anxiety while having sex

jojo77

jojo77

Well-known member
dose this happen to anyone else? i dont know if this is the right topic or not, but i just wanted to see what you guys thought, and if so, how do you get over it? or do you just stop completely while in the moment? i cant seem to enjoy myself as much anymore because of this.....help:confused:
 
jojo77

jojo77

Well-known member
well, i'm super body conscience and feel extremely ugly when im naked. i always have these thoughts running through my mind; am i too loud? too soft? too fat? do i make eye contact? dose my 'o' face look stupid?...ect.....
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
one of the reasons I enjoy sex so much is that it one of the few activities in which I can lose myself completely, and I'm not nagged by that little voice of doubt and fear that leads to anxiety in other situations

on occasion, I might be distracted by something or other during sex, and I almost immediately begin to worry about my performance - nothing good comes of that
 
jojo77

jojo77

Well-known member
coyote said:
one of the reasons I enjoy sex so much is that it one of the few activities in which I can lose myself completely, and I'm not nagged by that little voice of doubt and fear that leads to anxiety in other situations

on occasion, I might be distracted by something or other during sex, and I almost immediately begin to worry about my performance - nothing good comes of that
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yea i used to be that way..but ever since i had my daughter, i just cant shake the feeling
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
jojo77 said:
yea i used to be that way..but ever since i had my daughter, i just cant shake the feeling
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i think it's the same with so many other situations

the more you can let go of thinking and stay in the present, the easier it becomes

try to stay outside your head and out in the room where the real action is

it takes some focus

for me, it's easier with things that really grab my attention

like sex, or rollercoasters, or eating good italian food
 
R

Rembrandt Broam

Well-known member
jojo77 said:
well, i'm super body conscience and feel extremely ugly when im naked. i always have these thoughts running through my mind; am i too loud? too soft? too fat? do i make eye contact? dose my 'o' face look stupid?...ect.....
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Not during because I tend to be somewhat preoccupied, but as with most situations I have a tendency to worry about things afterwards.
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
jojo77 said:
...am i too loud? too soft? too fat? do i make eye contact? dose my 'o' face look stupid?...ect.....
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for me anyway - if I'm into my partner at all - I'm not going to even notice any of these things

but I would notice if if my partner is distracted or not responding because she's mentally somewhere else

the biggest turn-on is her letting go


oh, and you can never be too loud
 
jojo77

jojo77

Well-known member
Arthur_Dent said:
It may help thinking that at least you can have sex, unlike so many members of the forum.
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you're right i guess....i think the only reason is because i have someone that loves me for me...which is pretty damn hard to find, esp with SA :/
 
Remus

Remus

Moderator
Staff member
I have this, it's linked to issues during my childhood.

I think it would be wise for you to seek councilling.

Can we keep this thread on topic too please
 
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jojo77

jojo77

Well-known member
Well I am in counseling now...but I think I know why it's happening...I have a history of some sexual abuse. But it hasn't affected me like this before thats why it's strange to me
 
jojo77

jojo77

Well-known member
and for the record: i'm definately NOT trying to rub it in that i've been getting it in more than most here....this is just a problem im having..like everyone else, everybodys lives are different k?:)
 
agoraphobickatie

agoraphobickatie

Well-known member
jojo77 said:
Well I am in counseling now...but I think I know why it's happening...I have a history of some sexual abuse. But it hasn't affected me like this before thats why it's strange to me
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a lot of times, our bad past can come back to haunt us out of nowhere, even if we're not thinking about it and think we're "totally over it".. it could just be that you thought you buried it but it's coming back. talking to your therapist should help..

and i completely understand with the self consciousness.. i am the exact same way. i'm literally disgusted with myself and the way my body looks, and it's like i see something totally different than my boyfriend does. he's so good about telling me i'm 'beautiful' and forgive the cheesiness, but the other day i was saying how i just feel so gross sometimes and he told me that 'every inch of my body is a masterpiece' to him.. i know that sounds retarded, but he was so sincere and it really made me believe that he feels that way about me, but it doesn't change how i feel about my body, ya know?? it is frustrating, but at some point, you have to let go and just believe him.. even if you don't think you're pretty, (which you definitely are! :) ) trust that your boyfriend believes you are gorgeous and just think how much he must love you and how beautiful you must be in his eyes.. it'll help you to relax and you can really benefit from that ;) haha.. best wishes to you!!
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
I have triouble forming relationships even on a platonic level. So I suspect that sex would present similar if not greater complications in terms of my anxiety. I still don't believe that any woman would be interested in me sexually, and if any where then I'd probably freak out, and want to run away. To be honest I'm enjoying my life right now, and I don't need those complications in my life, so therefore, I am not seeking those situations.
 
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