Do you still want to have children?

[RoomBound]

I might be in the minority even on this sometimes pessimistic site, but I don't want to have kids anymore. Yes, they're cute and just like to play, which is fun. I've enjoyed my nieces, and they me, but when they hit puberty they became aloof and self-absorbed.

This is something you can't say to your parents, but I fight resentment of the fact that I exist, even though I never particularly wanted to and wouldn't have signed-up for it in retrospect. I feel that if I had children, I'd be forcing them into something that I don't like being forced into myself. And the pros and cons of having kids seem stacked against it being worthwhile. Not enough jobs for willing workers, too much crime, increasing pollution, scarcer resources, the probability of the kids rebelling, going sideways, not finding contentment. On and on. Life seems to be getting more and more challenging.

I fear I'd hit the non-existence button if given the choice. Yeah, there'd be no more chance to experience positives in life, but there'd be no more negatives either. So it seems almost hypocritical of me to have kids. (Yes, in the rare times I'm dating, I'm honest with them about it if the issue comes up. I can tell by the looks on their faces that they don't feel the same way I do.)

I've got friends who privately admit to me they wish they'd never had kids. Too much stress, frustration, and heartache. Far from what they'd hoped for. I've read advice columns with similar admissions from parents. Yes, for others it's been a joy. I get that. I'm not really a people person in general, though. I'm so-so even on my family, which I get along with all right. I just want to be alone most of the time.

You can always volunteer at schools, daycare, and enjoy your nephews, nieces, neighbors, etc to get your fix. The great thing with that is, they don't follow you home. LOL But it also seems that, particularly with women, it seems innate to want to reproduce (sorry if that sounds too clinical).

There's adoption as an option, too. For others, that is. I've soured even on that, and I feel a little guilty about that.

And some have children to get love or have company. Woah. Terrible reason for having them.

Your thoughts?

 

[Roman Legion]

My parents constantly try to guilt trip me about not dating.. I can't talk to people, let alone a woman I'd like to date.. I used to feel lonely and desire a relationship, but I am happy being alone and I hate kids with a passion.. I can't stand them at all and I don't buy the "It's different when they are YOUR kids.." crap my parents try to feed me. I just want to find a job that I can so by myself away from people and maybe in the future work on getting a date, but I don't want kids.

 

[cowboyup]

I'm 42, never married (never had boyfriend either), & no kids. I used to have regrets that I didn't have kids, boyfriend, etc., but I've helped raise my brother, raised my sister after our mom passed away, and took care of a drunken parent while the other one was working all the time...now at 42 I am a "nanny" for my brother, and sister-in-law is pregnant again....so needless to say, I nipped that 'children' bug in the butt!

No, I do not want children.
Funny thing is, people say I am good with kids LOL!

 

[Boby]

Sry mate but I strongly disagree with you.
Indeed your logic is not flawed but that only for and adult younger than 35-40.
As time will pass you will have fewer and fewer friends...the only thing you will have is your family (sons,daughters,grandsons and granddaughters).And you can't rely on your nephews, nieces, neighbors etc ,believe me they don't give a **** about uncles,especially after they will get older.
Before you make up your mind I advice you to think well ,my uncle and aunt are more than 40 years old and now are desperate to make a child and spent thousands of euros on fertilization treatment and they were thinking the same as you when they were younger.

 

[Waybuloo]

A want to have a tribe of bouncing babas but it wouldn't be fair on the planet. I guess I might still get to enjoy grandchildren one day.

 

[cowboyup]

My parents constantly try to guilt trip me about not dating.. I can't talk to people, let alone a woman I'd like to date.. I used to feel lonely and desire a relationship, but I am happy being alone and I hate kids with a passion.. I can't stand them at all and I don't buy the "It's different when they are YOUR kids.." crap my parents try to feed me. I just want to find a job that I can so by myself away from people and maybe in the future work on getting a date, but I don't want kids.

My parents were the opposite - I never had pressure to date, or to have/make friends. I remember when I 'tried' to date and it caused so much trouble among the family that I had my brother AND sister beg me to not date anyone or have any friends because it caused too much trouble for everyone and we all ended up tip toeing around the house in fear of parents yelling, throwing things, hitting....stupid when I think about it.

Mine is rare exception - if I had grown a spine back then perhaps my SA wouldn't be quite as extreme now....

 

[Hoppy]

My first flippant remark is Who with?

My second one is Do I really want to pass on my genes?

My serious one is I do think it would be great, but I am not sure I am emotionally up to the responsibilty. As the one mother said: "The worrying come easy."

 

[Lea]

As if I could afford it in the first place

 

[MikeyC]

I don't want kids. I might change my mind later but it seems like it's not going to happen. I'll leave the child bearing to my brother.

 

[Waybuloo]

My parents were the opposite - I never had pressure to date, or to have/make friends. I remember when I 'tried' to date and it caused so much trouble among the family that I had my brother AND sister beg me to not date anyone or have any friends because it caused too much trouble for everyone and we all ended up tip toeing around the house in fear of parents yelling, throwing things, hitting....stupid when I think about it.

Mine is rare exception - if I had grown a spine back then perhaps my SA wouldn't be quite as extreme now....

Lol, now I am interested in knowing what exactly you did whilst dating that caused so much trouble for your family?

 

[dyingtolive]

Sry mate but I strongly disagree with you.
Indeed your logic is not flawed but that only for and adult younger than 35-40.
As time will pass you will have fewer and fewer friends...the only thing you will have is your family (sons,daughters,grandsons and granddaughters).And you can't rely on your nephews, nieces, neighbors etc ,believe me they don't give a **** about uncles,especially after they will get older.
Before you make up your mind I advice you to think well ,my uncle and aunt are more than 40 years old and now are desperate to make a child and spent thousands of euros on fertilization treatment and they were thinking the same as you when they were younger.

Scary way of putting it... Coz i dont think i will have kids... and about friends getting fewer and fewer... So it even 'gets worse' than this, huh?

 

[O'Killian]

First up, my general opinion is your loins, your problem. Not wanting to have children is a perfectly valid decision. I also feel that there are a lot of people who would have done well to have considered such a decision more deeply (or at all, in some cases.) We're talking about creating human lives here and if that's not playing God, I don't know what is.

That said, I fully believe the choice between existing and not existing is a non-choice. Things may look bad now, but the world's been going to hell in a handbasket more or less since history started. And even if it is, it's not gonna get any better if the people who recognize that don't work to change it.

To answer the original question, I want children. There are few other ways to leave your indelible mark on history, and the parent/child relationship is a unique one. Of course I'm nowhere near ready for this, but hopefully it's in the cards.

 

[Feeling_Nothing]

I'm still young so you might consider me naive yet I believe that some day I will find that one person I want to spend my life with and yes I would like to have 1 MAYBE 2 kids. But that's someday...

 

[Boby]

and about friends getting fewer and fewer... So it even 'gets worse' than this, huh?

I'm only 22 years old and I lost quite a few friends because they got married and had kids and now they only have time for their family,so yeah it will get worse as time pass.

 

[cowboyup]

Lol, now I am interested in knowing what exactly you did whilst dating that caused so much trouble for your family?

Nothing...went to dinner once, came home at appropriate time - considering the first time I actually went out in my life was 24 years old. My mom and dad's answer was that there was nobody to watch my brother and sister if I went on date, dinner, movie, whatever. My mom worked nights, and my dad went to bars at night.

can't make this **** up.

basically, what it was is that I was inconveniencing my mom and dad
I also tried to go to 'regular' college (meaning not internet/online) and about 6 weeks into my class my parents told me I'd have to quit because my mom couldn't keep up with me going to school, my siblings and their school and driving my dad to the bar. So I had to quit college.

WOW...I'm sorry. I got really off topic here....'Guess I better start a journal...

 

[cosmosis]

I'm actually having my first born child due in september. It's terrifying yet feels so right at the same time. I wrestled with the same kind of thoughts. Why would I put another through all the pain I went through? Too many problems in the world and thinking this world is not a good place to raise children anymore. Intellectually it probably is a stupid thing to do. But life is not intellectual. Life will go on regardless of what you think or do. It seems that the more I submit to nature, the happier I feel. The older you get, the more you have this need to give yourself completely to something. That something is most easily and completely filled by children in my opinion. For the last 10 years, I've been trying to figure out my life, figure out what I want to do with my life. But it felt so wrong, because it was all about me. Life for me gets more content and happier when I can give and share. Nature is taking me down that path..not my brain and I'm much happier for it.

 

[Kiwong]

Children only want to play? If only it were that simple.

I'm sure bringing up children is worth those dark rings under their parent's eyes

 

[bcsr]

I definitely want kids. And I'm going to be an awesome dad.

 

[GhastlyCC]

I never want children.
Iv'e thought ALOT on the matter.
And it just dosn't seem like the right thing for me(and lots of other people) to do.
I just don't really like kids.
I mean...I love my little cousin dearly. I even worry about him like I imagine a parent would when he's with his mom and not where I can watch him.lol
But kids in general.....no thanks.Not for me.
The idea of having a small person that depends on me for everything scares me.
The idea of being a bad parent.....
Not being able to afford things that they want or need...being a disappointment to them.
Not having time for them...just like my father didn't have for me.
I'm already a **** up.
Why would I want to create a life that would be attached to this parody of an existence that I call my "life"?

And not everybody needs to have a kid.
There's already too many people in the world.
I don't need to add one more.

I think it's funny that I can relate to the views of a video game villain.
But...
"In my lifetime, I have read the pasts, presents and futures...of thousands upon thousands of men and women... And each mind that I peered into... was stuffed with the same single object of obsession. That selfish and atavistic desire to pass on one's seed...it was enough to make me sick. Every living thing on this planet exists to mindlessly pass on their DNA." -Psycho Mantis

 

[twiggle]

Certainly I hope to have children one day, but it's possible I won't ever meet anyone to have them with. I have to be prepared for that.
If I can't have my own children, I'd like to adopt. May be tough as a single-parent, but its not impossible.
My general promise to myself is that if I don't have one dream (kids) then I'd like to have my other dream (live abroad).
We'll see. I don't particularly want to wind up alone, but I might...so need a plan B