Picking up Women

AGR

Well-known member
狼;705855 said:
LoL

at the title of this

caveman-dragging-cavewoman_~vl0008b116.jpg
 

BamanPiderman

Well-known member
I wouldn't know how to react to being asked out or hit on. I'd probably ignore the person, not thinking they're serious.
 
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nosferatu

Well-known member
I have expressive language disorder, so just talking to people in general is quite difficult. I wouldn't get very far if I tried to pick up girls.
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
The thought of doing this is my worse fear, I don't have the confidence. The paradox is my fear gives the impression, men, women, anyone, that I might be trying to pick them up, or perhaps they think I am weird or some kind of dangerous psychotic. Why is he so anxious? You wouldn't believe the irrational spin people can put on that.

It is so bad I can't talk to anyone, with the fear of being embarrassed, or giving people the wrong impression of my interest. If I tried to go up and talk to a girl tomorrow, they would see my anxiety, and they are likely to react with hostility or fear.

My battle with anxiety is to learn to have the confidence be abe to hold a simple conversation with someone. A simple exchange or words were I think "that went well, I didn't stuff up."
 
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lonelee1

Well-known member
i like all types of men and i'd say women aren't nearly as 'picky' if you will, than most guys think. if you're genuine, everyone likes you! just be yourself and express interest in whatever way feels natural and you'll be fine.

i do wish i could pick up some guys though :p

all in good time.
 

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
i like all types of men and i'd say women aren't nearly as 'picky' if you will, than most guys think. if you're genuine, everyone likes you! just be yourself and express interest in whatever way feels natural and you'll be fine.

i do wish i could pick up some guys though :p

all in good time.

That's encouraging!
 

Flanscho

Well-known member
I rarely speak more than a few words to people I don't know. Every now and then I give one a compliment on the street, but just rarely. I know that I'm neither that attractive nor the richest guy, and any other qualities can't impress on the street, so why bother.
 

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
I rarely speak more than a few words to people I don't know. Every now and then I give one a compliment on the street, but just rarely. I know that I'm neither that attractive nor the richest guy, and any other qualities can't impress on the street, so why bother.

Great point. I have nothing to impress on the fly......so, why would I even talk to a woman that I never met?
 

KiaKaha

Banned
Jesus - you're brave.

Making threads about women is almost a crime around here - that is of course you only say what people want to hear.

I would cup your groin if I were you.
 

KiaKaha

Banned
What I find is that women tend to respond well if they trust you and you make them feel comfortable. Unless you are exceptionally charming and bold (and let's face it - most guys who have social anxiety are not), or you elicit some kind of attraction from them you would have to take the side route - if they get to know you and feel comfortable - over time they may develop an attraction. But you don't want to be too safe - cos otherwise it's friend zone city - and that is an un-escapable pit of hell that no man wants to be in.

Just my two cents - please dont castrate me SPW
 

KiaKaha

Banned
It takes a LOT of courage for any man - confident or not to approach a girl.
I have done it a few times myself, but it is extraordinarily hard. The last time was a girl at a coffee shop who I thought was flirting with me (I asked advice as to whether or not she was) and decided to go for it. Turns out she had a boyfriend. But I can tell you that my heart was racing before I asked - It was very embarrassing actually.

I think for me though personally is that in order to flirt - a guy needs 'permission' because if you try and she is not even remotely in that head space it will either freak her out, confuse or you will just come off as a sleaze. I think all of us have been culturally conditioned for the man to become the initiator - it's just expected now. Women generally, are choosier than men - I am not sure why, but nevertheless rejection is hard for anyone.

please don't hurt me..
 

GraybeardGhost

Well-known member
I admire your tenacity, perhaps it will be rewarded if you try hard enough. Just I wonder, you can´t see into melons and women :bigsmile: So how can you know which one of the lot to approach? Exterior?

With melons, you can give them a thump with your finger to hear if they're ripe. I wouldn't recommend trying that with women.

I'm afraid I don't have much advice to offer in the area of picking up girls. Most of my relationships have been with women who pursued me. I've come to view such interest as a warning sign, as most of them turned out to be more than a little disturbed. Seriously, I should be listed in the DSM-IV . . . as a symptom.

I'm definitely going to end up alone if this continues.

ImNotMyIllness, you have demonstrated many, many times in this forum that you are a kind-hearted, friendly guy who cares enough about people to offer support and encouragement, even to complete strangers on the internet. I and many others have been the beneficiaries of your kindness. These are the qualities that truly appeal to most women, I believe*, despite popular myths about "bad boys" and the like. Once the right woman comes into your life—and I do believe this will happen—these are the qualities that will make her want to stay. You really needn't worry about ending up alone.

*No, I'm not a woman, but I do believe in them, and I try to view them in the best possible light.
 
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thegunners21

Well-known member
It's hard to identify when a girl is flirting or not.

For example, I went to a coffee shop yesterday and the cashier (who was a girl) was smiling excessively at me. I don't know if she was just being nice or actually flirting. So hard to tell.

Me being me, didn't do anything of course.
 

Lamb

Well-known member
What I find is that women tend to respond well if they trust you and you make them feel comfortable. Unless you are exceptionally charming and bold (and let's face it - most guys who have social anxiety are not), or you elicit some kind of attraction from them you would have to take the side route - if they get to know you and feel comfortable - over time they may develop an attraction. But you don't want to be too safe - cos otherwise it's friend zone city - and that is an un-escapable pit of hell that no man wants to be in.

Just my two cents - please dont castrate me SPW

I have to ask. Forgive me for swaying off topic, but I'm curious.

What is so terrible about the friend zone? If you're genuinely interested in this female, there's the possibility (if she's already taken or just not interested) that the opportunity to date her will display itself later on. Whether or not you want to go through the ordeal of waiting is a separate issue in itself, I understand that. And let's not talk about being a personal doormat for her problems and emotions, heard that one before. However, I don't believe forming a friendship with someone you're interested in will lead to a dead end. At least not in all instances. From my personal experience, the relationships I've formed started through friendship first. Maybe I'm missing something here and my female brain can't figure it out :p, but this is one reason I find befriending males a bit of a challenge.
 
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ukmale

Well-known member
theres no point is trying to talk females ...... if you don't believe in yourself .. you have to believe in yourself believe in yourself and your make the effort to look nice keep fit dress well keep head up high stand with confidence walk with confidence talk with a clear not to quiet not to loud voice


be kind caring listen complement them ... go watch some YouTube videos gok join some clubs or ect and and talk to women that you don't fancy its easier joining a night class being chatty and friendly with nice caring mother like figures than some overly hot girl and so get out there more get more experience just chatting to females as friends when u do that chatting to a girl in a reading group ect is a lot easier asking her out for coffee ect


It's all down to believe in yourself my friend I have know since 5 is a over cockey confidence guy he keeps himself very well always smiling laughing making a joke and so him sat in Costa a smile across to table to group of girls and he's up and away chatting its all about first impressions and believe in yourself 1st
 

NathanielWingatePeaslee

Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Staff member
It's hard to identify when a girl is flirting or not.

For example, I went to a coffee shop yesterday and the cashier (who was a girl) was smiling excessively at me. I don't know if she was just being nice or actually flirting. So hard to tell.

Me being me, didn't do anything of course.

There's some good stuff in this article. I'm honestly not sure if every bit of it is true, but I know some of it is.

Does she like you?

The comments are worth reading, too. In fact the one by 'Teal' towards the bottom sounds exactly like what Opaline described not long ago in her journal thread.
 

NathanielWingatePeaslee

Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Staff member
theres no point is trying to talk females ...... if you don't believe in yourself .. you have to believe in yourself believe in yourself and your make the effort to look nice keep fit dress well keep head up high stand with confidence walk with confidence talk with a clear not to quiet not to loud voice
My confidence is poop. My only concern with my clothes is dressing not to be noticed (mostly grays and earth tones; t-shirt and jeans). I've still dated numerous women. I suspect the requirements of women may not be all that stringent.

ETA: Also, I could lose about 30 pounds. Perhaps it would help not to think of women as all having the same requirements and priorities.
 
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