How are you feeling?

H

Hot_Tamale

Well-known member
defiance said:
These last few days, all I have seen on the news is one tragedy after another. Lots of innocent lives being lost due to senseless violence. And once again what does my mind do? Well it goes "why is it that they ended up dying and they were probably people who contributed to society in some way and yet you can't do anything and you get to outlive them?":kickingmyself: I feel guilty for being alive I really do. I can't help but to feel that way. Like I have somehow done something wrong for outliving them. It sounds stupid I know but I can't help feeling the way that I do.
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My mind reverts to automatic thoughts like that too, but in a different sense. I've never been in a relationship before and when I see a couple (which happens ALOT because I work in a restaurant) I start to think what is so special about that guy? What does he have that I don't, it doesn't seem fair. It's toxic to my attitude and I'm trying to learn to be happier by myself...slowly, but I'm trying.
 
AtTheGates

AtTheGates

Banned
I'm currently looking at kayaks . I really want to buy one soon. i want to get a nice one so it looks like I MIGHT be spending more than I planned on. oh well, it'll get a lot of use though.


if i can fit some scuba gear on it then ill REALLY be in business. still haven't gotten PADI certification yet but ill probably do that in the next few months hopefully.




the only issue is: after diving, how will I climb back into the kayak with an oxygen tank on my back? hmmmm...lol .
 
BlueDays

BlueDays

1
defiance said:
These last few days, all I have seen on the news is one tragedy after another. Lots of innocent lives being lost due to senseless violence. And once again what does my mind do? Well it goes "why is it that they ended up dying and they were probably people who contributed to society in some way and yet you can't do anything and you get to outlive them?":kickingmyself: I feel guilty for being alive I really do. I can't help but to feel that way. Like I have somehow done something wrong for outliving them. It sounds stupid I know but I can't help feeling the way that I do.
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I think the exact same thing when I see these tragedies where random people are killed. :sad: I also think "why not me instead?" when you hear of people dying of cancer and their families are devastated.

I contribute nothing to this planet, and these people being killed probably did, or at least had some potential. My life is worthless.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Why does bad shit always happen to me? Nothing seems to ever go right. Well,with the rare exception here n' there. But, really, everything I do never works out for the best.

And I'm getting tired of having to put up with my family being manipulative towards me, which they now find quite amusing. But then their jokes have always been at my expense. Funny how when my worthless, fat arse actually sets my mind to doing summit, 9 times outta 10, it gits done. But my family on the other hand, they constantly makes excuses if they talk me into doing something for or with them - then change their mind last mind. But we could've done the thing I asked. But, apparently, the fact I just let these incidents go without raging at them how disappoint I am, is the reason why they keep making excuses. Aye, again, I'm the one who's to blame.

Ah mean, I don't know if I should fallout with them? Mainly because, as my mum said, I'm the one holding this dyfunctional clan together. And if I lose it, snap and start telling certain family to get tae fu... outta ma life. It'd be them finding it difficult to cope with, and I'd probably get make to feel like I'm a self b@$%@*! for removing what I perceive as the negative, harmful, toxic people and influences from ma life. :idontknow:
 
NathanielWingatePeaslee

NathanielWingatePeaslee

Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Staff member
AtTheGates said:
I'm currently looking at kayaks . I really want to buy one soon. i want to get a nice one so it looks like I MIGHT be spending more than I planned on. oh well, it'll get a lot of use though.


if i can fit some scuba gear on it then ill REALLY be in business. still haven't gotten PADI certification yet but ill probably do that in the next few months hopefully.




the only issue is: after diving, how will I climb back into the kayak with an oxygen tank on my back? hmmmm...lol .
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transparent-kayak-3.jpg
 
NathanielWingatePeaslee

NathanielWingatePeaslee

Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Staff member
:thinking:

I honestly didn't think the girl was anything special. You can barely see her face or her figure. To me it's the boat and the water that are awesome in that picture.

From what I'm told scratches in the hull get filled in by the water so they don't obscure your view. The problem for me (I too am thinking about getting a kayak) is that there is no water around here clear enough to merit the extra expense. Even such beaches as I can reach by car have pretty murky water.

:sad:
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
NathanielWingatePeaslee said:
I honestly didn't think the girl was anything special. You can barely see her face or her figure
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The woman in my mind is simply a symbolic placeholder for a hot woman in a bikini. But she does look okay from a short distance, and when you're a older man who's never ever even been on a single date, that is very attractive. But i realize that my perspective of women is from fantasy-land, so the attraction is excessive & irrational.
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
Every day I have to turn and face the world of people, while every ounce of my being is telling me to turn from this anger and fear, and run, or if I was a bird fly away.
 
AtTheGates

AtTheGates

Banned
NathanielWingatePeaslee said:
:thinking:

I honestly didn't think the girl was anything special. You can barely see her face or her figure. To me it's the boat and the water that are awesome in that picture.

From what I'm told scratches in the hull get filled in by the water so they don't obscure your view. The problem for me (I too am thinking about getting a kayak) is that there is no water around here clear enough to merit the extra expense. Even such beaches as I can reach by car have pretty murky water.

:sad:
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she looked alright to me *shrug* . maybe I have weird standards. lol

anyway, my main concern would be getting a kayak that would be able to fit scuba gear on it, is well made, but also not too cumbersome/large.


theres a lake near here that I could take it too but the water is definitely murky . even the ocean on the east coast is generally murky but there are still a lot of good places to dive. ill probably take a trip to the beach next spring to do some diving.


some of the best diving in the world is in the caribbean..also iv heard hawaii is good for scuba diving but there are more sharks there.



id like to paddle out to a wreck site like this at night and do some diving . I went to Cozumel when I was 15 but we only went snorkeling. I free-dived about 15 feet down into a hole in part of a reef, and picked up a dead crab, got freaked out and shot back up to the surface.almost lost my snorkeling mask. lol thats the deepest iv ever been in the ocean.

this is a cool video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dtR5DA4eDY
 
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theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
That video was DOPE - a TRIP! I watched it full-screen & was like i was there!. It would have been perfect without the boatload of divers there & all their bubbles.
I might start getting into (watching) scuba diving now (or underwater filmography). :)
 
GraybeardGhost

GraybeardGhost

Well-known member
Seven months, now. Agoraphobia, isolation, paranoia. I want this to end, soon and swiftly. A stroke in my sleep would be perfect. I want nothing but release.
 
BlueDays

BlueDays

1
Like cattle at a cattle sales yard.

I am so sick and tired of dreading walking past a teenage boy/s in the streets, car parks or walkways because I know I will not escape having to endure a rude comment or action. :thumbdown:

Why can't teenage boys just walk past a single female and NOT make any judgemental comments, or make any crude actions at her!? :eek:h:
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
BlueDays said:
Like cattle at a cattle sales yard.

I am so sick and tired of dreading walking past a teenage boy/s in the streets, car parks or walkways because I know I will not escape having to endure a rude comment or action. :thumbdown:

Why can't teenage boys just walk past a single female and NOT make any judgemental comments, or make any crude actions at her!? :eek:h:
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I'm a male, and teenaged boys are also the main group i avoid. They're all about ACTION & crude/obnoxious action at that. I wonder if it's too much testosterone in their bodies, which creates the urge to do/say sth RISKY? I normally do a bee-line if i see them approaching, say, duck into a shop. Otherwise i risk being ridiculed, & :. enraged, which is a no-win situation. But i don't think all of them are like that, as i wasn't nor where my friends at school; i think only certain types are like that, who have certain traits, like excessive testosterone, extroverted, crave attention, etc. But of course they have sex on their pea-brains, and are impulsive idiots, which leads them to verbalizing their disgusting inner thoughts, when say a woman walks past. Basically, at that point in their lives, they are just "animals", acting only on instinct/impulse in the main. Teenaged boys on the whole, is one group of people which have always disgusted me, on the whole, & i always vowed never to be macho p3nis-heads like them (or my dad too, though he just macho & dominating, not crude/sexist - ie a "good b*stard")
 
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BlueDays

BlueDays

1
theslowesthand said:
I'm a male, and teenaged boys are also the main group i avoid. They're all about ACTION & crude/obnoxious action at that. I wonder if it's too much testosterone in their bodies, which creates the urge to do/say sth RISKY? I normally do a bee-line if i see them approaching, say, duck into a shop. Otherwise i risk being ridiculed, & :. enraged, which is a no-win situation. But i don't think all of them are like that, as i wasn't nor where my friends at school; i think only certain types are like that, who have certain traits, like excessive testosterone, extroverted, crave attention, etc. But of course they have sex on their pea-brains, and are impulsive idiots, which leads them to verbalizing their disgusting inner thoughts, when say a woman walks past. Basically, at that point in their lives, they are just "animals", acting only on instinct/impulse in the main. Teenaged boys on the whole, is one group of people which have always disgusted me, on the whole, & i always vowed never to be macho p3nis-heads like them (or my dad too, though he just macho & dominating, not crude/sexist - ie a "good b*stard")
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^That is interesting to hear a male say that he avoids them too.
I did not have a brother, so I did not know that some males want to avoid them too.
And yes, I know that not all teenage boys are like that. :)
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
BlueDays said:
^That is interesting to hear a male say that he avoids them too
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Yep, that's been a significant part of the hellish live i've lived - ridicule by young males. It's been difficult to handle the anger/rage from being ridiculed as if i was gay (i've always been skinny, pale & petite, as well as anxious, which i guess is why they've thought i were gay?). Btw being regarded as a gay guy when you're not, is one of the most disgusting, hurtful & enraging things you can imagine. So i guess being highly disrespected by males is sth me & you have in common. :sad: :veryangry: :bat:
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Just wishing that my life turn out better than it has. But too late to make up for lost time and missed opportunities now. :alone:

And, y'know, the usual soul crushing despair that comes with being the smartest spastic in the room. Constantly getting grief for correcting how my mum pronounces certain words. Which is now sexist, apparently?! :idontknow:
Nonetheless, great to see feminists have their priorities in order

Or so she says, anyway. But I've kinda learnt to not challenge my mother's dumb opinions. Since she just ends up throw a tantrum and accusing me of being a narcissist and difficult to live. Says the women who always has to get things her way. Ocassionally there's the odd empty threat of violence from her towards the heavyset lad who's also her son. What with my mum being more unhinged than a swinging door. But it's just something I've learnt to live with, I guess. :sad:
 
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defiance

defiance

Well-known member
Just to have had the opportunity to live a normal life would have been the equivalent of hitting the jackpot for me. I am not talking about living a rich and luxurious life just a normal life. One where I can interact with people and not feel like I am about to have a heart attack. One where I can drive a car and work a normal job without any of the mental issues holding me back. One where I can say to myself, you know I made my parents proud because I made something of myself. This....This is what the dream life would be for me. I am be working on this but my progress is so minimal that it might as well be non existent.
 
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