anxiety while having sex

[jojo77]

sex!?!!??! omg... haha
ummm...ya so i'm a 21 year old girl and still a virgin (lollllllll!) sad but true. never even kissed a guy. okay except once when i was 11 and made out with my moms disgusting drug dealer but does that count? lol
not that i havent had opportunities or been asked out on dates, but i'll do everything in my power to avoid them. everytime i get hit on by a guy i have to tell him im a lesbian (even though im not) just to get out of the situation lol

but yea...um sex for me is never gonna happen. that is just a far, distant, unattainable dream & its all my own fault grrr...

but anywayyy you have nothing to be self conscious about, you're completely gorgeous!

i'm jelous.
wish i was still a virgin.
but thank you ....i dont feel that way though.
keep your virginity as long as you can, because once it's gone, there's no going back. it opens up too many possibilities for even more anxiety, which i'm just going on a hunch, but you probably don't need anymore of a reason to be anxious.

 

[jojo77]

sex!?!!??! omg... haha
ummm...ya so i'm a 21 year old girl and still a virgin (lollllllll!) sad but true. never even kissed a guy. okay except once when i was 11 and made out with my moms disgusting drug dealer but does that count? lol
not that i havent had opportunities or been asked out on dates, but i'll do everything in my power to avoid them. everytime i get hit on by a guy i have to tell him im a lesbian (even though im not) just to get out of the situation lol

but yea...um sex for me is never gonna happen. that is just a far, distant, unattainable dream & its all my own fault grrr...

but anywayyy you have nothing to be self conscious about, you're completely gorgeous!

i'm jelous.
wish i was still a virgin.
but thank you ....i dont feel that way though.
keep your virginity as long as you can, because once it's gone, there's no going back. it opens up too many possibilities for even more anxiety, which i'm just going on a hunch, but you probably don't need anymore of a reason to be anxious.

 

[jojo77]

exactly, lol.. this is the setting i try to keep so that i don't feel so insecure and self conscious

that's always the case for me! lol...it's so automatic to my bf now, he dosen't wait for me to ask him to turn everything off, he just does it. kinda sad, one day i'll do it with them on.

 

[jojo77]

honestly, i agree that guys probably do have it worse, but i think if you take me (sa)+ my bf (social butterfly)...it pretty much evens itself out in the bedroom.

soooo, i took that mindset with me to bed last night and i didn't feel as much anxiety...it was really nice actually ...so thanks everybody! lol

 

[agoraphobickatie]

^^ good for you!! i can really relate, i don't really have social phobia, i just have intense anxiety and agoraphobia (i'm not even comfortable leaving the house with my boyfriend =/ ) and it sucks because he has many close friends and they're always going to dinner, baseball games, out of town to party, etc etc and i can't do any of that with him.. the insecurity does suck, but it's definitely good to have someone who understands and loves you through it all anyway... and don't fret about your boyfriend turning the lights out automatically, that just shows he respects you and wants you to feel comfortable, i'm sure he'll be glad to wait until you don't mind having the lights on

 

[Remus]

Well I am in counseling now...but I think I know why it's happening...I have a history of some sexual abuse. But it hasn't affected me like this before thats why it's strange to me

I found it affected me later in life and after I had children. Maybe because you become protective of your child and fears for their safety emerge and create more severe anxiety, more self awareness of your own sexual persona as a parent drives fears (i.e. once you become a parent, you ARE an adult *scary!*).

 

[Noop]

sex?

oh, i saw a video on the internet about it once... but it involved livestock.

joking aside, the only way to not have anxiety is to do it alone tbh.

::

 

[Section_31]

Jojo, im pretty sure every guy here would say really, you would have nothing to worry about. Glad to hear the advice on here helped .

 

[Beatrice]

sex!?!!??! omg... haha
ummm...ya so i'm a 21 year old girl and still a virgin (lollllllll!) sad but true. never even kissed a guy. okay except once when i was 11 and made out with my moms disgusting drug dealer but does that count? lol
not that i havent had opportunities or been asked out on dates, but i'll do everything in my power to avoid them. everytime i get hit on by a guy i have to tell him im a lesbian (even though im not) just to get out of the situation lol

but yea...um sex for me is never gonna happen. that is just a far, distant, unattainable dream & its all my own fault grrr...

but anywayyy you have nothing to be self conscious about, you're completely gorgeous!

Whatt?? I don't understand why people these days think it's a shame to be a virgin at these ages IT'S NOT TRUE. You are the lucky one, TRUST me. I wish I was still a virgin too, as Jojo said. I agree with her completely. I only had sex with one guy (thank goodness), but it was the WRONG guy. I didn't even love him. And I felt terrible about it for so long after.

Make sure you don't do it just to "lose it". You will probably regret it. And it's true what they say - it's really not all it's cracked up to be if you're new to it and just doing it for bad reasons. Alot of women don't even enjoy it the first few times. It's much harder for women, if you know what I mean.

And I am SURE you will have it one day, with someone you love

On a separate but related note, when I DID have sex I noticed I was incredibly anxious too. But not when it came to my body - I was surprisingly comfortable without clothes on. I was just anxious about performance. I had never worried about that aspect before or given it a thought but when I experienced it, I found it was just another thing to be anxious over :/

 

[Beatrice]

Even for guys? Being a male and a virgin seems to be frowned upon and a bad combo, specially if you are a 21 year old guy with self-esteem/anxiety issues like me.

I’m obviously not an expert and don’t understand the intricacies of the female mind, heh…nevertheless it seems to me they don’t like inexperienced partners.

I reached the point where I just want to stop caring about the opposite sex (pursuing a partner). I mean really, it has done more harm than good (which isn't hard, considering it hasn't done any good at all). I could stop being hypocritical and take my username to the letter, using my time and energy to beat the obstacles, but I don’t think I can afford it right know. My life is a challenge as it is…I don’t need more entropy. The problem is, if I don’t do anything it’ll sadden me and make me depressed, unless I can stop caring about it.

Really I wish I could stop caring about everything, run into a remote location, and do my research as a mean of contributing for something (and satisfying my personal curiosity of course), but being the idiot I am I guess I wouldn’t be much successful.
Anyway, I’m starting to ramble and going off topic here, I apologize.

Well yeah, I'm speaking from the female perspective to other females. I wouldn't comment either way on guys because I'm not one and just... yeah, I don't want to get into that. But I will say one thing: I do NOT view a man who has had a lot of partners as someone more attractive for it. I actually would love to have a virgin for a partner, I think it's nice and it feels more special. As long as I loved him it wouldn't matter, and it would be great.

As for the "off topic" part of your post - I feel the exact same way. Was just thinking something along those lines a few minutes ago.

 

[agoraphobickatie]

^^ i agree with beatrice...

the (insert age here) and a virgin thing is just tired.. losing my virginity at 15 has had zero significance in my life, it just doesn't matter at what age it happens. it's unique to you and that's just the way it is, if someone is going to judge you for that (or for any characteristic you may harbor) then they just aren't worth it.. so to me, that just nullifies the virgin at whatever age deal anyway...

and my current boyfriend was a virgin at 23 before we had sex a few months ago.. i'm his first girlfriend for that matter, and he's not at all a "socially phobic" person with any anxiety issues, he's a regular guy with many friends who lives 'normally', it just so happens he was a virgin.. so it's not something that characterizes any individual as some kind of "outcast" anyway..

 

[Liam17]

I've never had sex, but i don't care.

On subject.
The thought of it gives me anxiety, so i get what your saying.

 

[Newtype]

...and my current boyfriend was a virgin at 23 before we had sex a few months ago.. i'm his first girlfriend for that matter, and he's not at all a "socially phobic" person with any anxiety issues, he's a regular guy with many friends who lives 'normally', it just so happens he was a virgin.. so it's not something that characterizes any individual as some kind of "outcast" anyway..

I'm a 23-year-old virgin too and never had a gf! Your bf is like my HERO!!! Nah, just kidding However, he waited all that time and found himself a really nice girl. I hope the same will happen to me.

 

[Nl54]

Yes, and it's even led to erectile dysfunction on occasions

 

[Miami]

one of the reasons I enjoy sex so much is that it one of the few activities in which I can lose myself completely, and I'm not nagged by that little voice of doubt and fear that leads to anxiety in other situations

on occasion, I might be distracted by something or other during sex, and I almost immediately begin to worry about my performance - nothing good comes of that

same here.

 

[MoniqueNS]

I can relate so much! Thats really all I can offer. I always used alcohol to help put me at ease. But that isn't a good solution either. So I need help with this too!

 

[LadyWench]

My situation is a bit different, but I do have severe anxiety when it comes to sex. I'm 22 years old, been in a relationship for three years and I'm still a virgin. Sex terrifies me. I have the same doubts you do - am I too fat? Am I ugly? Will I sound and look stupid? etc. I think those thoughts are normal. However, when they actually stop you from having sex, I guess that's where it becomes a bigger issue. Also, pregnancy scares me to death. And...I don't know. There's just something about it that I can't quite put my finger on that really scares me and makes me not want to do it. I hate that about myself. It causes a lot of self-loathing. Lovely!

Anyway, sorry for rambling. I think your fears are quite normal and it sounds like you might simply have a self-esteem issue? That's very common. I hope you will be able to figure all of this out and be able to enjoy sex again. Just try to remind yourself that if your partner thought all of these negative things about you, they probably wouldn't be getting so close and intimate with you. Believe in yourself!

 

[Falkor]

I do experience some anxiety while having sex. But I once read an article that your body is producing anxiety anyway while having sex, everyone does, but it's a problem if it is holding you back from having it. sometimes I need to be a little encouraged to get to the point, so I know what you mean.
I lost my virginity to sexual abuse. so my experience probably could hold me back too.

Oh and agoraphobic katie, I think I might be agoraphobic as well since I was terrified of leaving the house and still am sometimes. I avoid a lot of situations still, but right now I'm facing my fears more, so I think It gets better. But I can so much relate to your situation, just wanted to say so.

You just have to feel safe around the other person, I could never have sex with someone I didn't trust. I always needed that sort of connection between both, it has to be special for me and not just a game.

 

[Remus]

I lost my virginity to sexual abuse.

That never counts mate!

*hug*

 

[tommyiscool]

u don't have to worry about anything if you look like that