How are you feeling?

[Nathália]

Bi-polar as usual. I've been really busy latley and my family is wearing on me. So much crap is going on with my family. I am almost crying about my neice. I am so upset that their mother does not give a :-(. Their mother is my sister and I dislike to talk about my family but I am to the point where something needs to be done. I am going nuts this has been going on for 8 years and we have adressed this over and over...smh.

When I am to my self I can the happiest thing. Then my OCD is crazy, I had the same intrusive song in my head for days that have messed with my sleep. It's not annoying it's intrustive because of the lyrics an what it talks about which is very senstive for me. For almost three days every hour these lyric keep playing over and over. EVery got durn hour. It needs to run away! I want to go back to peace. Please get out of my head dumb song. SO yeah that's my sad, happy, sad happy crazy happy sad. * eye roll *

 

[MikeyC]

Sorry to hear that, Beleza. I hope the stuff with your family can get sorted because it sounds like it's very tough to deal with. ::

 

[Nathália]

Thank you much, Mikey.

 

[Graeme1988]

Well, this morning I got out of bed, and as I was making way to my bedroom door, my legs gave out from under me and I went falling to the floor with an almighty thud. :: So, I'm feeling a bit sore. Cerebral palsy is acting up. Aside from that, I'm a bit depressed and unhappy. :: Having a hard time being positive, lately. I suppose I should try and take my mind off my negative thoughts, and cheer up.

Okay, mini-rant over. F*#kety-bye.

 

[TheWickedOne]

Calm. So far. The day is still young though.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Don't say I didn't warn you. Warning: terrible video + language.

BISTU - **** Machine - YouTube

**** Machine, eh?
haha

Well, I must say-- total opposite to anything I manage to make but it looks like fun!
Reminds me of one of the only concerts I went to in highschool!
Serenity in a Thousand Screams! Woo!

 

[MikeyC]

I want to try and become more hard hearted, judgemental and selfish - but I am not sure I have it in me... not that being the opposite of that has ever really helped me.

I think there's nothing wrong with being more hard-hearted, but there's a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Still be nice to people but stand up for yourself when necessary.

**** Machine, eh?
haha

Well, I must say-- total opposite to anything I manage to make but it looks like fun!
Reminds me of one of the only concerts I went to in highschool!
Serenity in a Thousand Screams! Woo!

Well, we don't really play anything that people can click to immediately, or at all. I'm glad you found it interesting, at the very least.

 

[vexatiousmind]

I feel completely worthless. I don't want to do ****, and I have a test today. Which would not be so bad except there is a lot of short answers and an essay. My head is numb so my answers are gonna be ****. Oh well

 

[MikeyC]

I feel completely worthless. I don't want to do ****, and I have a test today. Which would not be so bad except there is a lot of short answers and an essay. My head is numb so my answers are gonna be ****. Oh well

No, you're not worthless. To reward yourself for doing the test, do something nice for yourself, even if it's something as small as a chocolate bar. You will feel better afterwards.

 

[twiggle]

Hoping for a better week than last.
I've felt... strange... for the past few weeks. Not sad or bad strange... just a bit lost and not as in tune with myself as I normally am. Like, everything just goes over my head. Seeming to care less... but I don't want to care less. Or do I? Less hurt this way, but more likely to lose things. So I need to be careful.
Riddle-like ramble speak from me again...

 

[MikeyC]

Hoping for a better week than last.
I've felt... strange... for the past few weeks. Not sad or bad strange... just a bit lost and not as in tune with myself as I normally am. Like, everything just goes over my head. Seeming to care less... but I don't want to care less. Or do I? Less hurt this way, but more likely to lose things. So I need to be careful.
Riddle-like ramble speak from me again...

Feeling apathetic about things is not a good sign, but maybe by "caring less," you're not worrying about the more petty things that used to get to you? In which case that could be a good thing.

I hope you're okay.

 

[twiggle]

Feeling apathetic about things is not a good sign, but maybe by "caring less," you're not worrying about the more petty things that used to get to you? In which case that could be a good thing.

I hope you're okay.

Thanks Mikey, ever-listening and helping
Yeah, it's strange trying to work out if it's a good thing or not. I have always wanted to care less about the petty things I'd normally over-analyse; and now I realise that I am caring less about them... but; then I worry that I'm not caring enough As you say, I don't want to verge onto the apathetic.
I annoy myself so much sometimes. Bah humbug.
Bedtime for me. Night all

 

[this_portrait]

Feeling super super super nervous.

 

[MikeyC]

Thanks Mikey, ever-listening and helping
Yeah, it's strange trying to work out if it's a good thing or not. I have always wanted to care less about the petty things I'd normally over-analyse; and now I realise that I am caring less about them... but; then I worry that I'm not caring enough As you say, I don't want to verge onto the apathetic.
I annoy myself so much sometimes. Bah humbug.
Bedtime for me. Night all

You want to stay at a level of caring and not caring. I can understand that. We all would, but we all care at different levels about the situations around us. It's important to maintain a healthy balance. Caring about your future and caring about Nicole Kidman's super diet are two different things.

Have a wonderful sleep.

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

Well, this morning I got out of bed, and as I was making way to my bedroom door, my legs gave out from under me and I went falling to the floor with an almighty thud. :: So, I'm feeling a bit sore. Cerebral palsy is acting up. Aside from that, I'm a bit depressed and unhappy. :: Having a hard time being positive, lately. I suppose I should try and take my mind off my negative thoughts, and cheer up.

Okay, mini-rant over. F*#kety-bye.

Ouch! I am really sorry to hear that happened. I bet it was kind of scary and unexpected too. That must have really sucked. I hope you're okay and feeling less sore now.

Sorry to hear that you are feeling depressed and unhappy. Have you made any progress with convincing your mom that therapy will be a good thing? Or have you talked to your sister more?

 

[vexatiousmind]

No, you're not worthless. To reward yourself for doing the test, do something nice for yourself, even if it's something as small as a chocolate bar. You will feel better afterwards.

Thanks mikey, the chocolate idea made me smile because I ate almost an entire box yesterday. I was in a much better mood then now. I think I will clean my room, shower, and paint my toes though.

 

[Graeme1988]

Ouch! I am really sorry to hear that happened. I bet it was kind of scary and unexpected too. That must have really sucked. I hope you're okay and feeling less sore now.

Sorry to hear that you are feeling depressed and unhappy. Have you made any progress with convincing your mom that therapy will be a good thing? Or have you talked to your sister more?

Ouch, indeed. It wasn't some much scary. I think the fall was just unexpected, really. My left side was just a bit sore afterwards.

And, no, I haven't really made much progress with my mum or sister. Simply because my mum attitude is very much "What's the point? Just don't think about it". Which isn't exactly easy to do. And I still don't feel comfortable talking to my sister because I can't bring myself to talk about my mum's emotional neglect towards me. Since my sister doesn't know the extent of it.

I've also realised that, for a few years now, I've been unable to see beyond my own physical disability - which in a way has contributed to my social anxiety and my self-loathing. Not sure how best to deal with this issue, to be honest. But that said, this issue does go back to when I was 12, when my cerebral palsy started getting worse.

I know I will overcome all my issues, though. Eventually.

 

[pop-princess]

My so called friend has been away for months abroad and she didn't even tell me she was already home. I had to ask her and find out. Well I decided anyway to ask her if she wanted to meet and catch up and she was like "yeah absolutely i'll call you!". Of course she didn't....

Weird thing is I don't feel sad I just feel like i'm pissed off. If I mean zero to her then she can just buzz off from my life. Her behavior is not okay (too bad I don't have many friends though)

 

[this_portrait]

Welp, I feel discouraged/disappointed now.

 

[coyote]

I think....

I need to stop thinking I can change things. I feel like - everything I believe is incorrect. I always thought I was a pretty good person. I thought helping the less fortunate was a good thing, but now I think that helping people is merely "enabling" them.

I thought that if you were angry, upset or felt like that you had been treated unfairly then it was OK to get pissed off - but now I feel like that this is wrong - just harden up and deal with it.

I thought that if I was depressed then or unhappy, or disappointed that these were normal emotions - but I am beginning to feel thats its unacceptable to feel this way - that its wrong... its not allowed.

I feel like the more selfish you are, and the more you go along with the heard - the better off you will be.

I also feel like a very very stupid person.

I want to try and become more hard hearted, judgemental and selfish - but I am not sure I have it in me... not that being the opposite of that has ever really helped me.

I am feeling dejected, disillusioned... and sad. I feel like my core principles - the force that drives me as a human being - is not valid or appreciated.

I really hate putting my thoughts out here sometimes.

I realize this post is self indulgent and self pitying ... which in itself is unnaceptable. Gah.. everything I do I feel like I m ****ing up.

you may be familiar with the buddhist concept of suffering being rooted in desire

that includes the desire to change the world

reaching, grasping, striving, wanting, needing to make everything better, or different than it is

can only make you miserable

that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it

it just means that you accept the misery as part of the equation

or

you can let the desire go

accept the world as it is

free yourself from the hold it has on you

and your attachment to it

thus freed, you may go peacefully about your work to improve the world around you without all the emotional burden

and perhaps achieve greater results