Yep. It's the sad and unfortunate truth of life.
Everytime I try to talk to certain people, or try to join in their conversations, I'm ignored and shut out. It's bulls**t. I see also that this is a common issue for SA sufferers.
I actually thought I'd try to change my approach and try to make people feel at ease with me, but you have to have a certain look or charisma about you that draws people in, just being friendly towards them really will not help you make friends.
I'm just going to go back to being an aloof and unfriendly prick. The result will be the same either way, but now I can feel less disappointed, knowing I put no effort in to achieve the same outcome.
People can go get f**ked. 😠
Hey Schist
First I would like to applaud you for trying to change even when you feel you failed in changing anything. You say you were ignored when trying to start a conversation. Did they just ignore you by saying nothing? Or did they mumble short answers? If they were silent the first time you said something you can point to possible explanations: 1) They didn't hear you (try again) or 2) They are plain rude or snobbish (don't waste your time. Try other people).
Now, if they mumble short answers it most likely because they are shy themselves. Every person is more or less shy when a someone they don't know very well starts talking to them. It is human nature. It is very easy to conclude that if they aren't ”excited” when you open your mouth they just don't like you but that is far from the truth. How do you feel when a stranger suddenly starts talking to you? I guess you too feel uncomfortable when that happens.
”you have to have a certain look or charisma about you that draws people in, just being friendly towards them really will not help you make friends.”
Do you think there is a particular look that automatically gives friends? If so how do think it is? Should you look like a model? Of course not. Look at the people you think are sociable people. Are they the most beautiful people you have ever seen? I guess that if you look closely you'll see that they often only look average and sometime below average but they still got friends. How is that possible if it is all about looks?
Few people actually have high Charisma though you need something very important to get it: Faith in yourself. Without it, Charisma can't exist. But as I mentioned few people has high Charisma and if that is true how come other people can get friends? Again, look at people you find sociable. Do you think they are very charismatic? Do you feel drawn to all them? Or is there some you don't feel like talking too yet? I think you the answer.
Being friendly towards people is a huge step to get friends but it is not the only step. It may only be the very first step of many. Don't simply friendship. In fact, it requries a lot of work perhaps equally as much work as getting a boyfriend/girlfriend. Friendships are built not over days or weeks perhaps not even over months but over years. The main thing it requries is patience.
”I'm just going to go back to being an aloof and unfriendly prick. The result will be the same either way, but now I can feel less disappointed, knowing I put no effort in to achieve the same outcome.”
No, the result will not be the same. If you are going back to be an aloof and unfriendly prick you would be like the caveman who has live inside a cave all his life until he suddenly got curious about what lied outside the cave. He stepped out but got immediately blinded by the sun and he ran inside to his safe cave promising himself that he would never leave it again. Poor guy, he never realise that as soon as his eyes got used to the sunlight he would be able to see all of the wonders of the world...
I think you should go back and try to be friendly again. Start by saying hello to people you see often. Even that is a huge step. If they don't reply try again. And if they still don't reply just go on with your life and say hello to the next person you know.
I hope this will help.
🙂
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