Being nice to people is a waste of time.

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schist

Well-known member
Yep. It's the sad and unfortunate truth of life.

Everytime I try to talk to certain people, or try to join in their conversations, I'm ignored and shut out. It's bulls**t. I see also that this is a common issue for SA sufferers.

I actually thought I'd try to change my approach and try to make people feel at ease with me, but you have to have a certain look or charisma about you that draws people in, just being friendly towards them really will not help you make friends.

I'm just going to go back to being an aloof and unfriendly prick. The result will be the same either way, but now I can feel less disappointed, knowing I put no effort in to achieve the same outcome.

People can go get f**ked. :mad:
 
F

Feathers

Well-known member
Hmm, sometimes I feel like that too...

A lot depends on the people and the context too..

You can change your look and learn different communication techniques and may even develop what can be seen as some charisma and might find people who click with you elsewhere..

Being 'aloof' is actually one of the ways to be 'interesting', for some people it works..
Or sometimes one can just need a break from it all, yup.. Take care!!
 
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Beatrice

Guest
Maybe I shouldn't say this - maybe I should try and be positive and encouraging - but I agree with you. Sometimes I don't bother to try and be nice because of this. I guess it just depends on the people and the situation.
 
NathanielWingatePeaslee

NathanielWingatePeaslee

Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Staff member
schist said:
you have to be a certain type of person to win friends and influence people easily.
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Social skills have to be practiced to be developed, and the practicing is often painful. You can give up and remain miserable indefinitely--but if you do, you don't get to blame the rest of the world (those "people" you're so angry at) for your problems.
 
MrJones

MrJones

Well-known member
sometimes it's hard being nice but it's not a waste of time. with just a smile (they will not know if it's just a mask...) people can become friendly too, even that kind of people you think they hate you

I know that it's not easy to find this people, but I'll keep searching, and i hope you will do the same :)
 
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AGR

Well-known member
The problem with this line of thought is that you will probably get in friction(dont know if I am using the right word?) and fights with people,this certanly wont be good for you,no matter how right you are you just cant win against the whole world,for me its very hard and I cant do sometimes,but you just have to let it go and forgive if possible.
 
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Beatrice

Guest
Olhos Abertos said:
The problem with this line of thought is that you will probably get in friction(dont know if I am using the right word?) and fights with people,this certanly wont be good for you,no matter how right you are you just cant win against the whole world,for me its very hard and I cant do sometimes,but you just have to let it go and forgive if possible.
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THIS. If I'm nice it often doesn't work out. If I'm not so nice, people get defensive and rude back (which is natural, I would too if I were them), so either way it makes you feel worse and defeated. It's like, you have to choose which pain you want; the lesser of two evils. But I know it doesn't have to be that way.
 
Newtype

Newtype

Well-known member
Maybe you're just surrounded by idiots. Try new people. I once got rid of all my friends because I felt they were pulling me down.
 
ilovenoodles

ilovenoodles

1
Beatrice said:
THIS. If I'm nice it often doesn't work out. If I'm not so nice, people get defensive and rude back (which is natural, I would too if I were them), so either way it makes you feel worse and defeated. It's like, you have to choose which pain you want; the lesser of two evils. But I know it doesn't have to be that way.
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I second this. I'm looking for some ''middle'' way.
 
MsBuzzkillington

MsBuzzkillington

Well-known member
I have to completely disagree with the OP.

Being nice to people is definitely not a waste of time.

There is a girl who sits at my table in class who seems to be able to make friends really easily. Yes she is a bit out going and talkative... but she is also very, very friendly. Whenever I speak up, even if I am kind of quiet or fidgety she listens and she responds like I matter. She does this with everyone at the table. She will be really nice to everyone and makes everyone feel validated. I think that is one of the biggest selling points in getting people to like you/talk to you; make them feel like they matter and that you are listening and interested in hearing what they have to say. Be nice to them and make them feel good about themselves.

There's actually another girl at my table who is the same way. She pretty much talks to me even if I am a bit weird and awkward. She is really friendly with everyone at the table.

It's more so to do with how they treat people rather than how much they talk. It's not really about simply joining in on the conversation, it's about being friendly.

Trust be, being a complete jerk to people is going to get you no where.
 
Dark_Angel

Dark_Angel

Well-known member
i think that being nice its the right way to follow , then it depends from the ppl u have around , sometimes is not enought be nice for example to me happens that there are times in which i dont really know how to continue the talking what to say....and it make me feel sad and down . btw its not a waste of time is just our shyness and fears that sometimes block us , i'm not saying that if u win that and ur fears everyone will be ur friends because there could be ppl that are really stupid. but dont feeb bad for this ppl i think u should always follow what u believe and are
 
Phoenixx

Phoenixx

Well-known member
firewalk said:
There are good people out there, you just have to go through a lot of people to find that one awesome friend. Having people back stab you, mistreat you, forget about you, or just plain ignore you is really discouraging. Sometimes I have these 'fck the planet' streaks too. Be assured though, that this is all worth it. So have your arms wide open and have faith.
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^ This is very true. There's always good people out there, you just have to find them. Being nice to people isn't a waste of time. I sometimes have that way of thinking, where I believe no one cares and everyone is just too focused on themselves to give a crap about anyone else. BUT, it's not true... At least not always. Sure when you talk to people, you'll sometimes get that occasional person that's rude and ignorant. And yes, it does suck. However, just because they're not nice doesn't mean everyone's like that. Have some patience and continue being nice to other people. You'll eventually find someone who's willing to return the same favor. :)
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
NathanielWingatePeaslee said:
So, being nice is actually the problem? Not underdeveloped social skills? You're quite sure of this?
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this would be my question as well.

schist said:
...Everytime I try to talk to certain people, or try to join in their conversations, I'm ignored and shut out...
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my guess is that your approach is, in some way, breaching the social norms of the group that you are approaching

but just from what you said here, it's impossible to know whether the other people are jerks, or if you're coming across as weird or pushy or something and you don't realize it

because, generally speaking, being nice and friendly is the way to go
 
D

deleted user 1

Guest
In my last job, the guy I had to work with was a monster. He would shun me, and refused to speak in English, or any language I knew, it totally shut me out. But on top of that, he made it quite clear that he was talking about me. I felt like smacking that smirk through the back of his skull! For no reason whatsoever. I tried until my last two weeks there to be pleasant, but to no avail. I kept going over everything I said and did, wondering what was wrong with me. But it's obvious now that he, and the groupies there were just inherently nasty people. Though I will say that there are people that I've encountered in the past that were nasty as a defensive measure, but they actually turned out to be nice people once you gained their trust. Not everybody is bad, but yes, there are some vile gutter dwellers out there. It's just life, got to deal with it like everybody else unfortunately.
 
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