How are you feeling?

Trapped. As much as I hate living with my roommate, she's having some friends over whom I don't like either. Wondering what I'm supposed to do.

Beleza said:

I know just what you mean. I go through periods of being mute and then I go through periods where I can't stop blabbing. I don't like it either.

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Same here....

Srijita52 said:

Trapped. As much as I hate living with my roommate, she's having some friends over whom I don't like either. Wondering what I'm supposed to do.

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^ Maybe go to the library and read for a bit? My roommate last year was really social and sometimes brought her friend over to hang out, or if she wasn't doing that she was skyping. I didn't mind her one friend over there sometimes, but I couldn't stand the skyping. I would sometimes just walk off to the library and stay there and read for an hour or two, or work on homework. Thankfully my roommate went to hang out elsewhere more often than she brought friends over.

Invisibleman said:

I remember I was nervous when I was posting my picture,that somehow somebody would see. But then my fears were fizzled out when I realized that nobody I knew actually knew I had SA, nor did they know that SA was even a thing. I imagine it could be like that for you too.

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Very logical.
I wish I'd remember to be logical more often in regards to my SA. xD

Quite overwhelmed, tae be honest. F**k knows why, though

I feel horrifically depressed.

It seems I can no longer use the Internet for companionship. The days of finding comfort online are gone for me. It's not the same as it used to be. It's to be expected though, things change. People aren't chained to their computers. But I still feel kind of hurt about it.

I don't know what to do now. I'm scared of feeling this alone, I feel like I'm going to end up in the hospital again. I just don't think I can handle feeling this way on my own, and telling my family members about it does nothing as there isn't much they can say to help.

To make matters worse my stepfather is here for a few days and it's extremely uncomfortable, I'm afraid to go to certain rooms because I don't want to see him. But I have to, I can't hide.

I hope I feel better soon, I really do... Maybe I can use feeling this bad to my advantage somehow, to motivate me to do things...

Head is pounding. My sinuses are acting up, as usual. I hope it doesn't turn into a sinus infection. I'm also feeling anxious this morning, for some reason. I took half a Klonopin, though, and am hoping it gets better.

I have a hangover so I won't do my homework. It's my parent's fault, if it was for me I wouldn't go to family parties

I feel so alone... can't stop crying... I'm so ashamed. Maybe I should go back to the hospital? They didn't help much last time though... But being around others was nice, and the break from the Internet was nice (I can't seem to force myself to stay away when I feel like this, feels like the only thing I have).

I shouldn't even be posting this here, I can't expect people on the internet to be able to help me when I'm feeling this low.

I'm just not sure what to do, I feel like I'm going to lose my mind.

I should tell my mother I guess, but my stepdad is here and... dskfjdsiofjdsodsjlkskl.

Why am I such a mess all the time? I hate myself for it I don't know how to be normal.

I'm really sorry guys, for being so pathetic, I really am, if I could go back in time and fix whatever caused me to be this neurotic I would, I swear. I feel like a waste of human life. I'm sorry

Feeling down.

You know I think there is some kind of weird bug going around.

I come to SPW so that I can get out some of the bad stuff that I am feeling. Then I start reading some of the forum posts and find that others are having an equal or worse time than I am.

I want to console those people but then the stories about their problems gets 'into me' and I feel even more miserable. I will feel sorry for them and even sorrier for myself for thinking only my petty issues matter.

Beatrice said:

I feel so alone... can't stop crying... I'm so ashamed. Maybe I should go back to the hospital? They didn't help much last time though... But being around others was nice, and the break from the Internet was nice (I can't seem to force myself to stay away when I feel like this, feels like the only thing I have).

I shouldn't even be posting this here, I can't expect people on the internet to be able to help me when I'm feeling this low.

I'm just not sure what to do, I feel like I'm going to lose my mind.

I should tell my mother I guess, but my stepdad is here and... dskfjdsiofjdsodsjlkskl.

Why am I such a mess all the time? I hate myself for it I don't know how to be normal.

I'm really sorry guys, for being so pathetic, I really am, if I could go back in time and fix whatever caused me to be this neurotic I would, I swear. I feel like a waste of human life. I'm sorry

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You are not pathetic ok? You are human and every person ( I would bet ) has felt the same way you're feeling now. I know I have. And most days I do. You're not a "waste of human life" either. You do serve a purpose on this earth you just need to find what your passion is. If I could I would give you the biggest hug possible & tell you, that even though things seem dark & scary- this too shall pass. The road to recovery is hard. But anything worth having is worth fighting for. And your life is certaintly worth fighting for.

If you feel like going to the hospital is what you need then you should go. Maybe IOP is something you could look into? ( group therapy) Or try some type of support group that's not online.

I know the internet can be an escape from life for people like us so maybe try to only go on a certain amount of hours a day ( a reachable goal) but please, don't be sorry for how you feel. If you're depressed & need to let it out, so be it. I hope things turn around for you soon.

Im just posting because its my 1,000th post.

Invisibleman said:

Im just posting because its my 1,000th post.

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Phoenixx said:

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That made me giggle.

I have a knot in my stomach. Ive been invited to a party on Tuesday (of all days honestly). Ive never been to a party and im f**king terrified

Kinda depressed, feeling random and giddy.

Miserable. I really, really hate life. My dad won't stop calling. He claims I'm screening his calls and only talk to him to get money. I call after skating everyday and after work. He didn't answer last night. Now I'm dragged into a fight between my parents; according to my dad, my mom stops me from calling him. Two times a day isn't enough for him, apparently! He's called me all sorts of names now. He won't stop screaming and if I hang up, he calls back.

All I want to do is watch True Blood. :| bring on the awful cliffhanger!

Sometimes, I wonder if life is worth this.

I always want to give up, but then I think about what I could become if I don't stop fighting. I'm going through it right now, but I wonder why I can never articulate what is going on with me and that scares me.

Phoenixx said:

^

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How dare you! You know that GIFing is my job!

I feel absolutely ****ty. Today was my mother's birthday. We went out for lunch and my sister spent a good portion of the time telling us about her recent trip to Europe. Then the tides turned to me. Both my mother and sister started to analyze my life situation in the restaurant. Eventually we took the discussion outside. It just got worse from there. I hate having these discussions with them because 1) they always have some truth in them (especially the kind of truths people don't want to hear) and 2) I feel like no matter what I say, I'm always in the wrong. They both have a response/answer/comeback for everything and I don't feel like I ever get my point across.

Pity and guilt are pretty much character traits that are passed on genetically in my family. My mom told me today that she doesn't ever want to be to me what her mother is to her: someone who uses guilt and pity to make you feel obligated to do something. Then she says that she loves me SO much that she is willing to do whatever it takes to help me get better, including getting out of my life completely. If I say to her that the things she says to me sound like guilt, she'll just come back with "well, that's not what I intended it to sound like." Alright. I've lost that battle as well. And it's not just that I've "lost" the battle. It's that I feel like my feelings are being invalidated. "Well mom, when you say that you had to get help and get better when you were my age because you had a husband and two kids and you wish I had something in my life to get better for, it makes me feel like you are saying I have nothing in my life to live for." "You know that's not what I meant!" Okay. I'm wrong yet again. I feel like a child when she and my sister talk to me.

I see both my therapist and doctor tomorrow. That should be insane. And then I have a job interview on Friday. (How come there is no overwhelmed emoticon on here? If there was ever a site that needed one...) I keep trying to cry because I feel it welling up inside me, but nothing comes out. ::

Broken. Like a puppet tossed to the wayside. I can't do this for much longer. I'm just tired. I can't even cry out my emotions. All I can do is tear into myself for being so pathetic and drown in my misery. When will this nightmare end? Or is this simply reality for me?