How are you feeling?

[MrJones]

Hang in there MrJones. Anything could happen next week, next month, next year that could change your circumstances. You have no way of knowing what is coming in your future. Don't give up yet! ((Hugs))

Thanks BlueDays.
Bad part is that nothing happened last week or last month or last year or the previous one.

I need people but people don't need me. Nobody does. Happiness is very unlikely to come and I have no idea how to go to it myself. Just a word from a special person could make me happy, but those things don't happen to people like me.

 

[Aletheia]

golden child

we watched Mars Needs Moms
and played with his train tracks
and he showed me the angels in their tree
peace and hope
love and joy
and he knew the term liquefaction
and what it meant
and he told me about the four little girls in his class
who have crushes on him
when I told him I was old he told me that I don't have any wrinkles
and he told me unprovoked
Aunty Kate I love you
twice
and he said that he thought he might have nits
but spent most of the night nestled into me
and much of it playing with my hair
and then fell asleep as easy as breathing

oh how I love that little boy
fiercely

 

[MikeyC]

Re: golden child

Every day is lonelier. I don't know how much longer I will be able to stay like this.

Keep fighting the good fight, my friend. As BlueDays said, things can happen quickly and unexpectedly, so you never really know what's around the corner.

we watched Mars Needs Moms
and played with his train tracks
and he showed me the angels in their tree
peace and hope
love and joy
and he knew the term liquefaction
and what it meant
and he told me about the four little girls in his class
who have crushes on him
when I told him I was old he told me that I don't have any wrinkles
and he told me unprovoked
Aunty Kate I love you
twice
and he said that he thought he might have nits
but spent most of the night nestled into me
and much of it playing with my hair
and then fell asleep as easy as breathing

oh how I love that little boy
fiercely

This is awesome. It's not just me that thinks you're great.

 

[planemo]

I'm a bit apprehensive about going to the doctors tomorrow. Just making any type of public appearances is becoming more difficult.

 

[Invisibleman]

Im happy about christmas break finally being here but im not at the same time. Now il just be sitting in my room just like before,dr pepper cans littering my floor.<--that ryhmed::. I hate to say it but im really jealous of my friend. The last day of school we were just sitting there and attractive girls were talking to him,none of them acknowledged I was there. Hes been invited to a bunch of different christmas and new years parties. Im so lonely and isolated this time of year

 

[Strange_Loner]

I feel sad today and so alone, my ex Boyfriend has not long moved out and I don't know what to do with myself.... I've always been with my Mum or him so being on my own away from them is really hard for me ::

 

[Silatuyok]

Out of place.

I'm okay with that.

 

[Graeme1988]

Honestly? Well... I went to bed last night crying because I was feeling really depressed. Today has been a bit of a hassle. My mum has been cleaning the house, as my sister coming to visit. Yet, she noted today, she never makes an effort when any other family member comes to stay.

Aside from that, I have this overwhelming feeling I don't belong. I can't even seem to fit in with my family. Also, it really sucks being an atheist at Christmas and being forced - for lack of a better word - to celebrate something I have long since stop believing in. Or am I just being a total prick?

 

[MikeyC]

I hate to say it but im really jealous of my friend. The last day of school we were just sitting there and attractive girls were talking to him,none of them acknowledged I was there. Hes been invited to a bunch of different christmas and new years parties. Im so lonely and isolated this time of year

With your looks and your voice, I find it hard to believe that you would be invisible (despite your username). Maybe they were noticing you but your thoughts of yourself prevented you from seeing that.

I feel sad today and so alone, my ex Boyfriend has not long moved out and I don't know what to do with myself.... I've always been with my Mum or him so being on my own away from them is really hard for me ::

Sorry to hear that. Can you still go to your mum's place? Or is that not possible?

Honestly? Well... I went to bed last night crying because I was feeling really depressed.

That's bad depression right there. I've noticed a lot of your posts are about how depressed and upset you are and that's not good, mate. Is there anything you can do to alleviate these feelings? Maybe a hobby you can throw yourself into?

Also, it really sucks being an atheist at Christmas and being forced - for lack of a better word - to celebrate something I have long since stop believing in. Or am I just being a total prick?

I'm Atheist, too, but I celebrate it just as much as everyone else, mostly because I have to. I don't like Christmas but I don't view it as a religious holiday - I view it as a day of eating lots of food or getting lots of (materialistic) gifts. This year it'll be about working and being bored out of my mind. Hooray.

 

[1BlackSheep]

I'm Atheist, too, but I celebrate it just as much as everyone else, mostly because I have to. I don't like Christmas but I don't view it as a religious holiday - I view it as a day of eating lots of food or getting lots of (materialistic) gifts. This year it'll be about working and being bored out of my mind. Hooray.

You always have a way of putting a positive spin on things! I'm sure you'll turn a boring Christmas at work into a fun-filled day!

 

[MikeyC]

You always have a way of putting a positive spin on things! I'm sure you'll turn a boring Christmas at work into a fun-filled day!

Ah, heh. Maybe not this year. I'm so much over Christmas and there's a strong possibility my nan will spend it in hospital. Working on Christmas Day won't be so bad (penalty rates + boss won't be there + possible food) but the actual time I'll spend at home won't exactly be riveting. Never mind.

In all honesty, I think this will be the last Christmas my nan will see. She's deteriorating physically and I think everyone else is too oblivious to believe it except me and nan herself. We'll see, though.

 

[BlueDays]

Ah, heh. Maybe not this year. I'm so much over Christmas and there's a strong possibility my nan will spend it in hospital. Working on Christmas Day won't be so bad (penalty rates + boss won't be there + possible food) but the actual time I'll spend at home won't exactly be riveting. Never mind.

In all honesty, I think this will be the last Christmas my nan will see. She's deteriorating physically and I think everyone else is too oblivious to believe it except me and nan herself. We'll see, though.

aww, sorry that your nan is not well and may be spending Christmas in the hospital::
You never know, she may be tougher then you think. Some older people can surprise us with their resilience.

 

[MikeyC]

aww, sorry that your nan is not well and may be spending Christmas in the hospital::
You never know, she may be tougher then you think. Some older people can surprise us with their resilience.

It's okay, thank you BlueDays. She actually realises she's old and frail and she has dropped very obvious hints that she's over life and wants it to end because she can tell her body is giving way on her.

Then again, she may be more resilient and live another 10 years. Nobody can really tell.

 

[1BlackSheep]

Sorry to hear about your Nan, Mikey. I can see why this Christmas will be an especially difficult one for you. Treasure whatever time you have with her!

 

[MikeyC]

Sorry to hear about your Nan, Mikey. I can see why this Christmas will be an especially difficult one for you. Treasure whatever time you have with her!

Thanks.

Strangely I'm okay with it. She's accepted the fact that she hasn't got much time left and it's left me feeling more peaceful about it. She's my last surviving grandparent but I know she'll be in a better place when she dies. She's going through a bit of physical suffering right now.

In actual fact, Christmas will be difficult for the boredom. ::

 

[Falkor]

Dunno what it is, feeling happy and a little annoyed today.
Annoyed quickly.. I'd say because I worked too long..
And also take everything seriously at the moment...
It's also that people are weird... so weird. not you, just some weird idiots. that's all.

But I'm happy also, cuz I had a great time talking with SPV.

 

[1BlackSheep]

Thanks.

Strangely I'm okay with it. She's accepted the fact that she hasn't got much time left and it's left me feeling more peaceful about it. She's my last surviving grandparent but I know she'll be in a better place when she dies. She's going through a bit of physical suffering right now.

Sounds like you have a very special bond with your Nan! It's nice that you've been able to discuss her situation are both more at peace with what will eventually come. Hope she is able to enjoy the holiday at home with family!

 

[1BlackSheep]

I'm feeling very laaaaaaaaaaaazyyyyy! I really need to get up, into the shower, and out to do some errands but my butt doesn't want to move from this nice, warm couch. All I want for Christmas is some energy!!!

 

[Falkor]

Honestly? Well... I went to bed last night crying because I was feeling really depressed. Today has been a bit of a hassle. My mum has been cleaning the house, as my sister coming to visit. Yet, she noted today, she never makes an effort when any other family member comes to stay.

Aside from that, I have this overwhelming feeling I don't belong. I can't even seem to fit in with my family. Also, it really sucks being an atheist at Christmas and being forced - for lack of a better word - to celebrate something I have long since stop believing in. Or am I just being a total prick?

You're not a prick, I feel the same, I do enjoy Christmas with the right people though, I do love my family, but I'm just too stressed about the things that happened, need to progress it first... I truly love them, but atm, I'd rather sit on an island all by myself. Or maybe with at least a cute pet. So I'm not totally alone.

 

[MikeyC]

Sounds like you have a very special bond with your Nan! It's nice that you've been able to discuss her situation are both more at peace with what will eventually come. Hope she is able to enjoy the holiday at home with family!

It's not really special, but I can understand why she's fed up with living. I would hate to be in her situation but I can sympathise with her.

I hope she can, too, but we'll wait and see on that one.