caring

fthrs lol

Thanks Feathers! I really appreciate those kind words

Hey Feathers, howsit going? Thanks for replying. The last exam I am going to study for at home, I dont think I can go back..it makes me feel worthless knowing that I am perceived as the resident weirdo/loser/creep etc. (the eye rolling says so much about what others think of you). The only place I feel comfortable is unfortunately online especially on this site. I think I know what my problem is, I am just unsure as to how to go about fixing it. It seems like so much work, especially when most others take what they have for granted. To feel important I want to be treated like a peer, or to have someone smile when they see me, or at least have a little insight as to why I am the way I am and not be condemned as weak. My affiliate business is ok, make a few bucks every now and then...I cant seem to conquer the almighty google search engine to get visitors. You should go for it though you might get lucky! I have a feeling your blog might just be worth reading

Ahaha wow, that's the opposite of advertising. "You're too smart for this place, leave!" ha
Glad you had a nice hike, despite that hurting knee. Yowch. Yeee-ha! Good for you on getting all eco on his ass haha. We can influence an army of eco warriors? >: D

thanks for understanding, feathers!

Hey feathers! It always takes me awhile to reply to direct comments The procrastination method we perfectionists use.
My hike was actually this Saturday... and my carpool canceled!!! I'm so heartbroken. But as my therapist said, just signing UP for the hike was progress! So i'm going to take that, and try again next time. (It was a "silent spiritual hike", PERFECT step for us SAs!)

As for school, I'm not back yet actually. But I'm seriously contemplating going to this other school around my area, a brand new start for a brand new me? I'm thinking about it for Christmas, so I've got 2 1/2 more months to make myself feel new and shiny How'r you doing?? How'd your hike go? Hope you basked in that nature for me! Thanks for asking!

Thanks feathers. There is no one in mind. I just feel like I might as well not exist. No one knows me or wants anything to do with me. I would just for once feel like I am important to someone. I will be OK though I guess...

thank you somedays are easier then others

i think in my mind i associate the opiate high with contentedness (and probably to some degree true happiness) so it was very hard to break myself of it

I've got my family to support me if I so choose, and im doing well. If I ever relapse I'll consider a proper rehab.

withdrawal was absolute living hell

i cant go cold turkey because of all my medical complications, but ive got it down to just taking whats necessary to stop the pain and not induce the feel goods.

its so disgustingly boring. Sober existence is not fun at all. All i want are drugs. they are the only thing that makes me truly happy. When you feel that warm glow kick in and everything in the world is right in that second, I live for that moment.

no but il have a look!! hows ur weekend going?

Eh... I'm probably going to have to talk anyway with the jobs possible for me to be highered at. I guess I'm just going to have to ignore my paranoia... I hope to god that I won't crack under the pressure like I did in college. I had to drop out because I was seriously having suicidal thoughts think that the people there were going to hurt me. OAD+bullied in school= Not good.

It didn't help that at the time, my boyfriend didn't understand and kept saying I was making up all these fears in my head (which is kinda true but... still) I ended up going to a psyche ward for 5 days because I was paranoid that I wasn't good enough for him because he seemed more stern after I dropped out, which is understandable.

I don't really care how much money they pay me, I just need SOME money. I literaly have no penny to my name. :/

I guess it's harder for me with a combination of things... I have Asperger Syndrome and OAD which really shows, the economy doesn't help, and my town is VERY small.

Well, I dunno about talking so much. I just want a job to pay off the debts that I have and be able to move in with my boyfriend. I don't talk to people I don't know very well.

hey im good thank you, hows you? things seem to be picking up

hello how are you keeping

Thanks. I really need luck at this point. I went out today to look to see if anyone was highering and none are but they said they MIGHT in a few weeks so I got applications from those places.

I'm a girl.

They're just very smart people who happen not to have mental issues. Some of them are genuine geniuses. I used to come from a good school, so lots of bright people there.