Will A Woman Ever Ask ME Out?

[Rembrandt Broam]

Upon reflection it seems that, in fact, women often do make the first move.

But it is much more subtle than going up and hitting on a guy.

What often happens is this: a woman signals to a man that she wants him to approach her - that's the first move.

All the guy has to do is respond - simple.

He first has to recognise the signal, and people usually learn to do that through social interaction, which puts most SA sufferers at a disadvantage right from the start.

 

[Daz]

The only way I will ever date again is if a girl asked me out.

I wouldn't like to be rejected. I feel I would just be laughed at if i was to ask someone out.

Although, I'm quite happy on my own. If it happens, it happens, I'm not going to stress about it.

 

[lurknomore]

From a strictly biological perspective, this is the plain fact of the matter. I can't be arsed to google the studies at the moment, but in our species it actually is the female who initiates mating in the majority of cases--by means of subtle and frequently unconscious social signals which many of us on the forum are too clueless to recognize, sadly.

A healthy male is presumably always ready to mate--it is the female that gives the green light to get things going.

I guess I never learned (or wasn't born knowing) those subtle unconscious social signals that women are supposed to use... a guy can't pick up and act on them if they're not there, which is why I've very rarely been on a "date."

But if I knew the guy pretty well and were certain that he would say yes, I might do the asking... but when can one ever be completely sure of what another person will say or do? I couldn't imagine being a guy with SA... even though I'd say it's probably equally (though in a different way) difficult for women with SA.

 

[coyote]

...which many of us on the forum are too clueless to recognize, sadly....

He first has to recognise the signal, and people usually learn to do that through social interaction, which puts most SA sufferers at a disadvantage right from the start.

true, agreed

but these things can be learned and the disadvantage overcome

far different scenario than "it will NEVER happen"

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

I guess I never learned (or wasn't born knowing) those subtle unconscious social signals that women are supposed to use... a guy can't pick up and act on them if they're not there, which is why I've very rarely been on a "date."

I'm pretty sure there have not been any studies of that sort involving women with social difficulties. My guess would be that the brain problems interfere with instinct, just like in males. I'm certainly not one to declare that women in general have it easy when it comes to finding someone.

ETA:

true, agreed

but these things can be learned and the disadvantage overcome

far different scenario than "it will NEVER happen"

Right! I still have terrible difficulties interpreting things like those signals, but I have definitely made progress. A racing heart, feeling like I'm going to die, and face as red as a tomato have not stopped me from trying.

 

[gazelle]

I guess I never learned (or wasn't born knowing) those subtle unconscious social signals that women are supposed to use... a guy can't pick up and act on them if they're not there, which is why I've very rarely been on a "date."

I don't think it's anything to be learned ,the plain fact of becoming more happy or getting exited around someone you have a crush on can be a sufficient sign I suppose.The problem that SA brings is the stress that can totally cover the excitement resulting in the person giving a wrong signal.

 

[Brightinfinity]

OP: Most women won't ask you out unless they're very attracted to you and are willing to defy social norms. Even if you do find someone with those traits, you'll have to put yourself out there and give her a chance to approach you.

American women must be despised there.. Lol.. I find that idea kind of dead. It use to be a normal things in America too but women wanted equal rights and they still expect the same treatment? Nope. Can never get the best of both worlds. Sorry in advance if I offend somebody with this.

Despite some gains in equality, women who ask men out are seen as too agressive, even in America.
I've asked guys out, but hesitate to do so very often because I would be seen as desperate or too forward.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Well... no one would be asking anyone out if everyone just sat on their butts.


Of course, that is a very simplified answer~ haha
In my own experience as a girl--- girls tend to wait until they are asked out, rather than making the first move. Why? Some people find a girl making the first move to be too forward and gives the 'wrong' impression.
Just my own observation.

 

[NVN]

I am around hundreds of women every day. I talk and interact better than most people with my affliction... but I can never "seal the deal". I know that women find me interesting.... but the women I find interesting want nothing to do with me. It gets frustrating.

I do not have "it" I am just too average to stand out against the competition. That is the way I see it. I do know that I am doing something wrong because a lot of women (married) have told me that I would be a great catch etc etc (yet they never introduce me to anyone?!)

Some days I think I am blacklisted by women in my area. Oh well.

 

[BlueDays]

Despite some gains in equality, women who ask men out are seen as too agressive, even in America.
I've asked guys out, but hesitate to do so very often because I would be seen as desperate or too forward.

In my own experience as a girl--- girls tend to wait until they are asked out, rather than making the first move. Why? Some people find a girl making the first move to be too forward and gives the 'wrong' impression.
Just my own observation.

Exactly.
A girl being "too forward" can just scare a lot of guys away.::
I agree with the statements that having SA makes it very hard to "learn" the whole "signal" situation.
To give off the signals and to recognize them!

 

[coyote]

I understand that I may not be the norm, but...

I cannot be the only man in the world who would not think a woman is "too forward" for asking me out.

I cannot be the only man in the world who would not be scared away.

I cannot be the only man in the world who would welcome it.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

I understand that I may not be the norm, but...

I cannot be the only man in the world who would not think a woman is "too forward" for asking me out.

I cannot be the only man in the world who would not be scared away.

I cannot be the only man in the world who would welcome it.

You're certainly not, I've seen this happen sometimes around me, and lots of guys welcome it if the girl is attractive,
but it can be a turn off for guys looking for challenge. If it's too easy, it's boring.

 

[Brightinfinity]

I am around hundreds of women every day. I talk and interact better than most people with my affliction... but I can never "seal the deal". I know that women find me interesting.... but the women I find interesting want nothing to do with me. It gets frustrating.

I do not have "it" I am just too average to stand out against the competition. That is the way I see it. I do know that I am doing something wrong because a lot of women (married) have told me that I would be a great catch etc etc (yet they never introduce me to anyone?!)

Some days I think I am blacklisted by women in my area. Oh well.

It's great that you have opportunities for interaction. But.. do the women who find you interesting want nothing to do with you?

Being "too average to stand out" is better than standing out because of negative traits. Have you hinted to these women that you want to be introduced to people?

"Oh well" isn't the best attitude to go around with. Subconsciously, you may be giving off signals that you've given up, and that women might as well try to find someone else.

 

[coyote]

remember playing tag during recess in grade school?

imagine if you were always "IT" and you always had to be the one doing chasing

that gets really old

it's fun to be the one getting chased every now an then

 

[Brightinfinity]

remember playing tag during recess in grade school?

imagine if you were always "IT" and you always had to be the one doing chasing

that gets really old

You're preaching to the choir around here.
Yeah, it's fun, but if no one wants to chase you, then you either have to go after them or be alone.

 

[NVN]

"Oh well" isn't the best attitude to go around with. Subconsciously, you may be giving off signals that you've given up, and that women might as well try to find someone else.

Oh well is how I feel.

I am not a happy person. If I do not find someone who really likes the real me I could care less.

I get by fine myself. Been doing it for 26 years.

 

[coyote]

You're preaching to the choir around here.
Yeah, it's fun, but if no one wants to chase you, then you either have to go after them or be alone.

or you could throw one of these balls at them...

 

[NVN]

You're certainly not, I've seen this happen sometimes around me, and lots of guys welcome it if the girl is attractive,
but it can be a turn off for guys looking for challenge. If it's too easy, it's boring.

Yeah I would be so turned off if a woman had feelings for me. Haha. Not.

 

[Brightinfinity]

or you could throw one of these balls at them...

Where is this analogy going? xD

Yeah I would be so turned off if a woman had feelings for me. Haha. Not.

But the women don't really have any way of knowing whether you're a guy who wants a challenge or a guy who would rather they be upfront with their feelings, so they default to what they see as normal.

 

[Hastings & Main]

What often happens is this: a woman signals to a man that she wants him to approach her - that's the first move.

All the guy has to do is respond - simple.

Ah, all I need now is the manual that explicitly details what these 'signals' are and how they are conveyed, and I might be set.
As someone who hasn't the ability to read body language, I at least need a pamphlet, or flash cards.

I do respond, though. A blank look, or cowered head with wildly darting eyes is, I take it, inappropriate?